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| | Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?Page 5 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) |
I'm not even sure if a serious Christian can fall in love with a partial Christian....
Very good point!
Some people believe in every word of the Bible as facts and laws by which they live their lives. . . but some people believe in the Bible as a guide full of allegory from which they draw strength and inspiration. No one can be all things at all times, so everyone selects aspects of religion that are important for them-- ie, someone might care more about treating people with compassion than they do about not eating milk and meat in the same meal.
People can believe whatever they want about Christianity and the Bible and Jesus. . . they can debate that he was the Son of God, or a prophet, or just some guy wandering the desert. . . but I don't think there's much room to debate that whatever he was, he was trying to be a good person, a helpful person, a caring and thoughtful person. I hope no one debates the importance of the effort to be decent to others.
I think if a serious atheist and a serious Christian can agree on that, they might have hope. The problem with that is, anyone with really serious beliefs about anything doesn't have that flexibility to allow for compromise.
To answer the OP's second question, when I consider serious Christians and serious Atheists, I'm thinking about the very vocal people who have strong faith that their belief system is the only "real" and true belief system. I'm not thinking about the people who seriously practice their own beliefs in their own way and who encourage the same from others. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 5:54:58 AM | RDtoo wrote:
I'm not even sure if a serious Christian can fall in love with a partial Christian....
So true! While living again with an argumentative-type atheist gives me the heebie-jeebies...living with an extreme Christian would be challenging too. They'd probably think I was a pain in the a$$ too.
This informative thread had me humming this song, thought I'd share :) Cheers!
Let's Call the Whole Thing Off
Fred Astaire
Things have come to a pretty pass,
Our romance is growing flat,
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that.
Goodness knows what the end will be;
Oh, I don't know where I'm at...
It looks as if we two will never be one,
Something must be done.
You say either and I say eyether,
You say neither and I say nyther;
Either, eyether, neether, nyther,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like potato and I like potaeto,
You like tomato and I like tomaeto;
Potato, potaeto, tomato, tomaeto!
Let's call the whole thing off!
But oh! If we call the whole thing off,
Then we must part.
And oh! If we ever part,
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you like pajamas and I like pajahmas,
I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas.
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off.
Let's call the whole thing off!
You say laughter and I say lawfter,
You say after and I say awfter;
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like vanilla and I like vanella,
You, say parilla and I say parella;
Vanilla, vanella, Chocolate, strawberry!
So, if you go for oysters and I go for orsters
I'll order oysters and cancel the orsters.
For we know we need each other,
So we better call the calling off off! | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:59:53 AM | Can it happen? Of course! Love itself doesn't have boundaries. More likely, though, I think it might be more about mutual lust (not always, of course).
Can it work? Highly unlikely.
If both are serious, I doubt either could truly respect the other's opinion and avoid the topic of religion to the point of avoiding all conflict. There is no room for compromise in either's opinion. Even if both share virtually identical ethics, the basis for those would be very different. This is a fundamental incompatibility that few could - or would want to - overcome. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:29:57 AM | After reading more posted messages on this topic, I am convinced that this is one issue in life that should not be compromised on. If you spend a lifetime with someone , have kids, and etc would you not want your spouse to be in a right relationship with God?
I truly feel sorry for anyone who is not in a right relationship with God. This just reinforces my belief that my sons need to be taught the right way to believe. It continues to amaze me how unwilling some people are to simply do what God asks of us. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:55:57 AM | It continues to amaze me how unwilling some people are to simply do what God asks of us.
Maybe the problem is that even within the Christian community, there are so many different ideas about what God asks. Some people say that God asks them to worship on saturdays, others claim He wants them on worship on sundays. Some people claim that God wants them to worship him in a church, others say God permits them to or wants them to worship Him in spirit and truth at home. Some people claim that God requires them to be baptized in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Others say that God requires them to get baptized in Jesus' name only. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:10:53 AM | well, i certainly didn't get to spend a lifetime with someone, and having kids is yet another dream that by now realistically may not even happen, (much less go back and it all happen when i'm younger again??). so i'm choosing to not let my faith be an obstacle to possibly meeting someone who would treat me right. marrying a christian man only works when men choose to become christians at all, and also choose to marry christian women. i can't tell you how many men i've seen waste their entire lives hoping for this mysterious woman that nobody knows where she is, but "i'll know when i see her"  and finally when they are 40+, or often older, they finally settle for the closest physical description of even her nose size that they could find though she is nothing at all else like what he wanted. and some men will never marry; some are sitting there saying they are still in love with their ex and the ex had left them years ago for another man and the ex has had many men since and often is remarrried; alot of men just want to try to get the ones under 25; meantime, grown nice attractive christian women are sitting home single, alone and childless. soooooooo. since i see men who say they are christians choosing women in the same manner as the ones who don't call themselves christians, i prefer to fish from the pond that actually does have men in it to choose from. at least i have options that way. and i don't want what is left of my life to be bound and limited by what these men who call themselves christians do. yes i could give names and addresses of some of these men i mentioned but i don't think that would be a good idea. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:12:38 AM |
I think it's possible. As long as each person is not in each others face about their preferences. These "born-again" types can be like that.
My family is like that. My step mother is a VERY devout christian, but my father was atheist. The way it worked? Dad went to church just to support his wife, but when it came to us kids, we were permitted to make up our own minds. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:34:40 AM |
that my sons need to be taught the right way to believe.
Taught...... or forced, as in rigidly crammed down their throats ?
It continues to amaze me how unwilling some people are to simply do what God asks of us.
As it continues to amaze me how some people are only able to see through their narrow blinders and refuse to reconize or acknowledge that their way is not necessarily the only way.......
Peace | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:51:09 AM | Exciting1,
Oh my! I understand what you are saying completely! and I know many of these Christian men! I thought maybe its a Southern Cali thing...I guess the problem is global! These men believe that they deserve the absolute best...but the problem is they wouldn know "best" if it hit em on the nose (and fail to realize how grossly imperfect they are and will always be). Gods best doesnt seem to come in perfect little decorated packages at all...
Exciting1 You settling with a non-Christian would actually be called, "settling":)
No, I have never seen a born again married to a "semi-Christian" or non-bliever work out...
NO, I dont think a serious Christian can fall in love with a serious atheist for long (and vice versa)!!!!! I can be friends with an atheist, but couldnt have a romantic relationship as its a turn-off, not a turn on to me.
I did meet someone on here who is not a Christian....He is soooooo good to me and I care about him so much! everytime I wanna say no more...I just cant say it! I look at him and I turn to mush! ....its gonna have to end though. Hows it gonna last with just one person being excited about Jesus????????????
Im a glutton for punishment. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:56:30 AM |
I truly feel sorry for anyone who is not in a right relationship with God.
No need to feel sorry for me darling, I have a very fulfilled, happy life without believing in fairy stories.
In fact it baffles me why you feel sorry for atheists, lol, but good luck to you anyway. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:18:12 AM | I think if both people can TRULY 100% respect the other's beliefs and opinions and not try to sway them to their own side, then yes. It can happen. It's just one discussion that should be made from the very beginning and then honored. As soon as one starts to try to persuade the other into their beliefs, then problems will occur. But I guess here is how I see it going down.
Partner A - Strong Atheist - lets call this person Devon (can be guy or girl)
Partner B - Strong Christian - lets call this person Pat (again, can be guy or girl)
Scenario 1
Pat gets up every Sunday morning and heads off to Church. Goodbye, honey, I'll be back in a couple hours! Heading to church! Devon says ok, have a good time! and goes about their business. Now, this type of relationship and mutual respect - yes I think it can totally work.
Scenario 2
Pat is sitting in the livingroom doing some reading or researching. Devon walks in and asks Pat what's up? Pat tells Devon they are reading a few verses in the Bible and doing some research for this week's Bible Study. Devon gawfs and makes remarks about how that is such a waste of time and why not find something more useful to do w/ their time.
Now obviously, this relationship isn't going to work because Devon can't seem to respect Pat's beliefs and lifestyle.
Need I say more? | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:24:13 AM | | Sidewinder you cannot even begin to understand how important a Christian's faith is unless that is as part of your life. When you start all I hear is static. I am not going to try to convince you of anything. I will simply pray for you. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:31:35 AM |
I truly feel sorry for anyone who is not in a right relationship with God.
And YOU define the "right" relationship and the "right" god?
It continues to amaze me how unwilling some people are to simply do what God asks of us.
Which god? My god/dess does not require of me the same things that the Christian god asks of his followers. This is a circular argument; I can just as easily say, "It continues to amaze me how unwilling some people are to acknowledge the existence of the Goddess," or even, "It continues to amaze me that some people still believe in a Pie in the Sky."
Scenario 3:
Vicki and Mike are a young couple who both say that they are dedicated to Jesus. Both were baptized and they go to church every Sunday, acknowledging Jesus as their savior. On Saturday night, Mike's friend, Jim, comes over. Vicky sees them in prayer and is touched until she hears what they are praying for: Mike and Jim (also a Christian) are going out to the back of the house to smoke some weed and are asking Jesus not to come back while they are smoking. They want him to wait until they are finished so they can ask for forgiveness.
TRUE story.
What are the chances that this marriage is going to work? | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:51:54 AM | I'm pretty much agnostic...so i don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who was, say, a fundamentalist Xtian but then again, they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me!
that being said...a couple where one is religious/observant and the other is not, can work. Sometimes they'll just agree to raise the kids a certain way. As long as one doesn't try to convert the other, and you have OTHER things in common. | |
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AIB07
| | Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 118 | |
| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:01:16 PM | I suppose if one employs the "love the sinner, hate the sin" mindset (a mindset I don't personally subscribe to in that I believe none of us better than the other) then it could be done. I guess the bigger (and perhaps more important question) is why these two would be drawn together in the first place. My fear would be that deep inside, both might hold on to a hope that they might "convert" the other to their own world-view, and that once that is done, all would be well. Depending on the severity of conviction and belief, this might prove a very difficult task.
Christians seem commanded via Bible verses to believe and do many things in the name of a personal relationship with God. Agnostics or Atheists on the other hand are the antagonist (though I doubt it is their intent to be so) and so it seems to me and odd mix. Then again, when it comes to love, who knows?
Christmas would most assuredly be fun!
-Drew | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:12:42 PM | I don't think a serious Christian and a serious atheist can have a LASTING relationship.
Sure, in the beginning people are willing to overlook certain parts things about their partner. Perhaps they believe enough 'love' will change them, maybe the relationship hasn't come to a point where these beliefs are challenged.
However, most people's religious (or lack of) beliefs are a core part of their system of values. While I'm NOT saying people who do not believe in God are valueless or immoral - I have met people who are genuinely good people who just don't subscribe to religious beliefs and I have met religious people who are downright awful human beings; the core values and where they come from with in us is very important to each of us in a very personal way. Being with someone who does not feel the same way will eventually lead to problems.
Figure it this way, if I firmly believe in my Christian values - I attribute certain qualities to them and seek out those qualities in others. A person who cannot share those beliefs can and will undermine my own faith and beliefs - intentionally or unintentionally. And visa versa. It can and will become a hurdle that cannot be overcome - unless one of the partners is willing to change. And that is NOT an area where most people are willing to sacrifice their beliefs.
Just my take on it tho... | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:33:46 PM | | If your religion is intertwined with your morals then the importance of having a shared religion is doubled. Having one overall "maker of the rules we will follow" means that interpretation will be the arena of differences instead of the much larger clash of totally different rules. Relationships offer enough areas for disagreement..not clinging to the same fantasies can be terminal. | |
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| After reviewing some more posts...
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:51:26 PM | ...and giving this some more thought, I haven't changed my mind that it ultimately wouldn't work, nor have changed my thoughts on the reason why, but I did recall some things and also sort of parsed the issue a bit.
A couple of people have cited examples of how in their family, it did indeed work....a devout Christian mother...and an atheist father.
It is no coincidence that in both examples...and I am almost certain this would be the case in the majority of examples...it is the woman who is the Christian.
As a couple of the ladies have alluded to, there is an issue in the Church regarding men being an active participant. Men (especially single men) are sparse.
Accordingly, it is an age old scenario of the woman who comes to church every Sunday alone...
Now, in most cases the husband isn't an atheist...they believe in God in the sense that most people do - the existence of some being or power greater than themselves. They just aren't at all practicing Christians...the are "Christians" in the same way it is assumed anyone of Arabic decent is of Islamic faith, and hence is called a "Muslim", when in fact they might not be.
Theses relationships survive because the wife do not try to press their beliefs on to their husbands...they instead turn the entire situation over to God, and pray (sometimes fervently) for His will to be done, and often times for their husbands salvation. But no, there is no discussion or debate between the spouses.
This same model would work for the Christian / Atheist relationship...and apparently has.
Still, I have my sincere doubts...I just have never known an atheist to respect my beliefs. We've seen more examples in this thread...remarks about "imaginary friends" and the like.
My own personal walk with Christ is in tatters right now - so believe me when I tell you that I ain't tryin' to be evangelin' nobody. Haven't been for easily 10 years...closer to 15.
But damn if not every time it SOMEHOW comes out that I am (still) a Believer, and some atheist will jump my ass. "How can you....you seem so intelligent...you are such a regular guy...well explain to me...."....ad nauseam,
They can't resist the urge...I'm almost always left with the impression they are trying to convince themselves, since I haven't tried to convince them of anything.
No respect.
It could never work without mutual respect, and I don't see that happening.... | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:53:41 PM | ^^^That respect thing goes both ways. Looking down on atheists is the last socially acceptable prejudice (try imagining an atheist President here in the US). I've seen plenty of people in my life change their opinions of me once they find out (only when they push me about my beliefs) how I see the world, and it seems just fine for them to then look down on me, or expect me to suddenly sprout horns.
But back to the post...Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but in the overwhelming majority of cases, no, this just doesn't work. Two people with such diametrically opposed world views simply aren't compatible. I'm all in favor of finding spiritual solace however you can, and if it works for you then great. I like to consider myself a man of science and reason, and can't possibly take anyone seriously who believes hook, line and sinker in an imaginary bogeyman that lives in the sky. I personally see the steps from a belief in many gods to one god, to eventually no god, as part of a logical and necessary step in the social evolutionary process; does it sound like I'd be able to make a relationship work with someone busy praying for my soul and hoping I don't go to hell!?
Like one poster mentioned earlier in this thread, it would be like a hard core vegan PETA activist being involved with an avid hunting, meat-eating carnivore, ala Ted Nugent. I just don't see it. | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:58:32 PM | What some religious people fail to see is that as an atheist, I'm not choosing to not believe, I'm not fighting off something that I know is good for me, I'm not mad at some god (although I do find the idea of a god pretty disgusting considering what happens to some people), I simple don't believe in any supernatural beings. It's not there. Nada, zip, zero. So either I'd have to be a big ole liar and fake it or I'd have to be brainwashed because I never have, ever, believed in any gods. So like the person who simply cannot imagine their life without a god in it, I cannot imagine a life with an invisible, supernatural entity in it. Since I am not going to lie to make religious people happy, I'm also not going to enter into a relationship with a religious person and pretend not to think what they believe is silly at best. Why that makes some Christians rant & rave, I couldn't tell you, but for me, honesty, I feel, is much more important than fitting into some expected mode by many other people. I won't be a phony Christian, and if there turns out to be a god, I sure don't want to be in the shoes of a fake Christian LOL (I say that because so many people say they'd rather say they believe and be right than to be wrong. Personally, I'd rather be honest).
As for the Grandma married to the Grandpa who liked to invite visiting preachers over to debate them and Grandma getting off on that...me thinks Grandma liked bad boys.  | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:41:04 PM | i think that when you talk about falling in love with a person, you must take them as you find them. a relationship is based on trust, respect and love.
if you were in a relationship with a person and had true feelings for them, religion shouldnt come into it. yes there will be opposing views, but if you can just accept that you have different views and dont force them into a different path, or judge them for who they are, then i think it would work without problems.
the respect plays its part in that you respect that the significant other has different views.
the thing, you have to be an accepting person, nobody can live with another person without finding something that bugs them, but if you can just accept, love and appreciate their flaws, then why not be able to accept, love and appreciate their religion - or lack of as the case may be? | |
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| Can a Serious Christian Fall in Love with a Serious Atheist?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:48:14 PM | | settling, whatever. i've been told it all. even by people who are nearly 60 and surprise, "haven't found the right guy" so, i'm choosing to try to not end up like them. i'm not ruling out a christian if it happens, but it's not very likely. the few guys there know full well that they are "the few guys there." i do think it's partly due to the south [U.S], because i've had better luck with guys from the north, who apparently aren't used to women outnumbering men by however much. but i've also been to different churches in a couple of different countries, and it's still way more women than men there. california is known for being very liberal anyway, so i guess it would be hard to find a christian man out there too. there is a huge huge difference in the way that i am treated, even recently, on a saturday night at a function held at a bar, i was treated like a real woman, and then clock turns for sunday morning, and i'm treated like dirt on a dirt road. so which one do i prefer to be treated as? | |
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