| How do I stop?
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:37:48 AM | You're right, it's not that important. It's a ring and some shoes.
I guess I just wanted to yell and scream and tell him what a low life he was and is and how much of a hypocrite he is by being mad at me for wearing a lower cut shirt(by no means trashy) but he can sleep with someone he met at a bar once, and ask how that is okay?? It just stings, and I wanted to blow up at him and say my peace, and make him feel like how he is making me feel. I want to tell him he's almost 40 years old and still goes to bar to hook up with young chicks, how he'll never find anyone to put up with him, and how much of an a** he is.
I don't know I just wanted to yell and scream at him. 
I have to let these "friends" go, they are just hurting me more. I was starting to be okay, now I feel back at square 1. Man I hate this so bad.
Once again, I thank you all for helping me get through this! **Hugs** | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 2/17/2009 7:04:36 AM |
I have to let these "friends" go, they are just hurting me more.
Yes, you said that yesterday, too. 
And yet you once again allowed one of them to stir your over-heated emotional pot.
I know it’s hard to get over the hurt and move on, but until you’re actually ready to do that, you’re going to continue in this downward spiral of acting on your emotions, regretting it after the fact, and then feeling even lower than you did before.
You’re circling the drain now, OP. It’s up to YOU to get hold of yourself and start implementing steps to get your life back on track. Really try very hard to think next time before you act. Remember how sh!tty you felt last night after calling him. Do you want to keep putting yourself through that agony?
And for the love of sanity, QUIT talking to these people. Change your number if you have to; it’s not that expensive and takes about 10 minutes at the store. As much as you say it’s killing you to hear what they have to say, I still believe there’s a part of you that’s curious, hence you allow them to still contact you. Think about it, once they’re no longer around to feed you info about him, you have lost one more connection that, for now, you still have with him. Could it be that you’re keeping them around to hopefully one day hear “he feels like an ass and really misses you”? | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 2/17/2009 5:57:34 PM | ron9 wrote
Push up your hOOters 2 times (three times if it feels good)
OP, that step is for ron9 and his imagination, not necessarily for you.
OP, this guy you talk about is too old for you....and he saw someone who is really a sweet young woman (I read your profile) and found someone he could play and hurt...and don't say you are not hurt.........I don't think it would be hard for you AT ALL to find better than him!
He may call.......but he will never treat you write, so stop checking the phone!!!!! | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 2/17/2009 6:27:15 PM | I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said,
"Nobody can make you insignificant without your permission."
You're obsession with this individual is unhealthy. Taking calls from his friends (that you know in advance) that will hurt you is self abuse in the bad sense. Your self esteem seems to be non existent. I really don't mean to be dumping on you, but you need to see you self imposed role as punching bag for what it is. The question is, what are you getting out of it?
Do you enjoying crying nonstop? Do you wait for the "backstabbers" calls just so you can start the cycle all over again?
I was going through a very dark place not too long ago and feeling sorry for myself (all I heard in the background was Warren Zevon singing, "Poor, poor, pitiful me...") and some advice that was given to me years earlier by a Viet Nam Marine vet who was into his second tour of duty when he caught an AK round in his abdomen and had half of his intestines blown out into the rice paddy gave me: (totally different context)
"Suck it up and keep going. Nobody cares. Nobody cares how much you hurt except the sickos that feed off other people's suffering. (Sound familiar?) Nobody cares how hard your life is, because their lives are hard too. And nobody can care more than you care about yourself. So if you don't care, do us all a big favor and go be miserable somewhere else, because at the end of the day, I don't care."
It was harsh in the context that it was delivered to me, but I sucked it up and got through one of the toughest physical challenges I'd ever faced, thanks to that vet that wouldn't let me wade into and drown in the self-pity pool.
So I say to you:
"Nobody can care more than you care about yourself."
So suck it up and start caring about youself. | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:55:53 AM | This is meant to reply to Go Rin: that's harsh, but possibly the best advice I've ever heard for a situation like this  | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:44:23 AM | | Grieve and move on....let the grieving process happen. Look in the mirror...you are young and beautiful....don't take this crap from anyone. Don't even talk to his friends! | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/3/2009 1:58:06 PM | I know it's hard, but OP, you need to get control of your life. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Sounds like your only interest is him.
I know in the past I have told people I didn't want to hear about the person who I was no longer dating, if they saw him somewhere, knew he was dating someone, etc. If they kept on telling me, I stopped talking to them for a while until I could deal with it. If people are that insensitive, maybe you don't need them in your life.
What did you do before you met him? Did you go out with friends? Were you involved with anything? You need to get back to it.
You are making yourself look desperate to him. He could be calling you crazy pyscho girl to his friends. And you're the one making yourself look like that! Driving by his house...come on....I would get very upset if a man I dated started driving by my house to see what I was doing/who was there.
It's hard to move on, but we've all had to do it. Do it with some dignity. Don't let him have the satisfaction of laughing about you to his friends. I can almost guarantee you if he knows you're driving by his house, etc., he's making fun of you. Do you really want someone to be able to do that? | |
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Ettien
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Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 33 | |
| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:39:02 PM | OP,
Nobody ever said it was easy to move on, and change is often times scary, but it starts from the ground up. Starts with you looking in the mirror and taking back control in your life before you ever got tangled up with this guy and your "friends."
I went through a similar situation and only you can provide yourself with closure. Thinking about him, pondering where he is and oh what could have been is only harmful to your existence.
You're a beautiful young lady. You will have no trouble finding a loving guy who loves you for you... but until you can, you gotta take hold of the reins again and let nobody else stop you from living your life. You can do it. Many people have done it in the past, many are doing it today, and many more will be doing it tomorrow. Hang in there! | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:12:36 PM | | You're scaring me. Stop stalking him!! You say he could do what he wanted and you couldn't ... well doesn't seem like I'm buying your story. You are stalking someone that told you the way it was - now you think its your right not to respect his wishes and get him to do what you want. It isn't working ... for either of you. You need a life - stop talking to his friends .. are you trying to get info on him and then getting upset when it isn't what you want to hear? | |
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| Hi chicky I can relate
Posted: 4/3/2009 9:44:02 PM | | Hi. I hope u get to read this. I can realte with you. Now the guy who I am hanged up on did not say sly remarks but he would say ill call you or ill come by and never did.. But yet I fell for this guy and I think about him all the time. I know how it feels to fall for a guy who in the end did not fall for us... Its hard the feeling of that loss.. One thing out of this pls find your beauty inside yourself not through another persons eyes...Dont settle for a guy that doesnt cherish you and adore you. I wish you all the best... | |
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| How do I stop?
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:41:23 AM | | Your 25, do what I do, go out and make new friends, find interesting places to hang out, get some new hobbies; and the #1 thing that always work is adopt an "Its your loss, not mine" policy toward your ex's. Forget him, besides he's heading over the hill anyway. Look for people closer to your age and live a little, before long you'll have to think about his name and what he looked like before you remember what he did. Anyone who has to look for women half his age has something wrong with him anyway. | |
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