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 emdoub
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 25
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How to let go and move onPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I want to escape and get away from him, but he has convinced me that no one would ever love me like he does

With luck, he's telling the truth, and nobody else will manipulate you like that. If you're not happy with the relationship, and don't expect to ever be happy with it - maybe it's time to move on.

On the other hand, you've been faithful to him for 12 years, but you joined a dating site almost 2 years ago, and your profile says you're looking to date.

I think we're not hearing the whole story here.
 vrb1955
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 26
How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:17:23 PM
You write a book ! Your story would make a great novel.Only when you write the ending make sure the female character finds peace and happiness within herself

Take it from a woman who is in the middle of her book
 Jude_mn
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 27
How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:22:44 PM
hannah

well I am first and for most sorry to hear of what you are going through. I was in a relation ship here as of late that was 6 years long. I ****ed up I flirted with her younger sister. flirted mind you a wink a nod or smile. I took it too far asking to see things of her I shouldn't have. it was two sided she flirted with me too, and in my mind it was innocent because I knew I loved my lady and that it was her sister I knew nothing could ever happen between us ever. I wasn't looking for love or sex with her sister just have a pretty girl smile because of something I did. that all said it doesn't make any of it right. yea it was two sided flirting but bottom line I and only I am responsible for my own actions. I was in the wrong. that said I loved my ex I really and truly did. planed to marry her ring on her finger already no date set. planning kids actively trying with her when we split. I loved her more then any woman I have ever known. I was crushed I knew I lost the only woman I ever truly loved and it was my own fault. would have gave anything to get her back pluck my eyes out so i could never look at another woman if need be. after 2 months she was off and in love with a guy older then her dad and our six years amounted to nothing. why do I tell you this? because if he loved you like he claims, he wouldn't need to run around. i had chances to cheat on my ex flirt with women at work but didn't matter no matter how much I wanted a random fling or anything didn't matter because I knew I loved her more. if he truly loved you he wouldn't really need sex and flings with random **** puppets. I know it hard you devote 12 years of your life to him and your love. and it sounds like you really know what love is and he has no clue. if he did he couldn't do these things to you. that's the bottom line. some one with as much feeling and understanding should never be second to anything or anyone if he really loves you. doesn't make it easier pain is still pain and that no physical pain like this is the one that hurts the most and takes the longest to heal and that sucks but keep your head up, time heals all wounds. if sex was that important to him he should be trying to make your sex life more interesting and fulfilling for you both not just sating his needs and coming back to you for the emotional it all goes together. I did terrible things and hurt my ex and her trust and her family, and I can never forgive my self for it. even though she is with another and i no longer love her (kind of repulsed by her for her actions as well) i tried to make it right I loved her and seems like the love you have for him. and I would have done anything to undo the pain and hurt I caused her if he loved you he would know he can't undo his actions their is no going back but one can move forward and make sure to learn from mistakes and make them never happen again. he doesn't seem to be in that mind set don't be second to any one or something like a base urge like sex. grit your teeth kick him to the curb and find that one out there who will show you the kind of love you are capable of giving and return it to you 100% don't let habits of your past like loving him make you see only the small picture. don't let those old feelings make you stay with some one you think you want and forgo the things you need like real love. I doubt I have been much help here just giving you an ex monster who hurt someone like you been hurt's perspective if he loved you he wouldn't keep doing what he is or have lied to you about it being just once in the first place. I wish you peace and luck in finding what you need in life and the clarity to know the differencece of what you want and what you need. you don't need him that's the bottom line. good luck

Jude_mn
 seal5
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 28
How to let go and move on
Posted: 3/6/2009 11:11:49 AM
I would totalling agree...........seems someone is asking for a bailout of sorts....just like the govt. there are strings attached. Remove the attachments first and formost, otherwise you will be repeating the same mistakes over an over.

counseling should be the first step after checking yourself out with your doctor. Then going foreward with your couseling to enrich your self esteem/ or what is left of it at this time. There are too many good people out there in this world to tie yourself to a loser who will always be a loser, not only in relationships with the opposite gender, but too himself.......amen amen amen.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 29
How to let go and move on
Posted: 3/7/2009 9:11:57 AM
You are so right. I have forgotten how to love myself. I had lost my husband in 1992 as a result of an illness. I had a very difficult time moving on and I guess my ex came into my life at a time when I was weak and vulnerable. I needed someone in my life to tell me everything was going to be ok, and to love me. This was not the man. Afraid of feeling the hurt again, I allowed myself to stay in the relationship to the point where he took control of me. It is my fault for allowing this to happen. I know that. It's having the strength to move on without him.


ANd that is EXACTLY what men ( term used loosely) like him do. They look for a weak and vulnerable woman. .........and nothing can do that to you quite like the death of your spouse.
.Even strong willed, opinionated, self suffiecient, strong self esteemed, etc women find themselves in a place of complete vulnerability after the loss of a spouse to death. It is a place that unless you have been there, is hard to describe.

It took me 18 months to even venture out. I made many dates and then cancelled at the last minute because of fear.

I seemed to pass up the good men at that point because I was so afraid of losing someone I loved and respected.

I met someone that I had spent a lot of time getting to know ( or I thought so) online and on the phone for several months. He talked a good talk and then had me feeling bad for all he had going wrong in his life. Being the nuturer that I am I fell for all of it. My mind knew better, but my heart wanted to love again.

I allowed treatment from him I would have never put up with for five minutes with any other person..children, family, late husband, etc.............in my whole life.

I did some investigating on my own and found what literally SHOCKED me that could go on even in today's society. I was MAD to say the least.

I didn't get even.....I got ahead..........but I wasted a lot of time and energy because I wanted him to feel what he was doing to others. I think I was, and still am hurt that any human being could do that to " wounded prey".
Still I know the battle is the LORD's and you reap what you sew.

I went into it honest and came out with my pride in tact and holding my head high.

It is a pain that takes a while to go away. It is not easy in any form, but there ARE good men out there. I have met some wonderful men that are friends now, other men that email me just to tell me to keep my chin up, or that they think I am pretty cool, a class act, etc.

It is NOT you..........you desreve soooooooooooooo much better, but he will continue to use you and allow you to make yourself feel unlovable and insecure as long as you let him.

Myself included, there are many people on this site that are willing to be there even if you just need someone to talk to , vent to, etc.
NO ONE DESREVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT!! He is no part of a man. IF he liked his sex flings so much.............as far as I would be concerned .........go be with them........
I have found a wonderful man to spend time with..slow and easy..........he is a bit younger..so I don't know how long it will last.....or if it will develope into something serious. All I know for sure is I have re-gained what I let the first FOOL try to take from me.
My best to you.
 this witch 1
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 30
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How to let go and move on
Posted: 3/7/2009 11:07:45 AM
How you let him still touch you after all this?
End it with him, this is degrading to you.
Why are you even having this chat.
NO man or woman who does this is worth keeping.
 angihcim
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 31
How to let go and move on
Posted: 12/20/2010 2:29:48 PM
Am I doing this right new here?
How the heck do you do the part where a person said something?

Here's how you do it to the lady who started this conversation.

One foot in front of the other. Period!

Sure it's going to take time it always does or you remain in it and there you are. Right where you began.

Has to be your choice.

Best of luck
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 32
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How to let go and move on
Posted: 12/20/2010 6:00:45 PM

How can I be so stupid. Why does he have such a hold on me? How could I have been such a fool. Life has to get better than this. Thanks for listening.


You need to cut off ALL contact from this man and move on ahead
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 33
How to let go and move on
Posted: 12/21/2010 3:57:03 PM
Its Going to take time for you to move on, surround your self with friends/family who are strong enough for you to lean on, do the things in life that makes you happy.
 1xMIAx1
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 34
How to let go and move on
Posted: 12/21/2010 6:26:46 PM
Turn the table on him and tell him you are going to do it too, you don't have to do it,, just tell him you are going to. Whats good for the goose? I bet his attitude will be different .
 GirlyMuscle
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 35
How to let go and move on
Posted: 12/22/2010 5:10:55 AM
Awwww so he is having a hard time being over 50, so he is out banging other women but loves you? Please. Give me an effen break. He cannot commit to you and wants to be free but you hang onto this person and let yourself basically be lied to and used? He has you convinced ? Of what? Woman, have some self respect and get the heck away from this person. Life is better than him. Let go and move on. I do NOT understand why people hang onto abusive relationships when they KNOW something is not right. He has this "hold" on you because you allow him too.
 shayla_v
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 36
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How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/4/2011 2:09:11 PM
The same thing has happened to me, except he neglected to tell me that he was marrying "the wonderful woman" next week, isn't that great???!!!!

I ignored the signs, didn't trust my gut, could not believe he was capable of doing this...blah blah blah.

The only reason I don't feel stupid is because I know that she is being fooled as well...after all, he was still involved with me and she was the other woman from the day they met until he put a ring on her finger.

Right now I'm mad and have been mad for 2 months now. But thank God that is all, no residual love or any of that. And I know that I will not be angry for ever, because when all is said and done, he truly did me a favor.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 37
How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/4/2011 4:22:55 PM
You have become part of the bdsm lifestyle and you don't even know it. If you are going to allow yourself to feel such pain at least turn it into the real thing. Have him spank you hard, tie you up, pee on or in you. Make it real so that you both can enjoy it. Otherwise tell him to hit the road.Tell him to ride his little bicycle off into the sunset.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
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How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/4/2011 6:52:12 PM

Turn the table on him and tell him you are going to do it too, you don't have to do it,, just tell him you are going to.


Threats are child's play. I laugh at anyone that even tries it. If ya got the gonads to say it,,,you would have already done it. This crap is defined as "playing games" and no one needs to ever drop to that level. And no,,,,HE wouldn't give a flying rat's azz if she went out and did the same thing. He probably would ask if he could join in.

That's what kinda person HE is, not her.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 39
How to let go and move on
Posted: 1/6/2011 5:38:40 AM
You need to get mad. Works wonders for helping you walk away. Hard to come back to a relationship after a hissy. In which you tell them how utterly worthless human being they are.

But truthfully you like me fear that you will be alone after you walk away. You look around and see what is out there and it scares the hell out of you. You don't want to be the customer at Macy's on Dec 28 trying to pick something from what is left over. All you can think I so know why this stuff is still on the table.

Boo in the long run you are better off without him. Just repeat that to yourself. YOU can do better than this. Even if better is all a lone.
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