| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:01:01 PM | if I haven't been married by 40 then is that a red flag?
I'm 45 and never been Married. I am not emotionally immature
I have two children 18 and 22 , and both of their fathers are dead. I am not a widow The times I have thought of getting married are sighs of relief now. I am not divorced
I'm getting the idea here, that to have been married and divorced a time or two before you become "single" is some how better then to never have been married at all.
Ok if I met a men or women who had been Married three or four times. (and I have)
That is a red flag! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:39:26 PM | | OP a single man at or over 40, never married, no kids, means he's not paying child support or alimony from past divorces. So really it's a bonus not a red flag. Talk to people who have been married and divorced and they all say the same thing DON"T DO IT, it's good that at or over 40 singles did not get married, it means they did not settle for what they did not want which means when they want you, it's for real! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:21:21 PM | | This is a ridiculous assumption.. get to know evey person as an individual and then decide. Some are over 40 and never married for reasons that prove to be obvious. For others, it may just be they have not found the right one. It happens. I'd rather that than meet someone 3 times divorced. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:10:44 PM | "major RED FLAG unless you always planned to stay single and never intendid to get married."
HA! 
By now, I was supposed to be married and living "happily ever after" in domestic bliss but Life happened! I never "intended" for Life to happen nor am I going to feel guilty about Life happening to me. It is, what it is!
Whenever anyone, especially "marrieds", asks me the question "Why", I turn the tables on them and ask;
"Over forty, married and with children, what's the matter and/or what's wrong with YOU? Why didn't you stay single and enjoy FREEDOM?! Are you crazy? Etc"
It's fun to watch thier reaction! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:46:07 PM | Maybe the people over 40 that never married were sensible enought to know themselves and that the situations they were in weren't ripe for marriage in this ever increasing world of anti family values?
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:42:38 AM | I was just scanning this thread because I happen to have just turned 40, I've never been married and I have a teenage daughter. Just because someone has never been married doesn't mean "RED FLAG"!
My reasons for never marrying is because I have yet to find the man who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I don't want to settle for "good enough" when "wow (for me that is)" may be still out there. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect, just Mr. Perfect For Me. Also, I didn't want to be one of those moms who parade a bunch of different men around my daughter during her childhood, so I did very little dating during that time.
So, as you can see, someone can have VERY VALID and UNDERSTANDABLE reasons for never marrying and being 40 (or older). To think there's something wrong with someone because they didn't get married to the first person to come along is just small-minded and ridiculous! Try getting to know someone and find out more about them before making generalized assumptions. You may be surprised at how wrong your assumptions are about them.
Of course this is all just my opinion/experience/life! LOL  | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:52:55 AM | | Why does everyone have to get married? I missed the memo stating that I was sub human or a walking red flag since I have not been married. It is always odd to me when people feel as if they have this need to ask me why I have not been married, but tell me I am rude when I ask them why they got married. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:16:14 AM | | Not married and over 40 is a green flag! Go get em, and take lessons. They are also over 40 and never divorced. I bet the not married over 40 is a minority compared to the divorced and over 40. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:23:27 AM | | Sounds like alot of B/S to me. Marriage is not the end all and be all of romantic life. Marriage is an institution of church and state, and one should not be judged based upon their participation or lack thereof in it. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:03:23 AM | i am 46
i would like to marry a wonderful woman i am crazy about.
one thing has held me back.
i never met that person.
i dont have any kids
i'm not damaged goods
i dont drink or do drugs
it just hasnt happened.
i never in my wildest dreams thought that not having a failed marriage would be a bad thing. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:45:29 AM | If they:
1) Live at home w/ their parents
2) Have multiple children
3) Tell you this BEFORE you ask.
4) Seem desperate
5) ARE desperate
and
6) Treat their animals as if they were children...
Then yes,IMHO, those are red flags. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:55:35 AM | | All of the things mentioned could be true for a person who is divorced, widowed, or never married, and seen as red flags if someone does not want to date a person who lives with parents, has multiple children, tells you their marital status before you ask, seems or acts desperate, and treats their animals as if they were children. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:16:02 AM | | I encountered quite a few women who'd never been married, back in my post-40 dating days. In general, they were the best dating partners and potential LTR's I encountered, and I never met anyone who had any red flag issues. I'm sure some do have issues, but that's equally true for those who did marry, plus they may have issues caused by marriage. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:30:00 AM |
All of the things mentioned could be true for a person who is divorced, widowed, or never married, and seen as red flags if someone does not want to date a person who lives with parents, has multiple children, tells you their marital status before you ask, seems or acts desperate, and treats their animals as if they were children.
Sigh....
If I meant that they didn't apply to other groups as well then I would have stated that.
I was addressing the topic at hand.
Let's try sticking to that,shall we? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:38:32 AM | I have 1 co worker who is 47 yrs old, not married/not dating cause mommy won't let him. She runs the show.
He makes good money, too so it's not like he can't get his own place.
The other is 50,never married, again lives at home with mom, good pay, seems content. I know they don't like when I say "mama's boy", but there comes a time when we have to grow up and get our own lives. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:12:23 AM | | If they are taking care of mom due to her being ill or possibly helping her out financially due to her divorce or husband dying, that might be negotiable. If a 50 year old man is living with his mother and has never left home, that is at least a yellow flag to me. The only time I ever lived with my parents between graduating from undergrad school at age 21 and now was 3 months when I was in graduate school at age 31, and after the 3 months period was over and I had graduated I moved here and have lived on my own ever since. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:37:29 PM | | This "who lives where and why" discussion's been all over this forum... I see no reason in the world to live with your parents if you make enough money to have your own place. These days when people lose their jobs left to right it'll be a common thing that adults move back home though. If you've had psychological reasons for not moving out then that's also a rather legitimate reason. Also, the way some people conduct their lives also play a big role. In other words: it depends on the reason(s). | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:41:06 PM | some "never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"........i don't really let it bother me because i know it isn't true, but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!
I think some of us knew better or were committed to something else @ the time.
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:31:42 AM | being divorced isnt damaged goods.... especially since the statistic (globally) is like 60% of all marriages end in divorce (higher in the usa/canada)... perhaps we as a society are damaged goods.
however, if someone has been single into their 40's, that might pose to ask a few questions...
sandar bullock has never been married, no children and she is 42 | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 3:43:53 AM | | all the books, education, acomplisments, trophies, horn blowing, words, looks,material things, cant put a price on your heart. Or everyone would have it figured out and we wouldnt be here. so it doesnt matter how much you have, how many degrees you have. Love is love. You just no. Its a mystery and I cant explain it. and neither can the next guy, We get mad and jaded because we all want. Onces you get rid of your pride, and feed your soul its possible to find real love. I might not even be right about this. Love takes alot of courage. Not many have this courage, because we all no it hurts at some point or another. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:48:28 AM | | People have a right to think that a divorced person is damaged goods and statistics have nothing to do with their decision. I don't care if 99.9 percent of men over the age of 50 have been married and .1 percent have not, I will not automatically say that the .1 percent has issues and see it as a red flag just because most people do and since 99.9 percent of men have been married he is a total nut case because of what statistics say. Most of us have at least a few opinions based on personal experiences and the people we have come in contact with, and as I am over 5o and have not been married and know the good things that I bring to the table and know more than a few women who are over 40 and have a lot to offer, then I do not see being over 40 and never married as a red flag. If I saw being divorced as a major red flag then I would not have met a lot of the men that I have met or dated, and wishing that men did not see my unmarried state as red flag will not change the fact that they do, I just meet and date the ones who are open minded enough to date me for who I am, not my marital status. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:44:54 AM | This may be hypocritical but I think it is a red flag when I meet a man who is over 40 and never married but not if it's a woman simply because it's the man that should do the asking. A woman can't control when she is proposed to. A man definitely can control when he does the proposing.
Men over 40 who have never been married but have children are particularly alarming to me. And I'm not talking about men who had the kids when they were in their twenties. I'm talking about the jokers that are over 30 & having babies but can't step up and marry the baby's momma. Children are a longer term commitment than marriage is! The woman is good enough to lay up with and have a kid but not good enough to marry? You're over 30. You should be established in your career, have your own home and taking care of business. Those are the one's that I really want to ask "what's wrong with you?" | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:00:50 AM | | My brother is a prime example of a good guy who married at 45, he adopted her 2 kids from a previous marriage and she and he have a child who is now 6. He had not met the right woman for him, and did not marry the ones who wanted to marry him. I sometimes wonder if he felt incomplete without a wife, and had the need to become a parent and felt as if time was running out so he married someone younger (8 years) who could have a child, although he would possibly be insulted if he ever knew that people who are close to him have wondered this, partly because she is the opposite as far as personality goes as to who we all saw him with as far as a wife. He seems to be happy, is a passive man who seems to like having an assertive (being nice) wife, and life goes on. I have found that men who have not been married are seen as okay more than women who have not been married. Have had men tell me that if I had been engaged they would date me, (have not, could have been several times but nipped it in the bud all 3 times, glad I avoided wasting their time and mine), and that if a woman has been asked it shows that she is okay but if no one has asked her she is basically psycho and too picky. | |
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