| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:50:57 AM | I doubt that - and if they do - they're screwed up. Most of the men I meet are feminists, even if they don't label themselves as such, because they believe in equality for women. In fact, you are probably one yourself. The heart of the matter is that you don't seem to really understand the theory and philosophy of feminism: it is exceedingly simple, it is that of equality: per dictionary.com: "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." There is no more to it than that. As I have indicated, there are those who are extremists who have given many folks the impression it is something other than this, but they are not true or pure feminists; they are perverting the philosophy. It can be compared to Christian fundamentalism: Christians who basically hijack simple and essential Christian tenants and take them to extremes.
Anyway, a man who is a feminist believes in the "social, political and all other rights of women being equal to men." Reasonable people, both men and women, believe that wholeheartedly, within reason. Extremists and radicals tend to be less reasonable, which is what seems to cause the controversy and the ill will.
Sheat someone stop me before I crawl through this screen & grab this dumb ole man by the throat. This would be something I would consider unreasonable.
And on topic, the above quoted statement is also a show of very poor manners. Good manners would dictate that no matter how much someone infuriates you, you respond with self control and dignity. I am not preaching: I lose it sometimes too. However, I try not to and do not excuse myself for such behavior. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:55:32 AM | from brownlady1953:
Can we say M-I-S-O-G-Y-N-I-S-T?
Yes but don't we wish they all would be so obvious and post in the forums?! | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 9:50:16 AM |
female chauvinism Is it possible you could realize there is a difference between female chauvinism and feminism? One is an essentially objective social/political doctrine, the other is, essentially, behaving badly. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 11:18:18 AM | | Id just like to say i do know how to behave in public and yes hearing the F word in a restaurant really isnt appealing , now i must say i do see humour in farting in wal mart or any other store for that matter and quickly walking away is funny , now lets say for example were at the bank machine together and as your using the machine with a couple people waiting in line, i slip out a silent but deadly one and walk away from you as if nothing happened to leave you standing there thinking the people will think its you as there is no doubt that one of them will get a wiff , now thats funny, humour over rides manners , now when at home i see nothing wrong with excessive belching , farting when we have no company unless they like to play along as its open to all , getting dressed to me means having something covering up the nether regions getting dressed up means socks t shirt track pants or shorts depends on the weather , im a about to be 45 in April im single and im a great catch for the right girl. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 11:53:32 AM | I think ran ran is onto something and i choose to agree that many women who claim to be feminists but they forget to place the child rights in the equasion...assuming they know best for both sex of children when they sure as chit are the worst role modle for boys to be assumed and make them lil doormats. have seen that to and it is not correct and you will never sell me the notion that a childs rights fit behind the parents right of passage to assume the other gender.
when a female does not respect the passage of male child to male role modle they loose the battle in there own turf with females who don't push the envelope and expect to superseed the rights of the child.
that said with every human right there is room for growth of opinion and accepting all adults owe children the right of passage to respect there gender first and create a world where either child is free to grow into the character of there exposures.
i like opposing views...i find that is the largest place to find polorized strength and at least respect the option of therir exposure which brought them to that view.
if you choose to only see your own view and never listen than you loose the connect to replace the new discoveries of self ...that would make you a stagnant human polorized in a jar and unreachable by most....
i like ranrans words..they make me think outside of my own connect...is good.
thanks for that cuz is how we grow.
snickers....a fake you say with mannors...but what is the point ...you do things for other people because you choose to not to sequester there respect...but to please yourself and hold your integrity as a human.....it is not my fault if i hold a door for a lil old lady and she swears at me for it...i just smile and tell her how wonderful the sun is.
and same goes for a crochety old man who takes 3 inch steps...i don't care how grouchy and mean he is...his age dictates that i would hold the door and not take personally his words..yes...and as you walk away you make a mental note to not be a grouch old coot when you get old
people are not going to make me loose my own integrity because they are sad.. cuz the second i scence the sad the forgiveness door girths the sad and i give them the love in my heart without asking for a return...cuz i believe if they get enuff stranger love they will find a reason to dig up there own...that's why.
cuz i know in my heart they can't stay sour forever and one day they will be reached by someones outstreched hand and they might just open a door for someone else some day. yup...........................believe. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:13:44 PM | I've seen it posted several times that men have been yelled at
for holding a door open for a lady. I have no clue where this happens.
I hold the door open for lots of people...just because its rude to slam the
door in anyone's face...even if it is a man.
As far as car doors...I think thats nice...but I usually don't wait...I just get out
of the car.
I've never seen anyone yell at anyone for being polite.
I guess I just don't hang around people who have no manners...I dunno.
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:18:34 PM | | I have seen many people slam door is people faces. Wonder if they have a profile that talks about what great manners they have. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:30:34 PM |
Ismene, have you ever in your wildest dreams ever thought of practicing what you preach? This had me falling off my chair with laughter coming from you!
Gee, Gadders, I never thought the day would come when I'd agree with you.. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:48:48 PM |
I've seen it posted several times that men have been yelled at
for holding a door open for a lady. I have no clue where this happens.
Me either, I've never seen it happen and my response to anyone who holds a door open for me is to smile and say thank you...
My semi educated guess would be that if the "yelled at" scenario happened one time to a guy already resenting equality for women, or who just plain resents women, it's all the reason he needs to become a boor.
Cindy O | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:53:15 PM | Ismene, have you ever in your wildest dreams ever thought of practicing what you preach?
I am not preaching: I lose it sometimes too. However, I try not to and do not excuse myself for such behavior.
I did say I was not preaching and that I am not immune from losing it when someone infuriates me. And FFS: just sour grapes I think....really quite beneath you, or at least what I thought you were. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:55:27 PM | I open doors for people, I say please and thank you and excuse me, I put my napkin in my lap at a restaurant, I know how to hold eating utensils, I still refer to my elders as Mr. Mrs. or Miss unless told that first names are acceptable, etc., etc. I did not mention it in my profile. If others feel the need to, that's OK with me. Is it acceptable to have bad manners? That, like so many things, is a personal preference.
Feminism, chauvinism, misogynism, gonads or lack thereof, do not have anything to do with good or bad manners, in my humble opinion, unless you want to make them.
Muddy waters run deep!
Sequoyah | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:00:15 PM |
And FFS: just sour grapes I think....really quite beneath you, or at least what I thought you were
Your unwarranted and uncalled abuse of many posters - including myself- has left a sour taste in my mouth for some time.
Sour grapes? I don't think so... | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:21:41 PM | Wow, this thread is just CHOCK full of irony...
Makes me think of the apparently smitten date who made a point of mentioning that he had been brought up to have manners so nearly instinctive he'd say thank you automatically no matter what you put in his hand--and who then disappeared rather than show up for our next date. Ever since then, I look just a wee bit askance at the profiles that brag about manners, wondering if they too might be a little deluded about what truly polite behavior comprises.
Loved that list on an earlier page that included taking the arm of a gentleman when approaching a coffin, and not clinking the glasses when toasting one who was departed!
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:30:10 PM | manners and respect are important, i think
i teach that to my children and believe it myself...imo. it's just as easy to be polite as to be impolite, so why choose the 'dark side' :) | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:48:27 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.................................
I'm very much into men with manners. Whether it's opening a door.. or helping with my coat. Doesn't matter. Please.. thank you.. and excuse me.. become a mother's lament.. while raising children.
Why would she then expect anything different from a full grown man that she dates?
I certainly don't. I expect to be respected.. as I have and give respect.. in turn.. for the gentlemen.
I act as a lady should act.. and therefore expect to be treated as such.. a lady.
Now.. as far as manners on profiles go? I seriously DON"T see a lot of men saying anything about being mannerly. Rarely in my area. I usually see the likes.. dislikes.. and get the feeling.. these men feel any woman must EARN them being at all mannerly first. Weird huh? I think so.  | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:49:42 PM |
Sure those things do. People feel no obligation to be polite to people they hate or generally despise. And, while we're at it, let's add jaded to the mix. Any excuse or rationalization will do in a pinch for bad behavior to be approved and then applauded by others.
Ran-Ran: I do see your point. I just wasn't looking at it from that direction. Thank you for your insight.
P.S. I'm sorry to have left "jaded" off the list. 
Sequoyah | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 2:14:19 PM | I think that any time you use power charged words, you get power charged responses. 
Some people get great pleasure out of being chit disturbers ..... Ahemm  . There are very few personality absolutes, but lots and lots of perceptions of 'how things are'...now really, ALL women cannot possibly be the same, just like ALL men aren't.
'Lumping' just crawls on peoples livers... an easy way not to deal with individuals or specific situations.... has to do with listening and hearing. Geez ...
Personally I prefer brainstorming for solutions rather than beating an old horse to death (today ).... why haven't we gotten beyond this point? Haven't we learned anything, isn't that what our jobs are on this planet, to figure out what works and what doesn't, keep the useful and throw out the superfluous? I'd like to throw this old broken record out and start dealing one on one and applaud our individuality instead.
Mannors/Manners are good and appreciated.... rude comes in all shapes, sizes and ages...oh yeah, and sexes. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 3:10:05 PM | I tend to have different standards & expectations of conduct for different groups that I interact with.
Strangers on the street:
Basic civility is all I expect. I can't judge them by their political stand/past miseries/childhood traumas, so I cannot Hate them collectively.
Chances are, I'll never see them again.
But I will make a judgment according to their conduct within a given situation.
Most of the ill-mannered behaviour I see lately is linked to a cell phone that is permanently
attached to people's heads making them oblivious to anyone around them.
Dates:
This is usually where political stands/past miseries/lack of common courtesy/exhibiting
anger issues of a perpetual victim, WILL be a deal breaker.
How my date interacts with me and the people around us will determine if we see
each other again. I find that if we set a higher standard for ourselves, then that
is what we attract. A smile will usually get a smile in return, but nastiness is guaranteed
to attract the sour old souls that thrive on anger.
Friends and family:
My expectations of this group is the highest. They know me. They know
what I consider acceptable. We usually have common standards, and
at least we can be honest when we piss each other off.
But this is what works for me, and keeps me from flipping out and beating
people with a hardcover copy of Miss Manner....
~mizz | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 4:32:51 PM | Something interesting...
Swiss university claimed that many Britons lost their life in the Titanic tragedy because they were courteous...while "uncultured"Americans were more likely to push ahead in line... | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 4:53:11 PM | | Being a Brit myself, I would think that anyone who risked their life did it as a calculated risk to saving a mother/child. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 5:02:53 PM | Well, as a Canadian ...
We have a world renowned reputation for being nauseatingly polite, whether we’re over 45 or not.
I’m sorry. Excuse me. I didn’t mean to interrupt.
Please carry on ...
Thank you. | |
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