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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:40:32 PM | A firm voice does not need to include yelling.
Yelling at a toddler or preschooler does nothing but frighten them and condition them to ignore you.
Hitting a toddler or a preschooler is even worse.
These are children who are learning! They do not understand why they can do some things, and why they are not allowed to do others. They are learning which rules are rules and which can be broken. Taking things away from them, and other disciplinary methods do work.
There is a healthy medium between spoiling your child with no discipline at all and "smacking" some sense into them.
Violence is a learned behavior. I was beaten with belts and whatever else was in range until the skin nearly broke through my clothes and was constantly being yelled at for everything; including dropping a slippery glass pan when I was 6 and forced to do the dishes alone, baking bread incorrectly when I was 11, telling my teacher we were left home alone for 3 hours a day after school when I was 9, asking where a dish was supposed to get put away frequently because I was suffering from childhood amnesia from the physical and emotional abuse. You might say, "Well, you turned out fine." It's a choice I have to make every single day. Every time my 2 year old pulls out the same things out of the same drawers she just figured out she could reach I get the urge to react the way my mom did. I have to look at the silverware and think, "It's only silverware. Tell her again not to get into it because it makes a big mess and mommy has to wash all the silverware again that she gets out and it wastes water. Tell her if she gets into the silverware again, she will have to go to the timeout chair. Then put her in the timeout chair. Do not yell. Do not scream. Do not hit. Do not throw things at the wall."
People commonly say, "Well, children are resilient. Parents shouldn't be judged for their disciplinary methods." I am making the choice to not make the same mistakes my parents did. I know what too much freedom and spoiling is, I had lots of close friends growing up whose parents loved me nearly like their own. You should all think about what kind of parents your children will be based on what you do and how you treat them. I was a resilient child. I bounced back from a lot of things that happened to me. That doesn't mean it didn't affect me, and that it doesn't still. I have to choose to be someone other than who I was conditioned to become. It's hard work, and there are days I want to just say screw it, but my daughter deserves the opportunity to parent with just the question of how she should you discipline her children, not pray everyday that she is strong enough not to beat the crap out of them and scream until her eyes bulge out of her head. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:05:14 AM |
If a husband and wife are having an argument and they are yelling, I know of no law enforcement who would charge them with domestic violence LOL
The things people actually believe on these forums... That is because adults can walk away from the person yelling, They do not have to sit there and listen to it. On the other hand, children are a captive audience, literally.
In addition, I would add that whether or not law enforcement would charge someone with a crime doesn't mean that this is or isn't violence. Many violence are real yet aren't recognized legally. In fact, yelling is part of the mental abuse cycle, although there are many other characteristics that defines it. It's already BAD for an adult - but it gets even worst for kids, as they as both captive, as Futurshock mentions, AND are in a critical part of their development, where these yelling will heavily influence their self esteem and their psychological health.
"Spare the rod and spoil the child." Either you can correct him as he grows up or the prison system will. Its up to you. That same "book" makes it mandatory to kill your children if they talk back to you, too.
Well said! I am starting to see a side of you I didn't know, Futurshock. Thank you for this comment, with which I wholeheartedly agrees. I am starting to appreciate some part of you, after all.  | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:14:03 AM |
Every time my 2 year old pulls out the same things out of the same drawers she just figured out she could reach I get the urge to react the way my mom did. I have to look at the silverware and think, "It's only silverware. Tell her again not to get into it because it makes a big mess and mommy has to wash all the silverware again that she gets out and it wastes water. Tell her if she gets into the silverware again, she will have to go to the timeout chair. Then put her in the timeout chair. Do not yell. Do not scream. Do not hit. Do not throw things at the wall." ---bosoxfaninwa
Bosoxfaninwa, I just wanted to take 2 seconds to write down that I am very proud of the great steps you are doing to stop yourself from taking your parent's road. It's a difficult and demanding work to challenge how we have been parented ourselves, so kudos to you!!!
If you would ever be interested to learn how you can handle your daughter without even the need for timeout chair, privilege removal and punishment, while still keeping your boundaries intact and maintaining discipline in a firm way, let me know. This is part of what I am learning to facilitate with parents during parenting workshops, as well as part of what I am learning to transmit to parents in my studies as a Family Life Educator.  | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:07:21 AM | | As a single mother of an 8 year old boy, I've resorted to yelling, to avoid smacking him and got nowhere with him...then I started to read different books about how to discipline your child and the different developmental stages they go through and became a much better mother and started focusing on the positive behaviors instead of always the negative behaviors...I also saw that my son needed alot of physical activity such as swimming, biking, soccer, etc.....we started to not only bond together, but remained active together.....being a single parent is difficult to begin with and not everyone is equipped as a parent until they become a parent...If u go on Amazon.com just type in how to discipline your child and all different books will pop up....good luck...you will get better as time goes by..... | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:13:43 AM |
Well said! I am starting to see a side of you I didn't know, Futurshock. Thank you for this comment, with which I wholeheartedly agrees. I am starting to appreciate some part of you, after all.
***blushes***
Thank-you. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:32:50 PM | If you are yelling at a 4 year old you need help! At 4 years old they have the attention span of a nat. You are angry and impatient and you are taking it out on him.
I was married for 18 years to a woman who yelled all the time. I watched my kids cry in frustration for always being in trouble. I watched as they grew to be angry defient children. I watched as she became more frustrated as they learned to tune her out. Yes she had fits of cursing and screaming. This led to huge fights between us. she accussed me of being to easy on them . I was accused of letting them do whatever and not having rules.
I watched my son grow up to yell back at her and hit her. I watched my other one live in his own little world withdrawn from everyone. I see my daughter as an angruy frustrated person like her mom.
Foe Gods sake! he is 4! he does not learn by rules, he learns by example and calm confident behavior. Good for the guy who left you. I appluade him. What you are doing is emotional child abuse.
Your Ex is on the right track. go easy, don't worry, he will grow up and be fine. If he is not hurting himself or others there is no crisis.
Now I have had the chance to raise my kids for the past 3 years. Yes, I am the custodial parent. I never yell, scream or show emotion. I have set guidelines that we all follow. I have ONLY one rule. Respect me,respect yourself, respect others. After that do what you want and enjoy life.
when my kids are out of line I remove everything that means something to them. I do this quietly and without warning. I take EVERYTHING away. Things must be earned back. Sometimes it may take a month or two. Yes they get nasty at first.. but then when there is no button to push no angery from me, I suddenly have a sweet helpful kid who i enjoy being around.
I suggest parenting classes. I took them for 16 weeks. I t was wondeful and eye opening. You will thank yourself.
Keep yelling and you will live to regret it.
Oh, by the way.. My oldest 2 have graduated highschool a year early. One is going to Baylor. The other to the Airforce Acadamy. My youngest skiped a grade also in 7th and is now a junior at 15. They do not smoke drink or do drugs. There is no need for them to self medicate. They live in a stable calm enviroment.
Good luck!
ED Fo | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:35:04 PM | I too was brought up with discipline that consisted of spankings, the wooden spoon, and raised voices. Its effect on me was to produce a shyer, less ambitious child. I'm not trying to blame them; they didn't know any other way.
My Dad was away frequently as a military musician, leaving my Mom with the 4 of us to handle on her own.
Sometimes our Granny (who in my memory was critical and unapproachable, yet had her occasional warm moments) would come over to help her. I remember feeling like Granny was always angry at me for not helping Mom with this or that. I didn't want to help because I was afraid I would do something wrong and get yelled at and/or spanked.
If I had a child who was about to put his/her hand on something hot, sharp or otherwise unsafe, I would do whatever I could to distract the kid's attention. If it required a slap on the hand to divert it and redirect the momentum, so be it. I would shout to shock, and to break the 'spell', as it were: the fixation of the child on whatever the attraction was.
I don't believe in constant criticism or physical harshness. If it's called for to prevent harm, okay, but not as a rule to control the child. I'd much rather use positive distraction whenever possible. Children need to feel like adults are protecting them and setting limits, and those limits must be firm & consistent, but they need not be scary. Sure, they will gripe and resist and rebel, etc.. but they will always know where the 'fence' is, and basically feel safer than if they are given too much liberty or power before they are mature enough to show they understand, and can govern their own behaviour. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:51:39 PM |
I discipline my child harshly. With spanking and the raising of my voice. Dont get me wrong I do not beat my child with a wire a hanger or anything like that. But I do think it is neccesary these days to have serious discipline. Teenagers these days have no control over there actions and what they do. I am saying this at a twenty year old woman who just recently kinda well grew up. I do not want my child turning out like all these stupid disgusting men I see these days who are disrespectful and STUPID!!!! So I am going to disipline my child harshly and not just stick him in a DAMN CORNER. I know my child will turn out to be a good man. Because I will make sure I instill all of his necessary life lessaons. I believe the only way to do that is to use REAL discipline. For all you **** parents who "discipline" your child by putting them in a corner and saying no in a nice voice have fun with your lovely influence on society child. One of those juvenile dilnquents.
EVERY PERSON NEEDS TO HAVE REALITY SMACKED INTO THEM SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES THATS THE ONLY WAY! THINK ABOUT IT!
and yes i got BEAT as a child
This post saddens me greatly. If you ever return to this thread, please for the love of your child(ren), please break the cycle of abuse you are perpetuating.....
Please also get some help for your view of men in general....you are raising a son and if you hate males, you will be communicating those feelings of hatred to him and he may end up thinking he is bad because he is a male. It sounds to me like you are trying to prevent something that hasn't even happened yet.....why do you assume your son will grow up to be one of "all these stupid disgusting men I see these days who are disrespectful and STUPID!!!!"? Treat him like a dog and he just might become one.....or worse, he might end hating all women because of the way you are raising him and decide to hurt them..... | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:15:40 PM |
If you are yelling at a 4 year old you need help! At 4 years old they have the attention span of a nat. You are angry and impatient and you are taking it out on him.
I was married for 18 years to a woman who yelled all the time. I watched my kids cry in frustration for always being in trouble. I watched as they grew to be angry defient children. I watched as she became more frustrated as they learned to tune her out. Yes she had fits of cursing and screaming. This led to huge fights between us. she accussed me of being to easy on them . I was accused of letting them do whatever and not having rules.
I watched my son grow up to yell back at her and hit her. I watched my other one live in his own little world withdrawn from everyone. I see my daughter as an angruy frustrated person like her mom.
Foe Gods sake! he is 4! he does not learn by rules, he learns by example and calm confident behavior. Good for the guy who left you. I appluade him. What you are doing is emotional child abuse.
Your Ex is on the right track. go easy, don't worry, he will grow up and be fine. If he is not hurting himself or others there is no crisis.
Now I have had the chance to raise my kids for the past 3 years. Yes, I am the custodial parent. I never yell, scream or show emotion. I have set guidelines that we all follow. I have ONLY one rule. Respect me,respect yourself, respect others. After that do what you want and enjoy life.
when my kids are out of line I remove everything that means something to them. I do this quietly and without warning. I take EVERYTHING away. Things must be earned back. Sometimes it may take a month or two. Yes they get nasty at first.. but then when there is no button to push no angery from me, I suddenly have a sweet helpful kid who i enjoy being around.
I suggest parenting classes. I took them for 16 weeks. I t was wondeful and eye opening. You will thank yourself.
Keep yelling and you will live to regret it.
Oh, by the way.. My oldest 2 have graduated highschool a year early. One is going to Baylor. The other to the Airforce Acadamy. My youngest skiped a grade also in 7th and is now a junior at 15. They do not smoke drink or do drugs. There is no need for them to self medicate. They live in a stable calm enviroment.
Good luck!
ED Fo
Excellent post, and I agree wholeheartedly. I lived with a screamer, and it was horrible. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:58:39 PM |
I lived with a screamer, and it was horrible. I never did but I dated one for a while. 
I admit I do yell at him when he is naughty and doesn't listen but I don't see a problem with this. I think it is better than hitting Yelling and hitting - are those the only two options you are aware of for dealing with a situation?
I hate it when parents allow their kids to train them to yell. If the child doesn't listen to the regular tone of voice then assign consequences when they do - time outs, denial of privileges, etc. Don't surrender all your power by yelling. Its like you're teaching them that you are a joke of a parent that shouldn't be respected or listened to when talking normally, but they should listen due to fear when you're yelling.
If they don't listen to a normal talking voice its because they haven't been given a reason to. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:02:35 PM | Is yelling appropriate when at work? Is yelling appropriate with store clerks? Is yelling acceptable with your spouse? Is yelling ever really acceptable?
Our children look to us to model the behaviour they should be adopting. Children don't deal well with double-standards or sarcasm or a host of other "conflicted" messages. They do not have the ability to rationalize that some adults do.
Yelling to warn of impending danger....ok, that I can see if you are not physically close enough to help avert danger.
In other situations, one yells to be heard, they yell out of frustration, they yell to intimidate and to coerce, they yell because they are angry and they yell because they are out of control. Is that really the message anyone wants to send a child?
Yelling is considered to be a form of abuse.
Yelling is an ineffective parenting tool and if that is the only tool you have in your toolbox or if it is one that you use frequently, you really do need to find some other, more effective tools that help to educate/teach children instead of turning them into robots who conform out of fear. I live next door to a yeller and I'll tell you that NONE of us in the neighbourhood appreciate hearing the yelling. Over the course of the four years I've been living beside her, her voice is becoming increasingly louder and louder because it has to be because her children are not hearing her anymore.
My mother taught elementary school for 30 years and when she had a unruly class, she didn't yell...she did the opposite. She talked in a deliberately low voice and within a very short period of time, the unruly children were shushing each other to hear her..... Within the first few weeks of September, the children learned that in order to hear her, they had to be quiet. She didn't have to yell and neither do you. Too bad, she didn't follow that same logic at home as a mom.... | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:17:52 AM | | When you start with yelling with a small child, you will at first frighten and intimidate them into doing what you want them to do. Do it again and again and the child will start ignoring it. Then you will have to yell louder to be noticed. When the kid is a teen, they will think you are pathetic. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:51:25 AM |
When you start with yelling with a small child, you will at first frighten and intimidate them into doing what you want them to do. Do it again and again and the child will start ignoring it. Then you will have to yell louder to be noticed. When the kid is a teen, they will think you are pathetic.
Very good points. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:01:12 AM |
EVERY PERSON NEEDS TO HAVE REALITY SMACKED INTO THEM SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES THATS THE ONLY WAY! THINK ABOUT IT! Well, first off, having reality "smacked into them" is NEVER THE ONLY WAY. NEVER.
I am saying this at a twenty year old woman who just recently kinda well grew up. I do not want my child turning out like all these stupid disgusting men I see these days who are disrespectful and STUPID!!!! So I am going to disipline my child harshly and not just stick him in a DAMN CORNER. I know my child will turn out to be a good man. Because I will make sure I instill all of his necessary life lessaons. I believe the only way to do that is to use REAL discipline. For all you **** parents who "discipline" your child by putting them in a corner and saying no in a nice voice have fun with your lovely influence on society child. One of those juvenile dilnquents. Evidently your "growing up" did not include doing any research whatsoever into the usual backgrounds of those who you describe as "disrespectful," "stupid," (whatever the hell that means) and "juvenile delinquents". Because guess what? 9.999999 times out of 10 you will find they were "beat as a child" and it is more than likely a very influential part of why it is they are so disrespectful and juvenile delinquents.
I can only echo the sentiments of itsallinthesoul. Your child is only 3 for goodness sake. What you are doing is abusive. And you are headed down the road of the kind of relationship with your son where he will not trust you with anything and that in fact is what leads children to mix with 'bad' kids, become influenced by them and turn into those teenagers you so foolishly believe you are stopping him from become by beating him and yelling at him at just 3 years of age.
Please, please, get some help now. I have read your profile. It seethes with anger, disgust and contempt for men. This will harm your relationship with your son. And I can only imagine how that sort of anger affects him when you are 'disciplining' him. That poor little boy.
Open your eyes. Or it will be too late. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:23:26 AM | I try my hardest not to yell at my daughter or around her. Sometimes if I get scared for her safety or just the frustration level hits I high point it happens. And sometimes with the spouse it just happens. I commend all those parents who can always keep their cool. I am still working on it even if it is rare. My sister and mother scream all the time. I hate it. Like everything is screaming at my nephews. And yes, eventually they stop listening and then it just causes them to have to scream more. I have got up and left because of how they are and I don't want my child around that. But yes, sometimes I screw up.  And I always feel like a tool afterward. i am a big fan of time out and talking on eye level with my child. And it always works. Yelling doesn't. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:18:34 AM | Im sure we have all raised our voices to our children at one time or another. I am usually at my wits end, when I do, and they know I mean business.
The thing about yelling at them, is after a while, they block it out. Become immune to it. Time out, take away his toys for a while, no tv. Explain to him that if he doesnt stop hitting the dog, or whatever, he will not being able to play on whatever his favorite toy is. Then follow through. He learns that he had a choice, and now he deals with it. try those tactics, and try explaining why he cant do this or that. Acting out could also be an attempt to gain attention from the parent--at least even a yelling parent is focused on him. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:05:47 AM | I completely understand your dilemma. My ex-husband and I separated not long after my son turned one.
When he does go to his dad's he does come back fairly wild and more hyper than normal. And yes I have yelled. But it doesn't work because the child just feeds off of that, and it makes them more difficult because mom has lost control. We all lose control from time to time, but if you can keep your cool the effect will work magic.
What I have found to work are several things.
1) I will/would constantly talk to my ex about rules, boundaries, and the effects that him being the "fun parent" was having on me.
He finally got this concept about rules and rountine when my son stayed for longer than a weekend. But I still have to remind my ex about these things.
2) We try to get my son early from his dad's in the afternoon and before a meal time. It is much easier this way then trying to get him adjust to the change when he is tired and hungery.
3) We use a point system, 1 point equals 1 lego peice. So if he is good in the behviors we are trying to correct, he earns the points and thus legos. Eventually building a really nice thing. But when he is not good he will not get the points thus taking longer to achieve a new toy.
The key to making this work is that he picks it out, and knows what he is working towards. This can work with mutliple toys or rewards. He has learned a lot of self-control and he makes the choice to be good.
By the way my son is 6. And I still lose it, and he still loses it, but that is how it goes. It is hard being a parent whether you are single or in a relationship.
It is always good to walk away, and re-gain your composer than to keep yelling, because in the long run he is winning and getting your attention however in a negative way and it starts a really nasty cycle.
I hope that this helped some. good luck. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:58:32 PM | I have a four year old too (as well as a 21 month old) - lovely sweet beautiful little darling behaves sooo perfectly the minute she steps outside our front door, can take her anywhere and leave her with anyone they all say shes so polite isnt she happy does she ever stop smiling and so well behaved.
Now I agree with this in a way because yes she can be like this USUALLY FOR EVERYONE BUT ME!!! (Im yelling lol) but as soon as we step foot in the door she turns into the devil. Wont do as shes told, answers back, wont tidy up her toys, wont get in the bath, wont come in from the garden etc etc. Everything is a battle.
I'll give you an example. Yesterday messed up her room bad so cue mummy - tidy your room please - then later - tidy your room like I asked please - later still - have you tidied your room yet - so I say right well you stay in your room til its tidy then you can come and play in the garden with us. 20 minutes later she comes down all smiles having tidied (or so i believe). Bath time comes round and upstairs we go - guess what, its not tidy! So yes ill admit i lost my temper - RIGHT THATS IT GET IN YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW AND TIDY IT OR YOURE GOING STRAIGHT TO BED NOW!
I didnt need to say another word she turned tail shot in her room and 10 minutes later triumphantly came through and said look how tidy it is now!I thanked her for doing as I asked and bedtime routine continued as normal.
Another example; the 21 month old the other night would not lay down and go to sleep - i went in several times, put her back in and said bedtime go to sleep. The 5th time I went in I had had enough - I did not yell but I raised my voice and said right thats it get into bed right now enough is enough - she got in and pulled the duvet up and I kissed her goodnight and didnt hear another thing.
I'm giving this as an example as I believe when all nice requests have failed this is how things get done in my house. If I sat her on the naughty step then said now tidy your room, believe me she would be sitting there all night because she would not get off the step and go and do it. I dont shout all day long and I choose my battles - some are just not worth the hassle and not worth getting into an argument about. Most importantly I never end the day with a fight - I always kiss and cuddle goodnight and tell them I love them, whatever has happened during the day.
I think we all parent in different ways and I dont know of one other mother that I speak to at school who doesnt yell at their children - however I do think it is a last resort situation and not something that should be practiced all day every day. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:54:28 PM | It has occurred to me that perhaps we need to clarify the difference between "raising one's voice" and "yelling." I think from reading the posts, that most parents at some point in their child rearing years resort (albeit probably in moments of extreme frustration) to "raising their voice."
This past weekend I and many others got a prime earful of "yelling."
On the 4th, we stopped at a small little rummage sale along the Highway in a small Oregon town. Shortly after we arrived a family pulled up with 3-4 children ranging in age from pre-school (3-4) to perhaps 10-11 years of age. The children spread out across the rummage sale, father headed in one direction, mom in another. One of the rummage sale workers spotted two of the older children on the top level of a bunk bed and said something to the mom. She turned and rather than walked over to where the children were and speaking to them directly, she began to scream like a fish wife! For the next 5-10 minutes she screamed at the children - berating them for their behavior. Finally, the oldest of the children began to scream back at his mother in defense! Needless to say, the majority of the other shoppers either left quickly, or at least gave mother and son a wide berth.
My mother, age 84 and a retired 4th grade teacher, waited until the screaming had stopped and the son had been sent back to sit in the van with his father (who remained silent during the entire exhibit). My mother quietly worked her way next to where the mother was now shopping.
"I know it's none of my business, but I wanted to let you know that the only thing you accomplished with that entire show was to encourage your son to gain everyone's attention in a very negative manner. If you teach him that is how to communicate when he is young, imagine how he will talk to you and others when he is a young man. I have been known to stop an entire 4th grade class in their tracks with a stern look and a quiet reprimand. You can too."
Needless to say, the young mother said something socially unacceptable to my mother and then gathered her other children and left. No one at the rummage sale seemed to be sad they were gone, but I heard a number of people express pity for the children. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:04:11 AM | Yelling is not as shrill as screaming.
Raising your voice to get a child's attention or to get them to listen doesn't work. You will have to continue to raise the volume until you get to the point of yelling, and then screaming. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:54:06 PM |
Raising your voice to get a child's attention or to get them to listen doesn't work.
Indeed, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.
Here are a few questions to ponder :
If one of your job co-worker isn't paying attention to you, would you use yelling and screaming as a way to get that attention? And if it is your boss who isn't paying attention to you - would you yell at him? Would he find this respectful? What could happen to you if you yelled at your boss to get his attention? What other way could you think of to get your co-worker's or your boss' attention?
As a manager, if your employee wasn't paying attention to you - would you yell or scream at him in order to get that attention? What could happen if you did so? If you would be yelled at or screamed at by your boss, how would you feel? What would you do? What other way could you think of to get your employee's attention? Can you think of a way to achieve this objective while preserving the employee's respect for you?
If one of your close friend wasn't paying attention to you, would you scream or yell at him? If you did, what would happen? Do you think he would remain a close friend for a long time? If you get yelled at by a friend, would you keep that friend very long? What other way could you think of to get your friend's attention?
If your spouse is yelling at you to get your attention, how would it make you feel? Would your relationship be very stable? Very healthy? What other way could you think of to get your spouse's attention?
What is the difference between a worker-boss relationship, a friend-friend relationship, or a husband-wife relationship, and a parent-child relationship?
Why would yelling and screaming be any different or yield any different results for a parent-child relationship?
Peace to all  | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:41:22 PM | The level of displine depends on two things, age, and how badly you need to correct the sitation. You can't reason with a tottler, most of the time, however time-out can be effective. But to a point. Sometimes, when time out fails, or putting them in the child in the corner, then a spanking is called for. Yes, yelling is sometimes needed, and valid. Gee Whiz, people get angry throughout, our lifetimes, therefore, we will either yell or be yelled at. You can be in a healthy relationship where anger expressed by yelling etc. Anger is a human emotion, that needs to be expressed. If you don't effectively displine, you will have spoiled unruely, rude childern. People are flawed creatures, ie war, violence, and so on, so yelling prepare childern for the riggors of adult living.
So saieth the Caveman King. | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:56:34 PM | yeah. right.
well. i was wondering the same thing.
and after reading this.. here comes the naughty chair & out goes the yelling.
looking at your photo, butterflymum, you're young, so am i. i think i yell cause i was yelled at and i don't really know anything else. but i am going to try SOOO HARD not to.
thanks to every who replied as well as you too, for speaking up.
goodluck! xo.
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:23:37 PM | Yelling at kids is not really heplful....
Neither is yelling at a dog...
But it is more fun that putting up with the crap and saying nothing....
That being said, I guess I was lucky... the only thing I ever had to yell at my kid was... " Hey, Can you grab me another beer...." | |
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| Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:29:09 PM |
These are children who are learning! They do not understand why they can do some things, and why they are not allowed to do others.
You know, it's very true...
One of the things I love about my G/F is that she took a course on communication... as did I (different courses) but anyway one of the things that we do very well is communicate... yet we don't teach this sort of thing as a course to parents... and we really should...
I say something to my GF and if she's not sure, she asks, along the lines of "What I understand you to say is...... ..... ....." and that allows me to agree or adjust what she has perceived.... and I likewise do the same if I'm not sure...
It would make life so much easier if we could do something similar when raising a child... less confusion and precise instructions... and less mixups leading to upsets... | |
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