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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:45:24 PM | Bradd1-it is called INSECURITY.
I had a guy beat on me once........I walked out of the relationship and got myself into self defence courses....could you believe the next guy I was with, laid his hands on me ...it felt so great to throw a good beating on him.....he did not know what hit him.......I let him have it...I bet he will remember this if he ever thinks about beating on a girl again.I left him ..not because he scared me.........only because I scared mysefl ..I had to hold myself back in the fight..........it is so amazing to me that women stay in these relationships...I noticed after going through my first self defence lessions,i noticed how inportant it is for our ladies to know even the basics of self defence.
Also my confidence level rose-all women beaters are like worms on the grounds...it takes a coward to fight with fists...............both of my girls know self defence. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 7:45:28 PM | I'm curious if some of the posters on here have actually gotten back together with a partner after there was some type of abuse.
I most certainly did. And then I didn't. Unless you've been there, you can't possibly understand the dynamics of how it all works and unless you've been one part of the problem, you really won't understand others in the same/similar situation. This is one topic where it's impossible to judge and or even know exactly what another person is going through. It's always subjective up on the parties involved. To throw all into one category, one text-book example is clearly not possible. JMO  | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 7:51:00 PM |
I'm curious if some of the posters on here have actually gotten back together with a partner after there was some type of abuse.
Tina Turner - please give Rihanna a call!
I also don't want to believe that Rihanna took Chris Brown back - he apparently left her unconscious and then left the scene, FFS. And what's with the "bite marks?" I wonder if the police will continue to prosecute him? She should have gotten a restraining order against him, not gone on vacay with him.
Thankfully, this has never happened to me. I'd like to think that I would see the warning signs of trying to control my whereabouts and friends beforehand.
But in answer to your question, there ain't no man on god's green earth who could in any way convince me to stay with him after I'd been hit. He'd get prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Namaste...... | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 9:04:55 PM | There are multiple reasons why a woman might return to an abusive partner.
And abuse can happen to anyone - they don't need to have low self esteem to be abused. Perfectly happy, healthy, active, achieving women can become the victim of abuse.
Women often believe their partner's appologies and promises because they really do mean it. At least they mean it at the time | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 9:40:48 PM | I have met someone who was emotionally abusive and rude,she was very attractive and size 10 with big boobs - and knew it!!!! and let men know it aswell!!!!!
So you get drawn into some nonsene relationship and its becomes hard to get out as they will attract someone else straight away (shallow) and you wont as you have been torn apart emotionally and feel down,so you will lose your lovelife and will find it hard to replace that person as they are very good in bed (experienced) and can't go into place you went together as you will get asked "where's your girl"?
But on a happier note,if you can stay away and tough it out,you always find they try to come back and use sex as a bait,just ignore them,then you find they admit you were always to good for them anyway  
Never go back i say!!!! but people always do normally | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 2/28/2009 10:34:43 PM | Well there are a couple of things here regarding their relationship that sets it apart from the average couple.. first one is that they are in the public eye and now that her pictures are published of what he did to her face I doubt that he will get away with it even if she is reconcilled . She is young.. way too young to even know what she wants.. she is in the spotlight all the time and needs to grow in more ways than music .. she has resources most of the women in the world don't have so .. I doubt this relationship will continue for too long or she will lose credibility with some of her friends. I think it is appalling when someone suggests because a 90 pound pip squeak takes a swing at a full grown man that she deserved it .. no way is she as strong as he is .. and any guy that decides to use force on his partner is a coward... and a jerk. There is absolutely no way that this will be a long term relationship .. as the dynamics unfold and the spotlight is on them it will soon fizzle .. especially if he is doing jail time.
In order to be in a relationship of abuse you have to be either brought up in abuse or conditioned via not having recognized the energy to begin with, naive to abuse .. I can spot an abuser a mile away.. I can feel the energy of an abuser .. I was in a relationship many years ago of abuse .. but have friends who are still involved in abusive relationships and will sadly be there until the end. There is no quick fix for an abuser the remedies and recognition are a journey for the abuser themselves and instead of apologizing to the public and Rhianna was his quick fix way to work on her ( another form of abuse ) his behaviour reminds me of mister OJ .. where he thinks a few gifts and his sense of entitlement will heal all.... he should have kept his mouth shut and started into therapy... I hope that he gets the help he needs but unfortunately with the life of entitlement he already lives I seriously doubt it .. as getting serious with yourself as an abuser is a very painful journey, hopefully he has some planetary time to devout to it.. during or after his jail stay.. or if he doesn't go to jail all abusive guys should become hip hop moguls and beat whoever they please. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 8:17:48 AM |
Unless you've experienced it first-hand you really don't know what the hell you're talking about. And for those who swear up and down and sideways that they'd "never" remain with someone who abused them, never say never.
A very valid posting with much inherent truth. All your observations are valid ones. And I’m glad to read that you left a bad situation. But, why wouldn’t I say “never?” It’s only because abuse isn’t a viable option for me. To suggest otherwise implies that I don’t have free will. After knowing myself for almost 47 years it is something I can state with absolute certainty.
Do we need to have been battered before we can have insight or even lend our perspective?? Even people who work in social services aren’t required to have been battered or addicted “first hand” – they are trained to understand ideological bases and models for violence, power and control, culture and race, isolation and intimidation, the impact of social policies, gender differences, and most importantly, advocacy.
I haven’t experienced drug addiction, been discriminated against as a visible minority, been a foster parent, or been held in a Concentration Camp, but I have thoughts and opinions about those experiences as well. Do we allow only those in active military service to formulate policy on war? Similarly, men cannot personally experience abortion, but many have definite thoughts on the practice. Are these opinions somehow less relevant?
I am amazed when I hear people say "I can't believe she would stay with a guy like that." Shouldn't the real question be, "I can't believe he would abuse her like that?"
That’s a good point, but I’m not amazed that people tend to make the first type of comment. There is often an attempt at long term control or subjugation of a victim by the assailant. Family conflict violence can be motivated by arguments, anger, jealousy or revenge for some perceived prior misbehaviour or fuelled by an excessive use of alcohol or drugs. To many people, there are very obvious clues that a spouse is being abusive, so the surprise lies not in wondering how a ticking timebomb could inflict abuse, but why the victim sometimes will not leave…….In the case of chronic abusers, no one is surprised when abuse happens repetitively, which seems to be the case in the Rihanna/Chris Brown battery.
Maybe Chris Brown is not "fixable." But Rihanna can still walk away. Unfortunately, she did take him back – how romantic - it’s just like “The Notebook,” but with more police involvement.
Be well……. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 8:37:28 AM | | I have never done this but I know women who have and they are smart intelligent women . Most of them are very good at holding things together and fixing emotional messes. Unfortunately through rolemodeling they have learned to put their good energy into fixing something that is lost and broken. Just think what this world would be like if these women used their energy for making the world a better place and let the broken ones fall on their face and have to pick themselves up. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:06:46 AM | | No, I wouldn't go back to a partner after he emotionally and physically abused me. In fact, I wouldn't be in a position to be with a person of that mentality in the first place. Sure there are sociopaths who are pretty conniving when it comes to how they hook you in, sink their teeth into you psychologically, etc. but it's also a fact that they find their "victims". By that, I mean they know the personality traits of the people they can abuse. Too many people, both men and women, take too much crap to start off with and keep putting up with it and allow it to escalate - all in the name of "love" - what's to love about a person who treats you that way? People generally don't just suddenly become verbally abusive and physically abusive. It's an escalation. Why take crappy behaviour in the first place in order for it to escalate to the extremes that it does? If indeed there are those times where you don't see it coming (although I find that difficult to believe - there are generally signs), I can't see walking back into it. If it has to do with having kids and not wanting to leave "for the sake of the kids"...not a good answer. (There shouldn't have been kids in the first place - the signals should have started to become apparent before the decision was made to have kids.) In no way is it healthy to stay and allow them to be witness to either verbal or physical abuse. It then can become either a learned behaviour as they grow up - to either be the woman/man who puts up with it or be the man/woman who's the perpetrator. It's a weakness to stay, not a strength. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:24:08 AM | | The answer to that one is no. Once a man puts his hands on you and/or threatens you or puts you down, that is it for me. No woman should ever have to go back to someone who has emotionally and physically abused them. I am speaking from personal experience. I took a man back into my life after he physically and emotionally abused me and I paid a heavy price for it too. Ladies, there are plenty of men out there who will treat you right. I know it may be difficult to leave a partner after abuse, but you have to be strong and go on. I would not take someone back after he abuses me. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 12:01:58 PM | To Could.Be.All.Yours:
You say in your post that other posters are being 'smug' and judgemental. I didn't see that or if I did, I don't remember comments as such. I think saying that people who go back to or accept their abuser back are no longer victims isn't being judgemental, it is a reality of fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, to not recognize the healthier path of love themselves more. There is more help out there than ever before, more acceptance of those who wish to better their lives. To stay on topic of Rhianna, I truly believe that if she goes back to this relationship, she will not only damage her esteem more, but also her career because why would anyone respect that action? Let Chris Brown throw his life down the toilet. Rhianna....has a choice not to, but rather be brave and respect herself. Many people would respect her if she through that 'love' down the drain rather than forgive. Forgiveness is a gift that doesn't always have to be given. Heck, she can still forgive him in her heart but not put her life in danger every again.
I do think that people should be looking at the abuser rather than the victim. I hope to hell Rhianna isn't given the choice of whether this guy is prosecuted or not. I not understand why 'domestic' violence is sectioned off as a separate type of crime. Violence is violence. I hope someone with know how can answer that for me as it has always boggled my mind as a 'category'. He is now exposed world-wide as a scum bag and I hope if anything this inspires change where it is needed. That is the only good that comes from 'celebreality" type of media. I have no qualms that is the price of overpaid people who race for fame to be flamed by fame.
I do 'get" what you are saying about some people not understanding that they may be abused, but rather think this is how relationships are. That is sad and awful. Blatant physical abuse however is pretty recognizable by most people though except those who are severly mentally challenged (literally like orphans in Russia or young children in America for cripes sake), even you must admit, and sometimes if someone is so co-dependent or damaged that they don't want something different for themselves well...how can anyone fix that unless it gets exposed to others to help them if they don't seek it themselves and hide it? Children who are abused are not participants. Adults who are physically abused have much more power and opportunity to change what is happening in their life. That is not really what is being asked on this thread. I think there is a huge difference between children being abused and adults who stay in abusive relationships. That is the participation factor I am speaking of...to enable that person to keep abusing them.
I am sure it is hard for some personality types to leave. I hope this thread empowers and inspires some of them. When you do read some women, like myself, who say NEVER....you gotta believe that there are these personality types as well. If I have a choice, unlike when I lived at home with a dysfunctional family...believe me...I exercise my choice because I know and learned from not having that choice before. I live my life so that I will never have to settle for that kind of treatment. I will never be stuck having to be in that kind of realationship because I've made damn sure to never feel that way, that I take care of myself, or if I had dependents that I would find a way with my community of friends or 'village' if you will and persist in being out and staying out of such an environment. Not everyone can do that I understand with such certainty as I or others who have said so in this thread. But all it does take is to reach out to someone somewhere for help....if you want it bad enough more than you 'need' the abuser. Welp that is my opinion. I thank you for sharing yours as well. Good thread. | |
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Blisz
| | Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 44 | |
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Blisz
| | Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 45 | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 12:24:59 PM | You know, growing up, I would have never have thought that I would have ever been in an abusive relationship, yet somehow I ended up in one. Let me tell you, it sneaks up on you without warning. Somehow, the argument became 'my fault', and I 'drove him' to the point where he hit me over the head with a cordless phone. Oh he apologized, swore it would never happen again, there was a 'honeymoon' period, but before long, it happened again. It is a cycle, and what happens is the woman develops what is called 'Battered Woman's Syndrome', where she truly believes that the violence is her fault, that if she behaved differently, or was better, then he wouldn't hit her, or hurt her or yell at her.
It took me eighteen months, and almost dying to finally get this man out of my house, and even longer than that to recover emotionally from all the damage he had done to me, but let me tell you, women who are battered are not just from the streets, or uneducated, or from abusive homes....they can be anyone. And I was not stupid when I went back to him time and time again, I was just programmed that the abuse was MY fault.
So don't judge women who are in this horrible situation as idiots, help them. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:29:45 PM | I will be proud to use the word NEVER -NEVER would I be in a relationship where a man verbally or physically abuses me. I will NEVER trap myself into a relationship where I do not find a way out. I was there once and found out how quickly I learned my lession. Will I EVER do it again-NEVER!
I have sworn to both of my children that if they EVER stay in an abusive relationship, I better not find out about it. The rules are very simple -You do not stay in an abussive relationship. You can always replace your stuff ,a life can never be replaced..............How would you feel if he/she put you into a wheelchair for life? How would you feel if after years of abuse you shot your partner and you'll find yourself in jail for murder? Something to think about.
Just for the record ladies ..do you know that if you killed your abusive partner for self defense you probably will get a chair or life sentece in todays court system(cause you stayed there and had a chance of walking away).........yet, if a man kills his wife through abuse......he just may get only 10 years in prison..............still feel like saying "never say never". I am an important individual to my 2 wonderful girls and they always come first...........abusive people will NEVER stay in my life-this is guaranteed 110% | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:49:47 PM | GoodwitchBeth-I truly feel for you.I will never judge anyone for the situation they are in -I would rather say that I am screaming from the top of my lungs the words RUN RUN RUN.
After being there and understanding what abuse is all about.......my heart goes to women who do stay in these relationships-somehow the abussive partner has become your drug.You know he is not good to you but for some reason you lack of courage to walk out.I can honestly say that the reason I stayed for a while was because my father abused me as a child,it was not a "normal day "if I didn't get my beating!!!...........in my mind I felt that it was "ok" to be treated like that .I was just "happy "to "belong " to somebody no matter what.Somehow I felt like a "normal"woman because I"had" a man.
I lived with a "nightmare"..2 days before I gave birth to our child he pulled a gun on my stomach..................do I need to go on????
Again,this is not about judging you or anyone else about staying .....it's about telling you like it is.DO NOT STAY-you are a valuable woman. | |
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| Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:02:12 PM | My answer is NO.
I would not go back. Normally these behaviors repeat and even with therapy it is something they struggle with all their lives ( the aggressiveness towards a partner).
I have heard first hand through a Christian radio broadcast about country singer Wynona's sister Suzie...her husband use to beat her up for the longest time. He is reformed but...he told the interviewer that he struggles every day not to go back to his old behavior.
To me that's just too much to add to a normal life that has the normal amount of stress. | |
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