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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:15:19 PM | Please don't be offended but if you want an honest answer I can give you my personal thoughts. If a man is around 50 and never married my immediate thought is, "Selfish". And I know this is really judgemental but as I said, it's my first thought....and not necessarily fair. I mean, how can you live that long without making a committment? Maybe you were a young stud who spent the years breaking hearts.Maybe you've spent the last 30 years in prison... | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:49:44 PM | I'll be 50 in July. I've never been married. I've fed, clothed and housed homeless people and people with drug and alcohol addictions. I comforted and taken care of people who were dying of AIDS. I practicly lived in the hospital with one woman for about six months. She and another woman dying of AIDS became my dear friends and I was at their bedside when they died. I now take care of seriously mentally retarded adults.
I don't know, I don't feel like I'm selfish. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:13:06 AM | | People also wonder how come so many people vow to love, honor and cherish til death do us part, do not adhere to those vows, and why the divorce rate is so high? Married people who practice infidelity seem very selfish to me, as do married people who stay together for the sake of their children. However, since I am not married and do not walk in anyone's shoes but mine, I try to at least meet divorced men and hear what they have to say about why their marriage ended before I decide if they are people I want to have in my life or not. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:15:03 AM | | Why should anyone be offended if someone wonders if they spent 30 years as an incarcerated person? That comment is beyond offensive, but of course that is merely my opinion. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 5:41:32 AM | I will not change my stance on those who are divorced multiple times possibly having commitment issues. Sure, they have no trouble taking the vows, but for whatever reason cannot live by them. Yes, I know that there are two people in the relationship and the blame for the end is not always the mans, but I still question their "viability"
for me when looking for my last love.
The last divorced man I dated spent most of our first date bashing his exwife, and gave me little chance to share about my own life. My single status in no way indicates that I have not lived life, experienced heartache, joy, success, failure, and longterm love. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:40:23 AM | Some people's marriages ended not by choice, some people's marriage ended because the partner was sooo out of control, they had no other choice....
I think most people who were married liked it & want to be married again, so they avoid perpetually single people NOT because they are not nice people, but because they want to be w/ someone who they feel has the same relationship goals as themself. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:13:53 AM | I think what OP meant to ask more specifically, is why does being over 50 and never been married make a person suspect? Meeting anybody in the dating world is about questioning them.
Additionally, what I read between the lines of OP's question is that he harbors an idea that women view him in a negative light because he hasn't been married. Some will, some won't. If you are confident and secure in who and what you are and for the decisions you made, just be honest about it. Just don't allow yourself to become defensive about it...that sets off alarms for me. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:38:44 AM | [Some people's marriages ended not by choice, some people's marriage ended because the partner was sooo out of control, they had no other choice....
I think most people who were married liked it & want to be married again, so they avoid perpetually single people NOT because they are not nice people, but because they want to be w/ someone who they feel has the same relationship goals as themself. ]
my big question is, will I ever learn how to copy and paste on here????
ok, back to the topic. it's entirely possible that never married people (ack! horrors!) have never wed because of many reasons, just as there are many reasons why many people's marriages don't work out. I'm sure there's a large group of "perpetually single people" who merely chose to not be married, again for many reasons. however, there are probably a lot of people who have the "same relationships goals" as a divorced person. perhaps their relationships didn't work out for many reasons: timing, compatibility, finances, relocations issues - the list can go on, just like it can for divorced people.
not everyone who is single has committment phobia, major mental health issues, selfishness, is boring beyond belief, a workaholic or any other derogatory issues pretty commonly attributed to those who walk among us.
interesting to note that in study after study, most divorced men would get married again while most divorced women will not. what's that all about, divorced folks? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:57:08 AM |
why someone has divorced is none of my business and, frankly, I don't care, unless I'm entering into a relationship with him. then I feel I have a right to know why the marriage failed. Same apply to the never married people. I don't care why all of them never had committed relationship until I'm entering into relationship with someone. Then it better be known because it might be a matter | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:29:11 PM | | Sunnybunny makes reference to those who have never been married/in a committed relationship. Our never having been married doesn't necessarily mean we have never been in a committed relationship. One of my long ago commonlaw relationships lasted 9 years, which is more than some marriages. Please do not lump us all in one basket, and I will try to do the same for those of you who have been married more than once. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:41:20 PM |
Our never having been married doesn't necessarily mean we have never been in a committed relationship. One of my long ago commonlaw relationships lasted 9 years, which is more than some marriages I've met people who never been married and/or never been in committted relationship.
I still think that the most important here is experience. Let's say I never lived with someone w/o marriage - i don't have this experience, but I've been married 3 times
So, I learn to compromise, especially if marriage involves kids, nobody divorces easy. Even when there is no love anymore people strive to comfort kids' lives. Someone who never been in that situation might get upset about matters which I wouldn't even consider to be something to argue about.
I've been dating someone never married before for few month. He had 4 relationship "live-together" but he never had kids with these women. He was not that easy to get along.....it's not only being married or in relationship..everything should be considered - even having kids is important (even if they grow up already)
Personally, I never make such a desicions before I meet someone - I have to know the person before I get any conclusion. I do know couples where a man never been married - they are the happiest people ever. So why to deprive yourself of something valuable just because some odds are not good. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:17:19 PM | Many women question a man over 50 been never married and come to a quick judgement...
Simple, OP: it's because they really don't think about it any more deeply than whether or not you "put out" in the way they care about. Your resume shows you're not "easy", not a "real man", not "not the marrying kind". Therefore you're way beyond both their limited abilities and their willingness to do any hard work. The last thing they care about is any possible rationale having to do with your circumstances or life story, etc - i.e., you. As much as they they go on and on about "that special someone", the tolerance level for anyone out of the ordinary (i.e., like them) can be quite low. They would never understand no matter how much you tried to explain.
So if you suspect you're with one of those types, you have to fake it and just make something halfway convincing up.
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:36:22 PM | Re: Msg #39 tinkerbellcqy
Would I look like a better catch if I had been married for a year and went through a nasty divorce rather than to have decided to stay single? Apparently so or it would seem from the responses of those who have tried and were unsuccessful at marriage. Never mind the fact that those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. Or, were the vows that they took at the time of the marriage merely disposable words that could be thrown out, overlooked or just plain forgotten when the parameters of their marriage started to falter? Just putting another slant on this topic for the narrow minded who hide behind smoke and mirrors.
Many of us who have been divorced didn't do it willingly. You cannot prevent someone who wants to divorce you from doing so, at least not here in the U.S. Also, few people go into a marriage thinking "Well, if it doesn't work, I'll just get a divorce.". Most of us truly believed our marriages would last forever when we took our vows. It wasn't something that was done lightly. But, to stay in a bad marriage that is abusive or destructive to either party is worse than breaking those vows. And NO ONE should be denigrated for escaping an insufferable situation. Nor should anyone be denigrated for not having gotten married, no matter what their age.
We all need to be tolerant of each others' choices. Isn't that what makes the world go 'round? We are all unique and have the right to make our own choices. None of us is perfect and none of us should think that our choices are better than those of someone else. Why can't we just accept each person on their own merits instead of labeling them before they have even had a chance to show us who they are? Don't we all deserve better than that? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:41:20 PM |
We all need to be tolerant of each others' choices. We do need to be tolerent of others' choices, but the prevailing attitude, here and in society in general is that people who haven't been married have something wrong with them. The people making this judgement are people who have been married multiple times, which is just as bad as never having been married. It's hypocritical. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 4:41:46 AM | It's a turn off for me personally because a man over 50 never married would not be compatable with me having been married and raised children. How can you relate? It is as if your lives are on two totally different planes. I am not saying it couldn't work, I am just saying that the more you have in common with your partner the better chances of the relationship surviving.
I do like what a previous poster said that the up side to a man over 50 and never married would be no ex-wives and children to contend with. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 6:22:38 AM | amelieshi, good point!
real conversation I had with a man a number of years ago:
HE: have you ever been married?
ME: no.
HE: NEVER?
ME: no.
HE: WHAT A WASTE OF A WOMAN!
I replied that I didn't consider my life wasted because I hadn't gotten married. He was married by the way, and had regaled me with tales of his sexual conquests while he was overseas, running a high-profile government agency.
and he's casting asperions on ME for not being married??? I think he needs some education on what that word is supposed to mean. and no one here thinks anyone should stay in an abusive marriage; the only smart thing to do is get out. I have to line up with the people who have put out the thought that being married multiple times is somehow a more desirable attribute than never having wed. go figure, huh? | |
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*Don*
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Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 74 | |
| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:16:13 AM | People who get bothered by what others think of who they are or what they do, really only have two choices. They can do what others expect of them, which usually causes them to lose their uniqueness. Or they can stop letting what others think, bother them. There really isn't another solution here.
D | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:53:24 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...................................
I agree Don...
Personally.. I wouldn't have much in-common with someone that had never married by the time he was 50. That alone.. would make me stop and think about what I would even have to discuss with someone in that situation. I know that I'm drawn to others with commonalities of similar lifestyles and life choices. JMO | |
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