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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?      Home login  
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 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 26
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Girls are always saying they just want to be friends. Then, at the first opportunity, they are trying to get sex. They just say the friends thing to throw you off guard.
 lauramae18
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 27
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:53:53 PM
No, I really only want to be friends with my ex. There's no attraction there. I am not looking to get Into bed with him. But we're friendly. Monthly we'll take the kid out to dinner together. If I were in a relationship with someone, I would introduce them. If my new beau had difficulty with it then it wouldn't happen; but we've found that a monthly dinner together keeps our daughter from playing us against each other.
All depends on your own circumstances tho.
 Colemin8r
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 28
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Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/28/2012 12:42:34 AM
When is it OK to be friends with an ex?

When both people are in new and satisfying relationships, and can look at the past without anger. Even then, I feel the kind of friendship would be an "arms-length" friendship - that is, still keep in touch, but not often.

For relationships where the breakup is recent and the suggestion to "be friends" is made, I'd say no. Why on Earth would anyone want an ex hanging around to sabotage/undermine future relationships, or to make their new partner feel uncomfortable or jealous?

I had an ex keep me around as a "plan B" and I was dumb enough to play along until I'd come to my senses. I have also had an ex insist we remain friends (i.e. platonic only), but it was unworkable - hard to move forward when I had to keep looking backwards.

But generally, I agree with the OP's rationale.
 cutenfriendly38
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 29
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:06:15 AM
It's only ok when
*A certain amount of time has passed (exactly how long can vary from person to person)
*You can look at that person without any sexual attraction/heart-break/past memories.

I am still having trouble being friends with my ex because he broke it off AND I have always been attracted to him (emotionally and physically)
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 30
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:16:49 AM
I have never thought it good to be "friends with an ex".

for me, the NO CONTACT RULE applies.

That being said, if you have kids with an ex, then be as businesslike as possible. - treat them as though you would your banker, accountant, or co-worker.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 31
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Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:17:01 AM
My ex-wife decided (read as:dictated) that we were going to be friends post-divorce. I don't even like her. This is the woman who treated me like dog-crap that she had to scrape from the bottom of her shoe at the earliest possible moment, and she expects that we would be friends?

It was comical when I had to tell her that "I hope we can still be friends..." didn't work in high school and sure doesn't work in adulthood. I'm striving to get to indifference when it comes to her.

But I don't think we'll ever be "friends."

Your-mileage-may-vary.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 32
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Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:18:24 AM

I have never thought it good to be "friends with an ex".

for me, the NO CONTACT RULE applies.

That being said, if you have kids with an ex, then be as businesslike as possible. - treat them as though you would your banker, accountant, or co-worker.


Yup.
 rigal41
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 33
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:37:58 AM
for me the answer is never unless you need to get along due to a child. my bf and I see eye to eye on this, neither of us has remained friends w/ an ex. Sure we would both be cordial if we happen to run in to one, but as far as we go...no friends w/ ex's, in most cases, not all, it's a recipe for disaster! to me, and ex is a ex for a reason, they don't need to be in my life...we move on. my son's father and I get along, may be talk once a week, are very respectful of our own lives, etc. it's not perfect but we are clearly not friends, nor enemies.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 34
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 9:42:35 AM
It really befuddles me how someone cannot be friends with their ex.


When you have an ex cheating on you, you find out and don't let her know you know, you start to find out what they are really about and what they are capable of, even after 20 years. Combined with the fact that they tell you things like " if you fight me on custody, I will f*ck your bank account up!" , it makes being friends a bit of a challenge. Forgive, yes. Forget, no!
 LordValoel
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 35
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:46:26 PM
I really don't know if its ever okay. Granted I only have the one ex and I'm still not entirely over it. I do have girls that I had dated but that doesn't bother me. I understand some people can be friends with an ex, but at least for now it won't work. If you can honestly be around him/her without feeling anything negative, then it's okay. I honestly hope for me that a day can come when I don't feel crappy from seeing her name or picture.
 Michelangelo1976
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 36
Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:51:24 AM
the trouble with remaining friends with my exes, is that while they were gung ho to end the relationship, once another woman starts paying me attention my exes will almost always second guess their decision to let go and hence meddle in my romantic life after them. So i decided to not be friends with exes.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 37
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Q&A: When is it OK to be friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:16:03 PM
I look at it in more than one way...

I prefer the NO CONTACT rule unless I plan on getting back with her, or having sex with her.
Or...alternatively....
Think of the advantages of staying friends with an Ex...
1... You can give her helpful advice on her new relationships. Point out to her how this guy or that guy isn't good enough etc... Give her insights on keeping her new guy... Be friendly and uplifitng and oh so thoughtful... so she doesn't realise everything you're telling her is crap that's guaranteed to keep her losing one guy after another.
2... You can meet her new B/F's and tell them helpful stuff about what she likes in the bedroom.
3... Even better, you can meet her new B/F's and tell them that you split up because she HATES SEX. LOL See how long they stick around....
And so on... As they say, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer....

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