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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 3:12:48 PM |
legacy, thanks for the reply. I'd really be interested in what she thinks about people who have been married and divorced multiple times.
As I mentioned she and I are still friends but we do not talk on a daily basis. If I remember I will ask (and reply here or start another thread)
I find it interesting that neither of you discussed the reasons why people get divorced. you don't seem to remember even touching on the subject. now, is this because you both are divorced? interesting too how both of you apparently had no trouble dumping on unmarried people, assigning the usual reasons why we aren't. a little introspection is a good thing.
Please don't take it as "dumping" on anybody. Everybody has the right to live their lives the way they want (even "Levi"  ) regardless of the reasons for doing so. Just because *I* want to do something doesn't mean YOU have to (want to).
As I recall she and I were discussing internet dating and the type of people we'd both met (you know, swapping "war stories"   ) We hit upon the category of "Never married" and she told me all about it.
The only things I can remember about "divorced" was that it's "normal" for people to promise to be with one another for the rest of their lives but that's a promise that's very difficult to keep. And being human people make mistakes all the time but that doesn't stop them from TRYING (in THIS case, TRYING to commit totally to someone else). And, we all fail at times, at many different things, don't we ?
ok, intelligence. it certainly is measurable, and, when tested, it's contigent on the experiences, culture, etc., of the person being tested. I'm sure your psychologist friend will agree with that.
I'd have to ask her but I'd say "no". WHAT people "know" is certainly contingent on experiences, culture, etc. but an IQ test is pretty standard and really has no bearing on the "conditions" under which one grew up and learned, only on what they actually know.
it's been proven that inner children who are given tests geared to kids raised in totally different circumstances score lower on those tests. however, when given tests geared to their experiences, etc., gee guess what? they score pretty high. turn it around to the middle and upper class kids. when given the inner city test, they score pretty low. so, the aborigines may not score high on a test that your friend will, but I bet she scores pretty low on theirs.
Of course but I believe you're talking "specialized" knowledge and not any sort of standardized IQ Test. See below - computer programmer vs. ???
as far as you being smarter than I because you can program a mainframe, yes, I think it does, as far as computer knowledge and logic go. a lot of life is relative; it's all about where you're standing.
See ? Now here I would have to disagree. Programming that computer is a "specialty" that I have learned and you never have. That, in itself, does NOT make me any smarter than you.
Perhaps YOU may know how to measure a person's eyesight and provide the proper prescription for them for their glasses and I wouldn't have the first clue how to do that - but that wouldn't make YOU "smarter" than I now, would it ?  | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 4:18:17 PM | first and foremost this is the last post to this thread for me. I would like to respond to a few here after I had made my other post. first to the two that like to battle words have at it to me neither is going to win so why keep it going. second ; some one said they didn't consider someone over 50 and never married and no kids. well I can answer that one from my own experience. I am 57 never married and no kids. now I love kids to death but I can not produce them due to a diving accident that has caused me to not be able to help a woman to become a mother. had an instant vasectomy so yeah we over 50 and no kids should have a red flag. How about when a woman walks on a guy because he can't help her have children. oh never mind not worth my time. third Nola and fifi I want to say i completely enjoyed your posts. and strollinbella thx for the post now as far as set in my ways yeah I am I'm a workaholic so set in my ways that a lady half my age that I just happened to befriend has taken the time to make me look at what it was doing to me and also has changed my mind on how to look at people younger than me. yeah I am set in my ways NOT. Oh Legacypgmr I think your lady friend is wrong on people over fifty. as far as commitment I am more committed than a lot of young people I know. you have to be when you work 15 to 20 hours a day seven days a week. you took and made light of the comment of being judged well is that not what was being done by enszygirl about guys over 50 and never married, no kids when she said red flag I personally take it that way. now starfish wanna say I liked your post as well. I know a late friend that was in his sixties and had never married and no kids. now heres the clincher he lived with the same woman since he was 19 and she was in her mid 20s she had 3 children and he helped raise those kids and she could not have anymore she also refused to marry him even when he asked her to on his death bed. so yeah 50 year olds can't commit and they are big red flags. As we all know no matter how you want to judge and yes I did mean judge someone on how they lived thier life what right do we have to say someone was a risk, a red flag, or trouble because of something in thier life when we don't know what or why they are that way.
want to say one more thing here: I was almost married twice in my life and the second I have mentioned and the first I will mention only this one time and never again. The girl I almost married when I was 17 and she had just turn 18 a month before. my birthday was in august and she was with her parents on a plane and it crashed killing all three and others on the plane. this was two weeks before we were to marry. I had no intentions of ever dating again and it took a damn long time for it to happen since I felt it would only happen again. then I met the second lady and two months before is when she walked out. I was gun shy and not afraid to admit it. so i went with older women since they were more level headed but I do have my doubts after reading some of the posts on this thread. Isn't it funny how a lady half my age would take and show me the difference in how some women are. people don't judge, at least get to know and ask before making some stupid assumptions. sorry but I do feel pointed at in some of the posts since I am over 50 and no kids and never married. tho things are suppose to be gerenalized they are not in here by any means. to those that are open minded and look at the full picture thank you very much. I am out of this thread.
take care people
Moundpuppy | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 9:05:04 PM | RE: Moundpuppy, post #152.
I know it wasn't easy for you dredging up old memories, but it shows a lot of positive attributes about your character. Something that someone prejudging you, because you've never been married, would never know unless they took the time to really know you. I admire your courage.
Some of us "never married" people have solid reasons, but painful memories, associated with our choices (or perhaps, the lack of) in life. So, why would we want to be vulnerable and expose those reasons to people that have already judged us as unworthy.
Like I said before, if someone doesn't want to get to know me, I don't want to get to know them.
just a heart-felt thought | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 7:03:34 AM | legacy, well, I don't know how to measure someone for glasses either. but intelligence is off topic here, so let's drop it.
as far as her telling you "all about" never married people, I'd take that with a grain of salt, if I were you. there are many reasons for people to have never married. I won't go into it, since I already have many times on these redundant posts, as have other people. I will say - for the 1,000th time - you can't tar everyone with the same brush. you can't apply generalizations to people and be satisfied that you've hit on the answer. we seem to be a nation intrigued with statistics and pigeonholes, so psychologists and medical personnel fill in those spaces for us, and we seem to take it as gospel. generalizations help fuel prejudice, too.
I really would like her take on married and divorced people, especially the twice and three times ones. should be interesting...... | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:24:47 AM |
Questioning a divorced man to get the bigger picture is reasonable to us never married people, however many seem to get offended and defensive if we ask questions, but they feel as if they can ask all kind of invasive and nosy questions as to why we have not been married, and/or make a lot of negative assumptions about us as people without asking questions or getting to know us.
I understand the frustration, but it really helps to realize that people who are looking for a relationship want to have one with someone who has some experience in having them, even if they turn out bad. When you encounter someone who has gone through most of their adult life never having had any long term intimate commitments and connections, it shows a lack of perspective and experience that may have to be accommodated or that might actually cause problems.
I've dated people who have never been married and most (certainly not all) really had no clue as to how to share, communicate, commit or otherwise be a part of a team on a deep level because they simply had no practice at it. It's frustrating and I felt like I was imposing upon them by expecting them to participate as equals as opposed to me just being there for them. They were nice enough people, but naive and it led to a lot of misunderstandings.
Likewise, I won't seriously date someone who has been married more than twice because it says to me that they are unable to 1) stick it out and make things work when the going is not so perfect, and 2) they "need" to have someone constantly around to the point that dating isn't good enough. They have to have the whole package, 24/7 to keep them company. Perhaps this is unfair, but I watched my mother hop from abusive husband to abusive husband simply because she'd get tired of dealing with one, but absolutely could not stand being alone with herself for five minutes.
P.S. If someone has lived with someone else for a long time, or has a history of long term relationships without ever going through the legalities of a ceremony, then that's a whole other thing. To me, serious commitments of the heart are the same as a "marriage." The ceremony is just a symbol. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:32:55 PM | | If someone has lived woth someone else for a long time and has a history of long term relationships without being married those are red flags to me, as I believe in the committment of marriage and wonder why they were not able to commit to marrying someone if they lived with them or were in a series of long term relationships. We each have our opionions based on what we have experienced, neither one is wrong or right. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 5:54:12 PM | | fifi47, woman! girlfriend! I'm sorta surprised at your answer. since you haven't been married yourself, how can you hold a man to this standard? you have rocked my world!!!! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 6:32:03 PM | The opinions I've seen thus far in this thread are:
Never married = red flag!
No long term relationships at all = red flag!
Long term relationships without marriage = red flag!
Married and divorced 2/3+ times = red flag!
[So far it sounds as if I need to run out and get married and divorced, just once, to make my self marketable!]
Then there are a few that say, spend a little time getting to know someone of interest before you start looking for "red flags."
I could say more, but I think it's obvious who will have more options and be more fun on a road-trip.
just a few thoughts | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:38:34 PM | Sassy
as far as her telling you "all about" never married people, I'd take that with a grain of salt, if I were you. there are many reasons for people to have never married. I won't go into it, since I already have many times on these redundant posts, as have other people. I will say - for the 1,000th time - you can't tar everyone with the same brush. you can't apply generalizations to people and be satisfied that you've hit on the answer. we seem to be a nation intrigued with statistics and pigeonholes, so psychologists and medical personnel fill in those spaces for us, and we seem to take it as gospel. generalizations help fuel prejudice, too.
Don't be so defensive - nobody's tarring ANYBODY with the same brush.
Not that I expect everyone, or even anyone, to remember everything I've said but I DID say (Post 131) "She basically told me not to bother contacting women who hadn't been married by the age of 50. They (guys too of course) just can't commit. Simple as that. Now, of course, that IS a generalization. There ARE exceptions (to every rule). But after all generalizations ARE generalizations because they are,,,,,, ummmmm,,,,,, wellllll,,,,, generally true.
There are other reasons of course; too picky, never grew up, doesn't want a family, etc, etc, etc but "can't commit" tops the hit parade."
Post 142 "Generalization is something people do ALL the time. PhD's are no different. She would NOT be "diagnosing" a specific person but a GROUP of like (NOT identical)
individuals."
There are perfectly valid reasons for "generalizing" and NOBODY ANYWHERE said there are NO exceptions. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 2:40:22 AM | | Sassy my standards are the same....I have not had a series of long term relationships when I did not marry one of the men (if there was no potential for marriage why waste our time), and have not lived with anyone. My goal when dating has always been marriage, for the most part, and the fact that I have not been married has nothing to do with the fact that I have never wanted to be married. Several men have wanted to marry me, but I knew it was not the right thing, so I ended the relationships instead of dating them when we were not on the same page. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:02:10 PM | Several men have wanted to marry me
How many is "several?" Four or five? More?
See, this is what confuses me. If you've got all these guys asking you to marry them and then you end the relationship because you don't want to marry them, that brings up A LOT of questions.
First, you said "several." Not that you've been asked by one or even two guys in the course of life and you had a good reason to say no at the time, but that "several" men asked and none of them were good enough to marry so you cut them loose.
Why was it that NONE of these guys were worth marrying? Why were you dating them in the first place if you only date with the expectation of getting married?
Is it that you don't want to commit to anything less than perfection? Is it that you date men just to have company and when they start to get serious, you cut them loose? What do all these men have in common that you would date them, they would fall in love and ask you to marry them, but then you had to end the relationship because you only wanted to date them, not get serious with them?
Sorry, this isn't meant to sound like an inquisition. I'm genuinely curious. You seem to be offended that anyone would question your reasons, but you never really provide any concrete answers as to "why." It would be a whole lot easier (and more respectable) if you just said, "I'm picky and I enjoy living on my own too much so marriage, with all it's compromises and sharing, isn't a priority unless Mr. Perfect shows up." | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:09:45 PM | | I have never mentioned wanting to marry Mr. Perfect, and sorry that you find me to not be a respectable person. Good grief, people never cease to amaze me, and my dating habits are no business of strangers, especially ones who seem to have all the answers without knowing the situations or people involved in the situations. The judging and condescending comments are quite tacky. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:15:58 PM |
I have never mentioned wanting to marry Mr. Perfect, and sorry that you find me to not be a respectable person.
She did NOT say you were not a respectable person. She said it would be MORE respectable if you just said, "I'm picky and I enjoy living on my own too much so marriage, with all it's compromises and sharing, isn't a priority unless Mr. Perfect shows up." which is EXACTLY what it sounds like you've done.
Good grief, people never cease to amaze me, and my dating habits are no business of strangers, especially ones who seem to have all the answers without knowing the situations or people involved in the situations. The judging and condescending comments are quite tacky.
These forums are for discussion. If you don't want to discuss your dating habits why put them out there ? You really didn't have to - but once out, you don't expect anybody to comment on them or ask other questions ??? NOLA did not sound condescending to me but then, given your original postings, I can see how she might have to you. Tough looking in the mirror sometimes, isn't it ? (I KNOW it is for ME !!!) | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:17:03 PM |
The opinions I've seen thus far in this thread are:
Never married = red flag!
No long term relationships at all = red flag!
Long term relationships without marriage = red flag!
Married and divorced 2/3+ times = red flag!
Sounds like you've got it about right.  | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:57:29 PM | | Opinions are just that---personal opinions...no one has the monopoly on saying someone is this way or that way, and manners are lacking around here (just my opinion, of course) | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:10:29 AM |
I have never mentioned wanting to marry Mr. Perfect, and sorry that you find me to not be a respectable person. Good grief, people never cease to amaze me, and my dating habits are no business of strangers, especially ones who seem to have all the answers without knowing the situations or people involved in the situations. The judging and condescending comments are quite tacky.
If your dating habits are not the business of strangers, then why are you discussing them on a public dating forum full of strangers?
No, we do not have all the answers which is why we ask questions. Why does that offend you so much? You never really answer the questions, you just get miffed because we dare ask.
I don't know who you think is "judging" you. Personally, I'm just asking questions, trying to understand your POV, but you won't provide a straight answer and you get mad because people ask and then resort to guessing because you give vague answers which could mean just about anything. There's no need to be so defensive, or so vague.
BTW, I never said that I didn't find you to be a respectable person. I said that your ANSWERS to the questions weren't quite on the up and up. There's a huge difference. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:24:52 AM | | The original question seemed to be about why women might question a man over 50 who has not been married, he probably has not met the appropriate woman who appreciates the treasure that he is. I will never express any sort of personal things again on any forum, as this seems to paint me in a totally erroneous negative light. If people want to know things about me, they can always send me a private message, but that would probably not satisfy their curiosity in the way they find appealing. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 1:00:36 AM | | This is the darndest anti-male thread. A woman has to consent for a man to be married, right? Well guess what people, some guys are rejected constantly and mercilessly over a number of years and never get that consent. Now does that mean these men had commitment issues? No. Does it mean those men were too picky and never found Miss Right? No. It means their efforts at relationships which would hopefully lead to marriage were blocked and there is a great deal of quiet, unseen sadness, grief and suffering these men experience as a result. Thank you. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:39:44 AM | meetuhalfway, I don't see where this is an "anti-male thread" at all. feels to me like the redundant question thrown out to the never-marrieds, who are then bashed for our answers as to why is more like it.
I think the anti feeling is spread equally between men and women. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:24:05 PM | Levi501s,
[So far it sounds as if I need to run out and get married and divorced, just once, to make my self marketable!]
You are right! And while you are at it, be sure to make it a long-term marriage! :)
Of course, that would make you about 70 when you're done...and then you're too old...teehee | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:36:53 PM | Posted By: SensualVixenII on 3/25/2009 2 46 PM
Subject: Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Message: I am very leary of dating unmarried men over 50. Too set in their ways and makes me wonder why they never committed to marriage when they were younger.
Response:
How long have you had this enlightened, intellectual point of view? (said with tongue in cheek). I'm glad you have reached a state of infallability. (see last parenthetical remark). I quite suspect that you don't need to be in any relationship; you are in love with yourself, and you will have no rivals. | |
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