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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do you guys think this is fair?      Home login  
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 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 151
Do you guys think this is fair?Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
No, he's a bad, selfish lover. It's up to you if this is a dealbreaker. But honey if he refuses to listen to your concerns, or to even please you, then you've got to decide if this guy is worth it.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 152
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:15:56 AM
If he really likes ya, honey, he'll make some "sacrifices" and make sure you get off too. Maybe you like missionary because you can look directly into his eyes and feel the full thrust of his body...maybe you like him to do the thrusting while you just lay there...bear in mind, that missionary-style is a strain on a guy's lower back. Maybe he can do other positions to almost get himself there and then finish off the night with missionary so you "get yours", then cum feverishly inside you.

It's ridiculous that he won't let you use a toy to get yourself off. That just reeks of male insecurity. Jealous of a dildo-?
 Flowtester1
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 153
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 1/28/2009 12:30:24 PM
Nope, it is NOT fair. But then again, remove the chalk board from beside the bed. Stop keeping score. This isn't a baseball game, although I am sure he wants to knock it out of the park, every time.

My first wife, could not have orgasms without using a vibrator, ever. Other lovers and my 2nd wife, had no problem having orgasms with intercourse.

However....
You might try Viagra, or some other erection holding technique or drug. It might help. Ibuprofen seems to help me last longer before I "get there". Consult a doctor.

I have to ask, is his job very physically demanding? Is he stressed by work or finances or something else? Is he worn out/tired all the time? Does he sleep well? Does he smoke? etc.? There are many things that can cause stamina to be reduced.

From personal experience, when the woman I am with starts heating up, it is difficult to stop the inevitable from happening. What has worked for me, is stopping for a bit, giving her oral stimulation, or manual stimulation, changing positions, etc. Then when I feel like I can go again, without exploding, go back to it, unless what I am doing at the time is more fun! :)

You might also try excusing yourself before you are going to have sex, go in the bathroom where he cant see, maybe with the excuse of putting on some lingere, and stimulate yourself there, so that you are "more ready" or "closer" when you do have sex. Be inventive. You have a better ideas about what might work for you than I.

I don't think he wants it to be just "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am", but maybe does not know how to stop himself, or control his ejaculation.

You can tell when he is about to cum(us men are predictable). Take some initiative yourself at that moment. You can control what is happening, without him ever needing to know that he wasn't being virile enough, or possibly even to know what you are trying to accomplish by changing what is going on. What you have him do, is entirely up to you, whether it be having him concentrate on your breasts, (which will put him farther away from the spot, and less likely to cum immediately), giving you oral sex, (which will let him cool down), whatever it takes to get the motion to stop for a bit. Practice will tell what works for you and him.

It can really effect the male libido, to the point of not even trying, if he finds out he has not been causing you to have orgasms, opposite of what the desired outcome of telling him about it was. Talking to him about the issue, might make him feel less of a man.

Good luck!
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 154
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:39:21 PM
I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with being bi-polar. I am on medication but it isnt working. We are now living together, i know i love him cause i would do anything for him. he has a daughter she is not mine, but i have helped raise her from birth. I have given up with getting sex from him, i am not even masturbating. Its frustrating but we are working on our communication.
He can control his ejaculation but if he gets off in missionary it doesn't feel good. The only way it feels good is when he gets off is doing doggy style which hurts me. I havent had sex in prolly 2 weeks. He says he never has time to get me off. Oral sex doesnt work for me because i shave its more sensitive and the saliva and bacteria causes urinary tract infections....he cant go twice in one night sex wise. He works out 4 days a weeks, so u would think he would have more stamina.
I can get off from sex it just takes time to relax enough to get off, plus i have acid reflux so that slows me getting off. Its really hard to relax when he asks if im about to get off every 5 seconds during sex. He doesnt enjoy having sex with me unless its in the position of doggy style.
 TrueLies
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 155
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:20:58 PM
I see two issues here.... one, sex should not be a one sided activity. If there's no mutual benefit, it's pointless. Two, the fact that he's not "letting" you use a toy. You have every right to do as you please with your body whether he is there or not! I can't imagine anyone thinking that they have the right to regulate how you pleasure yourself- it sounds like there might be an issue deeper than sex. To answer your question, no, I don't think it's fair to you at all.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 156
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:28:47 PM
I'm done replying to you because you are so blinded by love...you are so young and basically throwing your life away because you don't think you can do better...You are making a big BIG mistake...and I do know what I am talking about...

...make sure you never stop taking your medication and enjoy life being celibate...
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 157
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:34:19 PM
I am so glad you posted this OP so you could read all the responses and disregard everyone's opinion. Honestly, I guess you only posted this to get attention, guess that is the bi-polar part working. Yes, I do feel sorry for you, but nothing anyone says seems to effect you or what you are going to do.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 158
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:36:53 PM
Yeow. You have now moved in with a sh1tty, selfish bast4rd of a boyfriend and are raising his child.

Just let us know when you've married this prince. Hooray.
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 159
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:59:39 PM
The more i read-the more i feel bad for u.You helped raise his daughter since birth and he still dosent care abour feelings. He moved in with u-and the sex hasnt changed. If he works out four times a week-then he has enough stamina to get in it more than once. I heard something diffrent this time though-u said he keeps askin u if u came or not every 5 min-which proves he's self conscience about pleasing you. Thats probably the reason he act like he dosent care if u get off or not-to save face. Im gonna keep it 100 (real) with you. You really should lessen the seriousness of this relationship.Ur holding onto to him so tightly because for u rite now any attention is better than no attention. Your illness-and past expereinces with drugs and alcohol had living like this. Get more involved in ur life and adopt new hobbies-leave chasing me out of the scenario and dedicate some real time for urself. Please just remember. NO ONE IS GONNA LOVE YOY LIKE U CAN LOVE URSELF. This will help u get over him-love urself for gettin ova the drugs-love urself for having so much love to give out towards men despite the situations ya been in the past. Get over this couple thing though mama-it is killin u softly
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 160
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 9:01:18 PM
The more i read-the more i feel bad for u.You helped raise his daughter since birth and he still dosent care abour feelings. He moved in with u-and the sex hasnt changed. If he works out four times a week-then he has enough stamina to get in it more than once. I heard something diffrent this time though-u said he keeps askin u if u came or not every 5 min-which proves he's self conscience about pleasing you. Thats probably the reason he act like he dosent care if u get off or not-to save face. Im gonna keep it 100 (real) with you. You really should lessen the seriousness of this relationship.Ur holding onto to him so tightly because for u rite now any attention is better than no attention. Your illness-and past expereinces with drugs and alcohol have u living like this. Get more involved in ur life and adopt new hobbies-leave chasing men out of the scenario and dedicate some real time for urself. Please just remember. NO ONE IS GONNA LOVE YOY LIKE U CAN LOVE URSELF. This will help u get over him-love urself for gettin ova the drugs-love urself for having so much love to give out towards men despite the situations ya been in the past. Get over this couple thing though mama-it is killin u softly
 Katzpalace
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 161
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/3/2009 11:19:33 PM
He is selfish and only thinking of his pleasure.
A relationship should be two ways.
He should want to make you happy.
Enough said.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 162
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:05:56 AM
I read the parts about no orgasms, no toys, no oral sex because you stink....then on the last page - no oral sex because you shave and you could get an infection...etc...Maybe the guy doesn't know if he's up, down, sideways, indifferent! You don't know what your problem so how can he figure it out?

No toys - you have a job I assume - you have a computer - you can buy your own toys and utilize them accordingly. Your lack of doing so is your own problem - not because he told you not to. You could make purchases and he doesn't have to know about the unless you tell him to use them on you during sex so you can have an orgasm!

If you are "unclean" why haven't you used douches and/or Massengill wipes and/or consulting your physician to clean up the problem? Eat strawberries before having him go down on you so you taste better to him! Avoid alcohol and garlic before sex.

There are many things you could do for yourself.
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 163
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:47:29 AM
I am not looking for attention im looking for an unbiased opinion from other people.
I have had miscarriages making some sexual positions painful, i have been checked out by many OBGYN's and other female doctors. I have no health issues regarding my female parts.
He had the nerve to say his ex, baby's mama, was better in bed because she enjoys sex more. This hurt very deeply, i have physical limitations in the bedroom. He went to far with that comment. my physical limitations, my back is fvcked up, i have arthritis in my knees, i have extremely tight thigh muscles so i cant extend my legs completely when im on my back, i have physical pain in my vagina, where the cervix opening is, his penis is too long for my vagina (8 inches and 2 inches across)yes i measured it. It hurts from my vagina to my belly button when we have sex any position, so i have to block the pain in my brain and focus on relaxing so i can climax and orgasm. which takes 20 minutes to an hour.

I have mental issues when i comes to sex as well, it is hard to get past what happened to me. i have flashbacks and i am easily triggered during sex and during foreplay.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 164
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:41:15 PM
Please, stop. You're killing me. He told you his EX was BETTER IN BED than you?

Why do you like being kicked in the head by this scumbag? I could take you out to the corner and find you a MUCH, MUCH better scumbag to love in five minutes, tops. One that might actually care how you feel (to a certain extent), but not too much of a good person that it would feel strange to you.

I am sorry you feel so badly about yourself that living with this...creature seems like a good idea. I'm sorry that you hurt so much that what you feel for this...thing...feels like love. I'm sorry you've been so mistreated that instead of picking up a brick to cave in his sorry, selfish melon head, you feel bad and make excuses to stay with him.

If you want me to find you a better man in the five minutes I promised, I will. If you need someone to hand you a brick, I will. But I'm not going to be able to stand by any more and read about you staying in an abusive relationship with this prime candidate for "heartless d1ckhead of the year" award.
 lil red corvette
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 165
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:55:46 PM
2.5 years and he won't listen to what pleases you ? Whose fault is that ?
He won't let you use toys..... won't let you ?.... won't let you !!!
Why ask strangers what they think is fair.... don't you know what YOU think is fair ?
I think you know what you need to do... it's just a question of how long it takes you to do it.
I don't suggest you waste any more time.... from the tone of your message , it sounds as though you should simply have a talk and take a walk !
 spiceemomme
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 166
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:24:53 PM
Ali....since you accept this situation...the only person being unfair to you ....is YOU............
be the change you want to see....
just saying
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 167
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:25:53 PM
NO, it's not fair and you shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who cares for your interests and needs.
 Aligirl21
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 168
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:06:23 PM
UPDATE:
he is outta my life forever!
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 169
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:28:36 PM

UPDATE:
he is outta my life forever!


Good for you sweetie
 Call me Job
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 170
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:29:32 PM
It seems like a no brainer to me. Move on!

He doesn't give you what you need/want. Either he is incapable or unwilling of being a more giving and satisfying lover, neither of which is really relevant at this point in your relationship.

You two have broken up more than I've had relationships in my life. Sheesh! You love him, sure! But you certainly don't love the lame sex life that leaves you ultimately unfulfilled.

I think you fear being alone or unloved more than having a crappy sex life with this guy? It's a sad day when you will accept bad love from someone over no love at all. . .

my $0.02
 nacho cheese
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 171
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:38:14 PM
wow, where do guys find all these retarded women who let them treat them like crap?? I think i need to find me one!! lol You already know the answer, get some self repsect and move the f u ck on!
 Pontoon guy
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 172
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/18/2009 9:26:08 PM
I think the more importain question is ...why do you continue to let this dirt bag walk all over you,you are not a doormat! tell him if you don't get to have the big O! then he won't either!
 Redwolf George
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 173
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/18/2009 10:09:22 PM
Love and sex most of the time do not go necessarilly together when a couple has been intimate for a long time, and in your case there is a lot of frustration on both sides. Sex in a marriage/relationship can be profound and good but only if both partners are willing to work at it. Clearly both of you aren't and that the counselor who is treating you is not doing his job (six months? this person is paying off their boat off you)
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 174
Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/18/2009 10:15:18 PM
The OP, in Message 169 said:


UPDATE:
he is outta my life forever!

Girl, you just made my day. Good for you!!!

You can do so much better than that living embodiment of human waste. Brava, my dear! Don't look back!
 doug724u
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 175
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Do you guys think this is fair?
Posted: 3/20/2009 11:31:27 PM
With regards to your initial questions, if he really and truly loves you he should be open to anything that would aid in your pleasure whether it is foreplay, oral stimulation, or using a vibrator. He sounds like a selfish self centered peckerwood that needs to man up and provide for his lover. My rule of thumb is multiple orgasms for her before I have a single orgasm as women can keep going and going like the energizer bunny post orgasm while many men, not all, burn out like a moth flying into a flame after one orgasm. You need to get him to understand or find someone who is open in assisting in your pleasure.

As for the comment about him comparing you to an ex, what a SOB! He sounds like a heartless **stard. More the reason to send him packing. I understand you have invested much of your life in him but you are in a damaging relationship. Mental cruelty is as bad if not worse than physical cruelty. It will take some time to get over him, but you would be better off in the long run.
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