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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 9:44:07 AM | | It makes perfect sense, If i actually met someone i liked, found attractive, etc, why not give the person my attention to find out if we fit together instead of constantly looking for something else | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 9:48:41 AM | I don't know how you define 'coupled up.' If you mean that they are dating each other exclusively, I believe that is one of the other discussions in the forums (dating more than one person).
Appearing to be an instant couple after a short time might just be a preference to date exclusively once you think you have met a reasonably compatible person. And this preference is not confined to the over 45's.
My daughter, who just turned 30 (never married, no kids), thought she met a great guy. They might have gone out a couple of times plus did a bit of hiking. She brought up the topic of dating exclusively and he told her to go ahead and date other guys. After feeling hurt or confused/ down for about a week, she decided not to see him anymore.
She wasn't wanting to 'couple up.' Of course I had to ask her a few other questions about the mechanics of dating. She was very frank and open about things like, "the next stage is going together to get tested." How odd when the tables turn! | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:19:15 AM | " If i actually met someone i liked, found attractive, etc, why not give the person my attention to find out if we fit together instead of constantly looking for something else.
Absolutely. The key words being actually met someone I liked. The next key words being instead of constantly looking. In my opinion, the constantly looking could be time spend on enjoyable things. In my opinion, after constantly looking for a period of time, it might, just might be time to admit that it is time to stop forcing things. | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:48:11 AM | So, if I am reading correctly, you meet someone you like, become a couple and devote all your available time and attention to this one person.
What happens if you meet someone else, just by accident, at work, or bowling, or at the grocery that also attracts you? Do you then break up the first couple, and become a couple with a different person?
Or what if after a few months, you find the person has traits or characteristic you can't abide? Is the couple thing, and all the benefits that go with being a couple just forgotten?
Wouldn't it be better to not make an exclusive commitment until you know you are well on your way to loving someone, instead of the revolving door of being part of a couple, do the dramatic breakup, and then move on to being part of another couple?
That's the part I don't understand. Unless you really love drama, why place yourself on such an emotional rollercoaster ride? If you read the forums much, you see people disappear and reappear on a regular basis. I personally know of several who have been doing the couple thing for at least 4 yrs. Everytime they have the big breakup, it's the tears and recriminations all over again.
When did just liking someone, or lusting after someone, or being infatuated with someone, become enough? | |
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Landra
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 129 | |
| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:59:36 AM |
What happens if you meet someone else, just by accident, at work, or bowling, or at the grocery that also attracts you? Do you then break up the first couple, and become a couple with a different person? Seems so. The guy who hit on 20 women and ended up a couple by "default" with the 21st one now sees a batch of new students-- fresh talent. His attention is waning yet he/she have been a "couple" for 3 whole weeks.
Or what if after a few months, you find the person has traits or characteristic you can't abide? That's exactly what I mean. That was the question I had. Yet so many people seem to think you meet someone and you KNOW. That's ludicrous, IMO.
Wouldn't it be better to not make an exclusive commitment until you know you are well on your way to loving someone, instead of the revolving door of being part of a couple, do the dramatic breakup, and then move on to being part of another couple? That's always what I thought. You get to know a person, date, discover who they are, decide... then become a couple-- or not. At least that's always been my experience.
That's the part I don't understand. Unless you really love drama, why place yourself on such an emotional rollercoaster ride? Yes. Just read the posts! What ever happened to dating?
When did just liking someone, or lusting after someone, or being infatuated with someone, become enough? Apparently, we're missing something: "you just know" they're right, the one, your soul mate, perfect, meant to be...and you decided this immediately because, if you're over 30, you've had the "experience" to decipher their good, bad and ugly traits over coffee.
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:00:20 AM |
When did just liking someone, or lusting after someone, or being infatuated with someone, become enough? So, what you are saying, Pazoozoo, is that if you are infatuated with someone or lust for someone, you still date others? You just want to check if your feelings are real and you can check it only in competition?
Being a couple just means that when you get relationship on more intimate level, you don't keep dating others but figure out where is theat relationship going. I don't remember any dramatic break ups after 2-3 months of dating...and I'd definitely consider it sometimes being a couple.
At least if you show up in public places together (like church, dinner with children, weddings etc) and sometimes you stay overnight at his or her places - what it makes you? It's still dating, nothing about marriage or engagement, but you are definitely a couple...IMHO | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:15:20 AM |
You just want to check if your feelings are real and you can check it only in competition
I don't consider enjoying the company of the opposite gender in a social setting a competition. Perhaps some people have been watching a little too much Rock of Love? | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:49:21 AM | Online dating is like people picking peaches at the grocery, they picked up a pretty nice one the first time, and set it down to finger all the other ones looking for a better one, meanwhile some smart one came up, recognised the good one, grabbed it and took off with it, and you've bruised and poked holes in all the rest so they're not fit for anyone now....
When you find a good one, you won't keep them if you are halfa$$ed interested and always grabbing everything else that comes by for a taste. They'll dump your sorry a$$ | |
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| Why the Rush to Coupledom?
Posted: 2/23/2009 1:13:16 PM | I don't consider enjoying the company of the opposite gender in a social setting a competition. I don't just enjoy the company, I consider the company for the future relationship, unless I met them not for dating purposes.
Let's say I meet my girlfriends for a dinner or a drink and enjoy their company, but they potentially could not have sexual relationship with me...so it's all right.
Men (any age), on the other hand, ALWAYS consider my company potentially for something more than platonic company. maybe it's just my problem and other women don't have this issue. So, when I am dating farther than 2-3 dates, usually, it's only one man (even if sex was not involved)
Perhaps some people have been watching a little too much Rock of Love? I don't watch TV | |
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