| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:07:58 PM | | I've recently been the other side of this conversation. Met someone on POF, we emailed, IM'd, text'd each other for a while, met for a date and got along well, I felt attraction but after hanging out a couple days later she realised that she didn't. We agreed to not try to force it and left that relationship there, though we do still chat as friends. She admitted to me that she really wishes she had felt the connection but it just wasn't there, and I'm content with what happened. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:09:44 PM | my ex-girlfreind and I are good freinds  . I am the one who wanted to get married SHE did not . we have been freinds for so long . she has told me " if we got married we would not be as good a freinds . " we know what makes each other uncomfortable . we know each other . I do wish we could have been married . BUT , as she pointed out . all our freinds who got marrid are divorced . one who SHE said would get a divorce did . NOW those two . can not stand to see each other .  | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:54:58 PM | | Yes...he was a model from Toronto and evidently was asked to model here as well...he had the James Dean look without the bad boy attitude...he was perfect...such a sweety, total nice guy...just the conversation lacked...so it was kinda boring...he didn't stimulate me intellectually...very frustrating to not have the passion when he was such the perfect guy...hot as heck and so nice/kind. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:31:20 PM | | That was a little nasty to attack me like that. I stayed in the marriage because I thought that over time the attraction would not matter. He was a good man in so many ways....and I didn't realize that without that attraction it would eventually erode the marriage. Part of that is the way you are raised and the advice you recieve from your parents and friends on who is a good perspective mate. ( usually doesn't come up in conversation about how you feel towards someone sexually). It is possible to love them and not be attracted to them so I don't feel as if I wasted his time. He, of course always got what he needed....it was myself who did not. The ability of someone to be a good father, who they are as a person.....sometimes weighs heavier. But....like I said....over time...your priorities change on what you want from the relationship | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:17:52 AM | | Yep. I had a situation similar to this a couple months ago. I wanted to like him so bad bc he was SUCH a nice guy. But unfortunately there has to be sexual chemistry. It's not the most important part of a relationship, but it's still very important. You can't be with someone that you don't even want to kiss or be intimate with. lol. It's hard bc you don't want to hurt them, but it's for the best. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:47:54 PM | | what I want is someone who I can't wait to see.....and touch. You may be right to some degree....I guess initially there was enough of an attraction....to say I do. I think it was mostly his family...not really him...His family is very prominent in my area....good solid people.I guess it was what I yearned for my life and felt like I wanted to be part of something. Everyone told me I was not in his league....in the looks department...socially etc.but I took the chance that I could overlook the fact I was not attracted to him physically or mentally | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:00:43 PM | | Yes OP I have struggled with this. I have a male friend of 15 years who is a great man. Good catch. Even good looking. He was madly in love with me when we first met, at work I might add. He would do anything for me to this day. He is still single and so am I. I have ZERO chemistry with him. I used to think : well maybe I should just marry him and live the good life?? Well I am glad I did not do this for know I realize the reason there is NO chemistry is we would not be compatable for the long haul. Although, he is a great friend!! And finally putting himself out there. He will make a good partner for someone and I can't wait to meet the lucky woman!! | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:36:52 PM |
. He, of course always got what he needed....it was myself who did not. The ability of someone to be a good father, who they are as a person.....sometimes weighs heavier. But....like I said....over time...your priorities change on what you want from the relationship
LadyLinda, making love has to be reciprocal, or it ain't working.
I feel really sorry for the guy, you wasted his time, but, of course it's his fault too.
He should have picked up on the signs and ended the relationship long ago.
I personally am afraid to death of ending up in a relationship where she "doesn't feel it". | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:41:36 AM | If you have formulated the opinion that the person is 'perfect' for you and they like you a lot, then it is safe to say that you were intrigued by them enough to get to that level of knowing this. Meaning you must have talked back and fourth enough times to establish this level of connection....
So with that being the case then it's obvious something attracts you to this person and if so how do you know you would not be physically attracted to them over time?
It may not be a whirl wind but the more meaningful, long lasting relationships never are, because with these relationships you end up falling deeper at a slower pace. Nothing wrong with that!
Attraction starts from intrigue and grows. The more time you spend with someone whom you find attractive on the inside over time will become attractive on the outside.
I wouldn't discard this because you do not find the outter appearance attractive enough because in my opinion "something" had to have been there for you have allowed the open communication to continue in the first place....so go with that.
I found myself in a similar postion with a few guys that I met. My first reaction to them when meeting in person was 'omg what did I get myself into' ha ha ha. It was no whirl wind but what attracted me to them was their personality, humor, kindness, and charm.....
Over time I found myself very much attracted to them physically and sexually. Although it didn't work out long term, those reasons had nothing to do with the attraction part because they did grow on me over the time I'd spent with them. It just turned out they were not 'perfect' for me after all. But I am happy that I got to know them at the time that I did because what I learned from the experience was sure worth the journey. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:14:44 PM | ...
differences of mind (and so purpose as it pertains to the feeling and social environment).
sameness of soul (there is acceptance between you but it is not serving your most present vision (attraction).
solution. ask Self what by relationship is solved in the knowing difference.
it could be the person which reminds you to ask what you are seeking for have it.
for your surprize.
what for ...? | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:19:57 PM | The ONLY reason it never transfers from the "ON PAPER" perfection to the "IN THE FLESH" no way! is where they lie or misrepresent with creative writing on paper and arent anything like what they said they were in person.
When the fraud is revealed.. the choice is simple and NOT a struggle at all.
You are doing the female harlequinizing of things from the profile and emails. Just stop | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:07:41 AM | it is simple:
women just went trough way too many beds, and now you expect something special, expect someone different when you tried them all. You want spark when you are actually made yourself emotionally flat.
And if you women really know what you want, you wouldn’t search for whats missing, but for whats in. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:28:28 AM | This happens all the time. Real nice guys, good jobs, home owners, and they seem kind. I think what happens to me is we don't have much in common. Some guys say they like to ride a bike but don't even own a bike. They like to hike but can't remember the last time they hiked. I believe that they liked these things years ago and think when they find the right women they will engage in them again.
I just think if your not active in your single life your not going to be able to keep up the jig just because you are dating. When you start a relationship with someone believing something that isn't true, it's never a good thing. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:22:08 PM |
I find that a man's thoughts, feelings and mind is by far more attractive than the package he comes in
Yep! I agree. Intelligence and a thoughtful and caring personality is sexy to me. Looks fade, that stuff is always there. | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:21:46 AM | This is pathetic!! I've noticed from some of these posts from the ladies that they met "nice, sweet, smart, intelligent, successful, respectful...in some of their cases handsome" guys but there or HE was no "SPARK" aka fantasy guy..... they read in romance novels or magazines!! Now I see why women can't get a "good man"!! Most are out of their minds!! I've read from one female poster who were into men that were "emotionally unavailable" (jerks and ***holes) and then have the audacity to blame her stupid CHOICES on a bad relationship with her father!!yeeeaaaayyyy riiiiight!!
Looking for some fantasy man when they have FAULTS galore!! No wonder they end up alone and in some cases BITTER ole buzzards!!
Then women have the nerve to call men SHALLOW when I see comments like "If I can't see myself sleeping with him or kissing him, then there is no SPARK!!" Hell... I don't think they know what "Spark" is themselves!! I'm sure that guy they passed up because there wasn't any "spark" aka physically attracted to him for some shallow reason, was probably just as glad that they PASSED him up!!
I guess some of them are waiting for Dr. "SPARK" to make them their worned out bodies.. sizzle again... I truly believe a LOT of them have been doing this
 tooooo much!! | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/10/2009 1:38:28 PM | I see alot of posters commenting that everything was perfect but no physical attraction....
How about you meet someone, you do click, have many of the same interests, the same mentality on many issues....in fact you are the guy and girl version of each other....AND there happens to be mutual physical attraction? In fact, you WOULD think it is a match made in heaven....when you read the guy's profile before you meet...you are EVERYTHING he is looking for and when he first meets you, he tells you that he finds you highly attractive.....but yet he doesn't feel chemistry in the long run???
What is chemistry anyways? I used to think it had to be something you felt right away on the first date? But then I have been thinking lately that sometimes you can't tell if the person is the right person for you right off the bat. Too many ppl want instant results when sometimes the best mates are the ppl you really got to know and whom were a good friend to you first. This whole topic stumps me.
I guess I am just a bit jaded because I met a guy a few months ago....whom I thought I was the perfect match for....and he did say he liked me but couldn't see me longterm? How is that possible? Thought we were compatible personality wise, had the same goals in life, had a mental connection and compatible physically but yet he didn't see us together? I guess ppl think they want someone who is toxic to them...its like ppl rather thrive on drama than to feel "safe" with someone who is perfectly good for them? The whole term chemistry confuses me!
I have met someone new and am giving it a chance....but am being leery....I don't want to get dumped again due to lack of "chemistry"! | |
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:53:47 PM | This is an oxymoron - how can someone be perfect for you if you're not attracted to them???
It's like saying that this or that house would be the perfect house for you if only it was bigger, in a different location, closer to schools, had more bathrooms, had a bigger yard, etc.
Sorry, but that's no longer a perfect house - it may be a good house - it may be a fine house - it may in fact be such a fine house that all other houses from this day forward will now be compared to this house, but no matter, it's still not the perfect house for you.
Best to leave that house for someone who will find it perfect and love it just the way it is - not for the way it should be.
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| When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You
Posted: 11/11/2009 2:02:51 AM | I dated a guy a few times and just didn't feel a strong attraction. We became best friends over the years and eventually I did fall in love with him. Unfortunately, we ended up having sex once which literally only lasted a few seconds before he came. I instantly went back to my initial feeling in the first place of non attraction (lol). I guess the build up over the years was too much for him.
On a more serious note, I don't think that you can force attraction. Chemistry is a mysterious thing! Wonderful but who can figure it out! | |
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