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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/6/2005 8:00:17 AM | | I look at it as a combination of fate, chance, timing, divine intervention and just plain luck. Some people are looking to get married, many are not. I am so glad that I did not marry the men who wanted to marry me. At this point in my life I have dated many different types of men, and still seek the basic traits that I cannot seem to find. Some of us average looking women are also good catches, it is not just the outside appearance that makes a woman sexy. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/6/2005 12:03:32 PM | | good witch too, this might be true of some singles, but is a generalization. Myself, I never met the right one, then thought I did and was faithful being engaged for three years and then got dumped. Sometimes a person just doesn't meet the right person. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/6/2005 5:45:58 PM | | There is not a "perfect" mate. If we examined ourselves in an honest way we would all find out that we are not the perfect mate either. There will always be.."something better might come along.." for some of you who just haven't FOUND that "special" person yet. When you become so critical, or are looking for characteristics that are not the real core of the individual ....there will NEVER be that special person. He /She who dies with the most toys is not the fun way to end the game. If you are over 40 and still "looking" for that "special" person.. maybe you should examine what you are doing to mess up your chances of finding them. And as far as those who marry and divorce... if you don't get in the water you can never learn to swim.. so.. at least trying is the first step. All divorced people do NOT get married with the intention of it ending in divorce. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/6/2005 7:37:34 PM | So, here's my question? Why are folks jumping on "cudahudson"? The same people doing it are the same people I hear advocating debates and opinions in the forums. Geez!
That said, I would not call "40 and not married" a flag. Personally I have little interest in getting married, but if it happens great! But I would be more interested in someone's reasons for not being married at that age, and be open to the fact that it may be their choice or past experiences.
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:23:58 AM | | Maybe the man I seek does not exist, but I am looking for someone who is like me in basic ways, which does not make me think that I am anywhere perfect or faultless. People who have not been married have not walked in the shoes of the divorced, and vice versa, so basically NO ONE KNOWS WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS BEEN THROUGH. Easy to judge others without living their lives. (myself included) | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/18/2005 4:27:35 PM | Could also mean the person has more moral integrity than the people they have met.
If you have been married and are now single, what kind of commitment "for life" did you make.
If you are divorced you obviously didn't make a good decision in your past.
Much laterz
cya | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/21/2005 4:23:28 AM | No, it isn't necessarily a red flag. My mom had a cousin who didn't marry until she was in her late 40s. She was busy with her career, which was a big deal back then since few women chose career over marriage. She was a photographer who travelled the world, loved her life, and just never settled down--until she was absolutely ready.
ETA:
Don't know why I use the term "settle down" when I don't like it very much. It implies settling for less to me and I dislike that idea. So should it be "settle up?" LOL! Time to "pay" for all the fun of our wild youth? It's a shame "settle" should be used at all when it comes to choosing a life partner. I think I'll strike it from my vocabulary. No settling down, no settling up, no settling--at any age! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/10/2006 8:29:56 PM | some "never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"........i don't really let it bother me because i know it isn't true, but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!
Sum1 I know completely different . One in every five or so divorced men attempt suicide and one in every thirteen succeed. A divorced man, of any age, but paticularly a mid aged divorced man is definitely damaged goods.
check the "dads in Distress" web site for the details
This is why mid aged women make such a mess of their relationships. They mess these damaged men around and still carry on about what pigs men are and then wonder why these damaged men abandon them.
Long term singles are not damaged goods but they are so used to goidn it alone that they are unlikely to change. Paticularly men. Not without a very good reason. and when the only reason that the women can provide is they are worried about geting old well. Thats not a good enough reason. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/10/2006 8:59:16 PM | It would not concern me if a man has not married as much as if he has not ever been in ANY long term, commited relationship. This would make me wonder if he was a commitment-phobic men
Another concern is ussually if they never married they have no kids and may still want some, well I've already been there done that, and the factory is closed. Yeah, for the right man I would consider adobting, but what if he wants "the fruit of his loins"
Just a thought | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:06:12 PM | Well, let's see. It's likely that the general attitude is that there must be something wrong, if someone is in their 40's and has never married. It could possibly be that this opinion translates into one where it's believed that there's a fear of committment involved, which would make a lot of sense if everyone's life was exactly the same.
In my case, I never married because I realized that not marrying when most seem to feel the need to get married - usually in their 20's or 30's - was a smarter decision for me in the long run. I wasn't ready, and none of the women who I was in a relationship with at any point during that time in my life were ready for that either. So, it didn't happen.
Besides, I figure that if a woman isn't interested in me merely because I've never married, she's obviously looking for a kindred spirit who needed to make such a monumental mistake that not only affected them, but their family and their kids, before possibly coming out of it disillusioned, bruised and tainted by that failure, and now likely burdened by debt, shared custody schedules and residual self-doubt, just to start over from scratch in mid life.
It's beyond me how that's attractive to some newly single women, but maybe they just find matching baggage to be so much more appealing... | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:11:16 PM | | I don't find it to be a red flag if a guy is never married and over 40. Many professional men devoted their 20s and 30s to schooling and careers. I would much rather that than a guy who's divorced with kids and has a nasty ex! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:16:55 PM | | I never married, and now I am glad I never did, because had I done so I would now be divorced. This way I can still get married if I ever want to, or I can keep on as before, keeping hope alive in many a female's breast. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:20:22 PM | What really has me tickled here is the reaction on another board to the possibility that a WOMAN over 30 and single might be a red flag.
Raaahhhh! Uproar and a half. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/14/2006 12:34:58 PM | In other words, "I mean, like he should have been married at least once and divorced by now! I don't have time to train a man!" Do you have time to train a man who didn't get it right once, twice, or three times? Go with what's obviously broken instead of the unknown. That's another entry in the annals of female stupidity.
~Aurora | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/14/2006 7:54:13 PM | Well at 34, I may not be over 40, but I haven't married. And yes, I have some of those old morals. I haven't even bothered with the sex part, as I never have gotten that far. I wasn't ready to really think about it till I was 32. I've found already one key to happiness in life, and that has been a good job. Another was buying a good home in a good neighborhood. It is called learning how to establish one's roots. Now that I've found some roots, I am out hiking on weekends, going to concerts, going to the gym, taking Yoga, and just having a ball. Nothing yet has really materialized though I've made some interesting acquaintances. Knowing how to get into a lasting love relationship is still very new to me, but I'll get there. Just wish someone would give me the chance to learn about them and be a part of their life as much as they are a part of mine. 
Don't think age has anything to do with it. What's more important is understanding who you are at any one stage. And there are many late bloomers out there. I've always been one, and a non-conformist at that! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/15/2006 5:30:54 AM | The red flags are "Homosexual", "Paedophile" and "Unpleasant Boyfriend". They are gut reactions, by no means mutually exclusive, but frequently wrong.
They are the result of the following line of 'reasoning' (at least where men are concerned):
Why hasn't he been able to find a woman before now, if he's the sort never to have had any sort of relationship?
Why hasn't he managed to hold down a steady relationship? Why did he break up from the last one? The last however many? Why should I be the one to give him the next go, anyway? How far does trust extend?
And so on...
These are the paranoid questions that go through people's heads, I am sure. 
(For the record, I'm NOT over 40, and am about eight months out of the end of a long but ultimately unsuccessful engagement. Nevertheless, I choose to describe myself as single rather than separated, because as far as I and the ex are concerned, we were never married and so can't be divorced, and the end of the relationship is finalised - there is no going back.) | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/15/2006 5:53:14 AM | Anyone who assumes the worst when they think of someone being over 40 and never married, that's the red flag for me. Unless they are married themselves, should I assume their divorced status implies something negative about them, or that if they are widowed it was murder?
It's very often the case that reasons for relationship debacle are built-in, but so is the ability to learn and improve. There is also a range of views on marriage. It is not universally desired as the format for the relationship. Prejudice against people who never marry belongs with other such prejudices, in small and hateful minds that growl at things beyond their own experience | |
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