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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 6:15:59 PM | Alabamamam,
I have read some follow up threads and I agree that CarolAnn is a very smart woman.
I think she is, too. She seems to be the furthest thing from a flake.
I am not sure why to question the instutution of marrige and assume that the relationship can be very lovely and commited without marrige if the OP indicated clearly that marrige it is what she desires.
First, "institution" of marriage? Geez, sounds like a prison! ;) I always get a kick out of people using that word with it. Sounds like you're locked up or something... gives it a negative connotation. Anyway...
If a relationship cannot be lovely and committed without marriage -- why marry? Don't you get married WHEN it's blossomed into something lovely and commitment has been established and tested? Imagine a friend describing their relationship... "Our relationship isn't lovely... and commitment is a problem. So we're going to get married!" To her credit, I don't think she sees commitment problems, though. Commitment problems are when someone has issues with being exclusive with the other.
People aren't questioning the "institution" of marriage. They're questioning whether she should get married or not, and if that's the best idea in the first place. Her desiring marriage in general it is great. The question is:
a) Is it because she feels lonely and desires him to fill that void?
-or-
b) Is it because she wants to go that extra level with him because she believes they have something special going on? | |
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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 6:22:26 PM | | Very good points AzureOrb, and I agree. From what I've read though, I'd say it's both (a) AND (b). | |
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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 6:47:41 PM | | Spending that much time together after all the time you have been a couple seems strange to me. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt trapped spending too much time with the other person, but seeing them only every 2 to 3 weeks after all that time would not work for me. Are you absolutely sure he hasn't got another relationship on the go? If he hasn't and he's still wary of becoming closer, then there must be something bothering him. Unless you know what it is, you are never going to be able to work this out with him. I don't think there is such a thing as a fear of commitment, but a fear of commitment to a person for some reason. I do think it's instinctive for men to want to be unencumbered too. After all, in primitive times if you were hunting or defending, the last thing you needed was someone hanging on, calling you back, distracting you or making demands of any kind. Having said that, he seems very unattached, as if he has you and other people in particular boxes and hasn't considered altering the arrangement as things have progressed. It's not my life and only you know what feels right to you, but it doesn't sound to me as if he's actually offering you much at all. It's not a material issue, it's whether or not you two are close emotionally and physically. If he really cared for you, wouldn't he want to be there for you? | |
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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:00:25 PM | | You mean no sleep overs ? A couple of hours a night with the one you love is not enough to determine whether its gonna work out in a long term relationship. Loneliness is not a good reason to marry or tie someone down. | |
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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:01:21 PM | | So often, we answer our own questions...if you have to ask us, you've problem already decided that you've waited long enough. You're probably just looking for afirmation! | |
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| At what point.............
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:03:39 PM | | I don't think in love there's any easy answers... sometimes it's difficult and you can't base a decision so easily on how you feel today... or what's in your heart even... sometimes you can make all the decisions in the world, all by yourself, and none of them matter, because you're in love... there's no rationality you can apply. But if you post the question, you'll get answers, which do add perspective. Only you should make your own decisions about love. | |
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