| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:29:16 PM | OP:
There are a lot of good reasons to stick around and enjoy a good conversation. We date because we are looking for a match. That said, would you stop a perfectly good conversation with someone interesting just because you discovered that the "chemistry" wasn't happening? Sounds a little small to me.
J Mac | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:01:27 PM | | the length isnt as important as how much you enjoyed it. the guy might have not had anything to do or was just being nice, waiting for the meeting to come to a conclusion that left both parties feeling good at that point. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:46:39 AM | Still curious what's going on during those 4 + hour first meets
My first date with a very nice man was a day trip to the beach to buy a kite for my grandson's birthday and fly it. We had written many times and had lengthy phone conversations before ever meeting. I guess that part took over a month span. Our decision was, if we didn't get along then we were adults enough to still have a good time. It was a wonderful day. He traveled an hour and a half to get here then we traveled about 2 hours to the beach. We had lunch, bought the kite, had a great time flying it, walked a bit and then had drinks on the beach. We talked about everything from politics to family to interests. Sometimes when conversation was slow it was nice just sitting quietly watching the world go by. We had a drink at a local pub when he brought me home then he was off for his drive home. Our date lasted about 12 hours. We have seen eachother since then and I spent a platonic night at his house after visiting with him and his friends for a musical jam night. I don't think this man is the love of my life, but he sure has all the makings of a best friend. And who knows over time.
I always hated those dinner or drinks first meeting. One sits in a chair and struggles for something to say. I say plan an adventure, something to do. Unless you have no imagination of course then hey why not a cup of coffee? But at my age coffee after 10am is a lethal weapon for sleep. haha...
I am still looking for Mr. Right to sweep me off my feet, until then? I think an outdoor concert or a trip to a museum is a wonderful 1st date. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:25:31 AM | I first meeting should be brief. Coffee and a short chat to see if there is any chemistry. What do you talk about with a stranger for more than an hour? Any longer than that and you'd better be really drunk. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:26:06 AM | Choice. You merely chose badly. You were but a time filler ripe to be chosen. I am thinking in most/all instances these people chose you initially rather than you choosing them...thence the wicked-shoe-theorem (in my history) theory dictates you have actual less quality choice.
The word several highlights further issues. If hypothetically I told a girl I grafted my way through 10 to >100 (they really do add up) dates in the last year (been 3;) she would only touch me with a pointy stick, most likely.
This is the blunderbuss approach.
Oddly I have noticed these volumes are acceptable for them only, not whom they are meeting, as they execute their desperate need fulification (ok so i made that word up) without truly getting to know someone firstly.
And in my opinion carried out by those who haven't a clue what they want. Yet they can justify their approach with odd rationale including omission, life is too short, i will know when i meet him, I like having a larf, I am genuine (despite acting like rabbits in heat) and only interested in long term along (rabbit bit again) with other really weird explanations for their melee like behaviour. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:08:10 PM | social artist...
I know I was SUPPOSE to call her. I'm fully aware of that. But like I said, I didn't want to play that game so I wanted to see if she would call because I wanted to experiment. So she didn't call. I'm sure she possibly could've been waiting at home for me to call.
Either way, my experiment failed and I lost a chance with a girl that I had chemistry with. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:14:55 PM | I first meeting should be brief. Coffee and a short chat to see if there is any chemistry.
Translation: You are looking for physical attraction. The only things people can determine about someone in a very short period of time is looks and any obvious dealbreakers. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 5:00:29 PM | Babs, I am as baffled as you are.
I had a first dinner date with a man I met here, and spent 5 hours talking and yukking it up - had a fabulous time! The last half hour was spent tossing around ideas for our next date. Two brief phone conversations, two even briefer emails later, he was gone, his profile was gone.
Things that make ya go "WTF?"  Onward and Upward !!!! | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 5:27:18 PM | What really, really blows my mind on these "first date/meet and greet" situations is so many, many times I have been told "I like you a lot but not in a romantic/steady dating way , but we can be great friends! I would love to go to dinner, movies, etc and I'll call you tomorrow". funny how I have never heard from these guys again!
Another thing that happens to me personally and I am sure there are many out here who have experienced it is I'll have plenty of "click" when I chat with someone via email or even phone (if it comes to that) we exchange photos, etc and finally meet and when it gets down to the brass tacks, they don't really want to date in reality, and there is no "click" in person. Then once again, it's the "we can be great friends" line and again, I never hear from them again.
If you don't really mean it, then don't fvcking say it!
Anymore, I take it with a huge grain of salt and don't really worry about it. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 5:33:08 PM | | I go for coffee meets that may or may not extend to walks, etc. I think spending a bunch of hours together will give you both a sense of whether you should have another date or not. If you're itching to get away after an hour or so, I guess that's also a pretty good indication that you aren't a good pair. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:31:18 PM | | Chemistry = physical attraction? Not always. Physical attraction goes a long way in the beginning of a relationship, it will never make up for intellectual stimulation, commonalities or desired relationship goals. But it will always make it nicer to get into bed at night. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 37 | |
| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:57:16 PM | | My point was physical attraction can be determined fairly quickly. But people may not be able to determine things such as intellect, common interests, future goals, personality or other chemistry ingredients during a short meeting. Sometimes it could take at least 2-3 dates / meetings to figure out these things. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/11/2009 7:32:27 PM | I would say he was probably having a good time with you or he would have made up an excuse to leave. As far as what happened in his mind later, who knows? He could have met someone else, he could be married and needed to spend time with the wife, he could be overworked and tired, he could be just not ready for date #2 with you or anyone. We can only imagine ... but I believe that he was abducted by aliens!
I just had a first date (meet n greet) with a guy two weekends ago. We met at a Pig Fest. We walked around, ate a lot of pork barbecue, roasted corn, listened to the band, and then he took me to his apartment. But not in it. Just through the parking lot to show me which one he lived in. I got a nice long moist kiss good night too. I'd say the date lasted 3 hours because I said upfront...11pm I had to go. I needed to work the next day. We got together twice since then and planned another outing for Saturday (Valentine's Day). And if he doesn't show up on Sat. night at my doorstep, I will know he too was abducted! LOL! | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/11/2009 9:00:20 PM |
I have had several 4-5 hour first meetings, thinking that things were going well, and then never hearing from the guy again. Why would someone spend so much time with you if they never intended on contacting you again? I would think he was married but really love the version of abduction by aliens | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/11/2009 9:10:48 PM |
I would think he was married
This. I've had a few of these long dates and had the guy disappear once. Yep, he was married. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/11/2009 9:15:38 PM |
I would think he was married
That's just 1 possible reason. He could met have another woman that he liked better. He got back together with an ex-girlfriend. He wanted to remain single etc. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:33:55 AM | Usually if a guys doesn't call again he is not interested ... heck even a married player interested is going to contact you .. playahs don't stop playing that is their modus.. if a married guy on POF that is out wetting his wee wee and is hot for yah .. he will still come a wet noodle courtin... come on people.
If a guy doesn't call he is either dead and was interested or is alive and not interested... you won't get, "sorry I am not interested" out of a guy ... guys are cowards when it comes to dealing the truth here in dating.
Can't you read a guy's eye balls .. if the guy is not eye f'ckin yah he is totally not interested .. guaranteed.. try reading his retinas .. body language and the retinas are the tell tale signs.. you don't have to wait for a phone call if you can read a guys brain in action... guys are very simple in their behaviour and their nuances..
No guy has three dates with any gal just to figure out if he is interested... if he is not attracted to you sexually he is not interested .. it would not matter how long you were out.
Guys will pursue women that are majorly disasterous for them .. if they are sexually attracted .. they don't use the big brain for this purpose, they will also pursue women who they can tell are not the least bit interested in them .. because they want what they can't have ... this means challenge and men like challenge it says to their ego.. I have to work for and prove stuff to this one... she is worth the adventure..
I realize alot of people get their feathers and their cackling all geared up when I say what I say but this is the call of the wild and it ain't changed since we evolved .. every aspect of early anthropological sexual attractions still exists ..
Don't worry about a guy that was not interested in you anyway .. why would you want a man that is not attracted to you ? In order for you to "feel" desired you need to be desired so don't worry about a second date with a guy not interested he ain't worth wasting any down time on.. when you "feel" a deeper connection the second .. third and fourth date won't be a worry cause you will know he is "into " you.
People spend way too much time on this site on communication as in verbal and talk to ignite the flame ... NOPE it is in the body language and the way someone expresses themselves that says a gazillion more things so listen to the energy first and you will already know what is goin on. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/12/2009 5:41:04 AM | "I always hated those dinner or drinks first meeting. One sits in a chair and struggles for something to say. I say plan an adventure, something to do. Unless you have no imagination of course then hey why not a cup of coffee? "
Best reply ever!
I like meeting for a coffee or drink someplace with a LOT of things to do nearby. If she survives the coffee/drink, then it's off to do whatever and enjoy! | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 44 | |
| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/12/2009 6:24:06 AM |
If a guy doesn't call he is either dead and was interested or is alive and not interested... you won't get, "sorry I am not interested" out of a guy ... guys are cowards when it comes to dealing the truth here in dating.
To be fair, this can apply to women as well. There are plenty of people from both genders who don't have the courtesy or courage to say that "I'm not interested" after a date / meeting. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:06:51 AM | I can't really technically go on a date with someone I don't know if I have attraction to, and to me a first date has a given attraction and anticipation to it, as offline that's what it's always been. So personally, for me a quick meet for coffee or something before I have to be somewhere else (if I want to schedule it fairly quickly) is more than enough.
I'd rather go away and come back and meet a second time than drag out a first meet.
You are looking for physical attraction. The only things people can determine about someone in a very short period of time is looks and any obvious dealbreakers.
Exactly. And honestly just about everything else but that can be determined over the phone or in e-mails. Chemistry follows attraction, but without attraction nothing else matters, so yeah - in about 5-10 minutes, you can pretty much tell whether or not you want to go any further. I'll stay for a half hour tho to be polite. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:07:13 AM | I try never to PLAN a long first meet - usually coffee, if it's a meal it's somewhere you can be in and out relatively quick, but I prefer something more casual, just in case - and go with the mindset that IF we hit it off, we can extend it and go somewhere else.
My last first meet started out at 7 at Dunkin Donuts - moved to the park to talk - then ended up in an all night diner at midnight - got home at 1:30 in the morning. Neither of us wanted it to end.
I play it by ear, but certainly plan for something short. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:37:54 PM | If we are talking about meeting for the first time off of a dating website, I prefer to limit it to one drink, just to get a feel for the person. If you set those terms ahead of time, there is no uncomfortableness about whether to stay on for another or not. The next day I always email to let them know if I felt chemistry or not. Of course, if the chemistry is obvious I have been known to stay on for more than one!
Now if we are talking about a first date with someone we have already met, and we already know there is an attraction, that is another story. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:49:02 AM | | I agree short meeting's at first, 1-2 drinks, then see what happens. | |
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| Long first meetings
Posted: 3/6/2009 6:35:10 AM |
Never ever spend that much time on a first meeting, no matter how well you think things are going. It makes you look like you have WAY too much free time on your hands, which makes the think they are gonna have to be filling it up if they hang with you. I am just saying.
That doesnt sound right. I cant imagine anyone thinking like this...Dont people free up their time to go out on a date...kind of expected that they've cleared up at least a couple of hours. I would hope they didnt SQUEEZE me in, between their run to the grocery store and the bank
You should only plan for a short first meet, with an option for it to last longer. For instance, meet for coffee...works out good....go get a bite to eat....works out good...go for a walk
If any part of that is bad, each has the option cut it short and say HEY, GOTTA GO NOW... | |
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