| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:20:23 PM | | I don't think there are any "absolutes" related to this subject to be honest...I think you might could say majority of those never married over 40 may likely never marry, but don't think you can categorize everyone in this category...some people like to live life on the safe road therefore they will avoid any over 40 that have not ever married...the more people repeat this statement the more people will avoid those over 40? See what I mean? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:26:33 PM | | The safe road? We who have not been married might see the safe road as avoiding divorced people, but since we are in the minority, how dare we say that, since we are in the minority there must be something wrong with us? No I do not see what you mean, as I am not into doing what others do just for the sake of being one of the masses. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:34:27 PM | fifi47...you need to re read my post...I am not of the crowd of people that avoids those that are 40 and never married ...I do not follow the main stream trends of seeing this as red flag here...i've dated and currently had dates with those over 40 and never married...i do not follow what the majority calls the "safe route"...I am not a person that follows the majority dating trends on matters like these...please re read...
what i stated at the end of the post meant...the more people that repeatedly talk about this fear of dating those over 40 and never married...the more the fear will increase...meant something to that effect....
I was making a statement that some people do live by RED FLAG rules...but I am not one of them...the over 40 issue and never married is not a part of my RED FLAG list to put it simply....I personally concentrate more on RED FLAG ISSUES related to sex...than this particular one... | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:52:08 PM | I've just crept over forty and coming up to my second year I have never been married and my reason for this is because I have spent time at universit and travelled the world and before I realised I have hist the big 40. Yes I do want to settle down with someone I love and be able to wake up in the morning with that special person.
For someone who has been divorced it is unfair to be critical of their personal situation as we the outsiders are unaware of the true issues within that relationship. However some people do have mental scarring depending on what they have been subjected to as in verbal, emotional, physical, financial.
I think its a bit shallow for people to think that anyone of this age is damaged goods after all one may have been enjoying their life and forgotton about their age until their 40th comes along. On the other hand I have unfortunately known a lot of people in their 30's and 40's who have been desperate to find a partner and in doing so married with in a year and moved in. Are they truely happy or is it more about convienence, my explanation to this is the "shut up and put up scenario" they may not love one another but they are company does this truely justify marraige or love or are they going to become Psychologicly damaged goods in the long term? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:27:04 PM |
sandar bullock has never been married, no children and she is 42
If you mean Sandra bullock, she is 45, happily married to the foremost designer of custom motorcycles, Jesse James, and has been for several years. She is a doting step-mom to his children.
I have reservations of 50s men that have never married. Until 40s men aspiring to achieve success will sometimes put marriage on the back burner. Perhaps because their initial intimate relationships were too demanding to afford them the necessary freedom to pursue their dreams.
Then again, in all honesty, I cannot help but agree with some that say, all the good ones are taken by now. I am saying this about myself as well. As was true when younger;
it is a matter of those that I want ……………..
And those that want me………………..
However, on the internet and here, in the PoF forums I have encountered single 40s, never married, men that IMO are amongst the most desirable men I have ever had the pleasure of relating to.
Kudos to you guys. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:29:06 PM | | This is without a doubt, the DUMBEST thing I have read. To anyone that would assume there is something wrong with people who don't happen to have a piece of paper to tell them they are in a committed relationship...you're a complete IDIOT and an ASS*OLE. It takes real arrogance to presume to know somebody's heart and reasons for the situation they're in. Some men have no problems with marriage but get screwed over be the women they're with. Some people are of the belief (and rightly so) that having a legal piece of paper doesn't magically mean you're a good spouse or a loyal person. There are probably deeper more meaningful relationships between people who AREN'T married...actually I know there are. Judgemental people with negative lists and "red flags" obviously have a negative attitude and have a need to judge and feel superior to others. Guess what? People like that are complete and utter LOSERS. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:26:52 PM | Maybe they just didn't want to settle.
I don't think anything is wrong with never being married and being in your 40's.
Considering that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, it may pay to wait until you're mature to marry. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:28:46 AM | | this is an easy reply.....its B*ll***. If someone hasnt been married it could simply be that they havent found the one. I have been married and divorced, im only 32 !! So, if someone has seen sense and not just married for the fun of it, or got into a relationship, married and it gone t*t* up....why should they be given grief about it ? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:54:20 AM | | I can tell you how I feel when I see a profile like this....The girl will be very beautiful but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "man she must be extremely picky she probably wouldn't give me the time of day" | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/23/2009 12:33:55 PM | never married means just that to me, NEVER MARRIED - period.
meanwhile, I have relatives who have been married and divorced 3 - 4 times.
So, does being married once before mean something better than never being married?
We seem to have a notion that somebody married or in a relationship has done something right and have been blessed by the marriage and relationship gods.
meanwhile, I've seen far too many married people who act like and wish that they were single.....be careful what you wish for.
And guess what, being single is just that being single.
Married or single, they are just different, but one doesn't qualify you any more than the other does.  | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:45:14 PM | | I can't tell you how many losers I know that Are married! I would never trade my life with any of them. The saying the good ones are taken is laughable! These married guys cheat like there is no tomorrow. Orthey are like little sheep and have trded in their man card just to stay in a crappy rflationship. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/25/2009 5:00:45 PM |
but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!
Yes. We are the ones who realized, that marriage is a piece of paper, a party that cost's lots of $$$, a huge legal battle to dispute the contract when the terms aren't met and most often only one person pays the consequences.
There it is, people are concerned that the smart ones can't be tricked into a lifetime of misery by signing a rediculous piece of paper. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/25/2009 7:14:19 PM | | I am 44 yrs olf and I have never been married. I did live with a guy and was enaged to him but he wanted a mother. I been asked by men to get married in my 30s and early 40s but I chose to continue my edeucation. I always been a late bloomer in so many things. Geeting married is one of them. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:01:09 PM | Hmmm, I turned 40 in Feb and have never been married. Is something wrong with me?
NO! LOL.
I was busy with a life from 24-39 that really wasn't conducive to being married. I have opportunities, I was even asked. I wasn't ready then but I am now. Not sure why it would be a red flag to anyone. Getting married and divorced to me is a bigger red flag than never being married.
People say it's a red flag because they THINK there is something wrong with us.
Could it be, perhaps, that we're just not one to rush off and get married to someone when we're either not ready or we know that isn't the right person?
Sheesh. Give us a break!
Many people get married young because they got someone pregnant or they THINK they know what love is. Some of us have been able to avoid making the mistakes people commonly make.
Why it's a red flag is beyond me.... | |
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jbogie
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Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 269 | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:30:56 AM |
Not to me. I figure he just hasn't met a truly wonderful woman yet.
I did actually when I was 19. She asked ME to marry her, but I wasn't ready then. She took it as a personal insult and left. She didn't understand that it wasn't that I didn't love her (I did!) but that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready to settle down. Not at 19!
Since then there have been many women and I did ask someone to marry me about 4 years ago but thank God it didn't happen because as I stepped back I could see that relationship was doomed for failure.
So you're right, I haven't meet anyone wonderful yet -- and I'm not giving up on it either! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:40:53 AM | So over 40 and never married raises a red flag for some women hmmm how about a single mom over thirty and divorced hmmm raises a red flag for guys to.
I do OK for myself but I am sure that is not what guys see when they read that...... it's OK if they run from that, it saves me time.
If you never look at the dusty book at the bottom of the shelf at the library you will never realize the wonderful story inside. Might be this awesome story that you have been dieing to read, well hmm sucks to be you if you never take time to investigate.
Heidi | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:52:13 AM | | jbogie, I find that the men I meet seem to want a woman who is divorced, since they tell me that they cannot fathom ever getting along with me since I have not been married, which means I have not experienced anything about life to them. ( at least 5 men have said this to me in a phone conversation, after they failed to read my profile (single to me means never married). When they learned that I have not been married I went from sounding great to them asking me if I am gay, to saying I was psychotic, one said that I surely must be hideously ugly since I have not been married, one said if I had been engaged he would consider possibly meeting me, and another said that he would never meet me since I was not divorced. All said that I have not experienced anything about life to them as I have not been married. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:31:26 PM | ^^ Fifi that has happened to me too... like I have been living in the woods w/o any human contact for all these yrs
had someone say I knew NOTHING b/c I didnt have children, he wanted someone who had children b/c then would have something in common with them.
So.. single/no children-have dogs- they are NOT my children but they are loved & cared for
sorry; wasnt blessed with children; guess that makes me "defective" in some way.. or so you would think | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:59:35 PM | | I don't rule marriage out, yet I'd prefer being single and happy over making a bad decision and end up married and unhappy. I am single because I almost made the mistake of marrying the wrong person and I learned from it. Those very people who are judgemental are usually the ones who made that mistake. | |
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