| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/10/2009 8:52:15 PM | A" doesnt seem to have anything much new to talk about , mostly talks about something to do with money or his late wife, seems to have only 1 or 2 friends, only hobby poker,reminds me a bit of Tony Soprano
^^^pass....I need brain stimulation.
"B" a little more sociable but seems to get "tired" easily, hobby is woodworking, reminds me a bit of Mr. Rogers(Neighbourhood)
^^^ I dont go to bed at 8 pm...pass
NEITHER ... | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/11/2009 3:43:46 AM | You aren't interested in either of these men. Neither sound great. Why cling onto either?
Judith | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:27:54 PM | [Question- once a woman is over 45 is it too much to think that the "fireworks" feeling will happen like it did before? or should I be looking more at mutual comfort and see if something develops?]
I thought it was too much to hope for too. I am happy to say that I was wrong. I did the well-he's-a-nice-guy-good-catch-well-off-educated... thing too . Then I met my boyfriend. Boy, I'm glad I listened to my guts. Because I would have missed out on him if I had not" given up on something possibly with a really good future". I would have been with a really nice, educated wonderful guy I was not crazy about instead.
In my opinion, based on my experience, you would know by now if it were him. I say hold out for the guy you don't have to ask advice about. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:25:27 PM | why would you want to have a relationship with someone you are not crazy about?
nice is, well.....nice!
HO HUM!
you would know if either of those men were "the one".
stop wasting your time and theirs,
"anyone rather than no one at all" is soooooooo wrong! | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:40:04 PM |
"anyone rather than no one at all" is soooooooo wrong!
It's cruel to keep stringing them along. Let them go so you can continue your search for the fireworks.  | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/11/2009 6:26:46 PM | "Oh my" ........ or nothing for me.
Six years and counting ......... nothing.
To me nothing is better than .... no "oh my".
I have never ever settled ...... and I never will.
If there is never another "oh my" in my life - I will smile back on the 40 years of females - that were in my my life.
Forty years - that covers five females. Three girlfriends then two long marriages .... they were ALL ........ "oh my".
To my knowledge (pretty sure as a matter of fact) - all five of those gals ........ have fond memories as well. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:21:30 PM | Those are the times when I would rather stay home with a good book.
Why waste your time? | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:30:20 PM | lasasala, your name sounds like Lots of salad.
Don't mind me it's just a random mind fart. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:49:10 PM | You are complaining about these guys for one reason or another. you need to tell them you don't see a future with them and don't date them.
Dating them with them thinking there might be something long term makes you a user.
Be honest with them and move on.
Good luck. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/15/2009 4:49:04 AM | holy hell! if somebody told me he thought i was "the one" after 3 dates i'd about throw up on the spot. wtf does that mean? if you date somebody else he is going to slash your tires?? there is NO WAY anybody could realistically come to such a conclusion after 3 dates. the guy is infatuated with you and he is mistaking his lower brain function for reality. that makes him kooky and probably unstable. not to mention emotionally needy. eeeewww. i'd run like my freakin' pants were on fire.
i am here to tell you that the so-called fireworks of which you speak knows no age limit, but you can't get them out of a wet rag. you don't seem terribly interested in either one of these guys, so why would you even think the questions you're asking? it's not a horse race. and stop trying to extrapolate "a really good future" onto a couple of so-so guys that you've only met 3 times!
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:33:28 PM |
Why on earth would anyone ever consider settling for less than the most amazing love? We have worked our fingers to the bone, built our lives, raised children, married, divorced, buried mates, parents, friends, and bad jobs. We deserve everything, not just something. It's our turn to have fun, love, and a champaign quality life.
My vote is never settle. We all deserve the champaign! E
Frankly I probably wouldn't settle for someone that can't spell "champagne".  (Just kidding)
But you're answer is "Why settle" ? Very simple. The fact is if you're going to wait for "Mr/Ms Perfect" ( trying to be politically correct here  ), who, BTW, does NOT exist, you are likely to live the rest of your life VERY LONELY !!!
Sorry, but that's the truth !!! | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:49:19 PM | Seems like most are telling the OP to cut and run.
I personally have had 2 wonderful long-term relationships in my life.
One was "chemistry", that instant attraction. She and I were married for 11 years.
The other developed very slowly. In fact, she didn't like me very much when she first met me (I'm an "acquired" taste I guess  ). She and I met up once a week for about 9 months or so (company bowling league). After the league was over (about 9 PM) a bunch of us would hang out for an hour or 2 and have a couple of beers. We hung out with different groups, then we hung in the same group and after a time she began to realize I wasn't quite the scalawag she originally thought I was but, in fact, quite the opposite.
She and I were together for 9 years.
The point is, so long as the OP doesn't mislead either of the 2 guys (although I too am a little bothered at the "you may be the one" talk from both of these guys after only 3 dates,,,,,,,, OTOH, they did say "may" !!!) and they know she's seeing other guys (and each other) she probably should take her time and see what, if anything, develops.
And to the OP, NO, over 45 is NOT too old to be thinking "fireworks" can't happen. But remember back to when "fireworks" DID happen ? Did it work out in the end ? Were "fireworks enough of a reason to stay together ?
I mean really now, after the (daily ?) sex is over you still have another 23 hours and 45 minutes to spend with that person !!! What then ??? | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/16/2009 1:15:20 PM | dont think you should be with either of them,
you have doubts about both of them so dont just settle for one of them. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/16/2009 3:51:32 PM | Through the years, I did a lot of online dating. My daughter started telling me I was too picky when I would tell her why I really had no interest in seeing so and so again.
Then I met my current bf. We have been together nearly a year. Our first date was lunch, then to an art gallery to see some of his paintings. It was freezing cold that day. The entire time I was looking at his art work, I had to fight with myself not to grab him and wrap my arms around his waist inside his coat.
You will know when the chemistry is there. You're not too old to feel the fireworks.
I called my daughter while he was using the rest room and said "he's a keeper" | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:20:31 PM | it looks like you will have to keep looking, no real atraction for either of them sure they might be ok guys.....but if you went for A or B it will fail.
youre not really atractive to them as no sparks seem to be flying
pick me instead | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 3/17/2009 12:10:25 PM | Thats what dating - being courted is suppose to do for a person. To get to know the other and maybe even relize things about oneself. People just like places and some foods just take time to grow on a person.
Being in the 45 + crowd now we tend for some of us to be set in our ways. Sometimes you have to poke the horse just right to get'em out of that old rut. Yet some just never can or will change.
You should just either date these 2 good men for a longer time and think about it and or even find a 3rd 4th or so on till you find that sparkle and longing you desire. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 7/31/2009 4:26:12 PM | I myself have found myself in a similar predicament in the past... and let me tell you.. I am not one who is happy to just "settle" for a warm body near me. I think you gave both men a fair chance 3 dates should be enough to see if there is even a hint of a spark there for you..
My ex husband and I had major passion in our relationship.. yes we did grow apart but there was nothing I would not have done for him even at the end.. because of that passion. I think it is that spark of passion that makes the dull hum drum of life more palatable.. Yes with time passion can fade but if it is there at the onset it is easy to reignite.. you can't reignite something that won't burn..
I would rather be alone than have to live with someone who doesn't light my fire from time to time. I don't expect him to be Fabio.. hmmm I don't even like Fabio but yall know what I am talking about.
And it is funny for me how I find a spark with someone.. sometimes it is a quirky little habit that endears him to me.. sometime it is his passion for life.. sometimes it is his mind or his beliefs that he is passionate about..
One of the last men I had that spark with... man he was something.. We only had one date.. but he was the total package.. he was funny, passionate about his work, compassionate about people and animals, 180 degrees different from me in his belief system which added this delicious tension between us that only highlighted our attraction for each other because we were so different in that area, 14 years older than me, and believe me when I say that I was not very coy with him about wanting to see him again... but we have never gone out again. I would date him in a heart beat if he ever called me again.. but I guess it is not to be... waaah.. but he was something else.
So I am saying all of that to say this.. that for me.. the memory of that date to this day warms me and the chemistry between us still makes me smile. Yes, I am meeting other men.. and have met some who are fabulous.. .. but even though we only went out one time it was so spectacular that I am grateful to have gotten to spend that time with him even for that one evening.
So.. I think you know your answer.. Now it might not be someone else's answer.. but it will be your answer. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 7/31/2009 5:26:16 PM | so what if mr fireworks comes along and he is a total jerk?
I think that there are degrees of attraction and I do think that you can take some one who is maybe a 6-7 on the attraction scale for you and they can turn into a 20 based on their personality and soul.
So I think that you are getting 2 concepts confused with each other.
1. You want someone that you continue to think of after that person is gone I think this is essential!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 . It doesn't have to come in the best wrapped package.
It can come in a fun unsophisticated, unpretentious , but truly lovable package.
As far as hurting feelings you do more harm by being phony and stringing someone along. If you truly have no feeling than let them go.
At 45 I would think you would want to get this one right. So don't play these nice games be true to yourself but at the same time get clear with what you really need and want. | |
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