| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:05:23 PM | Diamond Dude, I'm glad you brought up all these points because you mention things that I find difficult.
I don't compete intellectually. If you'll google the term INTJ, you'll find it's 1% of the population that are truly objective and ego is not involved in intellectual discussion. I hate debate. I'm only interested in arriving at truth/fact. What happens is that when someone says something that is not accurate, and I point it out, their ego gets in their way, and they want intellectual superiority. Sometimes, I don't even think it's that. Sometimes I think it's just that they want to impress me, for me to like them, and here I am being very impersonal and not at all personal. I think that gets to them.
You're right about the emotional thing. I think they do give me a compliment because they're trying to draw emotionally closer. The thing is I don't want to be emotionally close to them. And paying me a compliment doesn't do it.
It's one of those ironies that I draw emotionally closer to those I"m intellectually close to. It's not something where one can pretend, and it doesn't happen as a result of debate. It happens as a result of two people reaching the same conclusion! Like draws like.
For me, there's no such thing as a good date. I don't like dating. I find it boring. I'd much rather read a book. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:11:40 PM | | writing Saying this as kindly as possible, but you do know this is a singles site and you do say long term relationship. From my experience that usually involves or starts with dating, the culture dance of courtship. If you don't like dating, then why would this site catch your interest? I'm not meaning to be critical just asking a question out of curiosity. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:15:57 PM | "I am primarily interested in a mental connection because that is what stimulates me above all things..."
It does sound like it could be the problem. When some people go for a relationship, it's more then just an intellectual one. It's the holding and touching too.
"For me, the clearest indication of whether someone likes me as a person is whether they're interested in talking and listening to me. It's supposed to be a shared, joyful activity."
Yes, but they don't know that, because everybody's diffrent. So men may show you in other ways that they like you. Just because people give an intellectual conversation does not mean they like more then just a friend. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:16:22 PM | | It's terrible when you can't find someone thats interested in what you have to say.Try becoming open to discussions that encompass a variety of topics not just the few that you are into.Generally people that think they are in the top 1% intellectually and have to make a point of it, are'nt or are and are still insecure about it.I find that when I'm in a conversation with someone thats trying to prove how smart they are with no regard for my ability to see right through that,it turns me off.Not because I may not be able to "keep up" intellectually,but because of the arrogance of the other person.You may know all there is to know about the sex life of gastropods but know nothing about the flight patterns of the ephemeron which might be my passion.Who is smarter?(thats simply an example)Almost everyone is smart in their own right and the minute you think you know it all you stop learning.If I know nothing about the topic you are discussing,I'll ask questions.Does this prove I am dumb or not as smart as you?obviously in that topic I guess but what happens if I bring up a topic you know nothing about?Will you stick around to discuss it and try to learn from it or change the subject?It's all relative.Maybe you should start searching for a mate at mensa meetings. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:17:56 PM |
Nick, I'm not interested in the lay. I don't like sex.
You find dating boring and you don't like sex. Don't you think that is a bit unbalanced? It strikes me that you are using your (substantial) intellectual capacity as a form of escapism. Would you consider yourself a happy person?
Nick | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:20:25 PM | Maybe it's the ADD you suffer from that prevents you from understanding that a random compliment does not necessarily imply a lack of interest in whatever pedantic rant you are on.
Being interested in whatever issues are under discussion, and taking a moment to pay a compliment to someone (be it useless flattery, or pure sincerity) are not mutually exclusive.
Similarly, your bland generalization that people will not interrupt conversations with trivial comments if they are truly 'passionate' about the subject matter can only be based on some ignorant notion that everyone is so single mindedly obtuse as you. Sorry dear, but we are all different. I can tell you've never been to an academic conference - tangents abound, sidestream notions and inconsequential matters are the pepper on the main dish - and you will probably never find people more passionate about a 'subject' than at such conferences.
Of course, it could be that your conversation partner has simply said to himself: "Oh my god, does this supercilious b.itch ever shut up? She doesn't even know what she's talking about."
Case in point:Your profile states that ADD is a result of:
the neurotransmitters in the parietal lobe fire more slowly than for a normal person
First off, neurotransmitters do not fire. They are chemicals, that's all. Neurotransmitters activate certain receptors, and through a whole convoluted process, the axon itself may fire (an action potential). So what were you trying to say? 1) that neurotransmitters are released more slowly into the synaptic gap? or 2) that the axons fire more slowly? Either way you are grossly incorrect.
Secondly,neuro-imaging (SPECT to be exact) has led to the general categorization of 6 different types of ADD/ADHD. The parietal lobe is involved in all matters of attention at the root level, but in terms of ADD, there is only one categorization in which anomalous activity in the parietal lobe is indicated. And in this case, it is actually increased axonal activity in the parietal.
I would have thought that someone who claims to fall far above the second standard deviation in IQ distribution would actually check her facts to make sure what she is talking about (and for the record, those online IQ tests are not standardized nor are they valid measures of intellectual aptitude).
Since you are so passionate about such topics, if you wish I can send you far more information about ADD; discussing the cultural, social and neurological basis of the disorder. But don't worry, if I interrupt it won't be to compliment your eyes, more likely to tell you to pay attention. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:25:46 PM | Bucsgirl. Well, I didn't realize until this last week that I've always felt very guilty that I don't have a partner. It's as if I don't quite fit in because I don't have a partner and at some level I have felt compelled to get one. So I've been on and off internet dating sites for about ten years. The truth is also that if I wanted a date, I could go out most nights as I get more invitations than I can possibly cope with.
I've been kidding myself that it's the type of man. It's not. It's me. I've just not that interested in anything but cerebral connections. It's part of the ADD that I have. The learning specialist at school was explaining to me that most people's cerebral and emotional brains are connected. Mine isn't, and I have to learn to find ways of 'connecting' them. This came up in connection with my career choices by the way - but it applies to the relationship thing as well.
Anyway, it started with wanting a partner; then I realized I really didn't want one, but I enjoyed chatting over here.
I think I now also realize that when men tell me I'm an interesting person and ask me out, they're not asking me out because I'm an interesting person, but because they are attracted to me romantically. Stupid as that may sound, because of the particular way my brain works, I never realized that.
It always hurt me a lot that when men realized I wasn't interested in them romantically, that they 'dumped' me. In the future, I will be quite clear and tell them upfront that I enjoy the cerebral connection, but it will not progress any further.
So, there. Your question is answered. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:33:17 PM | | writingstar I will admit to complete ignorance on my part of ADD. I'm glad that you realized what the root problem was and didn't give into any societal pressure for a mate. We have to do what makes us truly happy and as long as you're doing that, you're doing the right thing. GOod luck to you. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:34:24 PM | fellowdownstairs, education and intelligence aren't the same thing. I don't have a university education. I've only been in the States 18 months and am now getting one. I only found out I was ADD 9 months ago. I used the term 'fire' loosely as I'm a creative writer and it's not necessary for people to know the jargon.
No, I've never been in an academic conference in my life. And no, I'm not dry at all. That's your assumption.
If a man asks me out because he find me interesting, and then asks me questions and I keep answering them, and we discuss something or other, and suddenly he changes direction and wants to establish emotional closeness, he's the one who was dishonest about why he wanted to be in my company. If he had told me he was interested in me, i would have said no. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:40:11 PM | If a man asks me out because he find me interesting, and then asks me questions and I keep answering them, and we discuss something or other, and suddenly he changes direction and wants to establish emotional closeness, he's the one who was dishonest about why he wanted to be in my company. If he had told me he was interested in me, i would have said no.
Isn't the whole idea of a man asking a woman out usually because he'd like to persue a relationship involving sex or emotional closeness in the form of love or friendship? I hardly think he would be considered to be dishonest about something which definantly is common knowledge.
Nick | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:40:48 PM | Many women don't like sex. Read the statistics. Read the research. Over and over again, something like 30 or 40% of women don't like sex. I'm not that unusual. Just a helluve lot more honest.
And it's perfectly possible to be happy without sex. In fact, many women who are desperately seeking a partner and can't find one are on prozac and are so depressed, it's sad. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:43:44 PM | Nick, believe it or not, I never realized until I was 45 years old that men asked me out because they were interested in me and were attracted to my looks. I genuinely thought they were being brotherly or chivalrous, or courteous or something.
Blame it on the ADD. There have been entire gaps in my lack of comprehension.
I do understand that now. And as I read all your comments and responses to me, it lifts a greater and greater burden off my shoulders. The learning specialist at school says that the growth in my happiness quotient has been remarkable. And so it has.
You have no idea how freeing it is to finally understand why I'm different, why I didn't understand, and why I don't connect to men in the same way that other women do. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:45:32 PM |
And it's perfectly possible to be happy without sex.
I'm not entirely sure thats true, but I definantly know it's not possible to be happy without 'emotional closeness' - it's a basic human need, and our psyche's are built around receiving it.
Over and over again, something like 30 or 40% of women don't like sex.
I don't buy that for one second - hell most women I've met love sex even more than men! Please post a link to your reference for that. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:48:34 PM | THANKS EVERYBODY. I WILL REMOVE MY PROFILE LATER TODAY. IN A WAY, I'M DONE. I FINALLY REALIZE THAT I HAVE BEEN LOATHE TO CONFRONT THE EMOTIONAL COMPONENT THOUGH AT SOME LEVEL I WAS AWARE OF IT. THE ADD HAS MADE IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THINK IN CERTAIN WAYS.
THANK YOU FOR BEING MY TEACHERS.
GOD BLESS. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:52:37 PM |
Blame it on the ADD. There have been entire gaps in my lack of comprehension.
What you are describing sounds less and less like ADD. Lack of interest in sex and human contact as well as ADD and disassociation can all be symptoms of Major Depression. Additionally, keep in mind that ADD is one of the most misdiagnosed psychological maladies around and is usually a symptom of some larger affliction. I myself was diagnosed with ADD years ago, which eventually turned out to be a symptom of hypothyroidism!
> You have no idea how freeing it is to finally understand why I'm different, why I didn't \
> understand, and why I don't connect to men in the same way that other women do.
I'm happy that you've found something to grab on to, but you have to be careful when using a crutch that it doesn't become permanant.
Nick | |
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