making me think that maybe I'm not crazy afterall! A relationship like that leaves you so off balance and so uncertain, mostly of yourself.

I still can't understand how our relationship could have meant everything to me and nothing to him.

my ex went out partying with his buddies almost every weekend and left me at home alone. He put me down when he was around, degraded me in front of friends, lied to me, cheated on me, stole from his job (we worked at the same company) and basically made me feel like I was a piece of garbage.

His issues and abuse had nothing to do with you and are not your fault.

exactly how you feel, so many emotions and your heart actually aches, i've been on an emotional roller-coaster for a long time now. you keep thinking he'll change for the better, that he will understand what he has, but for the most part, he just gets worse. you can't understand his behavior because it doesn't make any sense. he is either wonderful or rotton in his treatment of you, there is no in-between. he takes no responsibility for his actions, he will either totally ignore, neglect, or hurt your feelings with his words or silence and he could care less unlesss he wants something from you, because he's a macho man who is really a coward when it comes to feelings because, yes, unforunately, he's more in love with himself than you. he is a very selfish person, it's all about him, always. he has no respect, regards, for your feelings. he is a charmer, knows all the right things to say, he's a master manipulator to get you to do or believe anything. he is a liar, cheater, egotistic, self-centered male, not a man, who knows nothing about being real. he's disrespectful, non-appreciative, a womanizer who has to have everything his way, everything is all about looks and sex, claims to be romantic, but it's all an act, has no clue what i's all about because it's all about him. he tries to say you are just jealous and insecure when your'e not and if you are, it's only because he's made you think that way. the problems always have to be your fault, even when they arn't. what's hard for us ladies is we want so much for these kind of guys to be the men they claimed to be when we met and fell for them. the problem is, we don't find out the deception untill it's too late, so we hang on to see if maybe there's a chance he could change, but we soon discover, he's not the man he proclaimed to be but we don't want to let go of that "man" we fell in love with. i've asked myself a million times,why can't he just be who he made me believe he was, because now it's so hard to leave because the feelings are very hard to get rid of once it involves the heart. i finally asked for help from the good Lord because i was devastated that i had put so much time, effort, and love into this relationship for him to keep on hurting me over and over again after i had done nothing wrong. i was so devoted to him, adored him, untill i had enough, i had to get angry, and it took a lot of strength to "let go and let God" but it worked. try prayer, it will help you release yourself from the cage he keeps your mind in. you have to free your mind of the good, and just remember the bad, and that's not easy, but that's what helps you not go back to the vicious cycle of an emotional abuser. i wish you all the best in your recovery from your heartbreak, but you can do it, stay strong and focused and most of all pray. i know now he really wasn't worthy of my love and he's the one who lost here, not me. was once then got God bless you, sincerely, lady1952

It would help a lot if you would get a copy of the book The Emotionally Abusive Relationship available on amazon.com