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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/10/2009 1:43:32 PM | mayoroftempe says
But assuming I am having difficulty in finding what I seek is tant amount to EXACTLY the sort of superiority complex I come across here when in regards to those in 'successful' relationships.
I am glad you are a successful dater. My erroneous assumption is based on the fact that you have so much animus against the forumites who are in relationships.
My main complaint is for people who have very explicit, very detailed profiles and are in relationships and NOT LOOKING.
If they are not in your way, than why do you care what they post and how elaborate their profiles are?
Its like going to a new car dealership to just smell new car smells without even test driving. Its a waste of time for the dealership and for those shopping for a car.
This isn't a car dealership with limited space. It's the internet. Lots and lots of space here. POF is like a car dealership that set up a racetrack next door. To get to the racetrack you gotta go through the dealership. Once you are in you can buy a car or sit in the stands and watch the cars zoom by or roam around the track and people watch. By the way whose time are forumites wasting besides their own?
POF may call itself a dating site. But it is in fact set up like a social networking site. You may chose to look for friends or activity partners as well as dates or f*ck buddies.
That may change on down the road., but only admin knows for sure. | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:49:40 PM | Mayorof tempe, again I'm with you on all your points.
Those in relationships are speaking from a position of comfort and power.
They are no longer vulnerable to the yearnings for love, or the lonely feelings that only a love companion can ease.
The 'superiority complex' of those in successful relationships I see as being real... | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:55:02 PM | well, now the conv is kinda diverting...
i will stay in my pond of using this website to actually date, and for those who think this is a social 'networking' website, have fun. Since I am obviously on here for the wrong reasons (meeting women, how dispicable!) And others think POF is for chitchat, then we both get what we want.
anyone can stay in a relationship as well, ask Rihanna. it doesn't mean your happy or a success. Of course it doesn't mean you CAN't be happy, just as much as being single. Its a bit condescending to suggest to me that being single isn't as great as being in a relationship and coming to a website devoted to single people and soap-boxing about those not in relationships being not as good. Which is the jist of what I get from those who don't agree with me or would like to make their views more important than us 'lowly' single people. I don't think I am right, I merely ask those to look in the mirror and ask, what am I on POF for? I know why I am here.
When I go through profiles, NOT THE FORUM, and I see women that I might be interested in, who share interests, and also like to divulge on what they like to do on a date, and how they specifically look, and then you realize they are in a relationship, thats where i get a little confused; its a bit strange.
Why go to lengths to describe your life/what you are looking for/ and then proclaim you are here for friends? Thats a POF troll, looking for attention. ' Rate my pic!' To make me feel attractive, make my bf/husband/gf/etc jealous. And then also line up what I call the 'insurance policy' comfort buddies to always kiss butt and ego trip ya. Thats how I see it.
And such thats my beef with those in relationships on here. I find it pretty dishonest; if I was in a relationship again I wouldn't spend a second here. And if that ended, I would be back. But to keep a profile lingering around seems to stink of having a backup plan, as I stated, an 'insurance policy' to back up a potential relationship.
cheers
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:24:21 PM | So let me boil your beef down. You've found some attractive thumbnail pictures, that you've perused for a few minutes only to find out the attractive thumbnail is not available for dating. So take a few seconds to check whether they are available and what they are looking for before you invest low those few minutes in reading their profile. Problem solved. The rest of your post is gravy!
You are not POed that there are so many other folks in the showroom. You are POed that not all the cars are for sale.
And presuming everyone who is already dating or in a relationship is here for narcissistic supply is just sour grapes. | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:47:54 PM | I am merely questioning why anyone would post a profile on a dating site if they are NOT dating? I am calling out what I see as being dishonest.
My opinion has further been tainted by some of the responses here; instead of what I am saying, it is being read as since I am not being in agreement, I must, and this is to paraphrase, that I am 'miserable or upset,' and as such I am not like those in relationships. If thats not a superiority complex, than what is?
If those in relationships can characterize me or anyone else not in a relationship as being miserable, than I sure as sheet can hypothesize that a large percentage of those in relationships on POF are here for either,
A) nefarious reasons
B) ego trip sessions
C) to socialize via internet (instead of by the camp fire, as it was eloquently put.)
D) none of the above
Choice C and D, no harm of course! I am not attacking such people. But it is evident that there is a large population of women (I don't screen men,) that fit into A and B. Go through the ratings, and note the women who are in relationships yet make their profile pic 'rateable.' Why do that at a dating site?
I won't presume EVERYONE in relationships is doin' the A and B; likewise, people shouldn't presume that I am miserable because I am not in a relationship at the moment. It goes both ways.
Therefore, its not so much a problem, as it is an observation. One meriting discussion. And if I was so vastly incorrect, then those who have agreed with me, should crawl into a hole as well? It doesn't make me lose sleep, but rather it is a topic of conversation for the forum. Isn't that what the forum is here for? If we all agreed, why post at all? Are we just mindlessly txting each other back and forth? Isn't that just empty kudos and masturbatory?
Maybe the number of people on here who don't use this website to date are increasing the possibility of this becoming a 'paid' website?...
and thats in another thread....
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:35:41 AM | I don't need people to rate my pic, because to me I'm not that great looking and consider myself fortunate to have a guy who is beyond good looking...he's gorgeous to me.
I'm going to be with my guy forever because I don't believe in divorce.
And i wouldn't call what Rhianna has a relationship I'd call it more her own stupidity and low self esteem. | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 2:12:44 PM | 'it's my considered opinion that your difficulty in finding what you seek is in no way caused by people who have been successful but choose to remain here at PoF for forums/friendship. '
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I am doing well, thank you very much.
So, then,what's the problem? Why should you CARE what anybody else does?
Should I post how much I get laid and how many times I have rejected being in a relationship as of late? Does that make me have a more valid opinion?
Not to my way of thinking. Everyone's opinion is valid because it's their opinion.
That said, I tend to give more credence to the opinions of people who are at peace in their own skin and don't depend on their relationship status FOR that peace. Those people don't get all worked up about stuff unless true harm,wrong or injustice is being done.
don't care if people in relationships post here; I realize this forum exists in a vacuum seperate from the dating world
I'm not so sure it's as much a "vacuum" as one might think.
My main complaint is for people who have very explicit, very detailed profiles and are in relationships and NOT LOOKING. That just seems ridiculous. Do I need to know how tall and how much you weigh, and what you like to do on dates!? if you are already in a relationship? Explain that because I find it wierd.
No, you think it indicates people looking to "trade up". Is that what happened to you, Bunky?
And okay you can mention how many times you get laid but heck anybody can get laid. Now getting and staying in a relationship are a bit harder.
Exactly!
Those in relationships are speaking from a position of comfort and power.
I'll remember that the next thread I read of someone boohooing because their relationship partner is making them miserable but they're so scared of being "single" that they stay and suffer.
The true position of comfort and power is deciding that being by yourself/single in no way invalidates you as a human being,and that a "relationship" is the icing on the cake.
They are no longer vulnerable to the yearnings for love, or the lonely feelings that only a love companion can ease. Again, TRUE self validation,emotional security, truly being at peace in your own skin comes from WITHIN, not from being in a "relationship". This is by no means meant to dismiss or discount relationships/love companionship. But making a hasty/panicky choice about a relationship partner, or becoming totally reliant on a significant other for your identity,your validity as a human being and your purpose for being on the planet,can majorly mess up your life if your SO leaves, dies, or becomes someone you can no longer be with.
A healthy interest in finding the love of your life( be it the first, second,whatever)is a source of motivation and hope.But when it becomes "yearning", "desperation", "panic",
then you put yourself in the path of making unhealthy and/or unwise romantic decisions.
If those in relationships can characterize me or anyone else not in a relationship as being miserable, than I sure as sheet can hypothesize that a large percentage of those in relationships on POF are here for either,
A) nefarious reasons
Well, I'm not in a relationship at the moment and any misery I may or may not have in my life has nothing to do with that fact. I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm "not looking', but I'm not looking real hard.
And if I was so vastly incorrect, then those who have agreed with me, should crawl into a hole as well?
I don't think anybody needs to crawl in a hole. But those who can only see " looking to cheat, or looking for the bigger better deal" in profiles of "not currently single" members, has an injury to their soul that needs care.
I will state my one "caveat"...I think married people who CONCEAL their true status,and use this and other internet sites to look for "a little on the side",should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
But for someone who makes it clear that they are involved with someone,and only here for the social networking aspect, I see no harm. And, maybe their profile is detailed because they haven't bothered to edit down. In fact,I think that some of the profile page is "boilerplate", you have to enter information in it.
Cindy O | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 3:57:34 PM |
But those who can only see " looking to cheat, or looking for the bigger better deal" in profiles of "not currently single" members, has an injury to their soul that needs care.
but since I shouldn't care (as I have been told,) I stand humbled. I will have to resign from this forum topic,
because I have a soul that needs care and am not comfortable in my own skin.
I was speaking in general terms,making an observation, because yours are not the only posts that drip with cynicism and suspicion.
But if you read my post and see yourself in what I wrote, I'm sorry.
Not that I wrote it, but that you see yourself in my observation.
Cindy O | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:05:44 PM |
i had a large post ready to go, but since I shouldn't care (as I have been told,) I stand humbled. I will have to resign from this forum topic, because I have a soul that needs care and am not comfortable in my own skin. Any further response from me is starting to feel like trolling.
Aww don't go. It was just starting to get fun.
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:41:07 PM | If you cut and paste another persons' posts and then you say that you weren't responding to them directly.. that doesn't equate.
I stand by my opinion that a great deal of those who are in relationships yet still come on here looking for validation of said relationship and go further as to make a profile to 'social network' on a very obvious DATING website have at the very least an uncommon take on what a dating website must be.
IF you look in the top corner of this website, it says, Plenty of Fish, 'Free Dating Site.'
When you go to myspace, facebook, etc it is quite obvious that those are social network sites... Being in a relationship and coming to POF because of the forums... I didn't know this was yahoo, aol, etc. I thought it was more streamlined for those dating. I stand corrected.
Ponder the concept of a person who is in a relationship but prefers to go to 'singles' night at bars/clubs because it is a fantastic social experience... Would you want your bf/husband/gf etc SPECIFICALLY going to a singles' night to hang with friends? Honestly, doesn't that just seem a bit ridiculous? Just stop for a moment and think of the typical singles' bar night; of course some people are there who are in relationships. And why should I care? Because much like some things being focused on couples, this happens to be something special for single people. Imagine that, now consider the concept of POF actually being for who it was designed for. SACRILEGEOUS! ABSURD!
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:40:00 PM |
If you cut and paste another persons' posts and then you say that you weren't responding to them directly.. that doesn't equate.
I was responding to YOU, AND others who posted similar wine lists. I have no wish to be rude or unkind to anyone( 51% sweetheart, 41% b*tch  don't push your luck!) but it seems like the shoe must fit because you've chosen to wear it.
When you go to myspace, facebook, etc it is quite obvious that those are social network sites...
Yeah. And my 12 yr old nephew, my favorite local band, one of my recreational interest groups,etc all have pages on those sites. I prefer my social networking at a site catering to adult human beings. I suspect others here have that same druther.
And why should I care? Because much like some things being focused on couples, this happens to be something special for single people. Imagine that, now consider the concept of POF actually being for who it was designed for. SACRILEGEOUS! ABSURD!
Dude, you are gettin' way too worked up about a non issue.
If you are having trouble finding whatever the hell it is you are looking to find here, you might ask yourself if THAT tendency isn't standing in your way more than what other PoF members are ( or aren't )doing.
Cindy O | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 6:31:47 PM | So was that post directed at me or just in general? Tell me when I have permission to respond, village elder.
Again, I never said I had any troubles, I am talking about the topic at hand. You mentioned that your comments aren't about me or anyone specifically. Then why make a comment about someone (me, or was that just a blanket statement?) having trouble finding what I am looking for or what my tendency is? It is obvious you don't like my point of view. Why is that? Because I think that POF should be for single people? If I changed my profile picture would that help make my opinion more palatable?
And being condescending towards myspace and then proclaiming POF as a place catering to adult human beings, well that seems like you determined what a website was for and then made a choice. I also am an adult (human being,) and think that POF CATERS to those who are dating. How is your opinion on myspace any different as to what my opinion is in regards to those who use POF when in a relationship? We could both be wrong, right or both. Thats not where I find your argument lacking; its that you are allowed to have an opinion (and care,) and that I shouldn't.
Thats my opinion, thats the topic of this particular subject/forum. Not if I am doing ok, or getting laid (as I so eloquently said, in jest) or who has a soul needing help. I am simply stating that people who are in relationships and are on POF doesn't make sense to me.
Have you ever seen fight club? Remember how Edward Nortons' character would frequent different meetings for groups (cancer survivors, AA, etc) so he could feel better about himself? Thats what I think of people who go to a singles/dating website and are married/in relationships. On the surface, no harm. In practice, it doesn't make me lose sleep either. Its not a big deal. Its just a topic on this lil' forum.
But I can call foul when I perceive it.
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:44:54 PM | and thus whats your opinion in regards to the topic?
Does 'us' mean you or did you take a vote as to me repeating myself? Before I posted and after, there are people who agreed with me and/or had their own outlook and view.
So you don't agree with me, or you do? Or you agree with other people? I might be repetitious but I am voicing an actual opinion as to the topic.
Is my example of FightClub, a BBW website, or comparing POF to a singles' night repetitious when they were in seperate posts? I am giving my opinion, and whether you disagree or not, saying I am repetitious is a cop-out to not voicing your opinion on the topic.
I made a comment about how I believe this to also tie into how POF might become a pay-for site; but in trying not to be 'repetitious' to another thread, I mentioned that it was already in discussion elsewhere. But the days of POF being free could dissapear and I see it in correlation to a lot of users' who are in relationships and are mis-using a free service, (among other reasons, as well.)
If this website can remove images of nudes, maybe it should remove people who are in commited relationships from creating a profile...
I am not sorry for being highly suspicious of having a varied opinion.
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:50:41 PM |
I am merely questioning why anyone would post a profile on a dating site if they are NOT dating?
A) many of the people with a profile on POF that are no longer dating put their profile up when they WERE dating. I happened to get lucky and met a really great fish so am no longer looking.
B) no, you weren't merely questioning, you were also ranting and slamming those of us who are here to participate in forums while in a relationship. You admit to it. And I quote
If those in relationships can characterize me or anyone else not in a relationship as being miserable, than I sure as sheet can hypothesize that a large percentage of those in relationships on POF are here for either,
A) nefarious reasons
B) ego trip sessions
C) to socialize via internet (instead of by the camp fire, as it was eloquently put.)
D) none of the above
Choice C and D, no harm of course! I am not attacking such people. But it is evident that there is a large population of women (I don't screen men,) that fit into A and B. Go through the ratings, and note the women who are in relationships yet make their profile pic 'rateable.' Why do that at a dating site?
I won't presume EVERYONE in relationships is doin' the A and B; likewise, people shouldn't presume that I am miserable because I am not in a relationship at the moment.
C) Only 1, maybe 2, 'not single/not looking' people implied single people are unhappy about being single but you broad-brush all 'not single/not looking' people here with your attacks. Funny that even your biggest support admits the reason she doesn't like people in a relationship posting here is because she is miserable about being single.
Still haven't heard you answer why this even matters to you. How are the 'not single/not looking' people harming you or hurting your chances of finding someone to date? During my time on POF when I was actively looking and dating I would search the forums to see if a fishie posted anything. More than once their attitude in the forums was not the 'laid back, easy going, loves to laugh' guy they made themselves out to be in their profile. These guys got the old 'thanks but no thanks' reply email. You think the same could be true for you? | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/11/2009 10:07:42 PM |
I've noticed quite a few of you say you have boyfriends/girlfriends, yet you have a profile on a singles site....and you claim you're here just for the threads? I've also seen some girls' profiles and they say they have a boyfriend but they're looking for friends....really?
OP, there aren't many options for what someone is 'seeking' on this site, if they're already in a relationship, or even single but just here to enjoy the forums. I first had seeking 'talk/email' on my own profile, because that seemed like the 'tamest' option...nope, all that led to was emails from men who assumed I was either looking for cyber-sex-chat, or had tons of extra spare time to make chat buddies with. Neither of which I've ever had the time or inclination for. So, I chose 'friends' as an alternative, simply because POF doesn't offer a "just here for the forums" option.
I have no idea why the concept behind this thread seems to irk so many though. Hell, it's basically redundant as far as I can see, same as "why are there so many single parents" or "why are there so many smokers" or *cough cough ahem ahem* why are there so many people who aren't interested in me or that I'm not interested in" basically. 
People have the option to set their own criteria on this site, whether it be using the settings so that only people of a certain age can email them, or using their profile body to state their preferences and dislikes...so why do so many people feel the need to start threads about...well basically "why are they here if they don't like me basically? I'm just saying. | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/12/2009 2:08:21 AM | Here's my post that brought up misery.
Yeah, mayoroftempe, that's right, all the hooked up people are just here to make your life miserable and rub your nose in our happiness. Cuz it's all about you and your misery
Note that the only "miserable" person I am talking about is the mayoroftempe.
Note that I do not tar all single people with the same brush.
My initial post was sarcastic as are all of the mayoroftempe's.
I was just mirroring back what he was putting out there.
No one has said as the MofT suggests that looking for women on this site is "despicable" or a "sacrilege" or "absurd."
No one here "hates" the daters. As sweetnessone pointed out that is how most of us got here. We were the daters at one time.
A question was asked are those of us who are in a relationship really here for the forums?
It has been a fairly resounding yes.
The forums are fun. Sometimes funny. Sometimes sad. And a relaxing way to socialize at the end of what is for me a pretty physically demanding day.
It is not "masturbatory" to text other people as the MofT suggests. It would only be "masturbatory" if I was texting myself.
MofT if you want a site that is free of single/not looking people try a paid one. Then you only have to contend with the fembots instead of the narcissexual surfers and the forumites.
We the single/notlooking are here because we are welcome here. Why?
Because we enhance revenue due to our use of the mail system. Everytime we clickety click each other Markus makes money.
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/12/2009 5:18:55 AM |
(Msg 194) I am simply stating that people who are in relationships and are on POF doesn't make sense to me.
One of the main reasons for the forums are to discuss problems people have or have had when in relationships which often spill over to their dating practices. That's why forums are left up for years after they were started.
It's similar to an employed person being on a job search site that has a forum or a successful dieter being on a weight loss site or a person with a perfectly running automobile being on a "car problem" site.
POF is not just a search-for-a-partner site. If offers input from successful daters and those in successful relationships.
(Msg 196) But the days of POF being free could dissapear and I see it in correlation to a lot of users' who are in relationships and are mis-using a free service, (among other reasons, as well.)
I don't see successful people offering advice as mis-using the site. If anything, they are adding to the value.
I suppose one could legitimately question why some folks complain about a lack of dates or their inability to establish a relationship while also complaining about the advice offered by people who have had successful dates and are in a relationship.
As you noted in msg 181,
Therefore, its not so much a problem, as it is an observation. One meriting discussion. And if I was so vastly incorrect, then those who have agreed with me, should crawl into a hole as well? It doesn't make me lose sleep, but rather it is a topic of conversation for the forum. Isn't that what the forum is here for?
That's exactly why the forums are here, to discuss issues, and who better to offer constructive tips than those who are in successful relationships?
(Msg 181) Maybe the number of people on here who don't use this website to date are increasing the possibility of this becoming a 'paid' website?
That logic escapes me. Not only is this a dating site but it offers a chance for people to ask questions, discuss issues. Why would added features be a cause for changing it to a paid site? Also, not to imply any specific person may be less than honorable but perhaps the advice offered is a threat to those who are out to play games.
Many here have come out of a LTR. From having dated as a sophomore to dating as a single parent ten or more years later the "program" has changed. This site not only offers the chance to date someone but offers tips on how to proceed, what to expect, where the "rules" have changed. Dating at 22 is not the same as dating at 32 or 42 and I believe that causes more than a few problems and that's where people who have acquired a relationship can offer invaluable advice. | |
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| You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:32:24 AM |
It is obvious you don't like my point of view. Why is that? Because I think that POF should be for single people? If I changed my profile picture would that help make my opinion more palatable?
Actually, I don't much care about your point of view one way or another. Or your profile picture. As a "lifelong education" student of human nature, I AM somewhat puzzled by your point of view.
Maybe you don't MEAN to come off as seeing the social networking aspect of PoF as being an affront to you, possibly even a plot arranged to inconvenience you. Maybe you don't mean to come across as possibly jealous, or realize that your insinuation that "not single/not looking" members are up to something underhanded,puts YOU in a worse light than the people you are complaining about.
seems like you determined what a website was for and then made a choice. I also am an adult (human being,) and think that POF CATERS to those who are dating.
Actually, I am unattached and looking( although right now that's somewhat desultory LOL). But I do not see those who are in relationships, or not looking for relationships, as any kind of a threat or irritation. The only thing that ever pissed me off about online dating sites is married men who claim to be single and are just looking for someplace to get a little extra nooky nooky. But I don't waste my time creating threads about it. If I have a personal confrontation with a cheating man, I quietly turn him into a toad. End of story.
If people in relationships make you feel bad enough about yourself to call foul, maybe you should focus your resources on sites that restrict their community to allegedly single and looking people.
Cindy O | |
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