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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:28:56 AM | Some interesting posts here
@azureorb - I agree with much of what you said, 100% about the 'turnover' rate..looking for flaws online as opposed to in a bar/club (you tend to look for more positives) size 'em up rather quickly, however I do differ on one point with you
3) People, gals especially, can get TONS of options. Like kids in a candy store, they will want to suck on a lot of suckers before buying 1 bag to take home for good. It can just be an attention-seeking experience for many -- much like those who like to shop for the experience itself, but don't buy that often. There are some people like that at bars, but the online realm is a haven for it.
Here's my take on no.3..
As a gal here, I feel I have a disadvantage being online as far as my options go...and here's why; Online I list my age as what I am, I'm 42. Now, being out in a bar or club, I tend to attract way, way, more men than I do online...and I believe my age is a huge factor. A lot of guys will skip right by me, simply by searching for women under 40, or under 35. LOL...I often feel like the stale candy in the back, skipped over because of my age! Whereas, when I'm out in public, I'm almost always approached by younger guys (who happen to be a preference for me - younger, or close to my age)...I'm not saying this to be conceited or arrogant, but it's a matter of fact, when I'm approached and I'm asked how old I am, NO ONE ever believes me. And, I'm almost always approached by men in their 30's, even in their 20's, MORE than I'm approached by men in their 50's. Now here online, it's the complete OPPOSITE, I get the emails by guys OVER 45. I'm constantly being contacted by men much older than me. And it's to my disadvantage, because I would rather date guys my age, or younger...And because I tend to respect peoples preferences, I won't contact men who are looking for someone under 40, and then try to 'sell myself' that I don't look or act like a 42 yr old (not to say I'm immature..but you know what I mean....) You definitely hit the nail on the head though...the turnover, variety is much better in real life.
@ lookinatit
The best advantage I can see is nobody has to wait and see who looks better at closing time
Only an advantage until you've had the online date that turned out to have a picture that was 10 YEARS OLD!! There is definitely a 2 am beer goggle effect to online dating...it's called "I do not look like my pictures, so I'll post an old one, or one with my head in a crowd" to fool everyone. Or.."I'll say I'm 'average' in size, since America is (statistically) the fattest country..OR "I'll put a hat on in my pics and no one will know I'm bald"...
Oh believe me, there are online beer goggles, it's just called "LYING"!
Plus I can always get alcohol at home, and I don't need to go to a club
Proof that people drink at home, thus the alcohol element is AT HOME, AS WELL!
No, OP whether it is clubs or online, you still must add alcohol
More proof that people most likely do drink at home while perusing the online dating thing.
what about drinking and computer dating
And again. I don't think anyone should ever fool themselves that drinking while surfing the giant online dating candy store IS not drinking while they're doing it....who's to say the person you're chatting on IM with isn't sitting at home with a glass of wine or a beer in their hand??
I don't think it's really about the alcohol so much as other elements mentioned here in the thread by a lot of people
Both have lots of lines, lies, desperation, and people looking to get laid.
One night stands occur as a result of both.
If a guy (or woman) is out to get laid, it's doesn't matter one iota which venue they choose to find someone to screw and have a one night stand. I've met several guys online, who ultimately just wanted to get another notch in their bedpost and....when they didn't with me, they moved on to the next. And I know this because I still remained friends to some degree and continued to talk, some I'm still friends with to this day
Men have told me "I'm like a big kid in a candy store" and proceed to tell me how they've met someone 'online' and they slept together the FIRST night...(one night stand) and.....the next week, it was someone else, and the next, and the next, etc....
In fact, I think online dating creates a whole slew of problems when it comes to expectations of it. I'm really shocked to learn that women go online, set up a date with a guy and screw him on the first date. I mean, why bother???? Most women can do that just by going out to the local bar or club..Why bother going through emails, phone calls, etc...if all you want, or you're going to put out for a one nighter?? Seems rather silly to me!
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 11:05:21 AM | I think many people will turn down someone that emails them very quickly just because (s)he doesn't have super attractive pictures of themselves or because
(s)he doesn't exactly match a long list of requirements. I think there is a difference between having some reasonable standards that are flexible to some extent vs being extremely picky and having rigid requirements.
Amen. I would not quickly reject a woman simply because she is somewhat different than my usual type. I would exchange emails with any woman who contacted me within reason. ( For example, a woman that lives 1,000 miles from me or a woman is 60 yrs old is not within reason ) Maybe go out on a few dates with her and see what happens. I would have nothing to lose. Worst case scenario is there isn't a connection. I would move on at that point.
As a gal here, I feel I have a disadvantage being online as far as my options go...and here's why; Online I list my age as what I am, I'm 42. Now, being out in a bar or club, I tend to attract way, way, more men than I do online...and I believe my age is a huge factor. A lot of guys will skip right by me, simply by searching for women under 40, or under 35. LOL
You bring up an interesting point. Age, just like gender and geography can affect the amount of interest a person gets on a dating site. I think younger women in general will get more emails than older women will because of a couple of reasons. There are some middle aged men who generally go after younger women. But there are also generally more younger people on dating sites. Many of these younger men will go after women around their age. BTW based on your photos, I would think that you are younger than 42 as well. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 12:18:04 PM | ladyc4 keep assuming lol it fun but not as fun as a bar or say a club! Hey if it makes you happy ladyc4 i be what ever you want me to be darling  | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 1:21:21 PM |
fun but not as fun as a bar or say a club!
For the record, I never said that I was in any way opposed to visiting bars or clubs. I'm not. I simply stated that thus far, I have not met someone , in a bar or club, who turned into a significant relationship experience.
I've had the most "luck"( if you can call it that LOL) meeting available and interested members of the opposite sex, in a variety of settings that didn't happen to be bars, and rarely happened to be online. I wish that people would STOP thinking that their ONLY options are bars or dating websites.
Personally, I think that alcohol consumption while looking for dating prospects should be handled the same way as alcohol and driving a motor vehicle...RESPONSIBLY.
Cindy O | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 2:19:39 PM | | Age shouldn't really make a difference, it doesn't when you out. Cos people judge you on your looks and chemistry and instincts etc. You got none of that on here just words and a pic, that pic could be thier's or not. It could be an old pic. But saying that alot of people on this thread have highlighted the alcahol aspect of it especially the americans has they have a strict view on it. Alcahol is a drug pure and simple and the responsibility is on the person and how much they consume. It so childish how many people blow a thread like this out of proportion. But a bar/club is far away from the net in terms of socializing as you can get and that why you will get complimented on your looks clothes etc and age, when you are out. Cos it just not down to alcahol it down to the way you look, the way you come across as a person, and lets be honest impressions say alot. Where here is the poors mans socialsing thing, you could end up with any one from here. But when you are out you are aware and you judge people and of course you have your mates to rescue you, but not every one goes out for sex in the first place, it comes down to attraction. Maybe net socializing is the 21st century lazy approach. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 2:41:06 PM | | Dude, you could have the best of both worlds. Meet online, have your first date, not in a club, but a Tapas bar. You know, a place that has little appetizers and usually has a good selection of wine. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 2:53:55 PM | A "strict" view on alcohol? I'm guessing you walk everywhere you go? What we have here is a strict view of people who f*ck up their lives( and sometimes other people's lives!) because they didn't know how many drinks was one too many. That's not just in reference to drunk driving, it's people who let too much alcohol cloud their judgement and subsequently end up in bad, even downright dangerous situations.
Again, do NOT misunderstand me. I am NOT anti alcohol/bars/clubs. I GET what you say about socializing. I do not PREFER online. Actually I don't PREFER either one. I prefer meeting people in the course of living and enjoying my life. Both online dating and visiting locations where adult beverages are served are part of how I connect with people in general. It's not all about finding dates/relationships for me. I'm not ANTI dating/romance, but I think this "either/or " mindset, that if you don't like bars your only other option for having a male/female social life is the internet. Or if you don't like either one, you are "doomed" to be alone.( given the way the 'stock' has been 'picked over' in my age range, I'm not sure "doomed" is the right word, anyway LOL, being alone might be one of those blessings in disguise you hear about)
If you think your ( "your" meaning general group, not any one person here)only options are online dating, bars, or "doomed" to be alone, I feel very badly for you.
Cindy O | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/28/2009 3:11:27 PM | I am surprised to hear that the only possibilities to meet people are online or bars (with or without alcohol included).
There are so many other hangups for singles, you have no idea.
For example, I like hiking and I hike all by myself. There were a few instances where I was doing hiking on some mountain trail not very frequented and I was caught from behind by some handsome woman, all by herself (on bike or just walking). They were quite daring, and they started doing the talking. I realized that it was not hard at all talking to them, but only my being shy stopped me from asking them for an e-mail address or even phone number.
Californians are very open too. I went several times to restaurants in LA for dinner or lunch and some women sitting next table started the conversation.
I think with a little strategy and guts one might find singles all over the place.
There are even singles groups (quite free) meeting for events tailored for all the tastes where people could get together and know one the other.
There is one in my area with over 2500 members, and I got to know quite a few of them, but I am not that consistent about going to events...
Cheer up, people! There are alternatives to alcohol, internet dating and clubs! | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/29/2009 12:52:11 PM | | Unfortunately, there are geographic areas where the only alternative to bars/clubs and the web is not meeting anyone, alcohol or no. How far would any of you travel, not for a date or meet-up, but just to go someplace where you might have the possibilty of just meeting someone. Distances between folks are greater in some parts of the world, just in case you weren't aware. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:24:52 PM | | I have learned one very important thing, never turn your back on your drink, and get it your self. Recently I had a very scary experince with someone putting something in my drink, and very thankful I did not go alone. My advise, don't accept alcohol from someone you don't know very well, never turn your back on your drink (keep it in your hand ) and always go with a friend you can trust. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/30/2009 6:49:12 AM | I am surprised to hear that the only possibilities to meet people are online or bars
I agree. One of the great romantic elements lacking in online dating is "chance." Finding someone through cosmic intervention or the hand of God can give a budding romance a huge kick-start.
Instead, imagine a first date after an online email. You meet and find that the two of you are totally UFR--unfit for romance.
Unless the coming train wreck is interrupted by an outbreak of war, what follows can be an excruciating 30 to 60 minutes of forced smiles, glancing at watches and concocting an exit excuse.
That's the downside of online dating--which many assume is an easy way to meet someone. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/30/2009 7:19:12 AM | hmmm.....I spent most of my life as a pro musician.....and also as a professional drinker
I quit both 10 years ago.
(alcohol and clubs).....It's a much lonelier existence, In my humble opinion.
At least, on here, people make sense, most of the time, and, they probably won't 'forget' what they said in the morning,
Life is better now
Kimbo********************************************** | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/31/2009 6:05:52 AM | I was never the "club" person growing up.
I went to a few to see what the hoopla was and wasn't impressed.
As a Native American Indian I understand that it wasn't just small
pox and white people that diminished us....it was the damn fire water. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/31/2009 6:42:59 AM | | I drink maybe twice a year, and that is about it. Clubs bore me, since they seem to be infested with drunks or people high, and that is NOT how I want to meet a prospective future lover...no thanks. On line, yes, we all say what we like and dis like, and maybe it appears to be catalog shopping. I personally am labeling it as a breeding ground for people who make profiles of who they WANT to be, not who they necessarily are. I do not find clubs and alcohol to really be "sucessful" in anything but unwanted pregnancy, STD's, and people waking up in people's beds they never would if they were sober. (I can proudly say I have never done any of that). I am finding better luck in Home Depot to be honest. :) | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/31/2009 2:28:59 PM | Thanks for the heads up NonMedicated.
I'm heading to the Home Depot here in Sarasota, I'll be the little Indian
sporting the tool belt..Should I give Lowes a whirl? (grinning) | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:08:04 PM | The main drawback with online dating is you cannot know for sure someone is attractive to you until you meet in person. When I had a dating profile up this was one of the most facinating factors of on line dating. It's like it is backwards . When we meet others in a club and find them attractive we have no idea what kind of person they would describe themselves to be as with online.
OP you may enjoy the local parties this site promotes. I found it very interesting how people sort of matched their profiles.
I suppose with the real life factor the clubs probally create more relationships. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:52:41 PM | | Well the clubs and the bars was doing it decades before the birth of the net! Most likely your ancestors met via bars and parties clubs during the 2end war, as they didn't have time to piss around with the net as they didn't know whether they be alive or dead in the following weeks. But it not the alcahol what really plays a massive part it is the social interaction within the bar or club and chance. Which is the best way to meet people is it not, where this is organized it never works like that. That why people get ignored, it got nothing to do with their profiles it the looks thing and the fact they have a worldwide selection of men to message. It not real where clubs and bars are very real! | |
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_carl_
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Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:30:54 PM | The bars and clubs allow you to build attraction and show your personality from the start. thats not so easy in an email. My first choice would be a club, as i know whether there is mutual attraction within the first couple of minutes. online its several emails before you meet. only when you meet, do you know whether there is attraction.
A downside to alcohol is that it effects your judgement and suddenly all the women look alot more attractive than they really are. then again, they do online aswell through manipulated photo's.
I do like that you can read more about a woman online before deciding to message her. that way i can pick who i talk to based on more than just looks. if only people in clubs had profiles with them.
The biggest advantage online is that its free. A club will cost me £30 - £40 a night. POF will cost me nothing. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 3/19/2009 8:59:24 PM | First, it seem to me by reading the forums and looking at the join in date of some of the people on POF is that no one is dating nor talking to one another. I have read several post of people complaining about not getting reply backs and getting shot down within a message or two. So, hopefully that will change and that everyone that's on here will open up and let their protective shield down.
The good part about the club and bar scene is that you can get a better read of people so you can have a better chance of connecting with someone that interest you. And if it works out then it can led to a date and if not you can move on. It's harder to read people online you can say something and it could easily be taken out of context because you cant read someone body language or tone. So something that could be sweet and innocent can be mistaken for the opposite. If you meet someone online and it doesn't work out then you will be out the money that was spent on the date. In a club or bar you might of known the person wasn't your type so you would of never schedule the date. The online enviroment is safer and easier to meet people for those that don't wont to nor have the the time to go out and for those that are to shy to talk to people face to face. The clubs and bars you need to worry about drunks that want to start fights and smoked filled enviroments. The online enviroment you have a big option to pick from but you may get 1-2 maybe even 5 serious reply backs in a given week from people that interest you. In a bar or club you can get the same result in a given night. Online someone can have a picture(s) and write a profile but you really don't know if they're lying about their age, looks nor gender, anyone can write a fake profile to attract people. In the bars and clubs know one can lie about there looks nor gender. Another bad part about online is that some people are addicted to the online experience. The bad part about meeting some people at the bar or club is the fact that some don't wont to leave the night life.
Personally, i hate the clubs and bars with a passion so i would rather try the online process for now, I gave up the bars and clubs when i was 26 and i would rather not go back at 34. | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 3/20/2009 12:43:57 AM | | Before i stopped going to the bars and clubs i was going every night but sunday and the last 2 years i didn't drink. I was having tons of fun at the bars and clubs with out drinking before i eventually got burned out of the night life. The reason a lot of people drink at clubs is to look cool, because they need liquid courage to ask someone out, or to blame a judgement call on the alcohol. Going out drinking to have some fun is ok but some people get stupid drunk every night. I have gotten stupid drunk a few times but to get stupid drunk every night makes know sense. As a person that use to party a lot and throw parties i have had several friends die while drunk driving. And i myself have been in a few car wrecks while drunk but luckly i didn't hurt anyone and thank God i didn't kill anyone. But the moral of this rant is if you have to be drunk to pick up someone at a club or can't tell if someone is your type because alcohol is clouding your judgement then you shouldn't be driving | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:09:49 AM | Both online dating and clubs are a complete waste of time.
Both have way too many horny guys and girls that just look to validade themselves "have fun". | |
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| Alcohol and clubs versus online dating
Posted: 3/20/2009 7:02:52 AM | When you go to a club, what you see is what you get, in the sense of visual stimuli, mannerisms, attitude. Interestingly enough, you may engage in fluff conversation, learn the name of the person, sleep with them, and you don't even know their age, their favorite scrap, or even sometimes their real name. In the internet, it is totally the opposite of that. You learn all this stuff about the other person, yet all the instinctual things are not there, because the photos are fake and honestly many women, so they will not get taken out of a criteria lie about their age.
And advantage of a club is that you can meet a 20 year different in age person and not even flinch. Why? Because now you can see if that person looks healthy, or is vivacious and full of vitality so your internal voice says what'ta he ll, go for it. In the internet, you would be blocked instantly, or taken out because that particular criteria does not match what the other one wanted.
With that said, I have to say that thanks to the internet even with all it's draw backs offer you much more opportunity. If you are good at clubs, which I was really not, since I was not going to bounce from group to group asking for phone numbers, but be with my friends and as the opportunity presented itself, I would talk to different women, some that I liked, some that were, just okay, and some that you could tell were not interested in me at all. But in the internet with all the rejection and blocking and catalog atmosphere, you could look at these images on your screen and feel comfortable that you were going to go out with one of them. It was even more entertaining to then go to a particular type of restaurant notorious for first dates out of dating sites and see them in person. And because they saw you with someone, then they approached you on line and they went out with them. What I liked about the internet even more, is that you are able to tap into very, very attractive women that don't like clubs, do not do the bar scene, and if you had seen them at that bar, there would be a line of 10 guys trying to pick her up. Instead she was there with you.
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