| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:28:37 PM | | no, the only person that this is a red flag to, is a person who focuses on marriage as being the "end all be all" of life. i am was engaged once which she ended, and i was in another long term relationship that i ended and i couldve easily had a bad marriage if i wanted to be married that bad. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:46:01 PM | where do you meet these nimrods]
colonel: it was just twice.. here! where else! .. Would not mind a man with kids (hmm.. another hot forum topic!) but have not had the opportunity recently. The last 2 men I dated were divorced & single, neither had children. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:58:32 PM | | I think it partly is the part of the US where I reside. The native Southern men seem to act as if I have a dread disease when they hear I have not been married, and that ends their interest in me. Most of the men that I have dated are not native Southerners. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:03:46 PM | | some people have never been married...they have not find the special person...would you rather be with someone who has been in relationships that are not healthy | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:04:11 PM | | some people have never been married...they have not find the special person...would you rather be with someone who has been in relationships that are not healthy | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:14:18 PM | | I'd say 75-100 percent of the 4 reasons can be traced back to "your" choices.....as many people don't seem to realize....."it's me, not you"......in this case....you have to look at personal choices. I can blame myself for not being married and being over 40.....I'd have to say, if only I was back then who I am now. I can't say I regret not being married and I feel more mature towards it now than perhaps 10 years ago and I think that's the big difference for me. I'd rather be married now than 10 years ago. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:33:22 PM |
"never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"
see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"
damaged goods
pffftttt at our age everyone is either damaged from divorce or wierd for never being married.
Personally I think of divorced women as "having learned their lesson" and much wiser for the experience, and much more confident and self assured.
If they can get out of it without becoming untrustng bitter shrews that is | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:59:33 PM |
If you never look at the dusty book at the bottom of the shelf at the library you will never realize the wonderful story inside. Might be this awesome story that you have been dieing to read, well hmm sucks to be you if you never take time to investigate.
Dusty books are great, however when it comes to spending the rest of my life in a story, I'd prefer to write my own and create my own characters rather than continuing someone elses story and caring for the characters they left behind. I tried it once didn't work so well even when I added a character of my own. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:13:32 PM | over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
NOOOOOOOOOOO, I respect the person whos not married way more than the one who was married once ,twice,...whatever. People who gets married later along the way are smart people who generally speaking get to know themself first. people that have been married more than once are making descision based on feelings wich i think is immature since love is not a feeling but action.  to any women whos taking their time to get married | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:12:34 AM | | Ive learned from watching others with their failed relationships which has helped me escape the marriage that I could become unhappy in. It takes alot of work to have a successful marriage and unfortunately I dont see too many people now adays wanting to put in the effort it takes. I applaude those couples whos marriage is successful to their terms. One day I will meet the one who compliments me in every way possible and I for him. Yah for us singles who didnt go down the wrong path. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:02:31 AM | Ok, a silly question, but one I guess I ought to ask since this thread is now 12 pages long:
Who really gives a hoot in heck what people consider "Red Flag" issues?
If you're never married, you're defective.
If you screwed up a marriage, you're defective.
If you're toting children, you're defective.
If you're fat, you're defective.
If you're old, you're defective.
If you didn't graduate college, you're defective.
If you don't have a Master's degree, you're defective.
If you don't clear 60k, you're defective.
We could go on to the point of universal inclusiveness around here. Everyone's a red flag, in somebody's eyes. So why give it a second thought? Isn't it just messing with your head, being worried about what some total stranger has decided to think about you?
I didn't manage more than the first five pages, but it seems like some folks got themselves right up into defensive mode - "Uh-uh! My Uncle Leo got married at 52, and he was great!" "I could have gotten married, but I came down with beri-beri on my wedding day, and she called it off!"
Is there really any need or reason to defend yourself against any of this "Red Flag" stuff?
Everyone's life took some path. That tends to happen. Going forward, it seems to me life will be a lot more serene if you don't worry about what "MotherLover14" thinks about the way yours unfolded. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 7:52:05 AM | Perigree, I don't know that I agree with that.
I think you're too focused on the narrow-minded people of the world. Comparitively speaking, I've never run into anyone that felt I had some kind of flaw in regards to Education, Salary or what not -- AND if someone ever did judge me based on that criteria, they'd quickly see what the broad side of a "street curb" looks like.
My point is that if you are confident in who you are (and self-assured) then you will easily be able to avoid people who are bad/toxic for you. And you won't have to deal with a superficial/pyscho significant other :) | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 9:17:05 AM | I must really be a loser since I never got married and turn 50 tomorrow.
For me, i dont see any problem with someone that didn't get married, it's not a priority of mine, never really was. If i found the right one, so be it, if not, well what can ya do? Settle for what comes along? Think that leads to all kinds of problems. I would rather be with that one person that compliments me, vs spending the rest of my 'married' life with someone that annoys the h3ll out of me. For me it's better to be single than single and broke! Alimony sux!!
One of these days someone needs to explain to me why you need to pay the rest of your life to get rid of someone you dont want to be with - seems to me with all the divorce going around, having to give up half of what you own including your salary just to get out of the relationship, it really wasn't worth getting into in the first place!
JMTC! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:49:05 AM | If you've never run into anyone that felt you had some kind of flaw based on criteria, jarbarian,
A) You're not alone - neither have I - IRL.
B) You haven't contacted anybody here. ~Grin~ By the press it gets, you'd think the Red Flag is the new Red Scare.
That laundry list of Red Flags is one of the broader, gentler ones - a search of the term here brings up Horror Movies, Having Shy Issues, The Type that Bores Easily, Sarcasm... those and so much more await you as Red Flag threads. I mean, is somebody making these things up in a room somewhere? Can I just add Blue nail polish, or is there some committee I'd have to join first?
I can't tell if I'm bemused by it or horrified by it, but one thing is for sure, I certainly am not concerned by it.
But beyond the peculiar mindset that has laid out this minefield of secret evils, what I'd like to understand is what kind of person does, in fact, worries themselves about them? IS there anyone who truly does concern themselves with them - as far as being labeled themselves, that is.
It's not like there's a whole lot you could do about it. I suppose if you're a 45 year-old divorcee, you could turn Catholic and get an annulment, thus getting rid of the divorce stigma... but then, you gain the over-40-and-single stigma. DOH! You could stop watching horror movies and switch to Disney... if you don't mind a New red flag...
~Shrug~ It's all so weird and wonderful, and it seems like a shortcut on the way to neurosis to listen to any of it. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:11:40 PM | The short of it, i personally prefer to go through life and look at each persons individual quirks as that and nothing more and never a second thought or wonder as to why. Everyone is different and that's what makes things interesting. I sure as h3ll wouldn't want to date someone exactly like me, h3ll, i need someone that's exactly opposite of me in most respects. I love to argue my point till i'm blue in the face, where’s the fun being with someone that always agrees with me? (that is if i was ever wrong!)
As far as worrying about it, oh h3ll no!
I used to have long hair, lot of people didn't like it. Me, I could care less what they thought, now that i tripped and fell on a razor, there are those that wish i still had the long hair! You can't please everyone and I for one see no reason to try. If someone thinks i'm flawed or defective, so be it - H3ll, maybe i am?
To Each Their Own..... | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:19:00 PM | I've never wanted to get married or have children - fortunately, my boyfriend doesn't want these, either - live and let live ...
Only you can decide what constitutes a red flag for you. There are so many shades of red! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:49:11 AM | | Being a sixty year old single, never married male, it's apparently a red flag to the women that I express an interest in dating. To them I must be a bad character for not being married with no baggage. I guess they don't believe me. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:59:46 PM | Give me my flag and move about your business.
The thing about generalizations as that they are founded in lack of knowledge and based in fear. So if you are scared of a guy that is forty, never married, no kids, stable job; do us both a favor, keep swimming. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:11:27 PM | | Men over 40 who have never married ,no kids and a stable job are prizes to me, they are so rare. All the men I meet who fit this category seem to prefer divorced women who have children. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:09:35 PM | | a man over 40 and still single with no kids...smart. a woman over 40, past child bearing age and not family oriented....not so smart. women have a shelf life unfortunately. sorry ladies but men always look younger. men are ready at 40...career is solidified, they have it together, they can marry a lot younger and start a family. women over 40...well they work...and can have sex. so red flag for a man...no. a woman...yes. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:50:24 AM | | I have met a lot of men over 40 who do not have anything solidified- no career, no idea about who they are as a person without being attached to a woman, have fathered children with women they were not married to-why would they marry younger and start a family since they can barely support the children they have fathered? but then we women who are over 40 and have careers and do not have children have a lot more going for us than to date someone who is looking for a younger woman to start a family. | |
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