| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:28:49 PM | I have to be honest - I didn't read all the answers on this thread.
However I tend to wonder about men in my age group that haven't been married.................(40-50 year olds). | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:46:50 AM |
However I tend to wonder about men in my age group that haven't been married.................(40-50 year olds).
What's there to wonder about? (tick)
We're just as normal as the next person! (tick) (tick)
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:49:21 PM | | Yes, it's a red flag that they have a brain and use it. Marriage is a ridiculous institution, unless it works. Then, in those rarest of examples, is it a beautiful thing. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 12:56:59 PM | Personally I would date a divorced man (mid/late 30s – late 40s) before one who hasn’t been married by that time.
I will think twice is someone my age (35) or older has not gotten married yet. I know many say that they are picky, but it just throws more red flags up for me.
Divorced to me = not compatible with the person they were married to
Not married by that age = likely to have issues such as commitment or other lifelong issues.
Not a hard rule, just an opinion and a view that I use in my personal dating life.
p.s. I did not read every post (a bunch) in this thread, but still wanted to throw my 2 cents in | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 3:15:42 PM |
Don't you think that maybe it's possible that (unlike the divorced guy) the never-married guy may be smart enough to not marry someone who he's not compatible with?
I don't think it's quite that black and white, lone hawk. I mean, just because someone is divorced, it doesn't make them necessarily "stupid" for having been previously married, yanno? 
For the OP...hmm...well for me, over 40 and never married wouldn't be a red flag necessarily, but I would definitely take a few factors into consideration. One of the main ones would be, what are their reasons and what is their lifestyle like at the moment? If someone's 40 and never been married because they were busy at school, building their career, or just never met the right person yet? That is fine. But, if someone is 4o and still living a frat-boy Peter Pan lifestyle because they've just never been able to commit, and flitted from gal to gal for brief dalliances all these years, that is a definite turn-off and red flag. JMO. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 3:40:04 PM | Ok Brannddy, you're telling me that if a guy isn't married by oh 35 years old, that likely he has commitment issues? Good Lord 
That is the dumbest thing Ive heard, give me a break.... there could be a hundred reasons why a guy hasn't married, If a guy lives at home with mommy and daddy or thinks hes some international playboy waiting for some Hollywood starlet yea i can he has issues
Some of us are just very selective want to make sure, whats the difference between a single guy never married vs a guy who as been married and divorce, they are both single, one hasnt taken the plunge because he was smart, and the other one took the plunge, most likely for the wrong reason and now he's single, do you how many divorce guys that are out there that are bitter, dysfunctional and who knows what else.
If it was a choice for me settling with a woman who has never married vs a woman married 4 times and divorced, guess which one I will take? | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:36:42 PM | I would disagree with this. We all mature at different ages. Whos to judge? In all honesty if I meet someone and they have been divorsed 2-3 times than this is more of a concern for me.
I personally am 36 yrs old and never been married nor have any children. This is by decision I have had a few good women that would have made long life partners, just wasnt the time in my life. Marriage is a life long commitment in my mind and putting the other first which a lot dont understand.
In high school I didnt date, I was more interested in dirt bikes, cars, fishing and hanging with the guys getting into trouble and acting out in a rebel type manner.
When I graduated HS I pursed my goal of drag racing motorcycles professinaly. I did this when I felt I reached my goals after 5-6 years.
I decided to pursue my education and career. This is when I lived with a woman for 5 years helping raise her child from her first marriage. We grew apart and wernt able resolve issues in a mature manner. I moved out of state and thats when my dating started and got real wild in search of qaulities I like in a woman.
After 5 years of living the wild life of dating I now know what I am looking for in my mate and ready to settle down.. So do the math.....
Does this mean I have a red flag over my head cause I persued all my goals, personal and career wise? You can be the judge.. All I know is I dont cheat, I dont need to leave my wife to go out drinking all night with my buddies picking up chicks to have that one night thrill. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 6:34:03 AM | ****
My point was - given everything else equal, or near it, I would favor a man in my age group that has been married before one that has not been.
If I have several men I am interested in and am looking to meet, I will meet those who are divorced before those who haven't been married.
Mostly from experience of friends and self. Not 100% rule though, each category has its own issues. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:44:03 AM | as i mentioned, both would have issues (if there are some) but as OP posted, would it red flag, yes for some (yes for me)
why, it just does..bad judgment - perhaps, bad personal experiences - more likely,
reality -- yes it is for me
i am not saying it is right or wrong, just saying this happens and that it is my opinion | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 11:30:31 AM | I have to agree with those posters who mentioned that it would be wise to look at the circumstances as to why someone hasn't yet been in a committed marriage before deciding as to whether or not we are capable of entering into such a way of life with someone else. There are a variety of reasons and you should take a look at those on an individual level before making such broad assumptions.
To everyone who would believe that it is a red flag to think that those of us who are forty whatever and never married ... yes, please avoid me like the plague ... I am cloaked in red ... I'm probably not co - dependant enough, far to functional, self - sufficient and together in making sure my many responsibilities of being a home and business owner are met, lack the major drama that may come with someone who has been in a marriage gone south ... I probably wouldn't be a good fit because I've been out in the world and experienced so many things as a single person that I'd likely be unable to do or enjoy under different circumstances ... and I'd be prone to be on top of my game in taking care of everything that makes my life as smooth of a ride as it is and has been and that could be a huge turn - off for you ...
... oh yea, I'd likely have the money and time to be a great provider, too, because I don't have alimony or child support payments and I've learned to manage my assets ... and it would probably be a negative when you realized that I do have priorities and certain expectations in meeting and engaging a potential partner and I'm not one who is going to marry someone because I'm simply lonely or not getting enough sex or want what you have or I'm having a hard time making it on my own ... so, for anyone who would pass such judgment ... damn, I think that I must be a freak of nature ... and you should run run RUN ...
jeffery | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:24:47 PM | I love that word "red flag".
It's one of those things you tag on someone else and meant to look like someone else isn't normal.... but in reality the problem lies with the person who tags others/categorizes others with red flags before knowing who they really are.
people over 40 that have never been married are just that.... 'people'.
If we're going to tag red flags on anyone, lets tag them on the people who have a problem with others who are happy being single at any age.
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:34:55 PM | You see Brannddy, that to me makes no sense, none whatsoever ? I would think the guy who hasnt been married 1) doesn't have the baggage that comes with most divorces
2) Knows not to rush into anything because biological time clocks
I read some of the forums about divorces and marriage and from what ive seen 1 in ever 1000 people are happily married, but they are married for the right reason
Unlike most who marry for * cough cough* LOVE and thinks as long as you have love ,everything should be alright? its that Alice in wonderland type of thinking which gets most people in trouble , hence the high divorce.
You know why Hollywood or Harlequin wont do a sequel to Cinderella? because if they did, Cinderella would be divorce, complaining that her prince charming she met and fell in love with is a Misogynistic prick who fooled around on her with the fairy god mother
Anyone who dismisses me because ive never been married, I say " thank you" for doing me the favor and passing me by. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:11:05 AM | ***
Iceman,
With all due respect , I am not suggesting that all men who aren’t married by 40, 45 have more issues than those who are divorced. I certainly would not wish my ex-husband on anyone and everyone is most likely better off with non-married one than him.
But from my experiences (and most of my friends), so far, I would first go out with those who have been married then if someone specifically stands out in some way, I would meet the never married type.
Also, someone mentioned before that some reasons for not being married are easier to understand, such as education, carrier, service or so.
I did not post to disrespect anyone.
My generalization in this category might be my loss. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:26:03 AM | My parents were married for over 30 years and then my mom decided she wasnt happy and divorced my dad. Or so I thought. I found out later , because my mom told me, She hadnt been happy in years. She said she stayed with my dad for the kids. The way she put it, she wanted a divorce when I was about 2 years old. But back in those days women STOOD BY THEIR MAN blah, blah, blah. She wasted 25 years of her life with a man she couldnt stand in the end. Needless to say I didnt marry well and I didnt stay married for 25 years for the kids! But my attitude is not jaded on marriage . I'm willing to try again With the right person. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/7/2009 11:48:01 AM | Why the red flag? Plenty of guys never marry. I can see that you might question if they never had any relationships. But even then it would be hard to judge.
By the way, I will be turning 41 next month and never been married. And I am fairily normal. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:04:33 PM |
I don't think it's quite that black and white, lone hawk. I mean, just because someone is divorced, it doesn't make them necessarily "stupid" for having been previously married, yanno?
For the OP...hmm...well for me, over 40 and never married wouldn't be a red flag necessarily, but I would definitely take a few factors into consideration. One of the main ones would be, what are their reasons and what is their lifestyle like at the moment? If someone's 40 and never been married because they were busy at school, building their career, or just never met the right person yet? That is fine. But, if someone is 4o and still living a frat-boy Peter Pan lifestyle because they've just never been able to commit, and flitted from gal to gal for brief dalliances all these years, that is a definite turn-off and red flag. JMO.
I know plenty of married men that fit that description.
This is silly. The reason I have never been married or had any kids is because I am using my brain and a selfless individual. Wives and children are not simply trophies, they are human beings. I want to provide for them to make them happy. I want my kids to have a stable life. And in this moment in time I can do all that! | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/7/2009 1:34:59 PM | "Why pass negative judgement on someone you don't know, just because of the poor choices you make?"
Exactly, and amen to that, Lone Hawk. Personally, I hope those types who think that way about never-married people past 40 avoid me. I don't want them contacting me, chatting me up, or even looking in my direction. I'm not interested.
If a woman is going to be that judgemental about someone she doesn't know, never even met and knows next to nothing about, then she is not my kind of woman. Go find some guy in and out of prison with a lengthy record for domestic abuse who was married before. After all, since he's been married he's normal!! Yeah, that's the ticket!! Good luck with that. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/8/2009 12:51:32 PM | | Well I'm over 40 and have never been married,I guess there's something wrong with me.I'm also over 40 and have never been divorced so I guess there's something right with me.I guess the two cancel each other out.PHEW! that was close,i thought there might really be something wrong with me but alas,all is o.k. again in my world.Actually I've been in common law arrangments where both partys agreed that a marraige certificate was just a useless piece of paper so if you look at a guy that has never been married and automatically assume its because he has commitment issues you could be very wrong.All situations are different.I've never had a problem commiting to one woman I just felt that at that time a piece of paper was'nt what was going to hold us together. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/8/2009 7:21:24 PM | hey, get used to it. With todays women postponing marriage and children to pursue their education and career that figure may rise in the future.
Also, realize what has been happening in the courts to men for the last few decades. Divorce rapes you of everything you had and bleeds you for more ( alimony) wrecks your reputation and steals your kids away. Not too mention leaves you on the street because you no longer own the home you bought and paid for ( your cheating wife and her new boyfriend now own it).
Yeah, marriage just is'nt a good deal anymore if your a man. In a business sense it is a really risky endeavor that can completely collapse your future and leave you in ruins.
Now if your a women it is a fabulous deal. Simply live with a man for a year, marry him then do what ever you want, cheat all over town, really push it to make him ask for a divorce and PRESTO!!! with a year invested you get a new home and monthly cheques sent to you! No risk unless your the women with all the money and he is a complete bum. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 11:47:25 AM | from my experience, people I know in their 30s and 40s and have never been married, there are very good reasons why--and they usually have issues.
I'm not speaking for everyone. I know you can't classify all of them together, I'm just speaking of those that I know. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 12:09:48 PM | | Well, I am 39, and I have never been married. I want to be married, but it has not happened yet. I started late in my career, 27 to be exact. I was with someone for 6 years, in between then and now. I do not understand when people say it is a Red Flag, as I am an honest hard working individual that is meeting people that are not yet fully matured and able to handle a responsible relationship. My last G/F was a disaster area of immaturity, jealousy, and we broke up after a year, and talk of marriage and kids. I just could not see this person raising my children, and I put a stop to it. We tried to work it out 4 months later until I caught her sleeping with a bartender downtown. So, just because people raise the Red Flag card, well I raised a hell of a lot more flags, and as a result am still not married. I am ready though, the next one will be the one, it is only a matter of time. | |
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| over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 12:58:01 PM | | I don't know why some people figure that those who choose to remain single after 40---including myself---have more issues than those who have been divorced. Is divorce some kind of baptism toward wisdom? If so, is it knowledge worth learning? Frankly, I get somewhat irritated by divorced people elevating their failed marriages to the level of death in terms of emotional suffering. Seriously, does going through divorce have parity with burying a child? Truth is, we all have a measure of baggage by the time we hit 40, and it certainly isn't confined to failed marriages and relationships. | |
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