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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/1/2009 12:27:48 AM | Without fundamentals in place, having the feelings of falling in love exceedingly prematurely can result in needless heartbreaking outcomes. It is true that being single can sometimes produce intense feelings of loneliness. These feelings of solitude and wanting acceptance into a loving relationship can make one push for a relationship that is not correct for them. Beginning to spend time with another, sometimes a person will mistake the feeling of acceptance for the feeling of love. Love is not something easily obtained. For long periods, love can escape us, as we search for that someone special that we wish for in our lives.
Telling yourself that you are in love, does not create love. If not all of the essentials of genuine love are in place, convincing yourself that you are in love does not magically produce those necessary elements. If in almost every relationship you enter, you fall in love within a couple weeks or even days, you must ask yourself; are you really in love?
Undoubtedly, falling in love produces a magnificent euphoric high. The emotion of finding one's "soul mate" fulfills a deep desire to bond with someone. True love is such a rare find. In terms of realistic expectations, one simply cannot sincerely be in love with every person they meet or date. Allowing yourself to feel you are in love with almost everyone you connect with, in a small measure of time, only will lead to ultimate disappointment. Sincerely asking yourself the question, "Was it really true love?" may give you the knowledge that perhaps you did not actually experience love. This is not to imply you did not admire someone, like spending time with him or her or had lust for him or her. However, did real love exist? Comprehending that it did not, may lessen the sense of feeling betrayed and the feeling of being wounded from relationships gone astray.
To free yourself from being the victim of lost "love", give yourself the time to unequivocally get to know and appreciate someone, allowing love to happen in it's own due course. Do not impulsively rush into a state of feeling in love. Seriously consider all of the factors that ensure a real and lasting love. Give this feeling time to develop. Only then, can you truly know that you are in love. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/1/2009 12:37:17 AM | I don't think I truly fell in love with my ex, until after we were married. Things turned sour though, and we split.
Now I love my boyfriend deeply, and stronger then I ever had in my marriage. And I could see myself staying with him forever, and maybe marriage, I just wouldn't want it to change us. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/1/2009 8:28:38 PM | | I chose to marry the one I love and was married for 21 yrs. Was divorced after she left me and my daughter and went to another state. When women stop respecting men,Men stop loving women. Focus on bringing happiness to each other and things will change. Knowing that happiness will bring her love and that her love is worth fighting for will keep you together.Not just any kind of love will do. The only kind of love that can fill us up and make us whole emotionally is real love. I think real love is always caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also real love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. With real love, people are not disappointed or angry when we make our foolish mistakes, when we don’t do what they want, or even when we inconvenience them personally. When I use the word happiness, I do not mean the brief and superficial pleasure that comes from money, sex, power, and the conditional approval we earn from others when we behave as they want. Real happiness is not the feeling we get from being entertained or making people do what we want. It’s a profound and lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that deeply satisfies and enlarges our soul. It doesn’t go away when circumstances are difficult. It survives and even grows during hardship and struggle. True happiness is our entire reason to live, and it can only be obtained as we find real love and share it with others. With real love, nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough. Only real love can make us genuinely happy. When someone is genuinely concerned about our happiness, we feel connected to that person. We feel included in his or her life, and in that instant we are no longer alone. Each moment of unconditional acceptance creates a living thread to the person who accepts us, and these threads weave a powerful bond that fills us with a genuine and lasting happiness. Nothing but real love can do that. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/1/2009 8:29:24 PM | Without fundamentals in place, having the feelings of falling in love exceedingly prematurely can result in needless heartbreaking outcomes. It is true that being single can sometimes produce intense feelings of loneliness. These feelings of solitude and wanting acceptance into a loving relationship can make one push for a relationship that is not correct for them. Beginning to spend time with another, sometimes a person will mistake the feeling of acceptance for the feeling of love. Love is not something easily obtained. For long periods, love can escape us, as we search for that someone special that we wish for in our lives.
Telling yourself that you are in love, does not create love. If not all of the essentials of genuine love are in place, convincing yourself that you are in love does not magically produce those necessary elements. If in almost every relationship you enter, you fall in love within a couple weeks or even days, you must ask yourself; are you really in love?
Undoubtedly, falling in love produces a magnificent euphoric high. The emotion of finding one's "soul mate" fulfills a deep desire to bond with someone. True love is such a rare find. In terms of realistic expectations, one simply cannot sincerely be in love with every person they meet or date. Allowing yourself to feel you are in love with almost everyone you connect with, in a small measure of time, only will lead to ultimate disappointment. Sincerely asking yourself the question, "Was it really true love?" may give you the knowledge that perhaps you did not actually experience love. This is not to imply you did not admire someone, like spending time with him or her or had lust for him or her. However, did real love exist? Comprehending that it did not, may lessen the sense of feeling betrayed and the feeling of being wounded from relationships gone astray.
To free yourself from being the victim of lost "love", give yourself the time to unequivocally get to know and appreciate someone, allowing love to happen in it's own due course. Do not impulsively rush into a state of feeling in love. Seriously consider all of the factors that ensure a real and lasting love. Give this feeling time to develop. Only then, can you truly know that you are in love. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/2/2009 5:05:07 AM | Well, hopefully, I can, and will, do both. I shall marry the woman I love, and love the woman I marry. But this is a statement of intent based on what I think my future wife will be like.
Therefore, if she is a wonderful intelligent woman (and she will be), and we are both mutually attracted to each other in every way, we share the same goals, values, and ideals, we remain committed to each other throughout our marriage for life, and we are still in love and both make each other happy, even as the months of our marriage become years and while its years become our lifetimes, then I most certainly will love the woman I marry. And I would have proposed to her because I love her and because I could never contemplate living my life without her.
However, even the most compatible spouses do and will disagree with each other from time to time. But where there is love in a relationship, the arguments or even the angry yellings at each other are often not allowed to cause irreparable damage to the feelings of the other spouse. But without love and the mutual respect which tends to accompany it, a simple disagreement can quite easily lead spouses to say or to do things in order to get revenge for hurt feelings arising from a simple argument between them on an earlier occasion. Accordingly, no matter how wonderful a woman is in my opinion, I would never marry her unless we are both deeply in love with each other. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:22:56 AM | CassaGo,
Please do not blame the messenger. I was just pointing out what sociologists have already revealed to us. I am in total agreement of your assessment. Having one's cake and eating it certainly applies here. In fact, one book that catapulted me into a new level of awareness about the hypocrisy of the feminist movement and how it negatively effects male/female relations is entitled: "Why Men Are The Way They Are" by Doctor Warren Farrell. It should be required reading for men and women alike. I applaud you for possessing an advanced level of awareness. Bravo! | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/7/2009 6:11:16 PM | Sincere4unow:
Wow...you do have a lot to say. Were you hurt that bad?
For starters, I dont even understand what love is. Is seem to change depending on who you ask..and even then depending on their situation (single or attached etc).
So I guess, I better marry for something else other than love... | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:00:40 PM | A friend once stated:
" Falling in love is easy. Its staying in love that's the challenge. "
I agree with this. We live in a society that treats committment between people as if each party were little more then a pair of disposable contact lenses. We give up to easy thinking we can find better then what we have when, from what I can gather, we don't even understand what we have to begin with at least half the time.
" If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If it is, throw it away. " seems to be the common mentality. The consequences, both financially and socially, have shifted to allow such behavior to be tolerable, even acceptable.
I am certainly not saying someone should, for example, stay with an abusive spouse. But the overall lack of willingness not only to work on a relationship in trouble, but to (this is the key, folks) work on it BEFORE its in trouble, is worthy cause for concern.
I notice that someone indicated the "75% of divorces are initiated by women" factor. Well... I am not going to say that this means that 75% of men are failing to keep their wives interested... But there clearly does have to be a certain percentage of each gender that is struggling. Marriages are made in pairs of two, and it takes two willing perticipents to keep the boat afloat. I suppose, however, that the scary reality of this is that it only takes one person losing control to make both parties drown.
In my opinion, love has layers. It is chemically impossible to retain the "romantic love" that is felt in the early stages of a relationship. That does not mean, however, that the romance and joy of a relationship is doomed to disappear completely. (Nor should it, in my opinion. But that is my own preferance.) I will also say, though, that society does give us very clear cut views of what is "romantic" and that trying to live up to this can stress people. Romance does not necessarily have to be champagne and a dozen roses. My guy and I are both avid gamers and I was away this valentines day. Sine we could not be together, he got on my World of Warcraft character and got me the "Love Fool" achievement and title. That probably would not work for most people, but since the game is one of our favorite hobbies and I would not have been able to get it otherwise the time and effort he put into it was appreciated.
But yes... Boyfriend. Not husband. Is there a switch that goes off in people's minds? Even the simpliest things like leaving out the week's grocery flyers where someone who enjoys cooking can find them, grooming the family pet, or making a surprise of serving breakfast in bed can brighten an otherwise ordinary day.
Basically, my point is this. You start out planning to marry the one you love. That is the normal way that our brains function because of the environment in which we have been raised. However... I think that your mother has a valid point that we must consciously place effort toward loving the person we marry. The behaviors that we undergo when we are initially in love take time, effort and creativity. While things do seem to get more hectic once people live together, that does not necessarily mean that they should become lazy about this. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:46:39 AM | Marrying for love is a no-brainer! But then again, this thing called LOVE is so unpredictable and so unstable in this modern world. That said, I see why it may not be a good idea to make a LONG TERM decision as MARRIAGE based on something that is so unstable/shaky as LOVE. Tough question..:)
JMHO. | |
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| Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/29/2009 2:25:14 AM | You must fall in love with the person before you get married, there is no other way around it. My boyfriend (that I met on this site) keeps dropping hints that he wants to marry me. I never thought that I would meet someone like him on this site.
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