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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 1:52:17 PM | i see alot of men in their 50's and older who have never been married, i check them out, due to the fact i don't want to get married. some men just haven't found their soul mate, or have and never bothered to tie the knot, and are probably glad of that when it doesen't work out. it is alot less paperwork.
i have no problem with a man who has always been single. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:51:33 PM |
Assuming all the cards fell into place, i.e., right person, etc., would you marry now...at this age?
Absolutely! As soon as I get over this cancer thingy, I'll start looking once again. And whilst I'm looking, I'll get busy and draft up the Pre-Nup (leaving a space to insert the lucky gentleman's name) just in case someone comes along that is worthy of me. What a deal, eh? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:51:44 PM |
Assuming all the cards fell into place, i.e., right person, etc., would you marry now...at this age?
Absolutely! As soon as I get over this cancer thingy, I'll start looking once again. And whilst I'm looking, I'll get busy and draft up the Pre-Nup (leaving a space to insert the lucky gentleman's name) just in case someone comes along that is worthy of me. What a deal, eh? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 4:26:41 PM | Yes, I would. I hope to one day marry the man I can't imagine not having in my life. Have I found him? Not yet; at least I don't think I have.
I have enjoyed being single, but would love to experience married life. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:54:54 PM | I stand corrected, Legacypmgr. Thank you for your candidness.
I can get carried away and launch into spoofs that might not be my best choice of words. I just don't like to see all the wonderful people out there, who for some reason, have not married by 50 get tagged as incapable in a relationship. I do think it is self-centered to reject all folks over 50 who are not married.
As for me, I was badly disabled for years, and through lots of hard, heartbreaking effort, I got get 99% better. I didn't think it was wise back then to get romantic, if it were possible. Then I read this shallow statement from that woman who says people like me are worthless in a relationship. Maybe now you can understand my point of view, and can see that when one doesn't know all the facts, it's difficult to make a reasonable conclusion about every man over 50. I hope that Sensual Vixen can come to understand that not all single people are pending disasters to be hauled to the relationship "dump", as she related in her universal statement. May God forbid it that she become disabled and then recover, only to find herself fitting her own description of us 50+ year olds and unmarried. If somebody married her as a trophy wife, would she be discarded by her (hypothetical) husband? Probably so, but for her sake I hope she finds someone who loves her for her mind, emotions, heart, as well as her body. I really do.
It all requires a little bit of the heart mixed in with the mind, and both need to be engaged in sizing up people. I'm sorry for any offenses on my part, and for any feelings that have been bruised.
With reasonable people, I get along famously, and I love them for who they are. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:16:57 PM |
To the never married people over 50:
Assuming all the cards fell into place, i.e., right person, etc., would you marry now...at this age?
Absolutely!
I personally feel I am a lot more mature and self aware of the hurdles that would be involved in making a successful union now, than I ever was when I was young.
Apparently, some think that because someone has never been married they haven't study the relationships they have been in. I feel that I have studied those relationships relentlessly.
I feel I am more qualified for marriage now than I ever would have been in my 20s. As, perhaps, many that were married early and are now divorced feel.
I am simply fortunate enough to have passed on a mistake that many made in their immature years.
just a few thoughts | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:17:22 PM |
To the never married people over 50:
Assuming all the cards fell into place, i.e., right person, etc., would you marry now...at this age?
Absolutely!
I personally feel I am a lot more mature and self aware of the hurdles that would be involved in making a successful union now, than I ever was when I was young.
Apparently, some think that because someone has never been married they haven't study the relationships they have been in. I feel that I have studied those relationships relentlessly.
I feel I am more qualified for marriage now than I ever would have been in my 20s. As, perhaps, many that were married early and are now divorced feel.
I am simply fortunate enough to have passed on a mistake that many made in their immature years.
just a few thoughts | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:56:50 AM | You said, "And BTW, it's "infallibility". I guess YOU'RE not infallible either now, are you ?
Btw, you misspelled "site." Hehehe. You spelled it, "shite." It was funny, because I thought you had misspelled a cuss word. Hmmm, no , I guess you're no authority here, which puts us both in the penalty box. Have to go to somebody else for more wisdom, but sadly not you or me. How I wish it could have been otherwise.
I simply object to the vain attitude that single people are not worth anything as far as relationships go, without knowing that person's biography. I don't see why it's so hard for some folks to understand that, if indeed if it is that hard. I hope not. Perhaps some folks are lodging some pre-fixed attitudes about these people, and again I would hope not. Hard to fathom all that, but you have stated your point quite well, and I appreciate that. Perhaps better than I have with my lightening speed keyboard. My words may not meet all the standards but my sense of being open to all people is something I have felt strongly about for all my life. Perhaps you could re-visit that again. As I have said, you'd probably think differently if we worked in the same office. The Internet discussion breeds less than good manners, for you and me included.
I remember that while I was in the military, I was stationed overseas where the people drove on the left side of the road. My commanding officer asked me if I had ever driven on the left side of the road before. I said that I had not. He then said that if I never had before, than I couldn't learn. It's this kind of non-logic that baffles me. Same with marriage possibilities for singles over 50.
I'm not worried about who is right, but what is right, and I think it is right to find out more about 50+ singles before one speaks ill of them. On a case by case basis, you would be surprised. So, give us old single fogies a chance; I do. All the many, many divorces seems to point out that not all formerly married people are masters of relationships.
It boils down, to a good degree, that if a guy who has had, say, two divorces and is a little jaded about marriage, would he be a better candidate for another marriage, as contrasted to a fairly good guy who has not been married? There are many questions that we could come up with, regarding these two contrasting fellows. If we were to pick the experienced guy with the divorces, can we rightly say that he is the better candidate? That seems to be the thrust of the topic. Blanket statements seem hardly sufficient in this topic, although, sure, many people have strong opinions, like others and myself.
My thesis, as it were, is to give people a chance to see if they can succeed, within reason. Stereotyping may be safe sometimes, but it is not insightful. You might miss somebody wonderful , and cannot we all agree that would be tragic? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:29:09 AM | I look at marriage as the biggest form of commitment you can give another person, and I would question why someone has not been married by the age of 50. You have to be willing to compromise and share when you're in a commited relationship. A man in his 50's and never married, tells me he is too set in his ways and self-absorbed to share his life with another person. I've known many men who fall into this catgegory and they do tend to be too involved with themselves a little too much.
I also know one, who still lives with his elderly parents and that just creeps me out. I'm sure everyone has their reasons for it and it's their right to choose not to be married, but I wouldn't personally get involved with someone who has yet to prove he is able to commit to another person. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:49:23 AM | >>>And I wouldn't marry someone who has proved that when they make a commitment, they break it. There is no getting from here to there<<<
At least the effort was there to make the commitment....commitments are broken for many reasons, and being in an abusive situation is good enough reason to break any commitment | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:28:45 PM | Thanks Legacy 
Actually, if you all read my profile, I did put in there that I wouldn't be interested in the never-been-marrieds. Now, I'm a bit ashamed of my narrow-mindedness (and the affect that 'at-the-time 'nonchalant statement might have on others)...but still it reverberates in the back of my mind that I am really not that special. It's not like I'm going to wow someone so much that they are going to give up their singleness, which one would assume they are very comfortable with by now, for me and the unfamiliar path of marriage.
And since I am looking for 'forever' (listen to the roar as all of the men stampede out the door), aren't my odds better with someone that has known the full impact (good and bad) of marraige and is willing to do it again?
Not sure if I said that right, but I think that the bottom line is that so many of us are guided by fear. My fear, in this case, is that my dream of a 'forever' partner...one whom loves me enough to commit to a lifetime with me in the traditional way...would not be realized
and I should have known so in the first place. Because history does tell a story. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 2:05:35 PM |
>>>And I wouldn't marry someone who has proved that when they make a commitment, they break it. There is no getting from here to there<<<
At least the effort was there to make the commitment....commitments are broken for many reasons, and being in an abusive situation is good enough reason to break any commitment
This brings to mind a couple of thoughts.
First, is that many people who have never been married hold the same prejudices against divorced people as some previously married people have about never married folks. One says, "Oh, well, you've proven you can't stay committed" and the other says, "Well, at least I can make a commitment, even if it didn't stick." Neither of them made a permanent commitment, now did they? Hmmm.....
Then there are folks who judge divorced people who were unfaithful by saying, "You couldn't stay faithful to one person so that makes you undesirable," but no mention is made of those never marrieds who have spent the last 30 years sleeping around without ever having gotten serious enough to spend time and share space with another person 24/7. Conversely, there are those who have virtually no emotional or physical intimacy experience because of underlying fears, judgments or unresolved issues. How are either of these scenarios cause for judging the other as worse?
This all goes back to my initial response on this topic. It's the "why" that matters, not the "what." | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:26:30 PM |
I do think it is self-centered to reject all folks over 50 who are not married.
First of all I'm sorry to hear about all your physical problems. I've been blessed with good health pretty much all my life so it's difficult for me to relate on that basis.
Secondly, no offense FF, but that's just silly. I see you haven't listed ANY "requirements" for people to mail you so I guess any sex, any age, any race, any height, any weight, any distance away from you, among many other things is OK, right ? Well, maybe that works for YOU but my guess is the vast majority of people on the site have at least a FEW "requirements". Except for ME of course - hell, I'm thrilled when ANYBODY write to ME !!! 
So if a 21 Y.O. (I imagine female  ) Aborigine living in the middle of Australia wanted to get together with you, you'd entertain that ? Well, YOU might but most people won't. Look at this absolute doll from California (Karen). It's a SURE THING that she gets far more e-mail than the average duck and if she had NO "requirements" (as yourself), can you imagine how many e-mails she'd have to try to sort through ?  So she lists guys from 49 to 55. 4 years younger  to "only" 2 years older. Not a very wide range now is it ? But what're ya gonna do ? That's what SHE wants. That's what floats HER boat. She believes unmarried around 50 is a BAD BET. She is CORRECT. (But then again, "Harleys" ???  )
It's ALL a matter of odds. As I said before, of course there are other reasons BESIDES them being unable to commit (As I said earlier " There are other reasons of course; too picky, never grew up, doesn't want a family, etc, etc, etc but "can't commit" tops the hit parade.") but with soooooo many choices and sooooo little time to spend trying to cull out the herd (so to speak) why SHOULDN'T that be one of his/her criteria ? It's simply a very bad bet and takes too much time to vet the reason why.
Then I read this shallow statement from that woman who says people like me are worthless in a relationship
Once again I disagree this is a "shallow" statement even though I understand why YOU think it is but seriously, you might want to think what you say before you say it. NOBODY that *I* can recall said you or any other "never married" was "worthless" in a relationship. Please stop putting words into other peoples' mouths.
Maybe now you can understand my point of view, and can see that when one doesn't know all the facts, it's difficult to make a reasonable conclusion about every man over 50.
Already understood (as mentioned above) but most ladies don't have the time to investigate the "why", only THAT you've never been married.
I hope that Sensual Vixen can come to understand that not all single people are pending disasters to be hauled to the relationship "dump", as she related in her universal statement.
Sensual Vixen said "I am very leary of dating unmarried men over 50. Too set in their ways and makes me wonder why they never committed to marriage when they were younger."
SV said she is "leery" and she felt never marrieds are "too set in their ways". She never said you/they were "pending disasters to be hauled to the relationship dump". Once again you GREATLY exaggerate (for effect ?).
You said, "And BTW, it's "infallibility". I guess YOU'RE not infallible either now, are you ?
Btw, you misspelled "site." Hehehe. You spelled it, "shite." It was funny, because I thought you had misspelled a cuss word.
Correct - I am nowhere NEAR infallible. And incorrect, I did NOT misspell anything. If you re-read the sentence, "site" does not fit. I purposely misspelled shit (the cuss word) with the current "slang" spelling because I figure the site would **** it out as it did "cocktail dress" in my profile. 
I won't bother with the rest of your 2nd post as it's just rehashing most of what I answered above from your first post. It may not be "fair" but the reality is that on a dating site where there are soooooo many choices, a lady first doesn't answer, or says "Thanks but no thanks". She doesn't have TIME to ask why you were never married and very possibly the answer would be the guy only fooling himself anyway in an effort to "If she only e-mails and then talks to me on the phone and then meets me she'll change her mind".
She hasn't got the time and has many more candidates that (more closely) FIT what she's looking for much better than the "never married" guy. Hell, *I* can't contact "Karen" because I'm over 55. Do you hear ME crying about THAT ? If she met me I'm SURE my age wouldn't matter !!! But maybe the 2,000+ miles would ? Wait a minute - that's not THAT far !!! 
It boils down, to a good degree, that if a guy who has had, say, two divorces and is a little jaded about marriage, would he be a better candidate for another marriage, as contrasted to a fairly good guy who has not been married? There are many questions that we could come up with, regarding these two contrasting fellows. If we were to pick the experienced guy with the divorces, can we rightly say that he is the better candidate? That seems to be the thrust of the topic.
I previously promised to ask my psychologist friend about multiple marriages and I will when I speak to her but *I* would say the guy (or girl) that is twice divorced, at least TRIED to make that (ultimate ?) commitment. OK, it didn't work out (twice) but at least he/she TRIED. And hopefully we ALL learn from our mistakes(?). The never married guy/girl didn't even TRY and most likely had a fair number of chances and for one reason or another (and of course it's not always his/her fault) never made it happen. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:33:02 PM | {quote]And I wouldn't marry someone who has proved that when they make a commitment, they break it.
But you're not looking for a mate; you're just looking for an "activity partner".
Does that mean he/she MUST be single/never married ?!?!?! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:39:18 PM | Poor Sodturner (the OP)! I'll bet he didn't know what a wild thread this would turn out to be.
Like Fifi, I attempted to return to the original question ABOUT questioning a man over 50 who has never been married. Oh, my.
Really, it does come down to a variety of internal and external factors...none of which can be generalized to "all never-married men" or "all never-married women". Good heavens, look at me! I'm an infamous never-married woman currently involved with an equally infamous never-married man. And to boot, he is younger than me! No way could I ever have thought, or guessed, that this would happen to me at 46.
But, guess what? Not only is it working for both of us, we have also been discussing that concept of....marriage (!)  For us, we both had to be ready at the right time. No way was either of us terrified of commitment in our previous relationships. Rather, they just simply weren't meant to work out.
So, everyone, let's really be careful not to rush to judgments about any situation. | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:49:50 PM |
Thanks Legacy
Actually, if you all read my profile, I did put in there that I wouldn't be interested in the never-been-marrieds. Now, I'm a bit ashamed of my narrow-mindedness (and the affect that 'at-the-time 'nonchalant statement might have on others)...but still it reverberates in the back of my mind that I am really not that special.
Narrow-mindedness not at ALL. We ALL must have some selection criteria else how would we EVER wade through all the "possibles". (BTW, sorry about your loss BTW  )
As for "not really that special", care for a 2nd opinion ?
"a wicked sense of humour, can be too loud and outspoken at times, am bluntly honest and I love to have fun!" Sure sounds like a "Dorothy Zbornak" to me !!!
It's not like I'm going to wow someone so much that they are going to give up their singleness, which one would assume they are very comfortable with by now, for me and the unfamiliar path of marriage.
Hmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,, *I* know what YOU need ~~~> 
And since I am looking for 'forever' (listen to the roar as all of the men stampede out the door), aren't my odds better with someone that has known the full impact (good and bad) of marraige and is willing to do it again?
Most likely a resounding YES !!!
Not sure if I said that right, but I think that the bottom line is that so many of us are guided by fear. My fear, in this case, is that my dream of a 'forever' partner...one whom loves me enough to commit to a lifetime with me in the traditional way...would not be realized,,,,,,
Trust me Kiddo, you are NOT alone. And I'm sorry to say the longer it takes the harder is gets - take it from one who knows or at least has (make that IS), experiencing exactly that !
Because history does tell a story.
How's that go again ? Those that fail to remember history are doomed to repeat it ?!?!?! | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:07:01 PM | | The major turn off for me is that life is not a spectator event. It takes courage and lots of leaps of faith. It seems sad that no person and/or situation inspired you to take the enormous leap of faith that marriage requires. If you are not willing to make that leap when you have all the benefits of youth, why would you be willing to leap now? | |
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| Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:40:27 PM | I just had to come back for this time only. People I told someone tonight I may be back in here for this. So many of you are "beware of the 50 plus and no kids and never married." for so many years I was in hate of dating younger women. I had to date older ladies and for what. I have dated two ladies younger than me by at least 15 or so years. those two ladies I found have shown more respect to the guys that are single and never married than ladies that (1) have been married and (2) or divorced and judgmental, I am not saying all are but its funny how those two single ladies have shown me the difference. So many in here judge someone for something that they have no idea of. I have seen it said that there are commitment issues for someone over 50 and never married , no kids an added issue as well. well let me say this, its all an issue that a lot need to face. for so many are wrong in that line of thought. Some of us over fifty and never married , no kids just keep drudging along and looking and hoping to find. We don't ask for anyones point of view on what we are looking for in life nor do we care for thier opinions. We look at people that divorce as people not to trust as they can not abide by vows that they have taken. Now before you bash me and I know it is coming. I know there are various reasons for not staying together when married. My mother and father divorced after 13 years of marriage. then my mother divorced the second time after ten years and catching him countless times cheating. There is reason as mentioned before abusive marriages. so many reasons. But no matter what the reason it still comes back to the commitment of the vows. I personally will not take those vows unless I am dead sure of it and the woman I am going to marry. I also will not use the traditional vows. I will write my own and when I give my word in the manner of a promise I keep it and would prefer to die trying to keep it. Just because someone hasn't married doesn't meant they were not wanting to. hell to me I would not make that step just to be like everyone else and be married just to find later that it was not going to work or that she just didn't care anymore. why destroy a persons soul that way, hell I have had enough hurt with out getting married just to go for a divorce to prove I was someone that was committed and could commit. hell I commit every day when I take and go to work for someone and continue to take thier outlandish ways of running a business and ways of treating thier employees. I commit when I give my word to help someone and I stick to it. all depends on how you look at it. I mentioned a friend that was with the same lady for so many years and he died and she still wouldn't marry him. Yeah it happens and it did for them. she loved him dearly but she could not marry and she told him so and why. I have no idea why I was not in the room when they talked. But he left this world knowing she loved him dearly and with every ounce of her being. and each of her kids called him dad and you know what I personally know it takes a lot for a kid to call another person dad or mom that isn't the natural parent. It took me years to call my step father dad and I never knew how he felt until a week before he passed away. and I am glad he told me and what he said to me. oh and to show not to judge a book by its cover if things go right I may just be making that so called step if things go right in the very near future. funny part to it is, a woman half my age and its not me that pushed that issue as to age. I was against it with us but she won out in her manner and the way she has a will as strong as mine. People just take your time and who knows you may find someone that may knock the socks off you, I know I have. all depends on how things go between now and that time. jus take the time to learn people not to judge so much and be open minded. Like levi said if one doesn't want to talk to me or be around me no problem I don't need them either. I know its not exactly what he said but the idea is there.
Take care people
Moundpuppy -- Tony | |
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