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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:41:50 PM | | how long would you suggest for trying. not all of us can afford the legal channels and health can get in the way. my self i have been through brain surgery and a heart attack. i am still waiting , still praying and grieve for children who i must bury even though they are alive. sleeping has become usless, i never sleep more than an hour at the time | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:52:09 PM | Tealwood, i would sugest that catagoring all mothers in the same group is irrational. just as animals some mothers kill their young. others were never equiped to raise a child.
let me give you an example: a friend was raised in wilson, arkansas in the 40's she has 6 half brothers and 2 sisters. her mother waqs never married but picked cotton all of the time. once the first child was old enough to care for the others she had the next children and the children never knew their fathers other than last name.
those kids had kids but never had any respect for the father image. their husbands have of course been cut out of any relationship. this happened a lot after the 2nd world war. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:59:55 PM | | most of you overlook how this happens. this brainwashing does not need to come out as a direct comment to the kids. it is subtly done in the form of self complaining verbaly. with no one around and not attempting to capture the attention of the child, the individuals startstalking to herself. an example would be" i sure wish your dad would be a man and get a job" this way she eliminates and alter the memory of the child who knew the dad went to work every day and brought a paycheck home every week. fo all their lives. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:30:24 PM | Even when my ex and I were fighting (really bad), I never talked bad about him in front of our son. My ex is a wonderful dad to our kids and MY feelings for him at that time shouldn't come into it. We love our kids. Once we got all the 3rd parties out of the way, we decided to get along for our son (the only one at the time, he's sort of adopted our daughter). We ended up gaining a really good friendship out of the deal.
I agree with the judges decision. NO parent should bad mouth the other parent to the child. Or brainwash him/her against their parent. That IS abuse!!! | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:33:10 AM |
She married the guy who tried to KILL her son? And the judge left the child in that home? HOW is that possible?
It's not about possibility, it's about probability. Anything is possible, but justice is improbable. Once justice has prevailed, there is no longer any need for people to fight injustice, and there becomes a diminished need for courts and judges. That's why they call it a court of law and not a court of justice. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:16:56 PM | OP
I'm not in the exact boat your in, as my daughter is not even a year old yet, and as of right now she has no contact with her father (he's seen her twice in her whole life, and even refused to come to the hospital when she was born, and is currently in jail.) But heres how I plan to go about the future situation (My answers come from my own personal situation, which may differ from yours):
1) Keep it age approriate. The first time she comes home and asks why she doesn't have a daddy/where is her daddy/ect, simplicity is best. 'Before we even know Mommy was pregnant with you, Mommy and Daddy stopped getting along, so we broke up. Daddy not being here is best for all three of us.' I'm not going to tell her he hurt me, I'm not going to tell her we broke up because Mommy sent Daddy to jail (bad times.) Neither of us knew I was pregnant until almost 4 months afterwards, so at least I can honestly tell her he didn't leave because of her (he was already gone.)
2) As she gets older, like into her teens, if she askes me specific questions, I will answer them the best I can. Someday she may ask the hard questions, and if she's ready, I'll give her the hard answers (like why he never came to the hospital after she was born.) I don't want to bad mouth him, but he's a dead beat (to my child as well as his son, from another relationship), and someday she'll figure it out for herself, I won't have to say a word.
I'm not worried about her not having a male influence in her life - I have some very close male friends (obviously not of the dating kind, or I wouldn't be here =( ), and they love her to death, and I know they'll always be in our lives.
If he insists on bad-mouthing you, call him on it (if you feel comfortable doing so.) Let your kids know it took two to tango and make 'em, and it took the same two to end a relationship. They'll ask questions, and it'll be hard, but they have a right to know, and you have the right to not have s**t talked about you by their father. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/26/2009 12:33:43 PM | Jumping on the necro-train -
I don't say anything negative about my ex to my children. If my boy asks why we aren't together, I simply ask if it isn't better now that mommy and daddy aren't arguing? I regularly get calls from my ex accusing me of nonsense and claiming, "I don't say anything bad about you, I would hope that would be the case for you as well." However, when my children come back BOTH of them tend to make some comment about daddy being mad at mommy. I take the time to tell them that that isn't the case and that I didn't want to leave (without saying mommy made sure that the marriage was over) but that it is going to be better this way.
Mind you, I've got all of her BS documented. When my children turn 18, if they really want to know what happened in mommy's and mommy's "friend's" words that lead to a divorce, they can read for themselves. Until then, I make sure they know that I love them and that I'm not "mad at mommy" whenever that comes up (which seems to be every other week . . . about the time they're coming back from being with her).
Long story short and as someone else mentioned, if there was any discord they were privy to firsthand, tell them that it is a good thing that they won't have to hear that (or, heaven forbid, see that) anymore and how your ex can be happier now when they are with them. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 8/29/2009 12:53:27 PM | My dad lost all rights to his children when I was 9 years old. I can honestly say it was and is the single best thing that ever happened to me. My mother is an amazing woman and he was alienating us from her.
You can not manipulate your children into hating the other parent. This is wrong and unacceptable. The judge in Toronto made the right decision. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:32:09 PM | | the smat way to go if you cn afford it is counseling. this lets the kids say what tey want and the same for the parents. then the counselor brings you together and makes statements so all can respond in a prductivee manner. | |
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| Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father
Posted: 9/24/2009 3:38:34 PM | | no! dont talk about the break up to the kids, wait for them to come to you with questions and only answer them directly. there is no need to elaborate or to go into any great detail. leave that until they get older and come back to you with more specific questions. if you sit them down and tell them about the break up, you will regret it. they will go to dads house and tell him about your little "chat", he will add his own version and it will be like trying to put the fire out with gasolene. one thing is for sure, the kids will feel the fallout from this. you should be concentrating on making sure that the experiences they have with you are happy. forget what is going on at dads house, soon the kids will realise that they have fun with mum... | |
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