| | Child support issuePage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I would be dancing for a month if the other parent gave me full custody.
My suggestion is to educate yourself into a better paying career. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 2:08:27 PM | | No offense mel but you and too many others throw that out there as if you had said to him just bake a cake and your life will get better. It isn't always that simple. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 2:42:13 PM | I know it sucks, and i have no respect for a parent (of either gender) that does not contribute to their childrens lives.
But you may well have to resign yourself to the fact that you are going this alone.
If you "sit around waiting" for her to shape up, you could very well piddle your precious time away waiting.
If you already have an order in place, i dont see what good going in and out of court would do. The money spent on lawyers could go to your monthly budget, and the time spent in a courtroom could be better spent having quality time with your kids.
Drug addicts are losers, there really isnt anything anyone can do to change that.
As much as it is unfair, you chose her to procreate with, you have to buckle up and move on, and do what you have to do to get by.
In many places, public assistance is untouchable for support.
We cant change the fact that other people suck, at the end of the day the only person one can rely on is themself. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 7:31:42 PM | I have read most of the post and there is alot of good advice on here.
You are right that she does not have to show you HER finacial records but she MUST declare her income tax return to the courts EVERY year. I know that I do. My support payments are based on this.
You need to find out where she is declaring this and have your lawyer get the papers. I know that my ex only finds out how much support she will get for the year an that my papers are not just handed to her. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 8:00:43 PM | | she doesnt have to show anything..she works under the table and gets support | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 8:39:49 PM | His mom, is obviously incapable of or has no interest in being a good parent and he is lucky to have you. Don't worry about what she is doing, just concentrate on being the best father you can be and do not allow her to hurt him any more than she has already done.
Best wishes! | |
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Posted: 1/25/2009 6:39:48 AM | Casino man....who is being affected most of all by the choices of your ex? It would seem not to be bothering her one bit, except for a grin of satisfaction for having screwed you over. Are you as a father able to meet your children's basic needs for love, shelter and food? If you are, then any suffering they may be feeling probably has a lot more to do with the resentment their father feels about the situation. You can continue to fight her or you can forgive her and let go of the resentment and the anger. You might just realize that life is much better without carrying around that "I've been screwed over" thought. Yes, you have been screwed over. A lot of parents both male and female have felt this at some point.
You cannot change anything over which you have control.
You can only change how you feel about that which you no control. | |
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Posted: 1/25/2009 7:40:06 AM | The fact is that the system treats deadbeat fathers and mothers differently. I'm in a similar situation with my kids mom - except that I'm flush right now and don't care if she pays me or not.
I'm going to court with her (she's not paid child support voluntarily since the divorce) and I have no real expectation that anything will come of it (she claims to have no income and that she has to spend her time taking care of her other son from another father - one of many causes for the divorce - and therefore can't work)
You can hire an investigator and prove that she's working to the court (pretty damned expensive, actually), or the court can go for 'presumed income' - meaning that she, with her education and experience, should be able to earn a certain income, but chooses not to. They assign the amount of support based on that.
The fact is, however, that presumed income really only gets applied to deadbeat dads.
Your income has dropped, and therefore, she should be supporting a greater portion of the child care - but she's not going to willingly cough it up. The courts aren't very helpful in that either, so get used to that fact now.
Kelley has it right - there's nothing you can do about it - keep trying to go for the support, with the full expectation that nothing will ever come of it. You may get lucky and find the right judge who won't buy her bs.
In the end, though - you're going it alone. Like most single parents, you'll find out that you're up to the challenge.
- because you have no choice! | |
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Posted: 1/25/2009 1:09:13 PM | The fact is that the system treats deadbeat deadbroke fathers and mothers differently.
Leslie Kaufman of The New York Times addressed the issue of "child support arrears" in an article titled "When Child Support Is Due, Even the Poor Find Little Mercy" (2/19/05). Snip:
About 70 percent of the debt is owed by men who earn $10,000 a year or less, or have no recorded wage earnings at all, according to the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement. Less than 4 percent is owed by men with incomes of more than $40,000. | |
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Posted: 1/25/2009 9:33:56 PM | This is a hot topic. I am totally for change in the laws concerning CS. I just don't get it why a non-custodial parent can get away with not being responsible for their offspring. Throw me a bone! When I went through my D I was paying $800us that was 10 years ago. When I got full custody for 7 years she paid $175.45 us chump change. When I moved here she wouldn't sign the papers to take them out of the country. Here's the kicker she wouldn't see them on her time alloted before I moved. Can you imagine how my weekend plans rippled. So then it was $800us again and now $500us against the Au dollar. Come May I''ll once again play Pink Floyds money song in my head as it reduce further. I still give prezzies and extra money for extra things and have not missed a lick. I am not rich just know your babies come first and do wo things so they don' t. Not here to inflate my ego just integrity of a proper parent. Me and ex and i never went to court we talked it over. Did she want more yes, did I want to give more yes but you do your best.
The laws need to change to feed this wrong behaviour. Don't let them renew their license for driving, garnish their paycheck , give them bad credit ratings and just see if your going to receive an old pension or any other pension for that matter.
Just some of my thoughts as I see deadbeat parents putting total financial burden on the single parent. | |
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Posted: 1/26/2009 5:36:04 PM | Brandi 60 whomever you are i think thats sound advise..Thank you and God bless you...  | |
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Posted: 1/26/2009 9:14:58 PM |
No offense mel but you and too many others throw that out there as if you had said to him just bake a cake and your life will get better. It isn't always that simple.
It is that simple. People make excuses why they can't achieve their goals. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 3:41:24 AM | | i have been on my own for 10 years have 3 kidsand never recieved a penny from my ex he has been working all this time he goes fishing to cuba, argentina, he bought a house with his ne girlfriend so that when the csa could catch him because before he had been self employed and using somone elses ticket.. now that the csa has finally caught up with him he has to pay that was in augest and i still have not rcievd a penny.i started driving taxis only job i could get that worked round the kids i was in a car accident wich has left me diabled and not able to work im now on benifits and now thecsa say i will only get £20 a week and that the socal wil take the rest after all thses years of me hassleing the csa the now say that my claim will only start from last yr wich i think is so unfair.. so i can wave good bye to the last ten years he has not finacailly suported his kids how can he get away with this.. he has never had the kids staying over so i have had them 24/7 not been able to have a life because i have the kid but hey its my job to bring them up.. and what a job i have done.. my oldest whom is 17 has just been selected for scotland international football squad my middle son has done amazingly at school got good grades my daughter whom is now 11 is as bright as anything.. the kids have suffered emotionally with there father now being there for them 100% now i have just heard on the radio that fathers and mothers that dont pay for there kids are to have their driving licences taken away and their pastports.. well i hope they do then guess who cant go fishing anymore to argentinia, cuba irelnd.. he can do this because he has not finacially supported his kids.... what a wan_ er | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 9:12:06 AM | How myopic you are not going to tell me that every single person should be able to what you have done. How arrogant are you? Not every one finishes first and for you to just assume that shows just how idiotic most of your simplistic views are.
If that was the case we all would have graduated from university with a 4.0 average but we know that has no bearing in reality because that is not achievable by all.
And if we all were that educated would we all have the exact same job? Please give your head shake.
Regardless of how you achieved your success, if you don't think that some luck helped than I am glad you guys aren't running the country or school boards.
Have you lost all perspective? The simple facts are that not all are capable and as evidenced by todays society the unskilled worker can't survive by just hard work and many out there in the real world will never do what it is they should or geared to.
Some people just don't get that lucky.
I guess sweetness if every single citizen owned a house they would need to rent from you then how would you make your hard earned money? | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 9:39:45 AM | | now_serving, You keep making excuses. Everyone needs an example of what not to do. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 10:56:42 AM | no, reality. mel . When I applied to college there were 60 seats available for the first year. Over 900 hundred applied for those seats. Are you going to honestly say that the 840 didn't apply themselves enough?
There only so many spots at the top mel do believe that anyone that doesn't accomplish what you did isn't applying themselves comes accross as arrogant.
Two men apply for the same job - equally quailfied right down to the grades in public school, are you going to tell me that the man who didn't get the job didn't try hard enough.
Look around outside of your little myopic world mel and tell me that those people losing their jobs evetyday just aren't trying hard enough? reality check.
Sometimes unlike your perfect little world doors aren't always opened just because you asked real nice. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 11:06:31 AM | So you applied and did not get in. Are you then saying i tried my best so I cannot be held accountable for where I am or where I have not gotten in life?
Goals are changing and adapting to the realities of where you are and what you are unable to do.
and with that also is the realty is often many people have done nothing to improve or make things happen in their lives.
?After all it has always been easy to blame others for our own mediocrity!
I suggest you try opening the doors yourself and stop waiting for someone else to do it. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 11:25:03 AM | So your suggesting he still pay support so your rent is paid and he get a room at the salvation army then.
You think that McD's is going to hire on a 49 year old man to make fries then eh. another reality check. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 11:30:16 AM |
Then get a damn job and keep it. It's not easy for any of us to go to crap jobs every day and bring home little to nothing, but we do it, because we love our children.
i dare you to say that to some single custodial mother who stays at home suggesting her child needs her while she complains about not enough cs.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2008/10/07/single-parents-forced-back-to-work-115875-20780451/
Single parents forced back to work 7/10/2008
Works and Pensions Minister James Purnell sparked fury yesterday by pushing through new rules which force single parents back to work.
All lone parents with a child aged 12 to 16 will be made to look for a job from next month or risk having their benefits cut.
Fiona Weir, of the campaign group One Parent Families, said: "We are extremely disappointed. This will push lone parents into a difficult labour market, without giving them the support they need."
What support???support for the shock of being kicked off the gravy train? | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 1:16:39 PM |
I guess sweetness if every single citizen owned a house they would need to rent from you then how would you make your hard earned money?
Probably get a real estate license and try to start selling, If that didnt pan out, marry Tealwood and sit on my butt eating bon bons while demanding he send me a fat check very month.
BTW my renters are hardly poor themselves, i would hamper a guess that they could own if they really wanted to, but arent sure if they will want to live in the Keys long term. The population down here can be pretty transient, so there would always be a market for rentals. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 2:58:53 PM | Then get a damn job and keep it. It's not easy for any of us to go to crap jobs every day and bring home little to nothing, but we do it, because we love our children.
Even in this horrible economy, McDonalds is hiring, and you'll make more than $10,000 a year working there full time.
The foregoing statement demonstrates how uninformed some people are:
Some people have been in prison and lack skills and can't get job. McDonald's is not likely to hire an ex-cons that appears to be prone to violence.
Some people due to accident or a progressive medical condition such as cancer, cerebral palsy, etc. are disabled and cannot get jobs.
Some people are retarded or retarded and disabled and cannot get jobs.
Some people become mentally insane and cannot get jobs.
Some solders become so severely injured and disabled the military discharges them and they cannot get jobs.
Some people lack the responsibility and motivation, to get keep a job. Or they they are just naturally hot tempered so they become angry easy and fly of the handle and get fired. And, the state is not willing to spend the $20,000 or more to provide the psychological counseling it would take to change their attitudes and turn their lives around. And, putting them in jail only makes them worse.
Contrary to her Pollyanna beliefs, the facts are that not every man is able bodied, intelligent, and with employable skill from a middle class background. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 4:49:39 PM | I am OBVIOUSLY not referring to people dying or too disabled to work
I realize you were not referring to them and the others I described. That is because the comments you made are indicative of a person that is uniformed and who has a Pollyanna believe that most people with incomes of $10,000 or less are well adjusted, educated, able bodies men that refuse to work. All the facts and evidence prove otherwise. | |
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Posted: 1/27/2009 7:01:09 PM | | Why am I not surprised you would make an ad hominem argument rather than argue the ideas and facts? That is very typical of people lacking knowledge and unable to make logical arguments. | |
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