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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 7:18:02 PM | Gotta love this...
A *cough*few*cough* years ago I took a young woman out for our first and last dinner date. (please note I didn't call her a lady)
I opened doors to both my vehicle and the (nice little Italian) restaurant, we sat at a booth, ordered drinks and looked at the menus. We discussed the choices and what we were ordering. When the waiter came back and asked what we wanted I started with the lady would like the .... and I would like the ....
In front of the waiter the *cough* lady*cough* then said " I can order my own F***ing meal! THANK YOU." I simply looked at the waiter, pulled out my wallet, handed the waiter a $20, and said "this should cover our drinks, I'd like to cancel my meal and thank you for your patience. The lady will be eating alone." Then I simply got up and left.
I'm sorry but sucking on a lemon that big left a sour taste in my mouth. I still hold doors open for my lady, the next person or six, especially for the elderly or someone with kids/arms full of stuff. My pet peeve is the people that are too "important" to even say "thank-you". I will usually say "your welcome" loud enough for the rude person and those around them to hear. I have even helped those in need of help get "stuff" to their car and on the odd occasion not been thanked.
Where am I going? And what am I doing in this basket? | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 7:44:05 PM | ^^^^^^I thought it was a handbasket? lol I understand the feeling though. There are so many times that I help people with door or let them merge in traffic, etc. and receive no thanks. I always say thank you or wave when I'm shown a courtesy. Positive reinforcement is important. :-)
That women who reacted so badly at dinner, some people don't realize that it's an old world courtesy for the man to do the ordering for both. She must have really had a chip on her shoulder. I'm sure some things must have happened in her past to have such a strong negative reaction.
Please don't let the discourtesies of some people affect how the rest of us treat people. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:20:35 PM | | Granted the women didn't need to swear, however, "an old world courtesy for the man to do the ordering for both", it was also old world that a women was considered property, couldn't sign for her dying child to receive medical care etc. I personal can't or don't eat a lot of different types of food..............why would a man assume differently in today's world of alergies. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:26:53 PM | I absolutely love it when a man orders for me. Of course, he asks me what I'd like and doesn't make the decision for me. I'm a very picky eater and don't try things very often, especially when it comes to a very costly meal.
But by all means, order my mac'n cheese for me. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 9:21:43 PM |
I still hold doors open for my lady, the next person or six, especially for the elderly or someone with kids/arms full of stuff.
I do the same regardless of gender and often encounter surprised looks. I had old school parents and have older sisters who were about "people" liberation and equality. I remember once shopping with my mother and we were exiting a department store and 2 men ahead of us let the door shut right in front of us. My mom quipped to me that not only chivilry was dead, it was massacred.  | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 10:11:19 PM | Sunny, rest assured it wasn't Mac and cheese. If I recall it was steak. My ordering for her included the burn, M/R or M. The salad, the dressing, the toppings for the baked potato, all derived from our private conversation on "What are you having?".
While I didn't specifically question about allergies I would have assumed it would be brought up in a pre order conversation concerning the menu. It was neither mentioned before nor after I ordered. I was just rudely "told off" in front of the waiter.
Excuse me (Steve Martin said it best) if showing some "old world" manners is rude. My fault! I'll let the door slam in her face next time. NOT! Chivalry isn't dead, just wounded, but fighting back. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/17/2009 10:48:57 PM | All manners are is consideration and respect for the people you interact with whilst you go about your daily life.
They cost nothing and benefit the giver and receiver.
Manners are not a sign of weakness or an out-dated concept, they are instead a sign of good character.
My sons are all real boys, who each have high spirits and enjoy their lives, and all three will say 'please' when they ask for something and 'thank you' when they get it.
Rude people have nothing to be proud of and there is nothing to admire in people who treat others like garbage, and it's an especially good indicator of the character of someone when you see how they treat individuals they have nothing to gain from, such as taxi drivers and wait staff.
I hope this economic downturn will remind people what's important in life. B*stardry and greed were almost elevated to the level of defacto virtues in the past decade and many only looked at others in net-worth terms. Lets hope we end up living in a less selfish world as a result. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 12:52:33 AM | Perusing this thread I saw a number of people say that they would be offended or would even run away from a profile that stated that the person had manners. They are probably missing out on a bet.
The fact that good manners are often lacking is why some feel it is somethng worth mentioning. I don't think anybody intends it to be denigrating, even if their vocabulary does not quite pull it off right.
I talk about it in my profile for two reasons.
One) I throughly enjoy doing things that bring a smile to another persons face. Especially a lady. Call it the "Random acts of kindness" philosophy. It really makes me feel good when I give a lady a hand out of the car and she gives me a warm smile and/or a "Thank you".
Two) I believe it is an indicator of the type of person I am and will help a lady decide if I'm right for her. If she is an "uber-feminist" (a rare person--I've never personally met one) and is offended by these acts, then she can click to the next profile. If she has been burned by men who don't know how to eat with silverware then maybe she will read my profile a little closer. Either way, I win.
-DesertGeek | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 2:04:29 AM |
My pet peeve is the people that are too "important" to even say "thank-you". I will usually say "your welcome" loud enough for the rude person and those around them to hear.
A person who doesn't get a "thank you".... and proceeds to call out, (loud enough for others to hear), "you're welcome"... could be considered to be showing bad manners. 
Just thought I'd throw that in there.  | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:52:33 AM |
Sunny, rest assured it wasn't Mac and cheese. If I recall it was steak. My ordering for her included the burn, M/R or M. The salad, the dressing, the toppings for the baked potato, all derived from our private conversation on "What are you having?".
While I didn't specifically question about allergies I would have assumed it would be brought up in a pre order conversation concerning the menu. It was neither mentioned before nor after I ordered. I was just rudely "told off" in front of the waiter.
Excuse me (Steve Martin said it best) if showing some "old world" manners is rude. My fault! I'll let the door slam in her face next time. NOT! Chivalry isn't dead, just wounded, but fighting back.
she handled it very badly... there's no excuse for her being so rude to you, especially in front of someone else
however, having good manners also means not imposing them on someone else, imo... it sounds as though you'd force someone else to agree with your idea of what good manners are, or be angry with the person for disagreeing...
some women prefer to order for themselves... sometimes it's because they like food cooked a certain way, or have special requests... sometimes it's just because they like to chat with the waiter/waitress themselves...
i think respect should go both ways... from both parties...
if someone gets mad with somebody else because they're not appreciative of their good manners, then surely it defeats the purpose of politeness... | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 12:24:15 PM |
Sure those things do. People feel no obligation to be polite to people they hate or generally despise.
Excuse me, sir. With all due respect, I beg to differ, at least in regards to my personal creed.
The more formally and icily polite I am to someone, the greater the danger they are in. To those I like/love, I'm never outright rude but I'm usually more relaxed,even kidding around a bit. In fact, those who know me well run and hide when I take on my "Miss Manners" behavior.
Sorry to have disturbed your train of reasoning,but it doesn't ALWAYS run true, I'm afraid.
Cindy O | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 12:30:26 PM | "The fact that good manners are often lacking is why some feel it is somethng worth mentioning."
I find that those who have a need to mention manners, good looks etc., do it to get attention. I also find that some who came claims don't see themselves as other do. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 1:40:35 PM | I think good manners are very important. Courtesy and respect for others is on the top of my list. Both in being respectful and courteous myself and in the men I date being respectful and courteous. Why would want to I be with someone that is disrespectful and has bad manners? That is both unpleasant and unacceptable to me. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 1:43:56 PM | Agreed we all want someone with good manners, and we all think we have good manners.
Why do people put it on their profile though? It sounds like the person who goes on about how good looking they are, even though they post a picture and people can judge for themselves.
Action speak louder than words, and I will wait till I see if someone has manners, they don't need to try to convince me before we meet. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 5:42:32 PM |
I know I wouldn't date or be friends with someone who didn't treat others with respect and show good manners.
I wont either, but apparently there are people who think having good manners is a sign of weakness!
Brandie | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:32:35 PM |
I find that those who have a need to mention manners, good looks etc., do it to get attention.
Of course I mention it to get attention. Isn't that part of what it's all about here?
I also make the point that I enjoy the benefits and rewards of using good manners and (dare I say it?) chivalry.
I don't have a large truck nor am I particularly good looking, so I must make use of the talents I do have.
Good manners are also the glue that helps keep civilization together. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 9:20:33 PM | "Of course I mention it to get attention. Isn't that part of what it's all about here?"
Not all of us think that way. Some of us would think the opposite about both sentences. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 9:50:21 PM | The purpose of POF is to bring together people that would otherwise never have the opportunity to know one another.
For some this is for expanding their personal horizons, for others it is to improve their odds of finding a compatible mate. It simply makes the village larger.
I myself have been conversing with a wonderful lady whom I normally never get to talk to, much less have the opportunity to meet.
In ones' profile, one should mention those character traits that are important to you. This serves the purpose of letting others know about you and they can then decide if they want to get to know you better.
It is generally understood that a person will not talk about their negative characteristics. Just as a person will dress up a little (or a lot) when going out on a date. It's important to make a good first impression so you have a chance to make a good second impression. As you get to know someone you will learn about those "warts", which we all have in abundance.
To me, acting civilized and "mannerly" is important. I don't mean "stuck-up" or "snobbish". I've seen some of the worst manners coming from those who know which fork to use. I personally find crude behaviour distasteful and in general do not care for scatological or racist humor. But this is just me. Others are different and I'm OK with that. | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 10:05:00 PM |
Are you lying about the truck, too?
This grizzled mug?
I swear...I really do enjoy the smile I get when I offer a hand getting out of the car or when I stand up as the lady approaches the table!
I do own a truck but it is a "working" truck, no sight to behold. I own many things, collectively not worth a whole lot! That is but one of my "warts"! | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/18/2009 10:32:44 PM | Jusr as cute as a bug's ear, as my Daddy would say.
Manners are nice. Absolutely. On both sides. Like I said earlier, a wonderful dance that human beings do.
Good luck with your lady. 'Spect you won't need luck, though.
 | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:24:58 AM | | I like a man that has some manners and treats people with respect. Someone told me once that you can tell how someone will eventually treat you, after the "honeymoon" is over, by how he or she treats the waitress, the cashier, the mailman..well maybe not the mailman lol! He always rings twice...But it seems to have proven true. Those I have met who were rude to others were eventually rude to me even if they did open the car door or front door to let me in! So manners are sweet and affectionate, but how someone treats others in general gives a better view for me. And yes, the "F" bomb is not one I am comfortable hearing in public. I am always thinking about that 6 yr old standing in line behind me w his Mom...and it's just not polite language. Of course it has its place in the dictionary! | |
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| Manners among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:33:57 PM |
Show it, don't say it.
On the money! Every day, in every way!
In this venue the only public evidence is how the person behaves in the forums and on their profiles.
By specifically indicating in our profile the type of behaviour we like/use we at least remove the ambiguity. Of course we could be lying, but there is always that danger!
...by how he or she treats the waitress...
To me, a "true" gentleman will behave the same to the valet as he does toward his date. With respect, courtesy and consideration. I will not put up with people who are rude to those who cannot do anything about it.
While I have accidently let a vulgar word pass my lips in an innappropiate setting, I almost immediately feel bad and look around guiltily. I'm no saint but I try to be decent. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/24/2009 12:46:34 AM | I believe that others would say that I have manners.
I normally say please and thank you.
I always call people who I don’t know their name either “Sir or “Ma’am”.
My table manners do vary, depending if I am home alone or with others.
However, I do not hold doors open for females, I hold doors open for people.
I hold doors open for:
· The elderly,
· The Handicap,
· Those who have their hands full,
· Those who are going through the same door right after me.
· If there are two doors and a person holds the door open for me, I’ll return the action by holding the door open for them.
If a female happens to fit in one of the above categories, then I’ll hold the door open for her, if not, O’well.
I have had several females hold the door open for me and I always say “thank you” and try to get to the next door to hold the door open for them to repay the courtesy. Oh, wait, I do the same for a male.
I am not a sexist.
If I pull the chair out for a female, I expect her to pull the chair out for me the next time. Ha! Ha! I know that would never happen, so I just don’t pull the chair out for anyone unless they are old, handicap or young and needs assistance.
For those females who have a problem with this, I ask you, if I would to pull the chair out on a date for a female, what is she suppose to do to show courtesy towards me?
If a female does not like my Non-Sexist attitude, that’s their problem, for I have burned my Jock Strap!
And, no, I do not hate women. I just do not like double standards, women who hate men and women who demand “Equal Rights” but expect a man to “Pull the chair out for them”.
******
Does anyone know if Sarah Palin has a sister?
Go Sarah!!!
Now she’s a LADY! (she doesn’t hate men) | |
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