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Posted: 2/4/2009 2:56:51 PM |
But I will defend myself viciously to anyone that is labeling me a predator or an abuser.
And THERE you have it, OP. Because NO ONE said this - NO ONE! Read through the thread again if you have the time. This is the source of your guilt.
As a survivor myself, I will tell you, recovering from abuse is like peeling and onion. Just when you think you're done there's another layer that has to be addressed.
You FEEL like a predator/abuser because of what you did, what she told you and how you reacted. Admit it. Sit with it. Deal with it. Let it teach you whatever you need to learn. | |
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| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:00:13 PM | Msgs 211 &216
Reading those further convinces me that the "sensitive issue" may belong way more to the OP than to the girl in question.
OP, I'm not going to tell you no one is judging you. That would be untrue. But some of us ARE trying to get you to examine your own overreactions. You are WAY too defensive over this deal.
But I hope someone is so quick to judge you and insult you when the time comes that you have to make an important decision.
What decision? You had made up your mind to not see the girl again. Your decision was made, you were just looking for sympathy and validation.When you didn't get exactly what you were looking for, you started getting pissy.
My last thought for all of you is that women can be just as cruel as men. So the next time you go to pick up that stone to throw at yet another "womanizer," step back and think how many men you probably ****ed up in the head through out the years.
Again with the rationalization.
That nice friend who never could ask you out, that guy who kept feeding you drinks which you accepted as a free night on the town, the guy who you loved liked a brother, the guy that you would complain about all of your relationship problems to, I'm sure plenty of you women have had potentially good men in your life that you would string along maybe not for sex, but for some sort of benefit
Oh yeah, we're all B*tches from Hell on wheels. But we aren't the ones having a hissy fit here.Just for the record, I personally have taken great pains, as I go through life,to NOT do the things you are whining about.
And far from really being your last thought, then you come back with another batch of rationalizations;
NICE threatening over the internet. I am sure if I even once hinted on the threat of violence, you women would be all over me like ants, right?
Let me tell you something about guy friends. I'm sure none of those great guy friends don't have any sort of motive, or atleast have never entertained the thought of being with you, right?
Oh yeah. Of course the only reason a man would be friends with a single woman would be for purposes of getting in her pants. Dude, you are giving yourself away more and more with every post.
That said, I do think the magnitude of your overreaction here, your anger because people didn't post messages that said "Hey dude, been there, done that, not your fault,the girl was in the wrong( for which? having sex with you? Or revealing her history of sexual trauma?) might suggest that you have NOT gotten past your own trauma as well as you think you have.
That's just my opinion,but 9 pages,fueled largely by your argumentative rationalizations,over what is essentially a one night stand,leads me to speculate that you are the one having trouble getting over this.
Cindy O | |
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| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:53:34 PM | | lol. Catkin...I didn't notice his profession as being a sheriff before today...goes to show they'd give anyone a gun huh, lol...I'm wondering if he's justifying himself so much cuz he held a gun to her head to get a piece, just in case she makes it known in their town what a low life he is and/or makes accusations...wishing the girl he met would appear in this forum so we could get her side of what really went down...I'm feeling we still don't know the whole truth | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 4:09:35 PM | | I still feel like kickin' OP's *** The SOB should've been a victim of birth control. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 4:36:17 PM | | LOL, what I keep wondering is, how in his infinite wisdom, he hasn't figured out that most posters are just egging him on now to get him posting even more..... | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 4:46:48 PM | You're not a predator nor an abuser. She signed up for the 'slamfest', as eagerly as you did. What I don't understand is her motive in telling you..whom she just met, about her abuse growing up. If that isn't anything short of trying to manipulate how you'd feel towards her, a way to emotionally get you too attach yourself..I don't know what is.
Perhaps it worked on other fellas in the past..they fell for it, got sucked in (no pun intended). Something that sensitive, a woman normally doesn't talk about until she feels she's safe with someone. I think that's not fair to pull that on anybody. | |
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| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 4:48:44 PM | | Okay 2irish1....we got it, we got it. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 5:19:03 PM | It isn't as though we have a clue of her side of things. OP may think this is over, but could be it's just beginning. She might be a Fatal Attraction Bunny Boiler.
Or perhaps since this was so ill thought out he forgot to be careful, next thing you know she shows up knocked up, he might find himself tied to this for many years to come.
One would hope a Cop would have better judgement than to get himself into this kind of a pickle. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 6:24:05 PM | | exactly Opie D...cops usually have more common sence, hope he used a condom... | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 6:43:58 PM | "I still feel like kickin' OP's *** The SOB should've been a victim of birth control."
I am not even going to comment on this other than see what happens to you Irish if you try to assault a police officer.
To whomever even entertained the idea that I raped this girl you are ****ing sick in the head. I would never cross that line, but Iam done with this thread, I needed advice and got it. A couple of people over the internet think I am****oh well. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 6:50:24 PM | OP,
If you'd read my first thread you'd know my feelings on this.
Anyone who has ever been in love with a victim of abuse knows it at the first kiss that they'd been abused. How can you be so callous to validate that persons sense of self-worthlessness. And you call youself a protector of the public. Your as much a preditor as a child molester or drug dealer in my book.
BTW...I see you hide behind your badge when it's convinient. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 6:54:01 PM | Have some heart. See this is saddening. I've gone out with a couple girls that were molested and raped. It's incredibly awful how many girls in the city have been molested as a child or raped as a teenager. I even made a song on the subject. I would never abandon someone.
She came to you and opened herself up to you. It takes a lot for them to do that. I remember how the ones I went out with, both of them told me I was the first boyfriend they told. You need to have heart. You slept with her and now you just want to take off. That's not kool man you have to think about what if you had a sister in the same situation, that's somebodies daughter. You probably slept with you right away because she was into you fast and thought it would make you stay. A lot of girls do this.
Well, I guess I at least have to give you credit fr having the guts to make the post. This forum often has women upset about having slept with a guy then him taking off. But we don't often have a guy admitting doing it. Here we have the other side.
[EDIT] Okay I see there is more to this story. Have to read almost every page to get this hehe. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:23:05 PM | Good thinking, OP. You can't change how these people think of you because they have one track minds. They berate, analyze, and judge people becuase they have issues themselves and have nothing better to do. It happens a lot around here.
Irish, that was totally uncalled for and sick. You're 52? Jeez. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:27:29 PM | I think most of the responses on here has hit the nail on the head. You are the one with the problem.
Since you want to be so honest are you going to tell her because she was molested that you do not want to see her again and do it face to face ?Come on. Step right up to the plate and be the man. Most likely she will feel like you violated her also whick makes you no better than her molester.
If you came on here looking for support you knock on the wrong door.
Go ahead and dump her like damaged goods. She certainly does not need you in her life.
I could stay on here all night and in the morning still be telling you what an a** you are. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:33:42 PM | Since you had just met her last night and you slept with her without knowing her past is who's fault ?
You are still looking for someone to tell you they understand and agree with you. Think you need to find something else to do. You are 3' deep and still digging. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:51:33 PM | Ya'll,
You are missing the point.
Anyone who has every touched, a woman who's been abused, knows right away, without having to be told, that she's been abused. Unless you are a callous, insensitive,
brain dead, moron.
So, our "finest in blue" either-decided to subject the person most vulnerable to the root of her sense of selfworthlessness-and has asked us to help him justify his actions-or he's a brain dead moron. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:03:46 PM |
Anyone who has every touched, a woman who's been abused, knows right away, without having to be told, that she's been abused. Unless you are a callous, insensitive,
brain dead, moron.
Yeah, not so funny any more there Irish.
It's not like they all start whimpering and having flash backs as soon as they are touched or kissed. There is no alert or siren that goes off to alert anyone of past issues!
So not your not funny any more. That comment completely discredited you!
Now I'm voting for the Sheriff! | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:28:44 PM | | To 2irish1 I was a victim of abuse myself if you read my posts and it is the very reason I became a police officer.To protect people the abused and stop people that do it. It is against everything that I am. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:37:07 PM | No 2Irish1, you're missing the point, you think every woman who has been abused will show the person signs they have been abused? if that was the case then the professionals at high school would of picked it up and have done something about it.
Anyone who has every touched, a woman who's been abused, knows right away, without having to be told, that she's been abused. Unless you are a callous, insensitive,brain dead, moron. that is one of the most ignorant comments ive read, you think its easy to spot or know that they've been abused? if you can I suggest you market those skills, I bet you can predict when the economy will recover too? | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:42:48 PM |
To 2irish1 I was a victim of abuse myself if you read my posts and it is the very reason I became a police officer.To protect people the abused and stop people that do it. It is against everything that I am.
I'm sure you did.  | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:43:10 PM | Seriously how do you close threads? Because I will not have people make things up without finding everything out first. I am not a rapist and if you ever said that to my face I would slap the shit out of you.
If you don't agree with the fact that I had a one night stand, good for you.
I talked to the girl already so its over and done with. I manned up already. Iam not a coward I am not a rapist and I am not someone that takes advantage of people. I am a good person, sure I make mistakes but who doesn't. I do not need or want your validation for morality or what you think is right. Maybe I am a little premiscuous but that's my business not yours. What is my business is if someone is accusing me of being something that I hate to no end. Stop watching lifetime movies about sexual molestation and thinking you have even a grasp to know what you are talking about.
I lived through sexual abuse too, and no that doesn't mean you have to feel sorry for me. I am a better person because of everything that I have went through.
The whole reason for this thread was how to tell this girl how it isn't going to work given all the factors. Not a cry for "make me feel better for haivng a one night stand." I can live with my decisions, but for you people to just start now calling me a rapist is so ****ing disgusting. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 9:00:39 PM |
Seriously how do you close threads? Because I will not have people make things up without finding everything out first. I am not a rapist and if you ever said that to my face I would slap the shit out of you.
If you don't agree with the fact that I had a one night stand, good for you.
I talked to the girl already so its over and done with. I manned up already. Iam not a coward I am not a rapist and I am not someone that takes advantage of people. I am a good person, sure I make mistakes but who doesn't. I do not need or want your validation for morality or what you think is right. Maybe I am a little premiscuous but that's my business not yours. What is my business is if someone is accusing me of being something that I hate to no end. Stop watching lifetime movies about sexual molestation and thinking you have even a grasp to know what you are talking about.
I lived through sexual abuse too, and no that doesn't mean you have to feel sorry for me. I am a better person because of everything that I have went through.
The whole reason for this thread was how to tell this girl how it isn't going to work given all the factors. Not a cry for "make me feel better for haivng a one night stand." I can live with my decisions, but for you people to just start now calling me a rapist is so
Who's called you a rapist? | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 9:04:49 PM | . . . but I am done with this thread, I needed advice and got it. A couple of people over the internet think I am****oh well.
OP remember when you said this? Like a few minutes ago!?! But then you say this:
Seriously how do you close threads? Because I will not have people make things up without finding everything out first. I am not a rapist and if you ever said that to my face I would slap the shit out of you.
Dude, you're unraveling. You need to take a step back, seriously.
You know this same thing happened to me when I was participating in another forum a long time ago. Someone said something about me that wasn't true and I just lost it.
It was because they triggered me -- reminded me of someone who had abused me in the past. They were labeling me falsely, just like that person had done.
OP, you are being triggered big time. Funny thing is you started this because you were already triggered by this girl.
You just refuse to admit it. You refused to admit it then and you're refusing to acknowledge it now.
You are causing your own suffering. | |
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