|
|
|
|
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:28:56 PM | oooooooooooohhhhh Cindy, you figured it out!!!! 
OP, you chose to go ahead and have sex with someone that I suspect you'd already decided wasn't gonna be someone you'd continue to see. It happens all the time,But when she revealed her past experience with abuse, it resonated with you but YOU DIDN'T LIKE HER ANYWAY.But the resonation put you on one hellacious 40 page thesis guilt trip.
You're gonna have to work out your own salvation on this one, pal.
The OP knew he didn't like the girl for a relationship but decided to have sex with her anyway. When she let him know about her abusive past, HE FELT ABUSIVE. Now having been abused himself, I'm sure this was too much to endure so off to the forum he went, looking for someone to make him feel better about his callous behavior.
Now the OP couldn't come right out and say that this is what he'd done, so he tried to mask it but of course, the more he "defended" himself the more he told on himself.
Geeeze, the OP has given us a thousand and one reasons/explanations which don't make sense, but THAT makes sense!!! | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:10:05 PM | Let me repost as OP has had enough and really needs a break.
There are many ways to look at this. OP It is your decision to make, not ours. If I came off sounding judgmental please accept my apology.
I think if I had just had sex with someone and it was the first time and they had told me that I'm not sure how I would have handled it as this has never happened to me.
You are going to have to do what you feel is best. It's about you and her and not us here. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/3/2009 10:07:15 PM | I don't understand why so many on here went on such a feeding frenzy....it was like a pirhana attack.
In the original post, he stated he does not usually sleep with a woman and then just disappear. He explained that he felt a relationship between himself and this girl wouldn't work because of abuse issues. He was not clear in the OP about his own abuse, so I think that led to some confusion. Later, he explained clearly that he believed a relationship between two people who had been abused was not a good idea and he didn't want to pursue anything with this girl because of that. He also was very clear that he didn't want to hurt her because she had trusted him enough to confide in him, and he said they'd both shared their experiences, at least to some extent, so they had, and this was after the sex, obviously felt some closeness.
It makes perfect sense to me that he doesn't want to get involved with this woman. They both made the choice to have casual sex on the first night they met, so I don't understand why he is being attacked for not wanting to carry it further. I think he was looking for advice on ways in which to talk to her, and instead he got blasted for being a guy who casually picks up a woman, sleeps with her and dumps her. I don't get that from his post at all. When he later says stuff about him not feeling all that compatible with her on other levels, I think he was just trying to defend his position in any way he could as he was being lambasted so heartily. To me, all of that was incidental and only brought up thinking somehow it would make he seem like less of the pig he was being accused of being.
Too often I see people on these forums innocently asking for advice or information and getting mob attacked by a lot of bullies who read into what the OP is saying things that are not there to bolster their own preconceived notions. Also, it seems as if this is something that is enjoyed by those who do it. Really, if there is any indefensible display of bad behavior, it is those who have attacked the OP, not the OP's. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 4:36:55 AM | "geez viking...open your mouth and change feet AGAIN !!!!...you repeat in your 2nd last post that you are not ready for a relationship, however, you are still on profile as "LONG TERM" you are misleading women to get them in bed obviously dude...if you're not ready...switch it to dating, intimate encounters or friends..."
never said that, mealry I was copy and pasting a response and I gave them a rebuttal. Read it and you will see it is someone elses words, not mine. I have been taking posts down that have absolute nonsense in them and calling out the poster. Similar to this post. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 4:41:57 AM | | Ugh yeah its a dating site? If people aren't interested in you it kind of defeats the purpose...You ****ing people need to stop over generalizing everything I say and just look at the facts. Not everyone has a hidden agenda, I CAME ON HERE FOR ADVICE, took what I needed and dealt with the situation. But people like you keep reading into things way too much and just basically making personal attacks against me. Can I not take a little criticism? Yeah I can, but I will call someone out if they bring things out of context or just purely make up shit to make me look bad. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 4:52:43 AM | "And what about the part where you said it wasn't that you didn't want to see her again, just that you didn't want a relationship. I guess you don't mind hanging out with a racist. Just no sex/relationship.
If I thought someone was a racist, I would NEVER want to be in their company. I venture to say most would agree...
You know, I didn't even catch that. Yes, OP, you dubbed her a racist as one of the reasons why you didn't want to be with her, but then you say over and over that you are okay to be her friend. What's up with that? It's just not making sense.
As I said, if you had said in your OP that you felt she wasn't over her molestation issues, you wouldn't have gotten ripped on this thread.
But the fact of the matter is the more your respond, the more excuses you make the more you try to explain the more you paint yourself to be inconsistent.
I'll stick with my original opinion, which is that you are just scared."
I thought that requiring to take sleeping pills so she can sleep and not be in dread fear of being raped would constitute as NOT BEING OVER YOUR ISSUES. Maybe I'm wrong in that asumption.
The reason I said I would see her again as FREINDS is because some people thought I was too cowardly to break up with her, and thought I would just sit there and do nothing and needed somone over the internet to make me feel better. I CAME FOR ADVICE AND I GOT IT, THIS THREAD NEEDS TO END ALREADY BECAUSE ITS JUST TURNING INTO BASH ME FOR THE DAY FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR HOME OR OFFICE
I would offer freindship because of her past experience that I can relate to and possibly help her through her issues as A FREIND, instead of just having sex with her. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 5:44:15 AM | "I didn't like the girl, but I felt bad because of what happened to her, but everyone who keeps attacking me fails to see that? Am I digging a whole, should I have not posted this cluster ****, Yeah. But I did, and I will not let people label me or judge me and continue to paint me out to be some sort of pervert."
Some people seem to have a problem with the words "I didn't like this girl" as in I knew that from the get go and slept with her anyway. Not true. I didn't like this girl is refering to at the time of the post. Meaning after our date, and finding out what she told me and I told her I decided I didn't like her anymore.
Just keep scooping up my words and putting them together so that the sentences read that I am a horrible ***hole who preys on women and leaves in the dust. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 7:55:50 AM |
The reason I said I would see her again as FREINDS is because some people thought I was too cowardly to break up with her, and thought I would just sit there and do nothing and needed somone over the internet to make me feel better.
I hope I'm not reading this right. You said you would see her again as friends just to make a bunch of strangers on the internet think you're not a coward?
Just keep scooping up my words and putting them together so that the sentences read that I am a horrible ***hole who preys on women and leaves in the dust.
Do you really want to have your last entry in this thread read like this? You said you were worried that someone looking at your profile might hit this thread link and view you as an azzhole.
Most people read only the last and first page, and none too carefully, that last line reads almost like a confession.  ****I know what you meant, I'm just saying. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:39:09 AM |
Some people seem to have a problem with the words "I didn't like this girl" as in I knew that from the get go and slept with her anyway. Not true. I didn't like this girl is refering to at the time of the post. Meaning after our date, and finding out what she told me and I told her I decided I didn't like her anymore.
Just keep scooping up my words and putting them together so that the sentences read that I am a horrible ***hole who preys on women and leaves in the dust.
Dude, actions speak louder than words. You boinked this girl and then decided she wasn't relationship material. Many of the women here have had that pulled on them about one time too many. Some women just don't seem to learn that the majority of men can compartmentalize sex and romance. (This is not to say that they always do this, but it's certainly a common phenomenon. And to be fair, there are women who do the same,but by and large 'sport f*cking' seems to be more of a guy thing.)
So regardless of your reason,it's gonna be "walks like a duck, quacks like a duck" and what your ACTIONS say is that you "hit it and quit it".
I, for one,GET that her revealing the molestation/abuse, given your own background, would cause an unavoidable flinch/cringe reaction. Which makes me wonder if you really HAVE worked through your issues. But that's a whole 'nother story.
What has happened here is many women CANNOT quite wrap their heads around how quickly your interest went from 'potential LTR' to "not gonna happen". I'd be willing to bet, that when this girl started telling you about her history of sexual abuse, your stomach probably turned over. Because you've been through the same thing. But yet you are also having a guilt reaction of a depth that probably scares the hell out of you. That's why you keep coming back trying to explain and defend yourself.
Son, what's done is done. You just learned a lesson that is pertinent to YOUR situation. Other people here may not be able to relate. But, given your own emotional scars from sexual abuse, you might do well to avoid first date sex with women you might want to date seriously. Take some time to learn a little bit about them, so you don't find yourself in another situation of feeling guilty about being revolted by postcoital true confessions.
No, I don't thing you are a horrible anything, but the depth of your guilt reaction and your almost frenetic attempts to rationalize the situation really does tend to put you in a bad light. Otherwise why would you keep explaining/defending yourself to a bunch of strangers on an internet dating site. Why does it matter what we think? I know you hoped to find some people who could sympathize with you because they've been in a similar situation. But this is not likely to happen. There may well BE people here who've had a similar experience,but if they're still fighting their own demons they cannot possibly help you fight yours. And the ones who have been able to work through it can't relate because,in their 20/20 hindset, you should have known better in the first place.
Cindy O | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:17:18 AM | re: Lady, Opie D and Ameerra...WTG girls...you summed it up in a nutshell
the comment "two feet in there" is more appropriate I'm still | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:16:48 PM | Fine you women win, I should have known better then to try to internet fight women. I don't care anymore. I already broke up with her two days ago and it doesn't matter anymore. You want to think I hit it and quit it go right ahead. You want to think I am a scum bag go right ahead. You want to think I am dishonest go ahead. But I hope someone is so quick to judge you and insult you when the time comes that you have to make an important decision. I was niave to think some people could look past their own issues and just state what they would do if they were in my shoes. I should have known that strangers are more than happy to throw you under the bus from the comfrot of their own home. I don't feel guilty anymore, because she will find someone that can help her, but I am not that guy. Thank you for those of you who could read between everything and not judge, to the rest of you thank you for making me realize I should have never made this thread. Sorry I ever opened my mouth.
My last thought for all of you is that women can be just as cruel as men. So the next time you go to pick up that stone to throw at yet another "womanizer," step back and think how many men you probably ****ed up in the head through out the years. That nice friend who never could ask you out, that guy who kept feeding you drinks which you accepted as a free night on the town, the guy who you loved liked a brother, the guy that you would complain about all of your relationship problems to, I'm sure plenty of you women have had potentially good men in your life that you would string along maybe not for sex, but for some sort of benefit. You know why there are guys that do those things that ya'll claim I do? Because down the road some woman hurt him. Is it right? No. But don't judge me unless you have lived my life. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:38:13 PM |
My last thought for all of you is that women can be just as cruel as men. So the next time you go to pick up that stone to throw at yet another "womanizer," step back and think how many men you probably ****ed up in the head through out the years. That nice friend who never could ask you out, that guy who kept feeding you drinks which you accepted as a free night on the town, the guy who you loved liked a brother, the guy that you would complain about all of your relationship problems to, I'm sure plenty of you women have had potentially good men in your life that you would string along maybe not for sex, but for some sort of benefit. You know why there are guys that do those things that ya'll claim I do? Because down the road some woman hurt him. Is it right? No. But don't judge me unless you have lived my life.
OP...if you weren't feeling so guilty, none of these 9 pges would have gotten to you, nor would you have felt the need to continually justify yourself...i said it right in the beginning and i will say it again...REFLECT on what's happened it's neither your fault or hers..don't let this experience just fade, get the most out of it...as an outsider I am telling you there is so much YOU can learn about YOURSELF from all of this... | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:41:47 PM | | Apparently she plays that victim card. If she was really still bothered with that molestation situation she wouldn't of had sex with you at all. You don't need the lies and drama she is going to bring to the table. You aren't being insenstive after all what do you or her expect you had sex with her the first night. She doesn't respect herself, why respect her? | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:44:44 PM |
Apparently she plays that victim card. If she was really still bothered with that molestation situation she wouldn't of had sex with you at all. You don't need the lies and drama she is going to bring to the table. You aren't being insenstive after all what do you or her expect you had sex with her the first night. She doesn't respect herself, why respect her?
Not true...most victims of molestation will equate their worthiness with having sex... | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:55:23 PM |
But don't judge me unless you have lived my life.
Funny coming from someone who judged someone else based on the fact that they were molested. 
And for your information I would've thrown you under the bus if I was sitting right next to you and you were my friend. Wrong is wrong no matter who it is. I have never and will never string along someone. Most of my friends are guys and they treat me with respect just like I do to them. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:15:29 PM | Posted By: Luna Winchester on 2/4/2009 3 23 PM
Subject: Sensitive issues
Message:
But don't judge me unless you have lived my life.
"Funny coming from someone who judged someone else based on the fact that they were molested.
And for your information I would've thrown you under the bus if I was sitting right next to you and you were my friend. Wrong is wrong no matter who it is. I have never and will never string along someone. Most of my friends are guys and they treat me with respect just like I do to them."
I didn't judge her, I decided it wouldn't be good to be in a realtionship with her, get over it. NICE threatening over the internet. I am sure if I even once hinted on the threat of violence, you women would be all over me like ants, right?
Let me tell you something about guy friends. I'm sure none of those great guy friends don't have any sort of motive, or atleast have never entertained the thought of being with you, right?
YOU especially just seem to really have it out for me, which is funny. Wrong is wrong? You mean what you perseve as wrong, is wrong no matter what right?
Get over yourself. If you want to have the last word just say so, but I will not sit here and just let you insult me. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:27:29 PM | Tis always a great idea to keep your pants zippered, and for a gal to keep her skirt down until you know each other some more. Would eliminate all this crap.
Lesson here...have some self-respect for yourself. I'm pretty sure you're not concerned with her 'state of mind', cos you sure weren't concerned about it that night.
For the record, she can't be too worried about her past either. She signed up for the sex too after meeting you that night. She'll learn: you reap what you sow.
Don't lose any sleep over it...and move on. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:35:49 PM | SOB is my response.
My wife, god rest her soul, was a victim of sibling incest. I knew it from the first time I touched her that somewhere someone had molested her. And I instntly fell in love, wanted to protect her, and just hold her.
That SOB should have been a victim of bith control. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:39:48 PM | It obvious that many come here only having read the 1st OPost.
I just don't get how she went from...a nice girl you would hang out with, to a racist you don't like, what next, she is just a skank?
At first you said you would take the advice to meet up with her and let her know that there would be no relationship. But, instead you called and dropped the bomb. I do wonder how she took it...?
You don't go to a 1st meet looking for love and jump into bed. Especially knowing you cannot deal with 1 who has been abused and not dealt with it, or that you don't want a racist, its takes time to find these things out... | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:43:07 PM | Oh my goodness, OP, just read this S L O W L Y and then stop  . Do nothing. Just think about it.
OP...if you weren't feeling so guilty, none of these 9 pges would have gotten to you, nor would you have felt the need to continually justify yourself...i said it right in the beginning and i will say it again... REFLECT on what's happened it's neither your fault or hers..don't let this experience just fade, get the most out of it...as an outsider I am telling you there is so much YOU can learn about YOURSELF from all of this ... | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:01:29 PM | McViking....A wise man once said" There are two theories to arguing with women, Neither one works. so forget about it"
2) you dont see why some of the posters think you're a asswipe? think about it for a minute
before you respond.
1) boy wants to meet girl, girl wants to meet boy
2) boy meets girl, they get along and end up doing the funky chicken
3) girl tells boy a deep dark secret
4) boy gets freak out
5) boy decides he want to end it now
6) boy posts a thread about it
7) boy adds details later ( racist etc)
are you seeing what im saying Sport? | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:13:28 PM | | I never said I couldn't learn from this. I will be careful to keep it in my pants and not let my urges get the best of me. I never said I wouldn' take that advice. But the fact that people are continuing to just personally attack me, I will not stand for that. I.E. it was nine pages of people trying to say I am something I am not. But I will defend myself viciously to anyone that is labeling me a predator or an abuser. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:23:43 PM | | O.K., I'm not going to say I read the whole nine pages here. And, I'm not going to accuse the OP of taking advantage of the woman concerned. Both people wanted to have sex, or it wouldn't have happened. BUT....you did have sex with her, and at some point, she opened up to you something that was very sensitive to her. To then tell her that you never want to see her again, would definitely make you an ***hole, and that would apply to anyone in that situation, male or female. If she was nice enough to have sex with, she's nice enough to keep around. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:24:11 PM | Hahahahahaha... I just looked at your profile OP... I know now why you are protesting your innocence so much... You're a cop! Too freakin' funny. Now all the little things that didn't add up in your 9 pages of rants about how people misunderstood you makes much more sense.
Fact is... you hooked up, had a one night stand with a woman who had issues, just like you had issues, and you were trying to make it sound like you were innocent. Hate to tell you this cowboy, but it takes two to tango and whatever you claimed before or after, both of you were willing partners in this mess.
Very few women on here really smacked you as you say, they just worked off what you provided and changed as the rant of nine pages grew... the reason I came back to this post was because being in the legal field, I KNEW that something fishy was about. Thing is... you weren't attacked for having a one night stand... you didn't read all the posts carefully... you were taken to account for your changes in story, for hooking up and then using her for an excuse to make it all right to have had sex with her.... the sex or one night stand was not the issue....
Now, for a smacking as you call it.... you as a sheriff's deputy know there are two sides to every story... I wonder would she see things the same way it took you nine pages to say...
The real issue is... you had a one night stand... and needed an excuse for your actions... why not just say you fcked up and had a one night stand and go on. | |
|
| Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:51:32 PM | | Still think OP is a SOB, and that he should be a victim of birth control! | |
|
|
| Page 9 of 12
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 |
|
Home
login 
