|
|
|
|
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/24/2009 5:38:42 PM | | Dr Phil asked how yelling works for you as a discipline tool? I'd say it works just fine on the rare occassion that I feel it is necessary to drive home a point. How is his Doctor's license by the way? Isn't it nonexistant? Yelling is not the same as hitting, but yelling should not be used all the time or kids will tune the yeller out. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/24/2009 5:57:54 PM | there's a difference between raising your voice and yelling and i believe there are households of people that just yell all the time (an environment i could never be in).
raising your voice to make a point.....yes and we all do it.
yelling at your kids all the time because you know no other way to effectively communicate....that's another story. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:48:00 PM | | I totally agree with the person who talked about putting them in time out and using a timer. I actually had the same problem with my son after his father left. I would get so frustrated that the only thing I could do was yell at him (and honestly, I don't think that I was frustrated with my son, but more so with the other parent). I didn't think anything else worked either, but the more I yelled the more he got used to my yelling. My son is four. I have personally found that if I remain calm when he doesn't listen or is acting out he seems to do better and listens better. It has been a struggle, don't get me wrong, yelling is a difficult thing to break, but honestly I would use the same approach for myself. I would remove myself from the situation when I could sense myself getting frustrated and I would then go talk to my son when I was a little more calm. Granted there are some situations that have to be dealt with immediately, but if there was nothing that could harm him I would walk away and count to ten. I would get down to his level and let him know what he was doing wrong. I would then have him tell me what he was doing wrong, and I would do that to make sure that I knew he understood what he was doing wrong. I would then let him know that he was going to have to go sit in a chair and I would put the timer on for four minutes, since he is four years old. If he was throwing a tantrum or fussing I would let him know that as soon as he was done I would come talk to him but that I would not talk to him if he was crying or fussing. I still catch myself sometimes raising my voice to him but then I think about my reactions to people when they yell at me, I get defensive and don't want to listen. Be patient, it is a struggle but if you discipline yourself your son will catch on. Stick to something when you say it too.. like if you tell him that he is going to go in a time out if he does not quit doing something and he continues, put him in a time out. Be very consistent. Good luck. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:10:55 AM | It is one thing to yell once in awhile, its another if you're yelling daily. Sure, I have yelled at my kids....most of the time it is simply to get my voice over theirs cause they're being so loud they can't hear me. My 13yr old daughter LOVES to push my buttons and we have had our moments too. Most often though, yelling at my house is only done when kids are playing or one of us is to lazy to walk to the other end of the house to say come here.
You're causing your child just as many problems, if not more, teaching him that yelling is OK and a good way to deal with problems. The problems you're trying to solve with yelling, are just going to get worse.
I'm not blowing smoke out my butt....My kids misbehave(d) with their father because he yells (or yelled) about EVERYTHING! Did not matter where they were, embarrassed them more than once in front of their friends. The more he yelled, the worse they got. They got to the point that they would try and get out of going to his house and never wanted to spend time with him.
I'm not sure what made him see the light, I was always honest with him and told him (shhhh don't tell my girls) what the kids would tell me in hopes that it would wake him up to reality. He probably thought I was poisoning their minds with lies about him to make them this way, if he did, he now knows he was wrong.
The kids do not avoid Daddy anymore, though they don't prefer his house because he lives with his parents (maybe the reason he quit yelling), they look forward to their weekends and evenings with Daddy.
There are still lingering effects though, my son has a temper just like his Daddy, and responds just like he has seen his Dad respond in the past to things that upset him.
Yelling is at the top of the list. But, since yelling at my house is a no-no (I have kicked their Dad out of my house more than once for yelling or slamming a door), he has learned if he yells even one word out of anger, he sits on his bed until he can calm down and talk about what made him mad. It is working for now, I hope their Dad will continue to control himself when he moves into his own place!
Remember, you're dealing with a 4yr old CHILD, not a teen, or an adult. 4yr old kids are bound to be bad, no matter which parents house they are at. They are testing the waters, learning what they can, and can't get away with. You're teaching him its ok to blow up and yell to deal with problems. The path you're taking is no better than the one your Ex is taking, maybe even worse. Make clear rules, stick to punishments (taking his favorite toy for a week or no dessert), and reward good behavior. Get a calendar and stickers or a marker, if he is has less than xx amount of bad "marks" for the day he gets to put a sticker on that day, or draw a smiley face. At the end of the week if he has more happy faces than sad he gets a prize. Simple things with young kids have HUGE results! Don't expect an angel in a week, it takes time.
*Stepping down from soap box* | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:36:39 AM |
Sidenote: The only thing more annoying that provides even less results is counting! Please don't start that stupid practice of "I am going to count to 3"......I just want to applaud the parent for being willing to look like an idiot!
HEY NOW! I found myself doing the counting thing my first time around...I still do count, not when they're in trouble though lol, that's pointless!
Let me tell you, if you have a couple of them that are real close in age, they fight like MAD....when I get tired of listening to them I say when I get to 5 you're both grounded if you don't be quit.....1,2.....FIVE
Always end with them laughing cause I don't know how to count and forgetting that they were just fighting over who has to take a shower first.  | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:48:24 AM |
For cripes sake.....raising your voice at your child is not wrong.
My daughter is 20, you better believe I yelled at her a few times in her life.
A good example : YOUNG LADY .......what did I say about crossing the road alone?
The entire thing I didnt need to holler. Sometimes a quick two words or hollering their name to get their attention worked just fine.
obvioulsy if you are screaming at your child everytime you speak to them.....yes thats a problem
Im reading some of the above answers seeing alot of * oh not me * * oh never that is just terrible * * that is cruel I wouldnt dream of it *
please.
If you read the OP post, she clearly states this is not an "few times" or a "watch out/danger" yell. The way it read to me is that she feels she does nothing BUT yell.
I don't think people are saying they wouldn't dream of yelling, they are saying not so much | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/26/2009 11:45:01 AM | I agree with psssst
I think that yelling is a self-defeating method of communication.
It generally means you've lost control of the situation, it raises your blood pressure, it causes feelings of anxiety and anger.
I'm not going to say that I've never raised my voice to my children, hell yeah... but what I will say is that it's never been nearly as effective as calmly expressing why the behaviour is wrong and that their misbehaviour displeases me and issuing a time out...
I suggest these alternative methods:
-Remove yourself for a timeout if you're losing your cool. He is only 4 years old and will learn what you expect of him as long as you are consistent with the rules you have laid out for him.
-Get down to his level and make eye-contact. Nobody likes having someone talk down to them. My sister started her children young in getting them to repeat back to her what she is asking of them. It's harder for a kid to tell you that he didn't hear you the first time after he's just repeated what you asked. But keep in mind that when they are younger...they DO tend to forget what happened three seconds ago lol. Still a good habit in getting them to do.
-If you lose your cool and you say something out of anger by mistake...apologize! This tells your child that you too make mistakes and that you value his feelings. Children will follow in the footsteps of their parents if this is something that you practice yourself. It shows him that you too are responsible for your own actions.
It's hard to raise children in two homes that has different ideas of parenting. Especially if there is no good communication between the parents. But keep up the good work! It is tougher on you, but in the long run...as your son gets older...he will learn through trial and error. AND please don't bash your ex in front of him either, even when you feel like you want to throttle him! It will only undo what you are trying to instill in him, which is being accountable for the things we say and do.
Yep, thanks and gl! | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:16:40 PM | Depends on the yell, really. To suddenly jolt a child just before they hurt themselves - like about to touch a hot stove and shouting "don't touch - hot!" is far different than yelling as the only way a child will take direction from you.
Need to work out communication tactics with the child. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/28/2009 7:01:01 AM | ^^^ how true^^^
If I have to raise my voice then my lad just freezes instantly, and looks at me. I have his total undivided attention. He knows Mum yelling means there is an immediate problem & and it's friggin serious.
I can't tell you how grateful I was for this response of his the time last summer we were walking home from the park and a crowd of motorcyles mounted the pavement. It gave me the chance to get his attention and grab him quick with no fuss. They carried on round the corner, knocked over a man in his forties and I found out an hour later he died when they ran over his neck!
Seriously keep the yelling as a last resort method of gaining control - it could someday possibly enable you to save your child's life. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/28/2009 7:19:10 AM |
My son goes to his dad's every second weekend. His dad has absolutly no rules at him place.
Tell your sons father about the changes in behaviour and you need his help
My son gets away with whatever he wants. When he comes home it takes a while to get him back into "home" routine and he can be very naughty and not listen to me. Now to my question.
Several reasons for the child’s behaviour:
A four year old is more than likely in conflict with having to leave his dad – little boys have expectations too. Might be ideal to sit him down and spend the first hour talking and asking him how his visit went. His acting out might be a result of many factors, it’s up to you to start the communication….boys don’t grow up to be healthy men without a reality check.
The child may see a difference in how you treat him to his father and is being selective in how he wants to be viewed – selectively pushing his limits n boundaries.
Usually when a child’s behaviour is out of balance, they are missing out on something. A little boy who is 4 years would be able to tell you exactly what is bothering him.
Recently I was seeing a guy who broke up with me because I yelled at my son. This man does not have children. I admit I do yell at him when he is naughty and doesn't listen but I don't see a problem with this. I think it is better than hitting.
Children learn what they live… you are teaching your child coping skills…imagine that!
The next question you might be asking the forum is…”my child is bullying children in school…HELP!”
It generally means you've lost control of the situation, it raises your blood pressure, it causes feelings of anxiety and anger.
Create a new pattern to your interactions and like any new behaviour change, start monitoring your stress levels. It’s obvious that parents tend to lack time during those periods.
No yelling is not an option!
 | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/28/2009 11:34:28 AM | | Yelling as a means of communication other than in an emergency is a sign of dis-respect. Your child will learn this from you. If you continue to yell, don't be surprised when he yells back. I think yelling is an emotional reaction to a non-emotional situation. Nobody's life is in danger here. Take a parenting class and learn how to be calm and react to the situation, not the emotion. I have yet to raise my voice to my 16 yr old daughter. I wouldn't want her to learn that a man yelling at a woman is ok or acceptable. Matter of fact, the lower register of your voice can have a greater effect on behavior. Raised two boys too. It works. Besides, do you really want your 14 yr old boy yelling at you when frustrated or unsatisfied? | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 2/28/2009 1:33:46 PM | Runs With Wolves....catchy name...but I agree wholeheartedly with your views. The child is only four. Imagine the impression he is getting. Dad is nice to me and all Mom does is yell at me and is angry with me.
The child will associate you with anger and just as bad he will associate the dad's lack of rules as the normal "Law of the Land" so to speak! No, its not easy...yes I have children!
This "DAD" needs to understand the harm he is inflicting and you also need to understand this. Try and talk calmly to the child and explain what he is doing is wrong, not only in your household but in every "NORMAL" household.
I have two boys and when they inadvertently raise their voice to me they know they have crossed a line...but this comes from respecting each others place in the family as well as respecting each other as human beings. I can hear perfectly well without them yelling so???
Good luck...take care and God bless that child and you! | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:43:35 AM | | I think that by asking this question, you feel that the amount and type of yelling you are doing is wrong. I was just the other day talking to a girlfriend at work about how we spend the majority of our time yelling (not angry yelling, but the calling a 10 year-old daughter, they are on computer, phone, reading, not paying attention yelling). We were laughing about how we have both taken to auto yelling under the assumption they would not hear us, and we were too busy/lazy to go get them. As far as angry discipline yelling, I've done this too and mainly it's when I'm frazzled. I also have a three year old and rarely yell at him, unless it's the omg that will kill you way. I find that yelling didn't work and made me feel guilty. I think part of the problem is that you are letting your ex's lax rule policy slip into your life. I am clear with my kids that my rules are to be followed at my house, and dad's rules at his. At his young age (your son) it will be hard for him to go back and forth because he is also just discovering that rules need to be followed and he is starting to understand basic consequence. You need to try to find basic rules that you and the ex can agree on, like inside voices, cleaning messes up, maybe even something basic like hand washing. This will help him have some consistency. When he is older he'll get the fact that what flies at dad's doesn't at your house. But I think most importantly don't beat yourself up about this. It is hard being a single parent. You will get frustrated. He is young and now is a great time to make a parenting style change. Take a class, read a book on positive discipline, but don't get down on yourself. Good luck! | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:19:26 AM | I would love to know what your doing wrong.. I dont have to get loud or yell at all...Win i say something my little girl does it.. She is not a bad kid at all ... I hardly never have to get on her.. She is 4... I have 50/50 cus of her ,so i have her all the time... You should not have to ask this about yelling or anything.. Try something till it works.. Put him in the corner or to bed .. HE will learn fast that he needs to listen to you ..Shit get you a belt ... I anit saying beat the kid,just tan that ass little .. If you can take care of this now.. What are you going to do win he's 8 or even 13...You never smake a kid...
The guy may have left becuase your sons out of control.. I left a girl for that one time .. Could not control her kid at all and that gets really old....I think yelling is not need and make you more out of control...
Maybe you need to do more with the kid... hell who knows... try new things to get him to lisen... | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:57:35 AM | OP - I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was younger, in terms of the visitation and no structure at her father's.
However, yelling? Nope. Have you ever been yelled at? If so, were you even able to listen to the content of what was being yelled at you? Not likely. However, it is a fair statement that all of us parents have yelled at our children at some point or another out of frustration if nothing else.
It's one thing to yell when a child is at imminent risk of getting hurt, as yelling immediately grabs that child's attention. That's a necessary kind of yelling.
Quite another if you feel you have to yell at your child as a regular practice. All that means is that you, the parent, are not in control of the situation and you, the parent, are expressing your frustration by yelling. You get a reaction, BUT, you are also teaching your child that it is okay and justified to go out of control when you don't get what you want. Yes, I did just write that.
To balance out what is happening on visitation weekends, first stop trying to do damage control when your child returns. You're just spinning your wheels and also increasing your anxiety level and, guess what? Your child reacts to that too, because your anxiety increases his anxiety and he does what children do when they are anxious - he communicates it through his behavior by "acting out".
Your best approach, IMO and IME, is to implement, as well as maintain a structured environment in your home that is consistent - appropriate to your child's age. His little world broke up too when you and his father split up - it wasn't just your world. And if you think your son doesn't blame himself on some level for the split, you are wrong. So when you yell at him as a regular practice, you are actually reinforcing that he is to blame. Obviously, that's not what you want to teach him - but that is what he is learning.
Become a teaching parent. Seriously. He'll continue to have transition issues between the two households, but you know what? At least one parent can provide a stable foundation that he can feel secure in. Looks like that has fallen to you. When he is old enough to understand the difference? Guess who will have the healthier relationship with him?
Your son will learn more from what you do, than he ever will from what you say. You teach him what to expect from women in his future relationships by your behavior. Do you really want him to marry a woman that yells at him all the time? Finds fault with him all the time? I didn't think so. That woman would be your daughter-in-law...yikes!
Teach - far more effective than yelling. Time out - much more effective consequence - one minute per year of age. Speak with - not at - him after time out so he knows what behavior got him there and what behavior you expect. His language level - not yours.
AH3........................... | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:17:49 PM | I think that when I raise my voice, they kids listen. But, if I alway yell at them, it loses it's affect.
Even having yelled at the neighbors kids has helped quite a bit. I dont mean scream, but I have raised my voice and been stern and man, let me tell you, the neighbors bratty kids are alway well behaved in my yard now,,,,, and they love me, so go figure. The meanest mom in the neighborhood gets the most love and respect. Although I am strict, I think they all still know that I love them and that I am fair to them all.
The one,,,,,, two,,,,,,,,, three thing still works really well on my 6 year old, but trying to find something that's that effective for a teenager has been a challenge. Usually "give me that cell phone" gets him moving pretty quickly :-)
| |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:33:24 PM | There's a difference between raising one's voice to be authoritative and actually yelling.
I forgot to make mention of "the look". Hard to explain it really, but I found that "the look" had a much better success rate than anything else. The one two three as stated is excellent. My approach was #1 give the instruction or whatever, #2 repeat if necessary in case they didn't get it the first time, maybe phrased differently - whatever. #3 - still non-compliance? Consequence. Conversely, hey if compliance either at #1 or #2? Praise - sincere praise.
As for teenagers, footballmom77, yeah the cell idea is great. One aspect of teens that can leave parents a bit baffled is the emergence of the teenage temper tantrum. The typical reaction is to do exactly what the teen wants the parent to do - leave him or her alone. Wrong. A teen temper tantrum is designed to get the parent to leave him or her alone, completely the opposite of a toddler temper tantrum. There are strategies that are very effective in handling teen tantrums. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:13:30 PM | Angelheart3, I totally agree with you on "the look!"
My mother, retired 4th grade teacher had "the look" down pat. She could stop an entire 4th grade class dead in their tracks with the look! She always said that she perfected it while raising my brothers and I.
I never really knew just how effective it could be until my oldest son was a teenager. I left him babysitting his three year old brother one evening while I went out with friends. He thought I would be out much later, and when I returned home I found the 3 year old laying on the floor in the living room asleep in front of the television. My son (age 15) and his girlfriend were in his room - alone together! His best friend and his girlfriend where in my bedroom! I flushed them all out of the bedrooms, sat them on the sofa in the living room, and simply sat giving them "the look!"
My oldest son describes it as the worst 15 minutes of his entire life!
Definintely perfect "the look!" It is simply infalible! | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:43:52 PM | OP,
There is a volume of serious, solid studies within the child studies and educational studies that tend to prove that yelling has some serious damaging effect on children.
Several posters outlines many of these effects, namely:
- Children learn by examples. When you yell at your children, you teach them that problems and frustrations can be solved by yelling. Don't be surprised if they end up yelling at each other, at you, and at their peers.
- Yelling is a loss of control, not a way to take control. As you may have heard when we speak of the cycle of violence and how it is perpetrated from generation to generation, yelling is way someone who doesn't know how else to react attempts to take back some control in a control-less situation. Your children will very quickly learn that when mom yells, they are the one in control, because it is a sure sign that mom isn't.
- Yelling is an aggression. In order to realize this, think about how you would feel, and how other (adult) people around you would feel, if you yelled at them? If you yelled at your boss? You'd probably end up being fired. If your boss yelled at you? You could complain to the person's right commission and sue them, or complain to the human resources, as this is equivalent to verbal abuse. It is the same with children, except they do not have any protection or resources to call upon when parents yell.
- Yelling is a poor communication choice. It does not drive the message across, because when you hear someone yell, you shut down and close your ears and wait for the yell to pass. Nothing you say while yelling will ever have a lasting, strong impact on someone, with the exception of the teaching that "yelling is okay". It does not help to find a mutualy satisfactory solution either. Yelling is not a dialogue. It is a monologue. When you yell, you aren't teaching, you are shoving.
- Yelling at your children erode your influence on them. It is one very good way to be sure your kids will leave home early and will seek your advice as little as they can as they grow into adolescence.
- Finally, yelling destroys your child's self esteem and this can have long lasting damaging effect on his psychological development, including falling into victim mentality, becoming shy, rebelling through drugs and addictions, it may leads your daughter to become the victim of an abuser (because she will not realize that her boyfriend should not yell at her), and many other nasty effects on the long run.
You said you are completely opposed to smacking. This is great and I want to say kudos for this. This being said, you have to realize that verbal abuse is just like smacking, except it hits a child mind and ego rather than their body. Imagine a piece of paper. Each time you yell, it's like crumpling the paper a little bit. You may then make peace, but when you try to open up the piece of paper, it is never as blank and straight as it was.
If I had been that guy you were dating, I would have had a strong conversation with you to ask you about your yelling and if you didn't work on it, I would have left just like he did, because to me, yelling is a serious matter.
This being said, you said that you yell at him "when he is naughty and doesn't listen" and when "I can't get him to listen". So - ask yourself. If your yelling was working to get him to listen, you obviously wouldn't have to do it again.. and again.. and again. This should give you a clue that the yelling strategy is NOT working. Many parents perpetrate how they were raised themselves when they are parenting. Were there many yelling in your own family when you were a child?
The very fact that you are posting this question, means that you are taking the proper steps to change your parenting ways toward something different, and I can only but applaud the courage it takes to challenge your ways and to do this. Kudos to you! If you are seriously looking for other ways to handle your parenting, these ways exists. I would recommand to make a search of Faber & Mazlish, Dr. Haim Ginott or Dr. Thomas Gordon, to name a few of the great workshop and parenting books you can find on this topic. Feel free to message me in private for more information, too.
Good luck! | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:55:06 PM | Well have to cment on this one.Well i have two boys and they are teenagers.well one other 11.I have never yelled at them.I see them on the weekends and they behave better at my place. My thought on this are simple if i hell at you are you going to like it? and listen to me?
So why do you exspect your child to respond to that.You wouldn't even yell at a stranger.But you will yell at your children.Who are more like you than any one.....Ase a parent it is our job to teach them.My thoughts anyways.Does anyone agree? | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:15:07 PM | Oh I totally forgot about 'The Look'!!! It totally works. But if you give it, you gotta back it up, and that means that if they do not respond by immediately stopping the bad behavior, you take them out of the immediate area, to the car, the bathroom, wherever, and give them a nice smack on the butt. No I am not advocating beating your child, but a tap on the behind will drive a point home like nothing else sometimes. And for God's sake, keep the child away from the rest of the public until they calm down, have a talk with them about why they got spanked, and then they will understand that the next time they get 'The Look', you mean business.
And for those of you who take your undisciplined kids to the grocery store, Walmart, or wherever else I happen to be shopping, know that I will tell your kids to behave and get their butts back to their parents if they are running amuck. I once told a kid who was throwing a ball down the aisle at the grocery store ( his mother was all the way across the store) that I was a witch and I would turn him into a box of cereal and someone would buy him and eat him if he didn't behave and stay with his mother. That kid was an angel the rest of their time in the store. LOLOLOL | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:58:55 PM | ~OP~ Do you like being yelled at? When someone yells at me? My ears shut. You're most likely wasting your breath. Decibels go up, the ears shut down. Human nature and he's just a little human. How about trying to kneel down to his eye level and speak to him ~ acknowledge him on his level. Dominant behaviors such as standing and yelling only build a bridge in communication that will likely be a permanent barrier in communication. And, NO, I wouldn't be with someone who is a yeller ~ at his children or me. JMO  | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/3/2009 3:10:11 AM | Well it would seem yet again all of the "perfect parents" have shamed another OP to the point where she dosen't feel comfortable responding to any responses to her post
applause: good for all you perfect parents!!! I hope you are all teaching empathy to your children!
ButterflyMum...I can totally relate what you are going through with your little one.
I like to refer to it as the "Disney Dad Syndrome".
I can remember my kids coming home after a 4 day weekend with my ex and having alot of difficulty with their behaviour for a few days when I was strict about their scheduale at home. Did I yell....YUP...but I also made a point of sitting them down and explaining to them why I was upset and what I expected from them when they came home...I made sure they knew what the difference was.
Forget about the guy who decided to bail...he obviously didn't care enough about you or your son to help you work through the problems you are having...you are really better off with him gone.
You are going to yell at your son quite a bit over the next 15 years...just be choosy about what your yelling about!
I don't think your a bad parent, I didn't get the idea that you are constantly yelling at your son by your post. Talk to your son after he has a time out for being naughty...kids are alot smarter than we think sometimes!
I have 3 kids...and I yell ALOT!!...but now I am starting to take a 5 min time-out for myself before I go and deal with the kids... | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/3/2009 4:36:00 AM |
What do other parents think about this?
I would really like to know other parents thoughts.
The OP asked for opinions and that is what she got. That most of the posts stress the importance of not yelling all the time because kids tune it out doesn't equate that we think she is a bad mom at all....a frustrated mom yes, a bad mom, well I can only speak for myself but I don't think she is a bad mother.
Perhaps she has not been shamed, but got the advice she sought and has gone about making some changes in her home with some of the advice she has gotten on this thread. I hope that is the case because there is truth to the reality that many men won't want to be in a relationship with someone who is a yeller and she deserves to be loved just like every single one of us do. Remember, she said herself that her boyfriend ended their relationship because he felt she was yelling alot.
Too often people post wanting validation, not differing opinions because they don't really want to change anything, they just want their actions validated. I never got the impression that is what this particular single mom was seeking but I do agree that a few of the posts were harsher than they needed to be, especially since most of us can totally relate to the frustration she feels during transition and I have little doubt that many of us have less than stellar relationships with the other parent and have to deal with "Disney Dad" syndrome....love that one by the way. | |
|
| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 3/3/2009 6:27:31 AM |
Oh I totally forgot about 'The Look'!!! It totally works. But if you give it, you gotta back it up, and that means that if they do not respond by immediately stopping the bad behavior, you take them out of the immediate area, to the car, the bathroom, wherever, and give them a nice smack on the butt.
Actually, anything a parent states to a child will happen needs to happen. Best reason I know as a parent NOT to yell, threaten, bribe, coerce, etc. to gain a child’s compliance. More often than not, what is spoken in those moments of heated emotions is rarely followed through on. The result is that the child learns that the parent’s word is NOT reliable.
Yes, the “LOOK” is a wonderful tool. Eye contact is essential for effectiveness, by the way.
Well it would seem yet again all of the "perfect parents" have shamed another OP to the point where she dosen't feel comfortable responding to any responses to her post
applause: good for all you perfect parents!!! I hope you are all teaching empathy to your children!
Get a grip! I am sure the OP is quite capable of speaking for herself if she so chooses to.
I have 3 kids...and I yell ALOT!!...but now I am starting to take a 5 min time-out for myself before I go and deal with the kids...
I’m sure the kids welcome the opportunity to put you in “time out” with their behavior.
My parents raised 5 children. Hmmm...never got yelled at by my parents, nor did my sibblings. We weren't angelic children either, by any stretch of imagination.
By the way, I must have missed the post wherein the OP was called a “bad parent”. Where was that? | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
