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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:29:49 PM | tom53092, you're right; there are posts deleted. mine was. I posted it yesterday in response to another poster who put out the idea that those who have been married know there is no such thing as a perfect human. you can imagine my rebuttal.
I think the Forum Police may have taken out inflammatory posts in the interest of staying on topic.
but, for the record, I am so tired of reading junk like that. never married people are considered to be everything from too picky to weird. with the divorce rate currently at 50%, maybe we're just more discerning! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:47:46 PM | I do not understand at all why a person's not being married by the age of 50 sends up red flags. In my case, I met several men in my adulthood who I thought were Mr. Right, but turned out to be either Mr. Right Now or Mr. No Commitment.
I have had at least 5 longterm relationships; the shortest lasted 2 years and the longest lasted 9 years.
I, for one, find that a man who has been married multiple times often has issues with commitment. Also, the likelihood of him wanting to take that walk up the aisle again is slim to none. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/27/2009 5:19:32 PM | I agree with an early poster who said ours is the first generation where marriage was an option not an obligation.
Further though, by 50 many of us have been married or lived with a S/O for a long period of time. In addition either of those conditions many times result in children. Someone unmarried and uncommited for 30 years of adult life will be set in his/hers way. While not necessarily selfish, certainly used to having everything as they want it.
From there it is also a matter of shared experience kids, cooking, housework, lifestyle that couples had and understand between man and woman. A single person reaching that age has a much greater adjustment to make than someone divorced or who lived with another.
Finally we come to the loner, as mentioned by other posters. If they lack friends not only from life but work. If they are distant with family or are only children. If they don't interact with any kind of group, church, club, charity, hobby or sport, this shows a lack of interpersonal skills. At our age group we are less inclined to try and move someone from a solitary lifestyle to one of cohabitation or even dating, just to many fish out there without those problems, no matter how attractive or witty and entertaining.
I believe this IS a greater problem for women than men. Women do tend to form strong social attachments and generally direct the couples social meetings or group activities. Many men can see their friends without their female partner being involved, women do to but also don't mind and encourage mixed groups.
My 2 cents anyway, Bob. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/28/2009 5:08:40 AM | | I would love to find such a man. He would not have an ex wife that he might still love or hate hanging around, he might not have problem children who were grown but still tied to his apron strings, no alimonly or child support to pay, he might be able and ready to commit to me, as he would not have a bad taste in his mouth about women in general since he did not have an ex wife who used and abused him.....he might be free to travel since he did not have children. He has hobbies and interests since he has not spent years being a husband and father and had the time, interest, and money to persue them. He has dated a variety of women and knows exactly what works for him. He did not have a marriage end due to infidelity, and is trying to prove his masculinity by being a player or a player wannabe. I have dated divorced men and single men, and can speak from experience. Seems as if some of the previous posters might be talking off the top of their heads, not from what they have found from being involved with people who have not been married. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/28/2009 8:38:40 AM | OP, if a woman is into you, nothing will stop her. Otherwise, she'll just use any excuse to put distance between you. I think you are splitting hairs here. Move along and find that woman.... | |
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Iowa44
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/28/2009 11:15:06 AM | I am in my 40s and never married.I work in a business that is 99% men and meet very few women.When I was younger many of the women I dated seemed in a hurry to get married,most of them have since been divorced at least once.
Would I look like a better catch if I had been married for a year and went through a nasty divorce rather than to have decided to stay single? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/28/2009 8:05:29 PM | | Both the never-marrieds and multiple-married send up the red flags for me. I have to admit...I will not date someone who has never been married by his 50s. The few people I know like this, male or female, had major issues. One I'm thinking of is a crashing bore and one has significant mental health problems. Married 3x or more says difficult to get along with to me, which may or may not be the case..just my opinion.. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 8:20:20 AM |
Heartbeatingincleveland: Both the never-marrieds and multiple-married send up the red flags for me. I have to admit...I will not date someone who has never been married by his 50s. The few people I know like this, male or female, had major issues.
I'd say there's a big difference between 'red flag' and 'never.' 'Red flag' is a healthy skepticism. 'Never' is pretty final and closed-minded. I'm sure you feel that your opinions are valid because they are based on your experience. And, frankly, they *are* valid within the context of your experience. And you certainly have the right to write people off based on an arbitrary demographic.
However, once you close the mind, you stop learning. And you'll never change your opinion, because you'll never allow yourself to experience someone that doesn't fit your opinion. That's old-people thinking. It's not attractive.
I said this in a previous post:
For every never-married guy that has major issues, there is another that has that much less baggage.
Everybody's got their own story to tell, and one statistic like this does not tell the whole story. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:19:15 AM |
Would I look like a better catch if I had been married for a year and went through a nasty divorce rather than to have decided to stay single?
Apparently so or it would seem from the responses of those who have tried and were unsuccessful at marriage.
Never mind the fact that those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. Or, were the vows that they took at the time of the marriage merely disposable words that could be thrown out, overlooked or just plain forgotten when the parameters of their marriage started to falter?
Just putting another slant on this topic for the narrow minded who hide behind smoke and mirrors. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:21:14 AM | | Some folks just aren't into marriage or they will wait to the "perfect" one. Too, their childhood could have an impression about marriage. For me, there's far bigger and better things to question a man, than whether or not he's been married. Example: if he's been married more than 3-4 times; or if he has girlfriends every month, he wouldn't be my cup of tea. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:15:04 PM | IMO....I have no problem with a man who is over 50 who has never been married...
maybe he never found his "Ms. Right"...
I do,however, have a  when I encounter a man over 50, never been
married, with nothing to show for it ...still living at home with his
parents who seem to live a more active life than the son! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:22:51 PM |
those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. Or, were the vows that they took at the time of the marriage merely disposable words
wow, that stings. some of us who were married and divorced were very committed, and took our vows seriously. unfortunately, not everyone we were married to necessarily felt the same...
OT: i'd wonder about someone who had never been in an LTR. but the solution to that would be to ask about it and explore this with the other person, were they willing.
JMO | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:31:57 PM | | Okay Sodturner, I'll say it. I would venture to say that I am not alone in thinking that when I come across a man that is in his 50's, give or take, and has never been married, that you cannot make a committment. That being said, before the daggers start flying my way, it is not always the case, but that is the first thing that comes to my mind. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:44:25 PM | | That could be the case, but the problem is with the online thing. someone passes him by for not having been married without getting to know him as a person. I think that I am a wise woman for not having committed to marriage with the men who wanted to marry me, as I would have ended up being divorced (but then I would be a lot more marketable). I live in a small town and rarely meet men to date. I have single female friends who have not dated in years, they are not commitment phobes, they just have not found many men to date due to their life situations. If it bothers a woman so much that a man over 50 has not been married, then she does not need to date him, leave home alone so the woman who is thrilled to find a never married middle aged man can find happiness. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 2:19:37 PM | sodturner,
Whatever a woman's problem is with a man over 50 who never married is her problem, until you make it yours by worrying about it.
The reality is you are over 50 and have never been married. You can't change that. While the posted opinions and experiences are helpful in terms of perspective, what does it change except to maybe make the "search" appear to be more of an exercise in futility?
Stay the course. If someone has a problem with your "status", you know that's not the one for you. Next. If a woman forms a quick judgment without giving you a chance...next. It's a good word when used appropriately. Like weeding a garden.
AH3........... | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:05:17 PM | [However, once you close the mind, you stop learning. And you'll never change your opinion, because you'll never allow yourself to experience someone that doesn't fit your opinion. That's old-people thinking. It's not attractive.]
Whoa there, Tom. I have not "closed my mind" nor have I "stopped learning"  . You're being oh, just a tad extreme and judgmental here- and defensive, I might add. I'm entitled to my point of view & my likes and dislikes just like you or anyone else. And thank you for the compliment about "old people thinking". Said just because I'm not interested in never-married guys in their 50s , the group you are a part of. No discernible basis in reality, my friend...again, just extreme & judgmental. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:23:15 PM | Well, I have been single now for 16 years...............doesn't that make me a newly reinvented not been married person.
Seriously, I wouldn't put up with someone questioning me about my lifestyle. Who am I to question others about their choices! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:38:26 PM | { Both the never-marrieds and multiple-married send up the red flags for me. I have to admit...I will not date someone who has never been married by his 50s. The few people I know like this, male or female, had major issues. One I'm thinking of is a crashing bore and one has significant mental health problems. }
well, heartbeatingincleveland, this sounds pretty extreme and judgmental to me, as this is based on "the few people I know like this." saying you "will not date someone who has never been married by his 50s" seems pretty narrow-minded to me. sure, it's your choice who you date and/or marry, but to tar everyone with the same brush of crashing bore or crazy is pretty mean, not to mention wrong.
there are plenty of reasons why people marry and divorce. there are plenty of reasons why people never marry. not all of them center around mental health problems or being boring.
one major issue I have with a lot of divorced people is the way they stand in judgment of people who have never been married, like myself. I don't come to these forums to bash divorced and married people, but apparently it's open season on those of us who have never married. why someone has divorced is none of my business and, frankly, I don't care, unless I'm entering into a relationship with him. then I feel I have a right to know why the marriage failed. | |
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