| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:17:42 PM | I don't know all divorcees, but having been married twice and knowing my own circumstances...I left one husband and kicked the other to the curb. Life is too short to dwell in the sorrow of a failed marriage. If you suggest counseling, and go alone anyway, that shows he's not willing to fix a problem that you see in the marriage. If he doesn't come home at night and you find other girls phone numbers all through his phone, he's not thinking of the marriage. I loved being married, but when it's over, it's over. I shut the door and move on...I don't play the separation for years followed by the upcoming divorce that never happens game.
Maybe women used to stay married for the sake of the children (excuses), but today's women are more stable in her own finances and therefore taking bigger risks. Women are empowering themselves by freeing themselves of societal norms and figuring things out for themselves than just going with what they're "supposed" to do.
By the way, just because women are the ones ending the marriage, I think they just wouldn't put up with a cheating partener, nor would they endure an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children like in former eras. There is strength in letting go as well.
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 5:59:41 PM | See here's the thing, men always claim that a woman is the one who wants the wedding.
Not to me, if you think about it who has the most to gain by becoming husband and wife?
The man! He is entitled to a live in housekeeper, cook, babymaker and sitter, someone to make sure all of his bills are paid, and then give him unbridled sex.
So, when asked why are women usually the first to suggest/ file for a divorce, the answer is obvious to me....... she it TIRED and wants to take care of herself. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:27:49 PM |
I have come to realize that of all the divorced ppl I know it has been the woman that has been the one to file for the divorce. This really got me pondering as to why and thought I'd broaden my survey by asking if this seems to be the case with the majority of divorced ppl you know and if so, why do you think this is so. Why do women make that final move to end the marriage much more frequently then men?
Well I had to really think about this one. I do think most of my divorced female friends did instigated the actual legal proceedings. I instigated mine. Why did I? It was over. He'd been out of the marital home for about 8 months and we both agreed it was over. No need to remain legally tied to one another at that point. Why didn't he file? I'm a paralegal ~ that would've been silly. He and I agreed on every detail, including assets, liabilities, and our son. There was no need for an attorney for either party. I filed a "Joint Petition" so there was no Plaintiff or Defendant. It was a mutual request for dissolution of the legal binding contract between us. 21 days later? It was over.  | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:58:11 PM | I feel mainly some women file (after all other options have transpired )to protect the kids.They usualy have custody of the kids .(Granted ,many men do too)Some women are more sensitive to the fighting and want to shut it down .Dont want it scaring the kids for life.Most baby boomers grew up in a household wanting to stay together for the kids sake.Many ,know how painful that is to the child from that experience.
Again more women are in the workforce now and realise they dont need to be tied to a man because he is the main bread winner.Many realise they can do fine on their own finnacialy. A few years back many women wore finnancial handcuffs attatched to controling men and the only key to freedom was a good paying job.
Im not cutting on all men .This was just my situation 13 years ago.he he ,I got a nice set of keys to freedom now. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:00:12 PM | It was my ex husband that divorced me... he left me for my ex best friend.
Not that the marriage was all that perfect anyway-- but still, I wasnt the one to intiate leaving. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:14:56 PM | | I've been divorced for 1 yr & only speak 4 myself. Married 23 years. After 15 yrs of trying everything within my power to make it work over& over again, I finally filed. Marriage was supposed to b forever. I gave 110%, put up with crap, & finally took all I could take. Somebodyhad to throw in the towel so I finally gave up. My ex or anyone that knows me will tell u that I was all he could have asked for & more. For once in at least 16 years I'm happy. I finally got enough of the BS to get out. So ladies first here. | |
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Tuanda
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Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 183 | |
| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:50:07 PM | My ex- husband ended the relationship for his own reasons.
Some might call it a mid-life crisis, but there was no cheating, abuse or anything really bad..he just wanted to be free.
A year later he changed his mind but it was too late for me to back track by then.
While he was gone I discovered I liked being free too.
I filed for and paid for the divorce.
No kids and no support and we each kept what we brought into the marriage.
No arguments, one meeting and it was done.
He was all over the map and constantly changing directions for a long time...moving a lot, quit his job, etc.
I think he went through a period of being very confused about what he was looking for.
I honestly wish him well and hope he found it.
He never handled anything that required paper work ..he hated that stuff, so I didn't expect he would handle this one either.
I didn't like the idea of living in limbo or having it drag on forever and by the time I filed I no longer knew where he was, so I just took care of it.
I am sure he was relieved that I did.
I also like clean endings and clean beginnings so I wanted to be divorced before I started dating. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 9:38:40 PM | We lived together for a yr before we were married. I was 21 when we married...and he became the biggest SHMUCK! at the reception things became progressivly worse. He was verbally abusive, controlling and told lies about me to his parents and family. Four months after we were married I moved out. We were seperated for 2 yrs...I thought he would change but he never did so I filed and divorced him.
I was very sad for the dissolution ...I really cared for his family. I called his parents to let them know...he couldn't/wouldn't face them. To my surprise they still wanted me to be a part of their family...I still have their last name and I still see my ex-mom inlaw when I go back east. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:06:57 PM | In my case my ex told me he didnt want to be married anymore. So I left, allowed the door to swing open for a reconciliation. After a year of his slamming and dead bolting that door, I asked him when he was going to file. He said when he got up the money to do so, and implied he was not in a hurry. I was not going to allow him to keep my life in a state of suspended animation, so I ponied up and filed.
Given that his mistress was cannabis, I gave him the option of signing, paying the postage and returning post marked no longer than 2 weeks after receipt or I would forge ahead and have him served.
He wasn't too keen on the idea of the sheriff knocking on the door w/o an appointment, so he chose the former.
Now you know...the rest of the story. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:26:03 PM | | Thats funny, i worked 2 jobs while my wife stayed home, we eat at the best resturants, i bought her a brand new car,she has unlimited use of the Amer.x card ,i brought her flowers for no reason at all, on the week ends i stayed home and fixed and worked around the house, don't you think it is fair that while she is home she can keep the house tidy, do the wash, help get the kids from school and not complain about being a maid,and if you think she has a good excuse to think so then what am i. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:52:07 PM |
bECAUSE MEN ARE ***holeS
Bitter much!! Maybe your problems with men stem from your attitude towards them. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:14:26 AM | adultry is such a cute word for what it actually entails. i also filed for mine but it was harder to get than it should have been because he was a lawenforcement officer/federal level.
mental and emotional abuse progressed to physical and that is when i bailed. i was in law enforcement also and this was a career killer to stay in a physically abusive marriage. since then i have not dated, at least not in a serious manner .... i have trust issues and i guess i always will. i thought he was my soulmate. corny but true | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:43:59 AM | I know women who are married, are mentally divorced. They're now in search of a man who can carry the torch for them and ready to cheat on her husband to get him. Until then, they will stay married.
From stories I have heard from divorced men, their ex-wives had things planned years before calling it quits, including a new man that she's suddenly moving in with shortly after the divorce is finalized.
Problem is that some men take things for granted in a marriage...that's a fault.
If I were a married man and suspect my wife was detaching from the marriage. I would cut through the chase, get an investigator to find out what she's up to and then, if she's been cheating, file the papers. I'm willing to bet that men filing for divorce would be equal to women doing it first.
Women are like monkeys swinging from tree to tree. Once they got a firm grip on the next branch, they let go of the former. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:54:53 AM | I think that, emotionally, women are better equipped to move on faster/easier.
How many women know men that don't handle emotions appropriately??? | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:58:38 AM | These days women know they don't have to put up with abuse, alcoholism, infidelity. Women of today most of us work and are self sufficient don't have to take that crap.
Darn if I knew the ex was going to kick off, I wouldn't have hired the attorney. Plus in addition to my income I would have help through survivor benefits, rather than working myself into the ground. Oh well, money isn't everything. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:18:46 PM |
These days women know they don't have to put up with abuse, alcoholism, infidelity. Women of today most of us work and are self sufficient don't have to take that crap.
Good for you women of today!
A new report has come out about the rising amount OUIs coming from these self-sufficient women. The contributing factors said by a doctor that women are finding taking on men's roles with the added stress of bringing up a family ends up with drug/alcohol abuse. It's must not be only a man thing anymore.
No that can't be true...must be that drive-by media that everyone has depended on to elect this current administration. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:34:16 PM | Here's a generality for you. Men wont file cause they'll get "blamed" for the rest of the woman's life for "what you did to me". Many men get the feeling that was expressed and played for laughs in "Married with Children" where they are just "resigned" to being the wallet to pay for the emotional and survival needs of the "nag". Many men have said to me:"No matter WHAT I do, it's NEVER enough!" with their wives. Women dont know how to be happy. They want to change their man from the start. They look at men and say:"He'll clean up nicely" Well what if he is HAPPY in that slob-untucked t-shirt, unshaven on weekend way? Men dont want to be "changed". They want to be accepted, acknowdledged and appreciated. Women have forgotten how to do that and how to INSPIRE their men to go to the ends of the earth and cherish their woman. It's Damned if we do, damned if we dont.. but the DONT is less work!
Show me a current TV show that honors and respects the MAN in the show, as head of family, as a leader, as a hard working man. They DONT EXIST. Art is imitating life showing women on TV constantly belittling their men. Everybody loved Raymond hahahah.. everyone felt sorry for that wimpuss.. sheeesh.. his mom, wife AND kids kicked that poor dog.. the most whiney UNmanly man character I've ever seen.. and it got TOP RATINGS.. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:04:48 PM | ^^^^ good post 1kind.
I think the "who filed" thing is really misleading. In my divorce, my ex had asked me NOT to file...then a few weeks later shows up with his girlfriend waiting in the car and tells me that HE had filed. LOL! In that paperwork, I had like 10 days to "answer" his "complaint" and then suddenly it turned into that I had filed, and that I was "granted". This may go back to the 1950s, and the theory that it was chivalrous to ALLOW her to be the one seeking the divorce (on record) even though he initiated the process.
Another thought comes to mind, that a "divorce" is also a civil suit seeking "financial compensation". When you exchange the words "plaintiff " with "complainant"....against the "defendant"....it's more than 75% of the time that HE is "defending" his income....and not necessarily his status as "husband".
If you do a search on "Husband files for divorce", you'll see that all those cases are those in which the husband is the one seeking "financial compensation"....from their higher earning wives. Given this: it leads me to believe that a lot of those "statistics" are skewed by terminology. Therefore, I don't it's so much that women WANT to divorce 3 times more often than men, but that they want financial compensation 3 times more often.
My 2nd marriage ended in "dissolution" , NOT divorce. Even though I paid HIM alimony for 2 years, it was voluntary not "ordered" and our paperwork did not contain the words "plaintiff or defendent" but "PETITIONERS". Statistically however, I supposed you would have to say that I "filed".....because I'm the one who paid the fees for the dissolution.
Once again, I think the whole "who filed" thing for the purpose of determining who initiated the ending of the marital relationship is a lame argument. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:30:39 PM | I left him, but didn't file for divorce.
~He was the one having the affair
~He was the one who wanted to get married
~He was the one who could file and pay for it.
I was served with divorce papers on Valentine's Day . It was the best Valentine's gift he ever gave me | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 2:41:33 PM | | When my ex-wife told me she didn't love me and love another, I knew that our marriage was over. On record, she filed for divorce, but I am the one who filled out the paperwork and submitted it. I believed that since she was the one who found the replacement, that she should be the one asking for the divorce. | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 3:31:24 PM | | You are wrong wrong wrong both parties should expect everything. When the going get ruff you communicate with your partner. I do not know one Divorcees who thought of being divorce as a piece of cake. Of course there are the exceptions to the rule. You must know the wrong women who were not serous about marriage in the first place. Marriage is something you must keep working on | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:16:24 PM | | i'm 2 for 2...and in both cases i filed.I had 1 other long-term relationship where we lived together and she kicked me out (but wanted me back 2 weeks later), however, i wanted out anyways.. :-) | |
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| Calling All Divorcees
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:40:45 PM | | For the women I know it is because they became tired of taking care of a spouse after taking on the traditional role of wife and mother. I don't think women have come to expect 'everything' as some have implied. To the contrary, many become accustom to giving up a work life to take care of kids, then end up taking care of a husband who may become accustom to having a motherly caretaker around. If she divorces she faces going back to square one with work and starting over. However, she hopes to gain the sense of self she lost when she was married. Of course, this isn't always the case, but it was with people I know. | |
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