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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 3:16:44 PM | I think there is some truth to the fact that if either a MAN or a WOMAN has not been married after 40, his/her chances are lower, but I do not by any means believe that you are doomed to never be married....at my age, I am seriously questioning the institution of marriage in this country since it's track record truly sucks---personally, I think getting married is way to risky these days rather than the joyful thing it used to be...the divorce rate is just too high of a risk in my eyes.
Unfortunately, it's our society and it's obsession with youth and everything youthful that makes marriage just one more thing that we are all supposed to 'conform' to in this society...I for one, am not conformist, never have been and I never will be....I do what is right for ME, as long as I am not hurting anyone or anything...I therefore, personally have chosen to be VERY picky in whom I select to date and god knows if i will ever find the right man whom I would even consider marriage with----no, I am not a snob, much to the contrary...I am actually a pretty laid back person, however, life experience has taught me that I need to be MUCH pickier than I have been in the past and to not be so trusting in the goodness of others...I would love to trust everyone and assume that they are good, but you just cannot do that these days
As for marriage, I think it's a very BIG life decision and to be honest, I think alot of people get married WAY too young and for all the wrong reasons---one big reason being that in our society, it is the thing 'one does' in adulthood---we all need to be very aware of the stereotypes that society puts on us and we need to create our OWN goals...if only we could all have more of the mindset of leaders and not followers, I think we would ALL be much happier humans....I know I am happy because I do what I want, how I want to do it and when I want to do it and personally, I am not worried about what anyone in society thinks of me---this is, after all, a FREE country, so many of us need to stop following what society has set us up to THINK is the norm or what we 'should' be doing with our lives and instead CREATE AND FOLLOW OUR OWN PATH!!
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:21:46 PM | __Why the red flag? I do not see what difference it would make. Have been married or not. Red head or blonde. Oriental or caucasian. Have kids or not. Drive a Ford or a Honda. Cooks Italian or Cajun. Eh...The cajun bit I am partial to. Otherwise. What do I care. I love the lady, that's what counts.
Gilles | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:03:23 PM | FITchick... couldn't agree w/ ya more..  very well said..
I worked for a doctor in my 20's also was going out w/ someone at the time..
Now I got hit on .. by the guys ask'n me out (back then).. but, again was w/ someone.. he was 24.. ( old enough for marriage.. NO)? .. To this day i'm grateful I never married HIM... wooohooooo...
anyway..what I saw coming in that office... Girls having BABies at a tender AGE.. Babies hav'n babies... also... Mom's w/ daughters as young as 13 setting their daughters up for marriage... My goodness... I believe too it's how one is RAISED... I was flabbergasted..
What went through my mind was that this woman didn't want her daughter in the house by the age 18... or so... she had to marry her off...
It's amazing even the MISTAKES the parents make marking the child's future... (think'n, that Life today is as it was in the Past .. They married young so should their CHILDREN)........... also know of a friend (he's OLDER) that has a YOUNGER male FRIEND..(they're BEST FRIEND's).. now.. he ended up marrying his daughter .. today , yes 2 kidds later they're DIVORCED.. Kinda Scary.. what's out there eh?
Gives the impression that no one is to be Trusted in Marriage.. or that Yes, the institution definitely is collasping... CAN I HOLD A BLUE FLAG for you folks then.or is that BLACK one more appropriate.? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:30:19 PM | Not a red flag at all. There can be so many reasons, looking at these individually is perhaps more accurate to determing if the person is for you or not [ aka the red flag]. I am late 30s now and never married...I dont know that I totally believe that it is due to my upbring as my home was happy, not dysfunctional, my parents married for nearly 50 years now, and happily, they are great parents. All my siblings are married, long term. I had long term relationships, just because they ended doesnt mean they werent successful at the time. I just didnt meet the person I felt I could spend 50 years, I take the institution seriously. Life, chances, choices I made. People need to look at the reasons why they marry...most of my friends my age are divorced and single and finding new lives again and we are active and reasonably well adjusted people. The way I see it I just cut out the first marriage step so many others went through.  | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:47:22 PM | Palpable reason... suffice enough ^^ ..
when it boils down to it.... we all seek a boat for rescue ( lifetime committment) whether it FAILED in MARRIAGE or RELATIONSHIPS... we're all out there swimm'n again...
So WHITE FLAG FOR THE RESCUE THEN...  | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:51:51 PM | Marriage---hmm--why do we do it?
Cinderella did it?
Religion dictates it so we stay with one person just in case we feel like straying and can't stick with our decisions. (same with men having their foreskin cut off--those freaks with a knife), but that does not work anymore, does it?
Really folks, IMO, there is no good reason to get married and involve the state in your personal relationship. But I do want a commitment with one fantastic woman for the rest of my life--just not marriage.
I don't even see why it is needed if you want kids.
I can make up my mind to stay together untill I die and stick with it, if she can. But 80% of the time, she cant and wants the divorce because she is not happy anymore (#1 reason for women filing for divorce).
Marriage is not needed. Sticking with your decisions is. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:08:35 AM | I might buy into the personality disorder thing. I had plenty of chances to be married 20 years ago, but I was too immature at the time for a relationship.
BY the way when a woman says to you "You've never been married?", what she is really thinking is "Is he gay?" | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:54:47 PM | ^^ RD... lol.....
Well... we gals from downunder are labeled "spinsters"...
I guess all those joey's "MATURING" & "SINGLE " wouldn't be popular w/o a sling at the boom-a-rang..MATES...  .......
Cause even our mate's downunder have a high homosexual percentage now... 
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/30/2005 11:22:12 AM | hey there adona your an aussie, cool. I get guys who say "what you never married? i thought some guy would have snatched you up by now" as if im sitting on a shelf waiting with all the other spinsters, isnt that a yuck word along with iligitamate.
LOVE is a disease, the cure is
Marriage!!!  | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/30/2005 1:42:37 PM | womanofsubstance...Hi luv...
It's a nasty word... also view it as SPLINTER.. you know when someone get's a piece of wood or glass stuck in the FLESH... hahaha....
You have NO idea.. how I detest that title......
but then again Humpy-dumpy did have a great fall... 
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/1/2005 7:31:25 AM | For me when I met a man that is over 40 and has never been married or even thought about marriage, yes I see it as a huge Red flag, especially if he has lived with women for any length of time. Even more so, if he doesn't want marriage but wants kids. Whats up with that?
Aren't their people anywhere that want a family because of love, and not because they want children, money or other things? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/4/2005 5:11:09 PM | ^^ Agree w/ you ..
I just got a NEW Neighbour (next-door) wooooohoooo
Male..
SINGLE...
perhaps late 30's or early 40's.... am dying to get to know him and why he's SINGLE?..
Anyway... you might have some truth to that CHECKINGUP -
truthfully, I believe ppl are fearing the institute of Marriage due to all those that have abused it...
Personally.. I for one have been stagnet in my searchs, or getting serious when I "have" dated simply because I tend to scutinize to a greater scale now....
Perhaps there are nice men somewhere with TRUE old fashion morals in the union.. I don't know anymore .. I truly question it? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/4/2005 7:36:44 PM | | cudahuson- unbelievable..... doesnt matter much how many books you have boy... you don't have this one correct - speaking of "attitude"? (next stop personality disorder.....) | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 12:22:30 PM | | I am 47, soon to be 48, and have not been married and have no children. When I was about 40 I noticed that men seemed to prefer divorced women with children, even the men who had not been married. They act like I have leprosy or something when I say that I have not been married. Get to know someone, whether they have been married or not, have children or not, takes all kinds to make up the world. We all have something to give and we can learn from each other. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 1:11:48 PM | | Honey the only reason I look for a woman who has had children is that I'm trying to make sure that whomever I am seeing understands why my kids are such a priority. When my kids came along, they kinda took over control of all my priorities. Some woman (understandably) don't like to feel like 2nd place. I don't mind your leprosy) as long as you don't leave it all over the living room floor.) The real red flag should be on a guy like me who has been married and does have kids. What's wrong with me??? | |
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Gremmy
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Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 7:47:04 PM | | Well I have seen some healthy attitudes regarding this subject(and a couple not so) but all in all from experience I have heard it over and over. I will be 37 in a few days. Never been married and no kids out there. I get asked alot by women why haven't I been married yet and you know its not just from curiousity sake they are asking. It is sorta of a sore subject and a few will understand why. The woman I was going to be married to for life 6 years ago died of a brain tumor. Also my dating life hasn't been a good one aside from her. Always seem to attract the bad ones, lol. To many people it is a red flag and judge often without knowing the facts of why. Its human nature. Many attitudes are changing now since the "norm" is to get married later in life instead of early. I say if your over 40 and not married so what. Better than some of my friends who are working on thier second, third, fourth, ect ect ect marriage. With modern medicine and living healthy its possible to get married at 40+ and still have 40+ years of marriage. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:20:17 PM | | Myself I never married and am 54. Some pluses- I don't come with a bunch of baggage from being raked over the coals by a judge who gave all my assets away. I am debt free. I have a masters degree. I drive a sport car. I don't consider myself a wierdo, but from this post women would be scared to death of me. I made some mistakes, but when I get married I will be the wiser for them and will be a committed husband. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:58:23 PM | | YES!! RED FLAG!!!! Some people are satisfied without having companionship. There is a reason they have not been married. Content with everything, not an intimacy seeker, over bearing mother and is till a MOMMA'S BOY/DADDY'S Girl... selfish and doesn't like to share. These people can be great to date!!! Just don't expect much in return of intimacy(not sex type intimacy), sharing of their space or possesions,ect. It will always be theirs and yours, not "ours." | |
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