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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:47:33 AM |  for moundpuppy and Levi501. They both raise some valid points re the judgment of others for the choices we make and the place we find ourselves in in society.
Do I have regrets re never getting married? Certainly, but not because I failed to accomplish what is "expected" of me re fitting the norms of society. One thing I do not regret is marrying a man just so I wasn't lonely. I have been in longterm, live in relationships in which I had never felt lonelier. The only true regret I have in this life is that I never had children, but again I wasn't going to marry someone I didn't love just so that I could have children.
My never having been married in no way indicates that I was never asked!!
If and when I do marry it will be because I have found a man with whom I share the same values, a deep love, and a desire to walk through life together, sharing the bad and the good, the joys and the sorrows...and not running at the first sign of trouble. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:40:41 PM | Ismene1 Appears to have "left the building" but,
--A man like that might ensconce himself into your life, literally try to change you to suit his life style but be unable to share life with you and that means you will still be married to a bachelor anyway. They get a cook and maid and you get to live upstairs while he surrounds himself with his 'stuff' in the basement.
Absolutely, a man who has been married does not ever want the woman he is interested in to change her life at all; in fact,he is the one who is going to adjust himself to her life.
So;
BAD - a man that will mold a women into his life.
GOOD - a woman who will mold a man into her life.
I've never been married because when I hear statements like this I put on my running shoes and skeeedadle | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:07:32 PM | Actually there are some of us women who have been single a long time, I divorced after 5 years of marriage and have had a relationship which worked for me and a son from it for over 22 years and chose not to marry him. I kept my own place with my children from my first marriage. I find many of the men who are 50 and never married had hooked up with women like me who didn't feel that a piece of paper defined our relationship. They wanted to marry and have children but the woman they were with were not able to have them. My significant other died of lung cancer and I didn't date for 10 years and started this online stuff and have made some friends,met some players, some married men, and my own son(I posted about this event),and just some guys who were nice but our interest and lifestyle were not a match. I may be selfish not wanting to get married but that does not mean I don't want a relationship with someone who I can laugh,cry, moan, groan, smile, frown, and I am not expected to be the cook/maid and the sex is out of this world. I know someone will think I am a weirdo but there is someone who thinks just like me and looks fade so they aren't that important to me. It is hard to see the red flags online so expect to meet some who are not what they are portraying. Personally I find that a waste of energy and my time. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:38:54 PM |
IMO, this is a very niave perspective.
Of those 6 billion people in the world, how many have you come in contact with in your life thus far? Ummm, maybe .000000000000001%?
Again IMO, those that judge other people that have, or may not have, been married are no less dispicable than racists.
To judge before understanding an individual speaks volumes more of the one judging than the individual being judged.
just my thoughts
Touch a nerve, did she ? I don't know - you're sounding awfully defensive. 
Judge ? Evaluate ? Generalize ? Stereotype ? What's in a word ? It's a topic of conversation - don't get your panties in a twist over being "judged" or being on the "wrong" end of it. Besides, it IS, after all, a generalization. YOU personally are not being "judged".
OK, so you don't spell very well and you're not that good in Math. So what ? Doesn't make you a bad person......... 
Oops. Sorry. Was I "judging" you ? I apologize.  | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:54 PM | Interesting topic.
About 7 years ago I went out with a lady that borders on brilliant. Welllll, at least other than the fact she went out with ME !!! 
Just so happens she had a PhD in Psychology, formed a company and created (one of ?) the foremost psychological evaluation test(s) for police and firemen in the world.
She basically told me not to bother contacting women who hadn't been married by the age of 50. They (guys too of course) just can't commit. Simple as that. Now, of course, that IS a generalization. There ARE exceptions (to every rule). But after all generalizations ARE generalizations because they are,,,,,, ummmmm,,,,,, wellllll,,,,, generally true.
There are other reasons of course; too picky, never grew up, doesn't want a family, etc, etc, etc but "can't commit" tops the hit parade. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:50:51 PM | | Unlike the people who married and divorced, proving that they lack the commitment to keep the commitment and are committed to never again committing the mistake of mistaken commitment. I feel dizzy. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:44:02 PM |
Touch a nerve, did she ? I don't know - you're sounding awfully defensive.
Judge ? Evaluate ? Generalize ? Stereotype ? What's in a word ? It's a topic of conversation - don't get your panties in a twist over being "judged" or being on the "wrong" end of it. Besides, it IS, after all, a generalization. YOU personally are not being "judged".
OK, so you don't spell very well and you're not that good in Math. So what ? Doesn't make you a bad person.........
Oops. Sorry. Was I "judging" you ? I apologize.
Speaking of touching a nerve!
Conversations often encompass differing points of view.
You're a lot more transparent than you might think.
Just step up to the plate and ask her out.
On Topic?
Some people will always think their experiences/credentials put them ahead of others. However, if a Phd toting businessman suddenly found himself isolated in the Australian outback, I'm sure the Aboriginies would suddenly appear very intelligent to him.
Someone finding themselves suddenly single might be able to learn from another that has never married. Visa versa.
just a few thoughts
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 7:38:52 AM |
You're a lot more transparent than you might think.
Just step up to the plate and ask her out.
Apparently I'm not that transparent enough - ask WHO out ???
On Topic?
If YOUR post was "on topic" then my response HAS to be, no ?
Some people will always think their experiences/credentials put them ahead of others. However, if a Phd toting businessman suddenly found himself isolated in the Australian outback, I'm sure the Aboriginies would suddenly appear very intelligent to him.
First of all, it was a "her".
And secondly, I seriously DOUBT the Aborigines would appear very intelligent to HER.
Someone finding themselves suddenly single might be able to learn from another that has never married. Visa versa.
That would be vice versa - but your spelling IS getting better.
just a few thoughts
Yup. VERY few. But thanks fer playin' !!! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 7:47:24 AM | legacypqmr, what was this psychologist's take on people who are married and divorced multiple times? seriously, I would like to know.
as for finding different groups of people intelligent, there are many types of intelligence in this world. unless your friend had been trained extensively in survival skills in a harsh environment, I think she would welcome all the help she could get from the aborigines. yes, she may be smart, brilliant even, but if she didn't know where to find water (crucial for survival), food and shelter in the outback, as well as knowing that you don't eat the fuzzy ones, what good would that PhD hanging on her wall back in civilization do her?
JMHO | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 3:56:37 PM |
just a few thoughts Yup. VERY few. But thanks fer playin' !!!
I can't believe a 59 year old man is trying to draw me into a pissing match.
Guess it's true, age really is just a number.
On Topic:
There are many reasons one might have never been married by the age of 50, besides being a committment phobic.
Perhaps an illness or accident took them out of the running for a length of time. Perhaps they had to help rear their siblings. Perhaps a physical impairment reduced their dating opportunities.
For me, pursuing my degree, career and research in Wildlife Biology caused me to travel a lot and put me in very, very isolated locations for more than a decade.
I believe it's best to look at each person as an individual, rather than lumping them togather by a common trait.
just a few more thoughts
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 5:06:51 PM | One concept I have not seen here is that unmarried, mature adults are not desperately asking everyone to marry himself/herself. It's not as if they were being turned down dozens of times a day. Thus, I don't see the unusually noxious judgments that some people heap on the unmarrieds. Too many people who are married might be better off divorced and single once again. But wait a moment, maybe what some people here are saying, without realizing it, that women would logically prefer to be with a man who is married. If you are a divorced man, don't you have some problems that you need to solve? There are some horrible marriages that have lasted far too long, even decades. What does that say about these people.
On the contrary regarding unmarried people, they may well be an untapped source or a more mature love, tempered by lots of life's experience, and having lived a life of many friendships and who were not settled down, were honest enough to say that they were not ready for a true commitment. On the other hand, look at the statistics for marriage in the USA; not all that successful. So, give some credit to people who have not married yet. You probably know one or two of these people, or are friends with them. Are they really horrible people? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 6:56:24 PM | From your age you were about 52 when you dated this PHD and how old was she?
Apparently not married, how many divorces? I think each individual deserves some consideration depending on the circumstances which kept them single over the years. Disabled people get their SS cut in half if they get married, widows collect money on their deceased husbands, women have had their tubes tied, and men find these women and maintain a relationshiop for years but the circumstances are that they don't marry or have children. I think the PHD may be smart but she is generalizing and that should be a no no in her practice. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 7:53:35 PM |
legacypqmr, what was this psychologist's take on people who are married and divorced multiple times? seriously, I would like to know.
You know, I'm not sure we ever really discussed that all that much (or even at all) being we'd both been divorced once (her fairly recently (then)) and me since 1987.
We're friends and we stay in touch. I'll try to remember to ask her next time I talk to her.
as for finding different groups of people intelligent, there are many types of intelligence in this world. unless your friend had been trained extensively in survival skills in a harsh environment, I think she would welcome all the help she could get from the aborigines. yes, she may be smart, brilliant even, but if she didn't know where to find water (crucial for survival), food and shelter in the outback, as well as knowing that you don't eat the fuzzy ones, what good would that PhD hanging on her wall back in civilization do her?
Not sure where this (really) came from but "intelligence" is measurable - inexact maybe but measurable nonetheless.
Finding water and surviving in THEIR element doesn't make the Aborigines "smarter" than her. She'd just be in THEIR world and of course they would know THEIR world far better than anyone that didn't live in it. That DOESN'T make them "intelligent" (nor her "stupid").
I can program a mainframe computer. If you cannot does that make me "smarter" than you ? Of course not. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 8:02:40 PM |
From your age you were about 52 when you dated this PHD and how old was she?
She was 47 - why ?
Apparently not married, how many divorces?
Her or I ? Actually both divorced once.
I think each individual deserves some consideration depending on the circumstances which kept them single over the years. Disabled people get their SS cut in half if they get married, widows collect money on their deceased husbands, women have had their tubes tied, and men find these women and maintain a relationshiop for years but the circumstances are that they don't marry or have children. I think the PHD may be smart but she is generalizing and that should be a no no in her practice.
I think I already said that there are exceptions to EVERY rule. So, because there are exceptions there should never be any "rules" ???
Generalization is something people do ALL the time. PhD's are no different. She would NOT be "diagnosing" a specific person but a GROUP of like (NOT identical) individuals. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 8:24:14 PM |
I can't believe a 59 year old man is trying to draw me into a pissing match.
Guess it's true, age really is just a number.
Thanks for the compliment (No, I'm NOT going to tell you what it was)
Guess *I* had a tough time with a 48 year old making such a condescending and obnoxious post (#126).
Blueeyes2love posts "The question lies with the person who is asking: In 50+ years, how have you NOT found someone out of over 6 billion people in this world to have a grand connection with?" and you shoot your mouth off, call her "naive" and then, because she's "judged" someone else (you apparently) you imply she's as despicable as a RACIST ? Now THAT'S despicable !!! CLEARLY she "touched a nerve" just like I told you the FIRST time.
And she's not someone that YOU would like to know ? I expect she's RELIEVED to hear you say that !!!
So if someone rubs elbows with say, just for argument's sake, 6,000 members of the opposite sex in 35 or so years of adulthood without finding Mr/Ms Right, that's not enough ? The VAST MAJORITY of people on the planet seem to be able to find someone to COMMIT to with that small a sample. Or do YOU want to meet the other 2.95 BILLION or so people (not 5.9 BILLION because I'll assume you're hetero and only want to meet HALF of them ) to meet Ms Right ??? Good luck - you'll need it.
There are many reasons one might have never been married by the age of 50, besides being a committment phobic.
We know, we know. It's been said before (a number of times)
For me, pursuing my degree, career and research in Wildlife Biology caused me to travel a lot and put me in very, very isolated locations for more than a decade.
What did you do for the other 20 years ?
I believe it's best to look at each person as an individual, rather than lumping them togather by a common trait.
Asked and answered. Again. And above. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 12:25:52 AM | I can understand why the female psychologist is no longer dating you.
Your anger issues are plain as day.
I've known people like you. People that attempt to intimidate. To win.
Funny thing, when you look them in the eye and they see that you don't care if you win or lose, by their standard, you see fear. Because they see someone that isn't intimidated.
I'm sad for you, but I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
just an after thought
star,
I agree. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 6:07:26 AM | legacy, thanks for the reply. I'd really be interested in what she thinks about people who have been married and divorced multiple times.
two points: I find it interesting that neither of you discussed the reasons why people get divorced. you don't seem to remember even touching on the subject. now, is this because you both are divorced? interesting too how both of you apparently had no trouble dumping on unmarried people, assigning the usual reasons why we aren't. a little introspection is a good thing.
ok, intelligence. it certainly is measurable, and, when tested, it's contigent on the experiences, culture, etc., of the person being tested. I'm sure your psychologist friend will agree with that. it's been proven that inner children who are given tests geared to kids raised in totally different circumstances score lower on those tests. however, when given tests geared to their experiences, etc., gee guess what? they score pretty high. turn it around to the middle and upper class kids. when given the inner city test, they score pretty low. so, the aborigines may not score high on a test that your friend will, but I bet she scores pretty low on theirs.
as far as you being smarter than I because you can program a mainframe, yes, I think it does, as far as computer knowledge and logic go. a lot of life is relative; it's all about where you're standing. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 10:44:42 AM | It all depends on why and whether or not he has had any kind of meaningful long lasting relationships.
Honestly, I would approach a man who had never been married the same way I would approach a man who has been married more than twice. There are underlying factors to be considered and I'd like to know what they are. Are there commitment issues or phobias? Unrealistic expectations? Or is it that people are just going along, living their lives and this is where they happened to end up?
I've met men who have never been married because they're insufferably, self-involved asses for whom nothing is ever good enough and they think marriage is some sort of trap to keep them from having whatever they want. But, I've also met men who had suffered the loss of someone they truly loved before they got married, devoted themselves to a career with plans of future marriage that just never quite happened or who have had long term relationships with women that were the same as marriage without all the contractual stuff and formalities.
If a man is uncomfortable or thinks I'm being unreasonable because I'd like to know the bigger picture, then that kind of tells me what I need to know. Communication is the most important thing to me. A person being unwilling to communicate or getting defensive explains a lot. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 1:21:09 PM | | Questioning a divorced man to get the bigger picture is reasonable to us never married people, however many seem to get offended and defensive if we ask questions, but they feel as if they can ask all kind of invasive and nosy questions as to why we have not been married, and/or make a lot of negative assumptions about us as people without asking questions or getting to know us. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 2:25:40 PM | | He probably did not meet his match when he was younger, than as he got older he found it difficult to date since women assume things about him and will not date him since he has not been married. | |
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That was very interesting!..LOL...
