Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do you guys think this is fair?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PardonMeMiss
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 101
Do you guys think this is fair?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
The dude is a cheesedick. Not only because apparently you two have some sexual issues that neither of you seem to care enough to work through...

but for the fact that you broke up with him 5 times and he didn't move along after breakup #1.
 Welby67
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 102
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:31:51 PM
Ok let me start this by saying that nobody should be pointing fingers at anybody in this situation or at least not until later (lol). I think any couple needs to have enough care and love for each other to want to do what it takes and learn what it takes to make the other person feel good. I WAS in a relationship where my girlfriend had a real hard time reaching orgasm. Well after about 2 years of continually trying new things and experimenting I was able to make her have as few as 1 or 2 and as many as 8 in 1 session. Let's face facts, most women CANNOT reach orgasm during regular intercourse and that's where toys and / or a pair of good hands comes into play and this can happen before or after he achieves orgasm. Also, most men don't have the staying power to make it happen either and there is no pill or cream out there that will make that fairy tale come true as much as we would like it to. I will say that I was really in love with her and I was willing to give her the world and whatever it took to make her happy. Suffice it to say that love doesn't always last and we find ourselves on POF reading and posting in forumns and searching for the next great love of our life. Sorry got segwayed there (lol). Search within your relationship and within his heart to see if he feels that way about you and if he does then he should be willing to try also. If not, don't fault him for that and just move forward however you must. With of without him. Life is too short not be experiencing it...... Good luck!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:48:03 PM

Ok when i said i was being attacked i mean ppl look at my other posts and call me a slut or a whore......

Look, to a lot of people, 45 lovers in 2 years is a sign of a slut. I won't be politically correct and say anything else....
But, it's not too late to change...
And you have to do a few things to change that perspective...

First off, start being in CONTROL of your relationships...
Second, you do not need any guy that doesn't respect or honour you... regardless of how he feels about you or your past or whatever...
Third, See item #1
Fourth, stop thinking that you NEED a guy with you... Shit, at your age, the last thing I wanted was a serious relationship... Enjoy life, party, go places, get a career, whatever, but don't be a sex toy to guys that don't appreciate what it is you're giving them...
Fifth, See item #1, AGAIN!
Sixth, Don't be NEEDY... Women don't respect it in a man. Men likewise don't respect it in a woman. If you make it too easy to woo you, then you have no value...
Seventh, Get a life. I don't mean that in a hurtful way. I mean it in a most serious way. You should come first, your wants and expectations come second, perhaps a career....then the little things that make you feel good... THEN finally if you have all that sorted out, then start looking for a guy to complete the picture... Oddly enough, this will help you solve item #1... Remember that one...?
Eight and final. You can be whatever you want, but if you put up with BS after you realise it's BS, then it's YOUR FAULT.... See rule #1 AGAIN!

P.S. Guys hate women who are in control.... They also love them.... sharp edged sword... but you get to be the one that wields it.... better you than them....
 bruceskis
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 104
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:56:33 PM
Dump him. You deserve to be happy. Sex is too imortant to stay whit someone who wont try.
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 105
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:58:13 PM
I have partied, lived life to the fullest...i am actually ready to settle down with one man and start a family and my career. Oh and let me say i slept with 45 guys 2 and half years ago not recently!!!!!!! Im not needy i just need a lot of support and love!!!! Due to my past and present!! (the counselor said this not me!) I have been in counseling just myself since i was 12 years old.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 106
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:07:23 PM
I think it's great that you got all your partying out of your system and feel ready to settle down with one man.

Just, please, not this man.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 107
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:02:54 PM

...i am actually ready to settle down with one man and start a family and my career...


SO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES FROM YOUR PAST (INCLUDING THIS PAST RELATIONSHIP) AND WORK ON FINDING A MAN WHO IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE...22 IS STILL YOUNG TO START A FAMILY...THERE IS NO RUSH ESPECIALLY WHEN THE RED FLAGS ARE SLAMMING YOU IN THE FACE...
 anthonyalan
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 108
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:44:46 PM
Someone said a ways back that he probably can't get over the fact you did 45 guys, I agree with that. I mean all the signs are there, he doesn't want to look at you during sex, says you smell, and just doesn't care what you think. I mean I probably would feel the same way to be honest (although I just wouldn't date you instead of having impersonal sex with you), some people can't get over a woman being that promiscuous, I think maybe you should find someone that doesn't have a problem with that. I think that's where all of this stems from.
 marianina_1
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 109
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 8:26:56 PM
No, this is totally unfair and I wouldn't put up with it. I had a brief, casual relationship with a guy a year ago. I really liked the guy but I found once he'd climaxed he was no longer interested in anything. After two frustating nights (and that was hard enough to cope with), I (jokingly) told him I couldn't get to sleep unless I had had some fun too. He made a bit of an effort then but his heart wasn't in it. I felt incredibly resentful. After that, I knew we weren't suited and would never be. The relationship stayed casual and I never wanted it to be more. Unfortunately he did and was upset when it ended. My feeling was that it was obvious, no woman would want this. In many ways he was a really sweet guy just selfish in this respect. It's amazing how selfish I can be too and some things I won't compromise on. I'd go stark, staring mad!
 denim_daze
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:00:14 PM
in the thread "do guys like the smell of a woman's natural vagina?" weren't you the one who said that you had to wash yourself 3 times a day to NOT have a smelly vajajay? That your bf is smelly too? Maybe sex would last longer if you did it in the shower.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 111
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:29:25 PM

He wont let me use a toy though so i suffer.....

Op, I wonder if there isn't a little bit of you that gets something from being a martyr. You give and give, even when it is unpleasant for you, to someone who doesn't give back.
Google "martyr complex".
Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia:

... martyr complexes involve willful suffering in the name of love or duty.
 mysweetalibi
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 112
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:05:28 PM
this is very very very selfish, sounds like my one experience actually *SIGH* I should have waited for love
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:34:09 PM

I have partied, lived life to the fullest...

No, you're 22 years old...
You haven't even begun to enjoy life... let alone live it to the fullest...

Im not needy i just need a lot of support and love!!!!

Ummm THAT is being needy....
 missygyal
Joined: 10/7/2004
Msg: 114
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:50:00 PM
thats not fair at all...dump the selfish dude
or just get into your "cumming" position right from the get go so you definately get to cum first thats what I do when I know they won't last long...just give me 5 minutes :P hahaha
 64 Classic
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:11:52 AM

let me say this again I LOVE HIM and i cant just leave because of bad sex.


Then WHY are you asking for advise? You've already made up your mind so there's nothing any of us can say that will help.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 116
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 3:04:46 AM
What is there to love about this guy?

Have you thought about counseling for yourself? It seems that you have been through a lot in your short life.

Is it very loving to have a guy not care if you ever get off or one who tells you that you stink when he doesn't have good hygiene himself?
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 5:37:44 AM
I left a boyfriend that I had been with for more than 7 years because of the sex. I would warn your BF, very bluntly, that if he doesn't change, you will leave.

In the meantime, you will have to suck it up and restrain yourself from indulging your desire to pleasure him. When he tries to have sex with you, you tell him it isn't worth the effort for you anymore. When he gets desperate enough, he will try to please you or he will get mad and abuse you emotionally. If he abuses you, you will be given some cold hard reality that this relationship isn't for you. You will have to put your feelings aside.

In the end, he will either change or you will have to leave. I would only give this little exercise about 3 months, and mentally prepare yourself to leave in the mean time. I gave my ex 6 months to change. When I told him it was over, he tried mentally abusing me by belittleing my needs. When he did, I laughed and said, "You have got to be kidding, right?"

I am now with someone who is very attentative to my needs and I am very happy.
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 118
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 7:12:55 AM
I really dont understand how im a slut....sleeping with 45 guys in my life makes me a slut i dont understand........its my past nothing i can do to change that........i USED to be a sex addict to the point i "needed" sex 5-8 times a day but i went COUNSELING for that i now only have sex and get off when my man can go that long....Oh and when i use a toy i can get off in 2 minutes...Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.
I have done alot in my life so far partied until i balcked out, drank until decided never to touch alcohol again, smoked some crazy stuff, snorted some crazy stuff, and sold that same crazy stuff. Had amazing sex, had really really bad sex, i have traveled all over the U.S. , i have seen 2 of my friends give birth, i saw many friends get married, i have also seen my one of my friends get shot in the head right in front of me. I live life to the fullest everyday because of the life i have lived and seen. I have helped raise a child from birth she said her first word to me and it was mama and she isnt my blood daughter but it feels like it.
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 119
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:36:11 AM
I really dont understand how im a slut....sleeping with 45 guys in my life makes me a slut i dont understand........its my past nothing i can do to change that........i USED to be a sex addict to the point i "needed" sex 5-8 times a day but i went COUNSELING for that i now only have sex and get off when my man can go that long....Oh and when i use a toy i can get off in 2 minutes...Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.
============================================

This is more like obsession than love.Are you seeing this guy as he is, or as a fantasy.The man you are describing to us, who insults your genitals and is selfish in bed.I feel you have an idealized image of love and you ignore the reality.The life you describe as fully lived, oh yes full of what. Pain, stress and trauma.That is not a life fully led.Its a life wasted.Being self destructive and devaluing yourself, just destroys your spirit

No matter what we say, you will not leave this guy, as he fills a need in you, an emotional need for attention.For your other needs, try toys/r us.I notice you said earlier, you keep telling him, when he hurts.Maybe he is scared to touch you, in case he hurts you or feels inadequate.Try being encouraging instead.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 120
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:05:00 AM
I really dont understand how im a slut....sleeping with 45 guys in my life makes me a slut i dont understand........its my past nothing i can do to change that........i USED to be a sex addict to the point i "needed" sex 5-8 times a day but i went COUNSELING for that i now only have sex and get off when my man can go that long....Oh and when i use a toy i can get off in 2 minutes...Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.
I have done alot in my life so far partied until i balcked out, drank until decided never to touch alcohol again, smoked some crazy stuff, snorted some crazy stuff, and sold that same crazy stuff. Had amazing sex, had really really bad sex, i have traveled all over the U.S. , i have seen 2 of my friends give birth, i saw many friends get married, i have also seen my one of my friends get shot in the head right in front of me. I live life to the fullest everyday because of the life i have lived and seen. I have helped raise a child from birth she said her first word to me and it was mama and she isnt my blood daughter but it feels like it.
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.



WTF!?! I MEAN HONESTLY...WHY EVEN BOTHER ASKING THIS QUESTION IF YOU'RE GONNA BE SO BLINDED AND ALREADY HAVE YOU MIND MADE UP...IT IS CLEAR AS DAY THAT HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU...I AM DONE TRYING TO HELP AFTER YOUR LAST COMMENT...GO MARRY HIM...EVEN HAVE A KID OR TWO TO REALLY BE TRAPPED IN THE MARRIAGE...HAVE THE SEX BE BAD AND MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...LET ME SEND YOU NOW AN EARLY CONGRATS ON YOUR WEDDING


Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body


THAT IS NOT LOVE...



I DON'T WANT TO PICK APART EVERYTHING YOU WROTE BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A WASTE OF TIME...

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS...IF YOU ARE HAPPY AND CAN SEE YOURSELF MARRIED TO THIS GUY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...THAN GO FOR IT...WHO ARE WE TO SAY ANYTHING...YOU SEEM TO KNOW BEST IN YOUR LONG 22 YEARS OF LIVING...
 HairballX
Joined: 1/2/2009
Msg: 121
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:18:40 AM
You also dont know we have been through a lot together, child custody issues with his ex, me getting diagnosed with being bipolar and etc. We have only been in counseling for 6 months.
You say you were diagnosed as suffering from bi-polar disease. Have you talked to your doctor about your sexual difficulties?

Both your relationship with your BF and your sexual problems might have something to do with your medical condition. I'd suggest that you tell your doctor about it. Many women with bi-polar disease can have very satisfying personal relationships and sex lives if the condition is treated properly.

 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 122
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:27:08 AM

Oh and i know i love him because when we touch i feel the tingling warming sensation throughout my body, i physically feel pain in my chest when i think about not being with him for the rest of my life, I miss him 2 seconds after he leaves, i think about him all day and all night, sex CAN be amazing and loving, if you have a conversation with me face to face i mention him prolly 30 times in 10 minutes and i know him better than his mom and same goes for him knowing me.


HairballX: What sexual difficulties...she's made it clear that sex "can" be amazing and loving...
(LOL....hard to be sarcastic on here)...

also her comment "that she probably mentions in 30 times in 10 minutes" is a little disturbing to me...

Well there's a lot more about her comments that are disturbing but the girl is so blind that it's really becoming a waste of time to try and help her...she's really gonna just screw up her life if she decides to marry and start a family with him...oh well...at least we know we tried to help her...
 Schrodingers__Cat
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 123
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:37:43 AM
I am ready for a husband and children and our own house and my career now.

Sorry, but from what you've written throughout this thread, it doesn't sound to me like you're ready for ANY of that. You may think you are, but that doesn't make it so. Just because you want it doesn't mean you're ready for it. You can't be ready for any of it until you are in tune with yourself, which it doesn't sound like you are....yet.

I would encourage you to work on yourself and your career. You're only 22, for crying out loud....no matter how much you have been through, there's a lot more you'll go through to grow as a human being. When you're truly ready for a husband, I'm betting you will realize it's not this particular man. But please, for the sake of everyone, do not even CONSIDER having children for another 5-10 years. I fear that it would be doing both yourself and (more importantly) them a disservice to bring any children into your life at this point. You're not emotionally there yet, based on the things you've said here and your responses to some really sound advice.

There's no rush....you've got plenty of time. I would recommend a serious amount of time apart from this man so you can focus on working on yourself for now. Being addicted to someone is not the same thing as love. If you approach this as an addiction, I'm betting you'll have a much better outcome....even if it takes a lot of time to get there.

You asked for opinions. That's merely mine. I hope you give it some thought.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever path you choose. :)

(And it IS a choice. YOUR choice. No one else's.)

~~Bunny
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 124
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:25:00 AM
Gosh OP, it seems like you are the only one that is bringing up your issues. I don't know if you are for real or a troll, your stories sound pretty incredible to be telling the whole world about. If they are, I hope that you are getting individual counseling and listen to their advice.
 yepimstilllonely
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 125
view profile
History
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/24/2009 11:03:36 AM
Man, that sucks. He is very selfish not to want to please you. WON'T LET YOU USE A TOY!!!!?????- aww c'mon, I'd like to see him grab it off of me...
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do you guys think this is fair?