| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:34:12 AM | you're spending too much on 1st and 2nd dates. $100 dinners are only for something special -- a birthday or anniversary of somebody i know well and love, as far as i'm concerned! as a matter of fact, i'd be embarrassed and uncomfortable as hell if somebody spent that kind of money for dinner on a 1st or 2nd date.... unless i'm paying half of the bill!
there's nothing wrong with wanting to get to know somebody on neutral ground for a while, but i think you should find something else to do with these ladies, or start picking more affordable restaurants. or meet for lunch [or coffee, or drinks], instead of dinner. | |
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ndulj
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 51 | |
| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:35:26 AM |
I have picked a gal up early on Saturday morning and ran around to garage sales and flea markets and we went to the grocery store together and bought stuff to make for dinner. I love those kind because its how we will spend our lives together. A normal Saturday not a night on the town at an expensive restaurant.
Cowboy, that may be the single most brilliant thing ever said on the PoF forums | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:47:57 AM | You are a cheapscape—I am sick and tired of men with this mentality.
Are these men you are listening to about the flowers and tother dating advise single?
Furthermore, just because you went from one place to another you counted that as 2 dates? Are you serious.
If a man asks me out, I have intention of paying. And just because it’s a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th date, I will not even consider splitting the bill or helping him out funding the date. You ask us out, you pay. That’s why its called dating | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:49:13 AM | Rick, I'm sorry I wasn't more clear. In my experience with life, women in my age group and what I've read on multiple forums, the majority of the women have said they would rather not discuss prior to the date who is going to pay. For a first meet, I always pay my way, or at least try. I just don't think it's good manners to discuss it ahead of time.
You asked for advice on verbiage, that was mine. Perhaps I was too subtle. My advice is don't include the verbiage.
Not sure where you get that I have an issue. | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 6:09:16 AM | OP, I understood you perfectly when you said IF she had offered to pay half for the second date you MIGHT have said "yes" or "no," but that is still hedging on whether you would have accepted it.
Then you say:
had I not enjoyed the date I probably would have let her pay half.
To all of you who are complimenting this man on his chivalry for paying--he isn't chivalrous! He paid because he didn't see a way out of it, but a truly chivalrous man would "want" to pay regardless of whether he enjoyed the date or not. This reminds me of a date where the man asked me out, chose the place, tried to paw me in the pub, and when I made it clear he wasn't getting NOTHING, he decided that I needed to pay my half. No problem, but I KNOW that if I had allowed him to feel me up, he would have been happy to pay for my coke and appetizer.
I have picked a gal up early on Saturday morning and ran around to garage sales and flea markets and we went to the grocery store together and bought stuff to make for dinner
I can't speak for all women, but I don't like garage sales. The first online date I had stopped at every garage sale on the way to our destination. Also, this type of scenario would be fine for people who are already dating, but on a first or second date, I simply wouldn't go if this is what the man proposed.
In addition, for a first or second meeting, this type of "date" involves MUCH too long of a time commitment.
Women, get the men off the hook: offer to pay your part and then they won't have to go through the agony of footing the bill. However, make sure YOU pick the restaurant so it is something you can afford. | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:02:54 AM | | My first and second dates have been for coffee, drinks and/or appetizers in the afternoon - definitely on the inexpensive. After a third date with one gentleman I had a 50.00 gift card that I suggested we use and he was good with that - I think we went a little over and he picked that up. I also like to go to the BYOB's - really helps keep the cost down, I think the bar tab is what makes the tab go UP! I would not go to someone's place on the 2nd or 3rd date - I need more of a comfort level, I usually wait until the 4th or 5th. Museums make a great inexpensive place to go also and they usually have someplace that you can get a cup of coffee or even a glass of wine. Keep getting out there - that is the most important thing and stop trying to impress by using money. It's your personality we are most interested in and I wouldn't care if we were in a park bench in the pouring rain (keeping Seattle in mind) if the company was good. | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:08:37 AM | Landra gave you good advice. Some of the museums here have restaurants so you could do the museum and lunch relatively inexpensively. There are women that do flinch at the big bill so just figure out how to find them without wasting too much money on the other ones. | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:22:02 AM | Thanks curls22. I think we just had that famous "mis-communication". Did I say I like your new picture.? I only intended to get (ask for) verbiage for future dating. And I've never discussed who should pay the tab? That's one of the purposes for asking what I did..initially.
Now we have Scorpiochicc, saying I considered the first date two dates? hope she improves her reading comphrension! What I said, was we met for drinks and orduerves, I enjoyed her company, and asked if she'd like to go to another club where some of my friends were, "it almost seemed like two dates". Total of about 5 hours altogether.
Gwendolyn2008. I never claimed to be chivalrous! But if you understand the true meaning/definition it includes, being courteous and generous!I definetly am courteous, and there are some who'd say I'm quite generous. And don't limit the word generous to dating.
I do appreciate all the suggestions for first dates, and other suggestions as well.
Thank you. | |
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:08:55 PM | Hi OP,
I think Saturday or Sunday brunch is always a great inexpensive date idea and actually prefer that to a fancy dinner when I'm first getting to know someone. Another option is to go out later for coffee and dessert instead of dinner.
But to answer your question, I personally don't like to discuss who's paying before the date. I always come prepared to pay my share even if I've been told ahead of time I'm being treated. When you are out for dinner and the cheque is brought to the table why not treat it as you would if you were there with a friend you would normally split the cost with? Let them review the bill with you and say something like "if we put in $xx.xx each that will cover everything".
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| Ok Guys and Girls, need a little help with verbiage!
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:42:58 PM | Jeez, I met guys who are the equivalent of the ladies you have taken to restaurants. Granted it was part of my job, but the tips came from my pocket and if they ordered a very expensive meal, there was a ceiling for reimbursement. And some guys ignored that, even when I specifically pointed that out. Sometimes you have to really be blunt with some people as they do not seem to realize that it is a reflection of their personality. I have never let a man put me in a spot where I would feel indebted to him.
It reminds me when my colleagues and I went out to eat during trips abroad in connection with our jobs. Almost always, they split the bill (humongous) among us and the one who did not drink or ordered less, always ended up the loser. So, the last time it happened, I calculated my share plus tip and said, this is what I owe. That ended it!
And OP, first meet is a first meet! It is not a date and don't consider it a date. For all you know, you may never see that person again. And you have had that experience. Don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of. There are takers and users. Stay away from them!
I had always wanted simple outings like a museum or art gallery when the entrance is free or reduced and maybe a little picnic during summer but some men have gargantuan plans for a first meet so it puts me off. Try to be more discriminate with sharing your wallet. Not everyone deserves your generosity. | |
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