| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:21:08 PM | (jrguitar23 wrote) Since you're obviously looking for a mental connection, perhaps it would benefit you to do some research on male psychology. On the other hand, if you've been talking to "pretty boys" instead of men who might have an equivalent intellect, then you only have yourself to blame. Rest assured, there's a nerd out there who can joust with you mentally till you become bored, but he MAY not offer the physical stimulation you'd get from a hunky guy. By the way, I love talking to smart girls; the only problem is, smart isn't sexy; SEXY is sexy.
I like most of your thoughts but on the last, I disagree.
I think smart is VERY sexy.
It has been my observation that a woman who has it going on between the ears is much easier to deal with than one running on hormones and emotion. Furthermore, since the greatest sex organ is actually the one located between the ears, "smart" and "sexy" can be virtually synonymous. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:58:16 PM | I’m in perpetual laughter with the OP first few statements.
One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation. I'm aware that I'm in the top 1% (brainswise),
Say’s it all really.
You can have a decent conversation with anyone if you show interest in them.
If you are just looking for your intellectual equal then they are out there just open your eyes and get rid of this “I am better than you” attitude. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:02:43 PM |
Nickel, you could be right but since jrguitar23 specifically wrote "smart isn't sexy"
it probably means that he felt "smart isn't sexy"
Thyme,
I disagree in a very geeky way. B)
I felt the statement was meant to say that smart doesn't imply sexy but isn't mutually exclusive with it. Just because you are smart doesn't make you sexy, but you can be sexy and smart simeltaneously.
Nick | |
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MikeJ
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Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 57 | |
| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:18:35 PM |
Mikej - I'm not intellectually arrogant. Nobody has ever called me that.
I just did. And people generally try to be polite.
When I read your first post, this is how it looks to me:
One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation.
Condescending opening statement.
I'm aware that I'm in the top 1% (brainswise), but still.
Absolutely no reason to ever mention something like this, except to make your perceived intellectual superiority known.
I can't tell you the number of times that I've found myself in an interesting discussion with a guy (be it international administration, genetic manipulation, or the color of money), and all of a sudden the guy will take my hand and say something like, "You've got beautiful eyes" or "You've got a lovely smile" or something...
Clumsy attempt at flattering yourself without looking conceited.
And it goes on ad nauseum.
Maybe it's not arrogance I see here. Perhaps rampant insecurity?
My feeling is that they weren't interested in the conversation in the first place, talked about it in order to establish a connection, then when the connection was established, they thought they 'had me', and now they could switch direction to what they were really interested in...
Unfortunately, if the content of the conversation was what I was interested in (and not them), the ploy isn't going to work, is it?
For a genius you seem to be missing the big picture. If I'm someone looking for long-term, that doesn't exclude having short-term relationships or just a good old one night stand.
I've slept with plenty of women that I would never, ever consider for a relationship. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:01:07 PM | Writingstar. I think you're focusing on one aspect of life, intellect...there's more to it than that, I agree with the second poster, you can have a pleasant conversation that stimulates the grey matter, and still find the person you're with darn right sexy, and probably because of the stimulating converstaion... but if that causes us men to sometimes interject with, the odd compliment, take it from me, it's because we want to. It's not just to get into your pants, it's nice to tell someone something nice about themselves, especially out of the blue totally off topic...kind of like getting a single red rose at the office for no specific reason, with a note saying..."Just because I was thinking of you... and wanted to make you smile and brighten up your day, love from me"...probably has nothing to do with the Rocket Science you're into, but I can't recall any woman who got mad at me for doing it. Take a little time to appreciate the whole person you're with, not just their mind...or their body for that matter... we come as a package deal...good and bad...and if the worst thing someone did was give me the odd compliment...I think I can live with that, but that's just me...
Just a thought^^
Herve  | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:40:55 PM | "If I'm someone looking for long-term, that doesn't exclude having short-term relationships or just a good old one night stand.
I've slept with plenty of women that I would never, ever consider for a relationship."
And that's the crux of it, isn't it? Why would I want to sleep with someone when it wasn't going to be a long term relationship. For many women, the only way they can enjoy sex is to commit emotionally, mentally, and in every respect. So, either the sex isn't enjoyable on a one night stand because it's a one night stand, or a six week stand, or they invest emotionally/intellectually, whatever, and the guy is just sleeping with her because 'the sex is good'.
I can't tell you the number of broken women I've sat and listened to for hours while they cried on my shoulder trying to understand why someone they were sleeping with for years ran off the moment marriage was mentioned.... i.e. the male wouldn't consider marriage, but was around for the emotional investment, the sex, etc. Very often, the women gave these things because they understood it was going to lead to marriage. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:52:36 PM | | Writingstar, I think you missed the task, to which you were being taken. The main point...simply put...you can have an intelligent conversation and be stimulated, telling you... you have nice eyes or any other compliment is exactly that....a show of appreciation for the person with whom we are conversing. We like to show our appreciation...receiving a compliment usually is a good thing...learn to take one. If you find someone's only agenda is to get you in bed, and that's not what you want...then keep on looking....but please don't paint us with a broad brush...what you imply is that when a man gives a compliment to a woman in conversation, it's because he only wants to get in her pants. Let you into a little secret...IT'S NOT TRUE! I could give you a compliment and tell you....your picture shows you to be a very attractive woman....it's off topic...and you know what?...I guarantee you I'm not trying to get into your pants.. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:56:53 PM | @writing star,
I can't tell you how many times I have turned down a second date with a woman who is physically beautiful because she doesn't excite my mind. I can get bored by people very quickly. If I get bored on the first date, when she should have plenty of material, I know it's no longer worthy of pursuit. If she and I talk until day break about everything from historical theory and philosophy to theology, politics and even current events ... she'll have my interest. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:00:09 PM | Where did the Meyers-Briggs come from? I refuse to read the whole thread, especially because it seems to have turned ugly ... but M-B analysis is very useful. I am ENTJ ... Very odd personality, indeed ... For instance, the character Kosmo Kramer is an ENTJ personality. Great stuff!!! | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:06:31 PM | LOL, HB, when I was in college I took all kinds of tests for the psychology department. I was a favorite among the guinea pigs. But I learned a lot about myself. For instance, I'm an ENTJ, my IQ is 136 ... one test even said my confidence level places me in the top 2% of the world's population when it comes to self confidence. ... All this for beer money  | |
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RitzNB
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:11:40 PM | @ Writingstar
People are more then just their intellect/brain. They're a total package. If you can't see that then you will never appreciate a human being. I truly enjoying having an intellectual conversation with an intelligent man probably just as much as yourself so I can relate to that part. I love a man who can stimulate my mind. However, keep in mind that even people who are geniuses don't know EVERYTHING. There's no human being on the planet earth that is a walking encyclopedia no matter what his or her IQ is. Even a lady such as yourself will have subjects that you will be totally clueless about. Nobody is so smart that they cannot learn something new. Whether that knowledge comes from the garbage guy, your doctor, a child, a lawyer, someone who's illiterate ..... The point I'm trying to make is that everyone is here to teach you something. You're overlooking these people because they don't match your criteria of intellectual (or so you think). I'm surprised that a smart lady such as yourself could be very ignorant in so many ways. I'm not trying to be mean (honestly). Good luck !!! | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:25:15 PM | MikeJ
"I just did. And people generally try to be polite."
Yes, they do. And it gets me absolutely nowhere. People are so concerned that they are going to hurt my feelings or my ego or my pride or whatever else, that they don't come out and say things directly. I tend not to understand things that aren't direct.
So, here's a technique. When I want input on something, say it in a blunt way calculated to rile ego and generate comment. Somewhere, someone (hopefully more than one) will be perceptive and hit on the right thing. And somewhere, because people are upset, they will be direct and forget about trying to spare my feelings.
So, this afternoon, I learned a number of things. It's really being a progressive thing over the past few weeks.
I will not invest in men emotionally or connect to them emotionally until I've known them for quite a long while and got to know them as people. Only when I know for certain that there is a genuine connection (and that can take 6 months or 6 years or maybe 6 days, because it depends on the intensity of genuine connection and the situation), will I open emotionally.
I connect intellectually first. By this I mean that I could talk about anything but NOT emotions and not about my feelings and not about personal stuff. It could be anything on the news, or discussing a movie, or whatever, just so long as its impersonal. When I've learned more about the person and we have something in common, emotional connections will develop. That's why I prefer to meet people at dance classes, at school, at volunteer activities, etc. It means one sees somebody regularly over a period of time and sees how they interact with others and what they're like as people.
So, for me, the progression is from impersonal (intellectual) to personal (emotional) to sexual (physical) and it takes time.
These days I keep meeting men who want instant access - whether emotional or physical - pretty much immediately. Doesn't work for me. | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:26:58 PM | | well...i'm in the top 3% in canada...been trying to play dumb my whole life to not intimidate men...put in accelerated school, boarding school then to uni. at 17...heck, i still try to play dumb...what kinda sucks is that mensa ppl. don't fry my burger...so who knows?? | |
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| Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:29:07 PM | TO THOSE WHO MENTIONED THE COMPLIMENTS.
You're probably right. And I think after reading through all this, you're right. I did misinterpret. I guess I just never understood why someone would change the subject. I think some probably did want to move to something more personal and I wanted to keep things impersonal.
In retrospect, I think the terms impersonal and personal are better descriptions of what I'm trying to say.
There are probably many other reasons men pay compliments as well. I don't understand the purpose of compliments. They rarely make me feel good because the compliments are about things I don't particularly value.
Funny enough, there are compliments that touch me deeply, e.g. someone who tells me that I've done a good job, someone who tells me that I'm a nice person, someone who tells me I'm a good mother. It's values rather than appearance that does it for me.
And I guess, for some reason, these aren't the things that too many men tell me. It's women who do.
Thanks for the information, though. It has given me a better understanding. | |
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