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orphis
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Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 28 | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:25:59 PM | | I understand exactly where you're coming from. I've been a single dad for a couple of years now and find it difficult just meeting women let alone meeting the right one. I live 3000 kms away from my family and therefore have no real opportunity to leave my kids with someone whilst I indulge myself with looking for prospective friends/partners. I rarely recieve a response from women on this site which is disheartening too. I'm honest caring and loyal, but I think women prefer rich, handsome and kid free. There needs to be a single parents club or something where kids and adults alike can meet and enjoy the company of others. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/3/2009 10:58:42 PM | It isn't always about someone I'm dating being a single mom.
There are times when what they need to be is a single "parent".
To many people these days let their children run the house and them for that matter.
Nobody wants to "up-set" the kid and they run wild.
I know that a child may tend to act out the first meeting or two. But, some things become very clear right away. So if after a few dates and meetings if I see a complete mismatch in parenting styles I will call it off.
Single parents are a package deal! So if I do not feel comfortable with the "package" I move on. It saves a whole lot of anger and resentments later down the line. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/2/2009 2:54:53 PM | wow this post has has a lot of return comments on it.. i for one would like to state that i have been in a few relationships with women that already have children. i absolutley love children however i have yet to be with someone besides my x long enough to decide if they would be a great parent or not. i plan to have kids in my future and being married etc.. i took a bit of a different path then most men i know. i got my job and schooling i bought my house and payed my bills. now i can focus on having a woman in my life without a million other worries.
ALL I ASK IS THAT THE MEN ON HERE THAT SAY POF IS A WAIST OR SHE IS S.O.L. TILL HER DAUGHTER HAS MOVED OUT. PLZ RECONSIDER WHAT AND WHOM YOU SPEAK OF BECUASE NOT ALL OF US ARE INTERESTED IN JUST SEX BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE KIDS.
V/R
JEREMY (POF CRAZYJR) | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:31:11 PM | I FIND THAT KIDS EVENTS ARE A GOOD PLACE TO MEET OTHER SINGLE PARENTS.
MY SON HAS BEEN IN KARATE, SCOUTS, FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL AND GOLF AND ALTHOUGH I DONT USE MY CHILD TO MEET WOMEN, I FIND THAT WHEN YOUR NEW TO A SPORT AND ANOTHER PARENT HAS INTREST IN U THEY HAVE THE OPTION OF SHOWING U THE ROPES OR TAKING U UNDER THERE WING, THIS ALOWS A FRIENDSHIP TO BLOSSUM AND MAYBE MORE. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:12:20 AM | It all depends upon what you consider a a genuine nice guy
I was going out with a single mother with 4 children I still love her. We were talking about getting married and making a future together one day then in less than 24 hours she changed her mind and and told me that she could not see herself sitting on the lounge with me for the rest of her life.
Her oldest daughter said to her "Mum hes the best boyfriend you have ever had dont let him go"
but she did as she told one of her friends that she thought she would not be happy with one man.
so she thought another genuine nice guy would come along ? | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/3/2009 1:19:34 PM | as for people just looking for an easy lay on here it doesnt take too much to filter those people out, no one is going to try all that hard or talk to you for that long if they know they're not getting anything out of it. I found someone on here that goes to my school and thats what I like about it, I could have met him in the cafeteria, halls, etc. They're not all creeps you just have to screen carefully and that goes for anyone you meet not just guys on here. A good idea if your child is in school and you can't get a babysitter is to go for lunch dates, adapt your dating to your schedule and the best advice has already been said, stop looking. Get out there to the grocery store the parks, wherever you go and I'm sure the person for you will find you. Don't be searching just keep your eyes open happy fishing! | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:38:06 PM | | I'd have to ask you what type of man you are looking for. What I mean is he Executive, Buisness, or blue coller. I know by working in construction that it wouldn't bother any of us. We may drive trucks instead of BMW's, but when it comes to family there is nothing we care more about. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:01:02 AM | | I personally would not mind going on a date with her kids, I have already done that. It was fun but the family's moral standers left much to be desired. So I wonder if this is more of a morals question than anything. But then again? | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:43:54 AM | | I have also along with all the other moms found it hard to date being I have a 8 yr old at home with me and noone to watch him alot of the times. I have gotten now to where I don't date unless i can find someone to watch him only because he gets attached to easy to guys. His father walked out when i was carring him and he has never had a father in his life so he is reaching out for that. I have sheltered him only because like in some of the previous post to this men come and go and they seem to want one thing and when they do get it BYE BYE they are no where to be seen again. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:48:18 PM |
I personally would not mind going on a date with her kids...
i don't think that's such a good idea. i don't have an issue with the kids but having the kids meet a stranger that could be a potential partner in the future too early is stressful for the children.
i would wait at least a few months or x-amount of dates or gut-feeling of information before introducing the kids to this new person. we, as adults, can meet & greet new strangers and process that information better than children can imo.
finding a suitable sitter is a better choice than bringing the children along on one of the earlier dates.
otoh, later on, as an intro or mingling of families (if the other person's also a single parent), bringing the kids would be almost a must if the relationship gets to that level.
as to the original question of "where to meet nice people?"
i think the kids event answer by another poster was a good one. i tend to hang out at the library with my kids, karate class (as also suggested), mall shopping for the girls (  ), etc.
the 'problem' i see with that is more "how to approach". either from a man's or a woman's pov. the kids are usually there and that runs into the scenario i just noted above. no easy solution, sorry. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:21:44 PM | Genuine, decent, hardworking guys, just are not interested in dating single moms for the most part. My friend and I were talking the other day and he was talking about how he is not going to take the slack for these women who continuosly allow themselves to become impregnanted by irresponsible men. I concurred. The bio-dad probably thought about 1 minute of the idea of dragging around a ball and chain for life, felt he wasn't ready and spilt. For some random decent hardworking guy to now "step in", that thought is down right depressing. Why give up my child free life to spend an extra 15 minutes in a mall parking lot unbuckling a carseat? I'd rather spend by time and energy on a girl that has not given part of her life to some guy.
I just don't know why girls can't get it right the first time, then you wouldn't have to worry about this. Relationships are hard. I say look for single dads that need help. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:38:46 PM | OP, I'm not sure what is available in your area but there are resources out there for Mom's who have kids with special needs. You could see about a respite program where your daughter could spend some time with a responsible and sometimes trained sort of "big sister" of sorts. It may not be conducive to dating while she is away depending on the program but could afford you some much needed "Mom" time.
As far as meeting the right man, I'm sure he'll come along in time and will have been worth the wait. Best of luck ;) | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:45:15 PM |
Genuine, decent, hardworking guys, just are not interested in dating single moms for the most part. My friend and I were talking the other day and he was talking about how he is not going to take the slack for these women who continuously allow themselves to become impregnated by irresponsible men. I concurred. The bio-dad probably thought about 1 minute of the idea of dragging around a ball and chain for life, felt he wasn't ready and split. For some random decent hardworking guy to now "step in", that thought is down right depressing. Why give up my child free life to spend an extra 15 minutes in a mall parking lot unbuckling a car seat? I'd rather spend by time and energy on a girl that has not given part of her life to some guy.
I just don't know why girls can't get it right the first time, then you wouldn't have to worry about this. Relationships are hard. I say look for single dads that need help.
For the most part this is where my thinking is. For all intents and purposes it goes against all biological drives to help another man's DNA succeed from your resources (which would happen no matter what) over your own future offspring. People call it what they want and paint it 18 ways from Sunday, but the fact is it's not choice "A" for me. Id rather spend the 15 minutes unbuckling my first child, second child...MY child from the seat. I know people die, people leave, people change etc. it happens. But i don't have any kids and really just want to be with one woman for all of my life, and i suppose that's why i'm 31 and never married, no one fit with the notion that i could be with them forever...
JC | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:04:17 PM | I have been there myself, and am single again... It's no fun, but feeling sorry for yourself accomplishes nothing. My son was born with a birth defect, and I've never had problems getting a babysitter. I often have no money, so the trade swap is a good idea. Become friends with a neighbor or other mom, and train her to watch your child. Calling a university might help, as a college student might be happy to work with your child. Also check with larger churches near you, as some have mom groups. Do you ask for help? That's very hard for me to do, but as my friend told me, "How can I help you when I don't know what you need?". I'd never take my child on a date with me. How confusing is that? I wish you the best, and think positive thoughts.  | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/6/2009 1:49:13 AM |
Genuine, decent, hardworking guys, just are not interested in dating single moms for the most part. My friend and I were talking the other day and he was talking about how he is not going to take the slack for these women who continuously allow themselves to become impregnanted by irresponsible men. I concurred.
Not all single Mums are irresponsible breeders. Sometimes they have left untenable situations for their own safety or that of their children. Sometimes they have made a mistake. By generalising you are excluding some pretty special people.
For some random decent hardworking guy to now "step in", that thought is down right depressing. Why give up my child free life to spend an extra 15 minutes in a mall parking lot unbuckling a carseat?
Well I don't agree with this either, I met and eventually married a young single mother with 3 children. She had left an abusive relationship. I can tell you when a small child gives you a hug and tells you that they love you, you realise that kids are not a burden. Obviously I was happy to step in because I felt the woman was worth it. It was my choice.
No doubt that it made it harder for us as a couple, it made it harder for us financially, it made it complicated in some ways when we had our own children. We have recently broken up after nearly 20 years, but do I regret it?
No! I had some great times, I have good and bad memories, I have 5 children who love me very much and that will continue to enrich my life.
For the OP and other ladies who have posted here in a similar situation, there are men who will love and value you for who you are. Yes it may take some more work, but that is life. Don't believe that all decent hard working guys are not interested in you. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/6/2009 3:03:52 AM |
where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Hang out in the Ask a Girl forums....roughly every 15 mins or so a 'nice guy' starts a thread about how he is so nice and women will not give him a chance. LOL...Kidding...
OP, your situation just means you need to be patient. Maybe join your child up for some activities so you can meet like minded parents. Support groups are good too.
My coworker has two downs syndrome children, and she met a lovely man thru a support group she joined. He also has a down syndrome child. They are now married, and happily helping one another meet thier daily challenges. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/6/2009 7:36:49 AM | Wow Little daughter on a date. That would send me packing so fast you have no idea. I woudlnt even try to get any from you. I would drop you at your door after the date give you a hug with a friend pat and text you later saying I didnt feel a connection.
I wouldnt say its the men of today that has a problem. You have to realize you have a child and have to go about things differently. I am a great catch and my number one rule behind drugs is no kids. I could maybe be with someone if the baby was an infant and the dad wasnt in their life but thats about it. I want time with that person, not somebody elses child.
I know you are feeling bad but you have to stop being probably a witch to that fat guy whos kind of balding at the grocery store who is so nice to you all the time but you blow him off. I bet he will cook you breakfast in bed and take your kid to preschool.
Ladies open your eyes, there are great guys out there they have just been kicked around and laughed at by women so many times that they wont even go after a pretty girl anymore.
Also dont come off to desperate it scares guys. If you start talking about marriage day one Im splitting. That or Im just going to try to sleep with you. I know within minutes of meeting a girl if this could go somewhere or just to her bedroom.
Also dress nicely all the time. I go to the store too, I also go to lunch. Dont wait for me to approach you. Introduce yourself. If a pretty girl came up to me sitting by myself at lunch I wuld be so impressed and aw stricken.
You gotta make your own luck. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 3/6/2009 5:20:51 PM | Not all single Mums are irresponsible breeders. Sometimes they have left untenable situations for their own safety or that of their children. Sometimes they have made a mistake. By generalising you are excluding some pretty special people.
Oh really? So if there are so many special single mums that are not irresponsible breeders, why did the one you chose have kid, after kid, after kid, by an irresponsible jerk who was abusive. Wait, don't tell us, she didn't know at first right?
Well I don't agree with this either, I met and eventually married a young single mother with 3 children. She had left an abusive relationship. I can tell you when a small child gives you a hug and tells you that they love you, you realise that kids are not a burden. Obviously I was happy to step in because I felt the woman was worth it. It was my choice.
No doubt that it made it harder for us as a couple, it made it harder for us financially, it made it complicated in some ways when we had our own children. We have recently broken up after nearly 20 years, but do I regret it?
For the OP and other ladies who have posted here in a similar situation, there are men who will love and value you for who you are. Yes it may take some more work, but that is life. Don't believe that all decent hard working guys are not interested in you.
Spoken like a true Beta Male! Yes! There are decent hard working guys who may be interested, but unfortunately you are not their first choice. So you become "benchwarmers", you know, sitting patiently on the sidelines while the best players are getting all the glory and having all the fun. And once they've scored all the points and are ahead enough, they sit back and relax and let the "benchwarmers" come out to play. But no big deal, the only reason why you're in the game is because they scored all the points, won it, and they're done. But they will be starting again soon. And they can always rely on the "benchwarmers" to fill in after the fun is over. That's where unbuckling the carseat comes in.
Small kids give me hugs all the time, the beauty of it all is that I get to take my cute nephews and nieces, cousins whatever home to their parents. I'm not going to Denny's, pulling up high chairs, walking in with a woman and kids she had by some guy, while he's out at a bar trying to get laid.
So you're not together anymore? Looks like you were no longer needed after the kids were raised. | |
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