| | Dating after a month...she wants a commitmentPage 4 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | I think after 3 months then one needs to.....wait no,I mean why do you need comment?I mean two people who are into one another should kinda expect the other to be monogamous,I mean what the hell does the title of "Girl Friend" entail?I've never comprehended that,but hey I am a guy so what's that tell ya...but I think she was entitled to you at least telling her you would prowl around town,that should of been good enough. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:48:03 PM | well, op, I think it's better that it's over, as you both were on a different page. It's sad, though, if you both were really into each other.
I don't really understand though what the difference is between dating exclusively and having a relationship. To me it's the same thing. It's just semantics in my opinion.
I personally only date one-on-one . If both people enough into each other than that shouldn't be a problem. We'll just explore each other and see where it goes. No concentration on any destination, but enjoying the journey how ever long it goes. I feel that differenciating between 'dating' and 'having a relationship' is just making things too black or white. Where exactly is the line.
Are you sure that your disagreement isn't all about semantics? I don't think she was unreasonable to want an exclusive. As to 'pestering' maybe she really wanted to keep seeing you and kept giving you one more chance and one more chance to hopefully come her way before she'd leave you.
I think if you were really into her than giving her this commitment of exclusivity wouldn't have been a big deal. It's not like that's a longterm commitment. She obviously wasn't asking for anything that you weren't already doing. So, it just seems like stubbornness on your part. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:34:15 AM | No, you're not the ***hole. You're a man. She's a woman.
We were made this way.
The 300 pound gorilla in the room is the difference between men and woman.
Recently, an eligible neighbor woman started showing up at my place at night to be sympathetic and spend time with me while I recuperated from a knee injury. We enjoyed each other's company (non-sexual) and even looked into taking a cruise together.
After several visits, the subject of marriage came up. I had to tell her I could never be married. She beat a retreat like her pants were on fire. I haven't seen her since.
So, whose behavior was less admirable?
Neither. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:55:07 AM | | Depends what she means by commitment.To me,commitment at that stage means no sleeping with anyone else........let the relationship lead to where its going to lead in its own time.If he wants multiple partners,or the freedom for it to be possible ,he can go and take his own risks of STDs,im not risking it! | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:34:11 AM | some people NEED to feel that they are a part of something, they are CO DEPENDANT
they need a COMMITMENT prior to sex, they want to hear I LOVE YOU immediately. they need to feel wanted.
some people want to get married right away. without thinking too much about it. biological clock thing.
YOU go at your own rate. dont feel bad. if she's going to fast, wants to move in too fast,tries to force you to say I LOVE YOU too fast, then you need to be concerned that she may be too NEEDY (maybe she's just at that point in her life)
a reasonable person would understand if you told them that you want to go slowly and enjoy the new experiences. if she gets pissed, maybe she's not for you.
maybe YOU are so needy that you would be willing to cave in to a person like this?
food for thought
k- | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:35:47 AM | just because you want to sleep with someone, do you have to be committed to them. not everyone connects sexually, if you dont try IT, you'll never know if its worth making a commitment.
as for STD's, well thats what they make condoms for...
k- | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/17/2011 2:08:27 AM | | as long as your honest and don't jump in becuase SHE wanted you to do so you're not an ***hole. I am in a relationship where we are taking it slow because we are both in agreement to do so, although she wants to have sex sooner than I would like to have sex with her since I'm developing feelings and sex with some you like alot is WAY better than a quick f**k | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/17/2011 5:36:08 AM | you are kind of a d**k to be fair... you like the girl HELLLO, if someone comes along whos better dump her (youd do it committed or not, make her happy) . It depends how long you two have been talking too
my ex and i had been talking online for longer than 2 weeks lets say and we were exclusive by the 2nd date , were together for a long time as well.
After a MONTH if my man wasnt ready to not dip his stick in other people's pourage (hes not that into me) and he can make sure the door doesnt hit him in the ass on the way out.
THAT being said....... it does depend on how much you two communicate and see each other
...but still (this is the stubborn girl in me)   | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:08:53 AM | | After a month you probably need to at least go exclusive. I'm not saying marriage or anything. If you don't know in a month, then you should probably let her go. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:38:22 PM | | Ya I dated a woman a few years older than me who brought up marriage twice on our first date. Since I actually read profiles and remember how many woman on here put how its so NOT going to be about se, I brought up sex in a roundabout way. She took offense to that. I countered with the fact that I hadn't actually asked for sex, but she had made it clear she is looking for marriage and in marriage most men desire sex. Needless to say, I haven't asked her out again. I didn't know it would be so one-sided. realtionships should be a two-way street. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:52:26 PM | All she asked for was to be exclusive right? This was no marriage commitment?
Were you having sex?
Sorry I dont want to be having sex with someone screwing other people. I have agreed after a few dates to just concentrate on one person and be "exclusive".
It only means your not seeing other people.
You seemed to say you BOTH were into each other. So I dont see the problem in agreeing to just focus on each other and see where it goes. I guess I am the one to disagree here with most. Not saying you were an ahole because you both have to be on the same page but..... I dont think her expectations were out of line either.
You can break up at any time. Your NOT engaged. You simply agree not to be dating anyone else???? Like going steady in high school almost.
But after a month she asked.... you refused and she hounded you another month.... Again .... were you boinking her all this time? And refused to be "exclusive"?
If you were then I take her side... I would of expected to be exclusive and WORRIED if you were not for STD reasons alone.
I cant believe the womens responses on here ??? All the scream you women do on these forums calling a man on a PLAYER when he even agrees to MEET someone else on here when he has agreed to MEET someone else? A player huh? I think after two months.... thats enough time.
Cowboy
I have to agree with this whole post...I feel the same way when I am dating somebody..is exclusivity too much to ask nowadays? Especially if you are having sex and haven't said anything about being friends with benefits...She just wanted to know if she was going to be the only one. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/18/2011 10:36:22 PM | | Crikey! Commitment after one month! Ridiculous. I would have run a mile, too, and it is just as well you did, otherwise her neediness would have accelerated to unbearable levels by now and it would have been very hard to extricate yourself from that. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:27:23 AM | considering date of the original post... I wonder how the OP went, did he catch up to her or leave her?
anyway, just for the topic... I'm in with the 'too sooners'. Recently, I was dating someone for a couple of months... just once a week or two going out... I was aware he was in for a lifestyle change and was going away on a two month trip... and I was also coming up to summer vacation when I wouldn't be able to see him {child commitments}... but I still would have enjoyed continuing to 'date' without exclusivity as we enjoyed each other's company {at least it was the impression I got, since he kept asking for more dates} I knew he was still visiting this site, I had no issues... as we hadn't made any 'commitment' to anything further. It was only because I did like him, and that in case the ideas of something potential had crossed his mind, there was an issue I had to disclose... which would affect how our dating would go. Otherwise, unlike the OP's girl who rushed things, I was having a good time learning how to 'slow' down things as I hadn't had that opportunity before. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 4:07:24 AM | 1 month is plenty of time to know the general facts of if this could be real or not, at this point you know enough that you already have gotten past the perfect imaginary GF/BF, seen some of their flaws and excepted them. A relationship is built on the princible of getting to know the other partner before.. as my girl Beyonce says "shoulda put a ring on it". You learn about them as you go and it is a life long school that you learn something new every day until you die. Even then if they go first you learn something.
Examples: My mom is Mormon, My dad is Catholic. They just recently started teaching each other the facts of their religions. (They didnt talk about it, because it added complications to the marriage)
Another is: the day of my Grandma's funeral, my grandfather learned how much he truely loved her after 67 years of marriage.
Its a life long learning curb. That is what makes a relationship at all levels worth it. In my short experience of life and love, I think you jumped the gun and made a bad decision. Of course it is your life.
Dear god I have to stop watching Chic Flicks!  | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 10:59:23 AM | Did you actually give her any reasurance tell her how much you enjoyed being with her, which might off eases that nagging sensation.
After two months with someone, you should know enough weather you want to do one or progress with the relationship. You chose to do one, keep your options open.
Shame sounds like everthing else was good,
Don't think that many women are going to want to date and have sex for a couple of months without being exclusive, but hey good look.
You didn't have to make any lifelong committment but understand that her need for exclusivity prob comes from your lack of commitment and her insecurity from your avoidance to become exclusive. Reasurance could of gone a long way to making her feel content and secure. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 11:13:20 AM | OP: You say your former girlfriend wanted a commitment, and that you were not able to make it. In order to answer your question, I would need to know what it is that she was asking you to commit to. Was she asking for exclusivity? Engagement? Marriage?
I don't think exclusivity is out of line at one month, although I can also understand some people being reluctant to make that commitment. Anything beyond that, I can say that I wouldn't be comfortable. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:32:34 PM |
After a month you probably need to at least go exclusive. I'm not saying marriage or anything. If you don't know in a month, then you should probably let her go.
That could only be 3-4 dates.
You go "exclusive" when both agree to it, not on time or a specific number of dates, in my opinion. | |
|
| Dating after a month...she wants a commitment
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:34:45 PM |
OP: You say your former girlfriend wanted a commitment, and that you were not able to make it. In order to answer your question, I would need to know what it is that she was asking you to commit to. Was she asking for exclusivity? Engagement? Marriage?
Your going to be waiting a really long time for that answer. This post is from 2009  | |
|
| |
Home
login 
