notwow
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Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 151 | |
| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:51:21 AM | I don't.
If I start seeing someone exclusively, there is no reason to be here, and I hide my profile.
A GF said it best, when your on POF, it is like a catalogue, and there is always the temptation to "trade up". | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:04:00 AM | | same thing happened to me on another site.. met this woman from overseas she came to live with me. however, she was still registered on the site. a few times she would receive messages and respond to them. i eventually asked her why she kept in contact her response would be that it was harmless and just talking.. this didnt make me feel any better rather less secure.. wasnt i enough to hold a conversation with my so called partner. needless to say the relationship didnt work and i asked her to go back home. we do occastionaly keep in contact but now she is chatting with another woman from this country.. makes you think, if she was her for the visa through me. maybe they do stay registered incase something better comes along.. i say move on. if this makes you feel uncomfortable then follow your feelings and trust your feelings. i did and found out that my x was a c-nt. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:42:10 AM | | I've been on here for 4 years, have only dated 3 women from here,(and yet I've been accused of being a serial dater, lmmfao)..but ...most of my local friends, people I hang out with, some of my riding buddys etc, are on here as well, it's a social thing, and for the persons that think it's just a 'dating thing' soooooo not true. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:42:02 AM | You need a back up plan!
Duh!
that is the beauty of American relationships, even if you are married there is a WAY OUT.
Which proves that there is no validation in dating, or marriage.
It is completely devalued if you are not willing to ind to each other with no way out. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:08:54 AM |
A GF said it best, when your on POF, it is like a catalogue, and there is always the temptation to "trade up".
"Lead me not into temptation...I have a map already"
Yea see, there's temptation, and there's giving in to that temptation. The latter makes one weak and self serving.
The "temptation" argument would never wash with me, simply because in order to avoid any "temptation" you'd have to be alone together, in a darkened room, with no sound or smell or sight. I mean really, is POF the only source of any possible temptation? Pffffft.
The "temptation" argument is frail and reeks of desperation. 
JMO. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:22:35 AM | | Who cares. If the person is going to cheat, you cannot stop them. If they want to look at porn on the internet, you cannot stop them. If they want to stay on POF, guess what, you cannot stop them. If the person has such a low self esteem about themselves to worry about what their partner is doing all the time, they don't need to get involved. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:35:25 AM | I agree with you I am here even after starting to date someone. I need to keep my options open. I had some wonderful times so far but I know I am not in love. I want to be in love. That usually is something that happens right away not something that is slowly leaned into. I am not even in lust. So I think the door needs to stay open. I know he is on POF. I never asked him why but he has mentioned that he keeps in touch with people he has written to and still does. Mature relationships are great. There is no room in my life for jealousy on my part or his. So I agree,,,, let's keep the door open.  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:32:24 PM | The message you are replying to:
Posted By: briannazg2 on 2/7/2009 2:02:11 AM
Subject: why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Message: I tried to send you a reply, but you do not accept mail from someone my age or gender...
go to this link it helps newbies....
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts614124.aspx#13
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Thank you briannazg2. I had set my female age limit far too high for fishing. I have now reset it to all ages (and genders) for non-fishing messages. I went to the link, and copied it. I'll try to deal with it later when I'm fresher (mentally). | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:50:36 PM |
We started dating - not exclusively or anything like that but kind of regularly.
Don't know your exact situation, but if you are dating regularly (frequently), it is, by default, exclusive. Someone has to say something about it not being exclusive, not the other way around. It kind of goes without saying when you're in communication almost every day and seeing each other a couple times a week.
btw, we are not still dating. kind of ruined it for me to know that he was still on POF. Reason I was still on was basically to see if he was.
Uhhh, dude. Why didn't you put on there "Not Single/Not Looking" if you were JUST still on here to see if he was on here? lol
IMO, if you met on here and you really like the person, you take it off when you know you've mutually clicked and are dating regularly. Don't get me wrong, there's gray areas. When you're past the pre-dating phase or "conveniently datable option" phase, and see each other on a frequent basis after even as soon as a few weeks, ya just hide the profile or mark yourself as Not Single/Not Looking or something. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:29:42 PM | I've been on here for 4 years, have only dated 3 women from here,(and yet I've been accused of being a serial dater, lmmfao)..but ...most of my local friends, people I hang out with, some of my riding buddys etc, are on here as well, it's a social thing, and for the persons that think it's just a 'dating thing' soooooo not true.
You saved me a few keystrokes in my quest for carpel tunnel!  (My thoughts exactly, well, except for the riding buddies thing.)  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:52:08 PM | | pay atttention... everyone has differnat reasons for staying onhere after they find someone, but just because you're on here doesn't mean you're looking. life lesson one, if you don't trust someone, it doesn't matter if they are cheating or not; the relationship is over cause you can't have a relationship without trust. 2 if you want to know the answer to something; go to the source. (ie if you wonder why he's still on here; ask him in a non judging way). now personaily you should still be looking and checking thing out yntil you get serious, IE until you have that talk that says "we're exclusive". then you should stop looking, and if you arn't here for frineds then get off and if you are looking for friends or what ever, it should be clearly writen in you profile!!! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/11/2009 8:16:34 PM | A thought occured to me whilst reading this thread.
Given the number of people that appear to only be here for the forums then maybe Marcus (if you're reading) could add a small mod (possibly as an option under the 'What are you looking for section' )that allows you to set your profile as forum only.
This could then set a flag on the backend database to exclude you from the normal searches but still allow people to click through to you from within the forums to find out more about you.
Again as an option maybe it would be possible to disable the message me function. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/11/2009 10:01:29 PM | Great topic!! Exactly where I'm at now.
Everyone, if you find someone you like and want to be with them and only them, let them know. Hold on to them. Do what you can. We all need to know that we are valued and if we are in relationship, then we need security. It's not hard to go in and change your profile and what you're looking for. Again, let them know.
I met a great guy on here, but he's still here. He still goes on every day. I've talked to him about it. I've asked him to change what he's looking for to friends and put in blurb about me, but he hasn't. How do I feel, pretty bad. He says it's just business, do I believe it...no. What is going to happen...take a guess.
All you have to do, is change it. If your partner brings it up, make them happy, show them that they are the only one you want to be with. Here is a perfect example. Take a look at newlife61 (wish I could put in link, but I don't see that option). He is a great guy. I dated him a few times and it didn't work out. Dang!! (message to newlife: I wish you the best baby! Tonya is beautiful, I'm glad you're happy!!) But he met someone, and he did change his profile. That's a great guy. That's all we need. Again, simple. If you want to stay on for forums, whatever, fine. Just change your status and what you are looking for. Show us and everyone else you only want us.
Good luck everyone. There's someone out there for you. Stay positive.
Elena | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/12/2009 6:02:04 AM | For the forums - plain and simple. For me, anyhow......
My profile is disabled - I am not looking for anyone.
My boyfriend is aware that I like the forums here, and that I've met some nice people via them.
B. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/12/2009 6:25:08 AM |
maybe Marcus (if you're reading) could add a small mod (possibly as an option under the 'What are you looking for section' )that allows you to set your profile as forum only.
This could then set a flag on the backend database to exclude you from the normal searches but still allow people to click through to you from within the forums to find out more about you.
Again as an option maybe it would be possible to disable the message me function.
Great idea! 
Any of you programmers/webmasters/assorted computer geeks know if this would be easy or hard to do? I haven't looked at enough of the "housekeeping" kind of forums to see if there's a "suggestion box" one. Anyone else know? | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/12/2009 8:30:11 AM | If you are BOTH still on POF than there is something missing. You both should discuss it and not ignore the issue.
Communication goes a long way...you'll either hear what you want to hear or what you don't want to hear, but regardless you won't be left wondering.
good luck! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/13/2009 10:52:09 PM | I have met people here and enjoy the conversations. I just drop conversations all together if I feel that I am being 'stalked'. You'll get users who believe because they message you that you are 'exclusive' to them and then they check to see if you are online. They put you down as a favorite because they know that they can see when was the last time you logged in. I have been let down because of that....
My question is: Is it really possible for anyone to be on any dating site for 5 years? I have seen people on here about that long. Sometimes it makes me wonder if we can really hope to find a significant other on this site.....   | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/14/2009 3:26:56 AM | All one has to do is change some of the details in your profile.
Maybe put no longer looking, or have found someone or only want online friends.Or hid thats if your unsure and want to keep a profile.It takes time to get to get to know someone one.When you are exclusive then the profile should come off.Its something you both should talk about  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/14/2009 4:44:37 AM | The forums, my GF knows I'm on it and dated women from POF, so as an agreement, I removed all my pictures, changed my profile to and my status. However, she does let me look at other women's profiles, especially if I find them cute. But I have pledged no contact.
But the issue is that since I changed my status to Single and tell people on the forums that I'm not available, more women have been contacting me.... 
But that's another tread.... | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:01:22 AM | Hi OP,maybe for some people its a security blanket,something you know well,others stay to chat to friends but that can be done by a private e-mail so a poor excuse.
Others might stay because they are looking for other people and miss the ego boost but as for me,i couldnt wait to leave this behind and spend precious time with someone i love and care about.
TI | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:40:47 AM | Who knows really, my so called ex came here, we got back and he still comes here.
He says its for the chat.
Then he wrecks my head and says its for the sex, no, I'm out.
He is guy1961
He's full of lies and should be stopped really.
One day we are having sex and the next day he is here POF looking for more?
Bwahh | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:45:14 AM | There are far too many dating sites online to "keep track" of a SO. With this in mind ALL relationships absolutely must be built on trust. A profile out in the open just may be better than one concealed, so long as his/her profile states their current involvement with another, making it obvious they do not tend to mislead or deceive anyone.
Eventually the profiles should be deleted (unless it is otherwise a mutual agreement has been put in place). A good time to delete the profile would be when it is addressed in the dating process if the two agree they want to continue seeing each other.
I have, on my profile, that I have recently met someone and that I want to get to know him... I wont betray trust... I post in forums... etc). Even this does not thwart the efforts of those who clearly give no regards to other's feelings, insisting on contacting you for their own selfish reasons. This is where trust in a successful relationship is necessary. If a person chooses to ignore my acknowledgement of my current involvement then it is up to me to block or ignore the person contacting me.
The only logical answer that can be given here is that the profiles of BOTH parties should be deleted when it is MUTUALLY agreed upon. I cannot stress enough that, THE INTERNET IS HUGE AND TRUST MUST BE EVEN BIGGER !!! | |
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