| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:08:28 AM | HE: WHAT A WASTE OF A WOMAN! That's just plain rude
You are not compatible anyhow, because who needs someone like this one w/o any manners around?
He was married by the way, and had regaled me with tales of his sexual conquests while he was overseas, You should say that it was the reason why you never wanted to get married - you only met jerks like him
I have to line up with the people who have put out the thought that being married multiple times is somehow a more desirable attribute than never having wed. go figure, huh? I've never met such people. I tell about my 3 divorces as a worst part of my biography...and I personally would be very suspicious about that as well...I am much less suspicious about never married people - we just have different experiences but we might relate in something else. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:29:44 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^..............................................
WOW!
Poet laureate.. you have a LOT of issues going on there.
Gold diggers??? What makes you think that not signing a pre-nup.. has anything.. or.. everything to do with a woman being a gold-digger? Maybe.. she'd just rather think.. trust.. is enough to see a marriage through.
Selected partner??? Now.. that's a romantic term if ever I heard one. Sheesh!
Maybe.. your problem with commitment.. and your icy term of.. endearment.. is what put your past "selected partner" in the arms of your friend.. perhaps? Just a question.
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:39:09 AM | Someone who's never been married GENERALLY doesn't have as much baggage as a divorced person. A man won't have alimony payments nor have to give an ex half his pension or pay for health ins. or keep her on their life ins. policy. Yes, I dated someone who was divorced and had all of these attached to him. He also had 2 kids - one great adult son and one lowlife problem adult son. Naturally the problem kid, even though he was an adult, was the cause of 99% of the arguments between his dad and I. After that unpleasant relationship I would welcome a date with a man in his 50's who hasn't been married. I myself have never been married but have been in LTR's and lived with someone. Unfortunately, due to several relocations for my company and the unfortunate passing of my fiance, I have not found the right one to walk down the aisle with - YET.  | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:35:24 PM | | The idea that someone over 45 or 50 who hasn't been married has psychological issues or personality problems is really a stereotype. We need to take each individual on an individual basis. I just met up with a guy in his 50's who has been married, but divorced for 20 years. Why's he been alone for 20 years? Don't know, but do know the guy is definitely not someone I'd want to hook up with....not any more 'normal' or healthy than than anyone else, and, in my opinion, someone with lots of 'issues.' So, the point is, it is just as likely those who have been married are the ones who are screwed up as those who have not been married. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:09:41 AM | | RonnieSimo, I don't think you are selfish either. You don't sound like a "commitment-phobe," and anyone who hears how you've spent your life would know that you are very capable of commitment...you surely have committed your life to helping others. You sound like someone that is going to make some lady very lucky one day, when she finds you! Kudos to you for living such a selfless life and thinking of others. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:54:08 PM | Maybe they want someone who has "suffered" the same divorce woes as they have, as misery loves company. Avoid women like this like the plague.
I'm beginning to think more and more that marriage will NEVER be for me, at least in the sense of a full-time domestic living-together arrangement. I can be monogamous, but I just want to date...and keep our separate residences and separate lives.
My thinking, and I don't care if women scold me for this, is that any man who has never been married at 50 is one intelligent man who has a lot of common sense! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:01:41 AM | | Men who have been married do not have the same life experiences that I do, but I do not see that as a big deal, if we are both at places in our lives where we can make a relationship a priority without letting our pasts control the future. I fail to see why the fact that he has had a spouse and children and I have not to be such a big deal unless he still has a lot of issues with the ex wife or the children are problems . I prefer to date men who have grown children who do not cause them a lot of grief, and who get along with ex wives. This might greatly limit my field of choices, and I know that I cannot change someone's way of thinking if he will not date a woman who has not been married. I refuse to date a man if he acts as if I have to prove that I am okay, since I have not been married. I have encountered this numerous times, which is a waste of my time, effort, etc. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:33:13 AM |
RonnieSimo, I don't think you are selfish either. You don't sound like a "commitment-phobe," and anyone who hears how you've spent your life would know that you are very capable of commitment...you surely have committed your life to helping others. You sound like someone that is going to make some lady very lucky one day, when she finds you! Kudos to you for living such a selfless life and thinking of others.
spoken for,
Thank you for your kind words.  | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:40:42 AM | Hi poet. I tried, several times, to change the subject. Seems the only thing that worked was to leave the restaurant and go for a walk. He is a nice guy, with the potential to be at least a good friend. His handle has the word Ready in it...and he is far from ready for a relationship.
Strangely enough, during the many IMs and phone calls we exchanged before the first face to face meeting, his ex was only mentioned once or twice...as were my longterm exbfs.
I thought that the first meet was so that we could get to know each other better, not so that one person could be a captive audience while the other ranted and complained. The next time a man starts to do that, I will simply get up and say "good bye." | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:52:40 AM | You might want to rethink your profile....it reads like a shopping list. Your expectations are so high that no woman will ever be able to live up to your standards. Your profile suggests that your very fugal.......now its okay especially in this day and time to be fugal.....but it reads to women as tight. And no full length picture suggest that you are either ashamed of your body....or that you may have a weight problem. Your profile cuts out 90% percent of the female population. Most of us in your age range could never be what your looking for so why bother? It is a holier than thou attitude with no leeway. A partner is what your looking for.....she almost has to be so pure that no one is going to rate. Most women in your age group have lived a full life and will never live up to your expectations.
OP you might want to look at this at a different angle. You might just want to meet different people and get to know them. The only thing I ask myself is this person going to be fun? That's it. If I can have a great time at least I have made a new friend. Even if there isn't a love connection I now have a friend.....and they have friends. I have parties for single people and they bring single people. I have gotten to meet some of the best people in the world by keeping my options open. Male and Female. I have a whole new world of friends with different lifestyles and they have opened my life that it has been amazing. And a great experience. I don't pretend to judge anyone. I don't narrow myself so much it cuts me off from the outside world. Good luck. You seem to be a very nice person........Cheers | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:43:26 AM | Msg: 85:
"Maybe they want someone who has "suffered" the same divorce woes as they have, as misery loves company."
Many women want someone with the same miserable experiences. I've seen that previous marriage requirement on many profiles. I guess it's better to be a man who has been divorced at least once and bunch of kids to support. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 8:50:10 AM |
Many women want someone with the same miserable experiences. I've seen that previous marriage requirement on many profiles. I guess it's better to be a man who has been divorced at least once and bunch of kids to support.
A Lot of people's profile read like a shopping list. Maybe mine included. But he is asking for our help. He has great qualities....volunteers, very firm in his religious idea's which is great. But to meet his standard's is a very hard thing for anyone. I understand he has a agenda. Which is a very good thing. But feel he is narrowing his dating field. People with commitment on their mind ... men and women seem to narrow in what they want. Instead of making this and issue about the sexes because everyone has a opinion we need to stay on issue.....why isn't he getting dates? His profile is limited.....not a full picture. To much information on being fugal....which in this day and age everyone needs to be.....but don't scream it to everyone. Most of us are understanding in today's economic crisis....and most women insist on paying their way for a first meet and take turns if they are dating. Or at least I do. So he is narrowing his dating field quite a bit. I don't think this is a issue about never being married before. I feel if he was more focused on just meeting people and having a bit of fun that he will meet whom he wants. Because people like people that are open to differences. The settings on his profile will limit those who want sex and that is all that they are looking for. There are plenty of things the OP can do. To open his dating world. He has to be willing and able to do it. He can stand with his convictions and limit his self. Everyone at this age has some baggage. People understand that. Carry that baggage and screaming it the whole worlds limits you. He can sift through the profiles that don't seem up to snuff....he can limit the phone calls to new people that sound off the wall. But opening yourself up to new experiences and new people is hard. But you can meet some worth while people by being a bit more open. I would be put off knowing all that information upfront. But giving people a little information whenever they are getting to know you isn't overwhelming. And it is easier to be accepting of one's idea's about relationships. But putting everything out there at once is emotional throwing up. Taking the time and getting to know someone in this day of instant dates and messages is harder it takes time and effort....you don't snap your fingers and find what you want.....Good luck OP.....you are a very brave and nice man to put this out there........peace | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:22:53 PM | Well, since I am like other gals on this thread and also have never been married...I don't feel that I'm in the best position to judge or point fingers! It really is an individual thing rather than a wholesale, sweeping generalization. Sort of like if I said, "Well, all those divorced people! What is wrong with them? Totally damaged, for sure!" 
I will say, though, that people who have not been married often DO come at life with different points of view. (See, I can say that about myself, hee hee hee!) In my current relationship, my guy also has never been married. That's been really interesting for both of us! Neither of us has any children as well...and no pressing desire to do so. I wouldn't say that either of us is more cynical or less cynical -- but the way we look at life is different from when I have dated divorced men.
And trust me, it's also not better or worse to be never married, or divorced. It's just that you don't usually share the same experiences. Although I have had bad breakups, I'd never even dare to compare them to the experience of going through a divorce. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:31:58 PM | | I think a man or woman for that matter who is 50 and not married, may simply not have found such a person to make the commitment. My sister remarried a man over 50 who had never been married. He was simply just taken with her, in love and all that yummy stuff that goes with it. His friends male and female were just shocked. It was no big deal, he simply hadn't met the love of his life yet. But when he did, he was gobsmacked and they are very happy. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 11:00:58 PM | | I have had to deal with the assumption of "If he has never been married, there must be something wrong with him". When I over heard this I chimed in "Maybe he is smart enough to not marry the wrong person". | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:56:29 PM | For some women, a man needs to have a relationship resume (the noun, resume, not the verb), just as it would be for a man to apply for a job. Ladies -- you are not a job being applied for. Even though you might have been married to a bunch of guys since you were 18 does not mean you are a great catch. An unmarried male, does not mean he is not cut out for a relationship. He may be more ready for it than a lot of other formerly married males. To make that seem ridiculous, let's assume that a woman who is not sure about men hands out applications to men that they must fill out before the woman will even consider going out with a guy. A man would have to fill out his relationship history beforehand and submit it to a single woman. Does this sound absurd? It does, but some men and women would love to do this.
There can be a number of reasons for a guy not being married. Sure, if a guy is terrified by any given woman, sure, he'd avoid them. What about a war veteran who was injured and bravely went through years of rehabilitation before he wanted to date a woman? Throw him away, right? According to some women's comments, they absolutely would not accept a guy like that in their life.
We all need a better guide as to the worth of a person in a serious relationship. Women who say they automatically reject guys who have not been married yet might as well admit they have no insight at all, but they do have a lot of prejudices stored up in their mind. Use your mind to divine the differences between worthwhile men, and don't cop out with feeble excuses like all unmarried men are losers. For that matter, why is a woman on this site? Did she fail in life, because her marriage failed? No, but if you think an unmarried guy is a failure with women, think again. If you do, I'll have no bad opinions of women who are divorced.
Again, I do not refer to all women in life, or even most of them,. just the ones who are too lazy to have more insight into an individual. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:15:20 PM | This subject can be rationalized as much as any one want to, but basic biological and humanistic characteristics dictate that anyone that has not had either a serious relationship or marriage by the age of 50 has some serious issues going on. Whether it is fear of commitment, unattracted romantically, anti social or poor social skills, or inability to play well with others nicely, there is something far out of the norm. These people will give you numerous "reasons", but they are not justifications, they are simple rationalizations with no true merit.
Do some research, you will see.
Mark | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:42:38 PM | into: So I guess a divorced man is much more socially adept, etc. Makes a lot of sense. Well, at least he TRIED to "play nice" with another lol...
Maybe marriage is for some, but, I'll say it again--a man who is 50 and never been married sounds like a sensible man with a lot of common sense!
Good luck selling that to a WOMAN, of course lol... | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:22:02 PM | imtodamnice, where did you find this deathless research? "something far out of the norm." pretty mean statement, there. tell me, how many people make judgments about your divorced status without hearing the story?
there are many reasons why people get divorced, just as there are many why people don't marry. not everyone unmarried is committment-phobic, antisocial, lacks people skills or any of the other unkind reasons usually attributed to never-married people. not everyone who is divorced has trouble picking the "right" people to marry, has played around and destroyed their marriage, spent themselves and their spouse into bankruptcy, "just grew apart" or any of the other reasons many people think of before they hear what happened.
I'll have to check the "research" on that so I can make an informed statement about divorced people. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:41:05 PM | Maybe marriage is for some, but, I'll say it again--a man who is 50 and never been married sounds like a sensible man with a lot of common sense!
Of course it would sound sensible to you, it is what you want to believe, but that doesn't make it fact.
As far as doing research on it, the Internet is wide open for anyone wishing to learn, rather than "feel" their way through life. What my reply was about had nothing to do with "mean" or any of the other little catch phrases you wish to use.
We as people make judgements everyday and it is how we decide things in life. People do make assumptions about divorced people all the time. I am not talking about perceptions, I am talking about clinically studied human behaviors and if you wish, go check it for yourself, or just stay comfy with your misconceptions about it all.
To me it doesn't matter either way because it was someones choice to live their life the way they wished to. I am just pointing out that it is a very strong indicator and there is much scientific research to prove it. Don't get all butt hurt because I made an accurate observation. | |
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