| GO AWAY!!!!
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:04:21 AM | | Img0405: this is very common - usually the poster is fishing for the right answer to use as ammunition in a fight. The most I've seen is a woman posting 4 separate threads on the very same topic but in different forums. Blah! | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:13:42 AM |
Ok folks...I'm going to take sex altogether out of the equation...say for instance your SO begins to spend a lot of time on things like video games on the computer instead of helping you out with kids, laundry, going out on a date, taking a walk, shopping together, etc....
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Neither; I would consider it being a selfish asshat. | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:31:15 AM | People need diversions. They need to be able to talk about their responsibilites in a relationship. ESTABLISH this long before he decides to spend hours watching videos.
If you want more attention or help or even sex being in the equation take the responsibilty of putting a voice to that.
It is up to you to tell him how you want to be treated.
STOP!!! with this dramatic hypothesis that it is some kind of abandonment issue or a form of infedelity. Just open your mouth and speak up for yourself. | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:34:18 AM |
ay for instance your SO begins to spend a lot of time on things like video games on the computer instead of helping you out with kids, laundry, going out on a date, taking a walk, shopping together, etc....
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Neither. That's just black and white "either - or" thinking. As for doing "his thing" versus the things he's "supposed to" be doing (like spending time with the kids, giving you some quality time, etc., etc.) you need to talk with him about that. He needs to contribute also. As you both should.
When we're in a relationship there's things we're "supposed to" be doing now, regardless of kids or no kids, living together or not. We take-on new responsibilities. Sometimes it can feel like "too much!!" The other part of being in a relationship is having someone that can carry some of the burden, so we don't feel as-if we're doing it all. That also includes the time we need to do our own stuff.
For example;
Regardless of whether you exercise or not, I'm still exercising every day. I never said you had to be into it, but just don't expect me to drop it. So when I'm done, I'll pick-up on something I need to do around here, and maybe that'll give you an opportunity to read that book you're into or whatever.
Think about this; do you absolutely need him around when you shop or do the laundry? If not then, why do you insist he's there? Maybe you can let him off the hook, so he can do "his thing(s)" while you do the laundry or something. Maybe he can watch the kids while you do "your things". Being "attached at the hip" isn't always a healthy relationship, usually the contrary. You can trade off too, maybe he takes the laundry next week while you watch the kids, etc., etc.
You both need time to yourselves too. He needs to do "his things" and you need to do "your things". If he's always your thing, then you haven't really established your own self. If you're always his thing, then he hasn't either. Even in a relationship, you have to respect each others limitations, boundaries and routines. You have to know where you end and he begins and vice-versa.
Mike | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:55:38 AM |
It was a case of not wanting to socialize or to create emotional space from that person.
Realistically; nobody can be "joined" emotionally. I can't see your feelings nor can you see mine. Any attachment we "feel" is only in our own emotions and thoughts and due in-part to our own interpretations and reactions. So, creating "emotional space" isn't necessary because there is no factual emotional attachment. Any "chemistry" I feel is due to my own individual interpretation. Feelings aren't facts.
Maintaining my own interests and respecting her's while in a relationship and still balancing our mutual responsibilities to "the relationship" (which now has become it's own entity) can only lead to success. It's when we start giving-up everything we enjoy doing (whether together, or individually) that we start feeling "trapped". It's no longer something "happy" or "positive" to be in, and becomes a prison. A relationship should enhance my life, never take away from it. Sure, there's new responsibilities, however this should never mean that I'm expected to stop being responsible for my own happiness by pursuing my own interests also. By maintaining my routine.
That's just selfish. I'd be selfish to expect that also.
Mike | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:14:04 AM | | I would say neither cheating nor abandonment. Maybe differing priorities in life. Sounds like he is not interested in interacting with you nor in helping out with chores. If you've talked with him about it and it isn't changing anything, you can either accept it or move on. He is not responsible for doing what you want him to do. You are not required to accept the behaviour. | |
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| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:51:48 AM | men need their time to play!! They cant be attached at your hip 24/7
If he is in your house, in plain site, doing something he enjoys! How can anyone cinsider this cheating or abandonment?? | |
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| GO AWAY!!!!
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:55:35 AM |
You have been dogging this same man on how many posts today??? GET OVER IT!!! http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11744080.aspxHe's your ex according to the previous post!! You stated you guys are done so what do you care what video game he plays? It is none of your damn business!!! MOVE ON!!
hehehe, if I knew how to write that little cat fighting sound, THIS is where I'd write it.
You two have been at it for a few days and you know how most guys enjoy watching a cat fight. So, why not just do us a favor, rip your shirts off and have at it, once & for all!? 
OK, before I start getting ripped for being a typical pig guy, I'M JOKING! You girls can leave your shirts on while you fight...  | |
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| GO AWAY!!!!
Posted: 2/4/2009 12:13:49 PM | Why do we complain about our ex's again? someone please enlighten me | |
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| Some people require solitude too.
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:22:00 PM | | Some people just need some solitude. It's not a rejection or an deliberate slight, but rather an intrinsic need for alone time. Google Myers-Briggs INTP for some more details. ;) | |
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| Some people require solitude too.
Posted: 2/5/2009 6:40:39 AM | Everyone needs some free time and their own space.
He chooses video games.
You know were he is and what he's doing, without having to guess.
I play word games, sometimes, and it it's a diversion/time out, from things going on.
And at the same time, it gives me time to think/and or look at problems in a different light.
The relationship, I hope to have, would be one that both parties could enjoy their "own", alone time........... and not be welded together and smothering each other.
The way you find a person is the way they are.......he played video game when you met him, didn't he?
ceecee
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