| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:56:12 PM | So today I had my second first appearance before a judge today to set a date.
Right off the bat I informed the Judge that I would like to schedule a case conference (mediation with a judge). Immediately my ex opposed as she did not want to leave our son at home as she was still nursing him (yet on two occasions now, she has left him with her mother for several hours). The judge informed her that there is no reason that she couldn't bring him with her as a case conference is closed to anyone other than us.
So we were given our slip to schedule our conference.
Both her and I went to th case manager to set up a conference. We were informed that the earliest available date was November 26th, 27th, December 6th, and 7th. My ex turns to me to ask if we could schedule the conference on a Monday or Tuesday so that her mother could watch our son (she just made a big stink in from of the judge about not wanting to leave him home, them wants to schedule the conference so that she could do just that?). I asked when the earliest available Monday or Tuesday would be and was informed that Late December would be the earliest.
Not wanting all the progress that has been made thus far to mean nothing I accepted the later date.
So now is just a waiting game until then. Our Family Justice Counsellor returns from holidays this Thursday, so I am hoping that something more can be worked out in the meantime.
Fingers crossed!!! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:30:10 PM | OP...it seems your ex is giving you a hard time and very limited time with your son.
Hopefully the judge will see all that (and how diligent you have been in paying child support monthly), and give you more days to be with your son .
Your ex is using breast feeding as an excuse but your son is growing and she could easily express the milk and you can feed your son., and thus have longer and frequent time with him. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:38:45 AM | | OP..no comment from you in a while and hope things are better and you are getting more visits with your son. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:27:05 PM | | This is a legal issue, and you should consult an attorney ASAP. Your g/f cannot unilaterally deny you visitation unless there is some just cause--e.g. abuse. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:12:04 PM | I'm in agreement with most of the other posts: Get a pregnancy test. Meet with a male centered attorney, perhaps they have a father's center in your area. start the paperwork now for parental responsibility. But the most important thing you can do is keep a journal of when you see her and the money you give and her state of mind. Cover your butt.
Go the legal system and don't be intimated against it. That is why I would suggest you find a father's legal center and get help from them. Don't try to do this alone. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:31:25 PM | | wait till the child is born get a test and if the child is yours...take her to court...be responsible and hopefully she will grow up...she should think of you and the baby...not just her...good riddance...i have the feeling she has moved on | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:01:16 PM | So things had been going okay for the past little while.
Continued with two hour visit every other week. Last Friday, I received a call two hours prior to my visit informing me that my visit was cancelled by the ex due to the fact that she wasn't feeling well. I was given the option to reschedule for the following week, and then continue the week after that on our regular schedule.
So after not seeing my son for three weeks I was excited that I would get to see him for the two consecutive weeks.
Well low and behold, at yesterdays visit, I find out that the ex has cancelled any further services with the provider after dates had already been confirmed verbally and in writing.
Of course this happens just as she receives several cheques for support for our son.
Now I have no clue as to whether or not I get to see my lil man prior to court in two months time.
And to top things off, she still denies the ability to take and had photos of my son. So in five months, I don’t have a single photo to share with family and friends and keep for myself.
What to do, what to do????? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:41:47 PM | Why don't you take pictures of your son yourself? I can't blame her for not wanting to hand over pictures of him in his younger days. She paid for those pictures, not you, and personally I wouldn't want to have to hand over pictures of my son I paid for to my ex. Ask her to e-mail pictures, that's what I did. You can then upload any pictures she e-mails to walgreens.com, or any place that devolops photos and order re-prints from their website.
What reasons did she have for cancelling visits? Were the visits court ordered? If not, she doesn't legally have to let u see him. If they were, I could imagine u may be able to file contempt unless she has a really good reason for cancelling them, like if the baby is sick or they will be on vacation, etc. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:49:19 PM | good to hear back from you again, albeit under not so good circumstances!
if she is unwilling to carry on with visitation, then im sure that wont look favourably on her in court! Stay in touch with your attorneys, and ask them to ask her why she does not want the visits to go ahead - she may offer up a totally BS excuse, but this will also go against her. Put forward some other ideas for visitation to her via your lawyer, and again wait for her to give BS excuses as to why she cant do it.
Unfortunately, it may mean that you dont get to see him for the next couple of months, but you will have to ride this out for the time being, youre in this for the long game, and once the court orders visitation, then you will have what you want.
she is out of order for not giving you pictures, it does not take a moment to send you one via mms, or email, and it is BS that she doesnt have a picture for you, or will not send you one. The idea about taking your own pics is a good one, but not if you cant see him! mention this to your lawyer too, suggest that you even pay for them, and stump up the money if needs be, and make sure this is documented when she doesnt send you them. This will go against her in court.
keep paying your child support, you being willing to do so, and her being awkward will go against her in court.
whats this next court hearing for? did you get the results of the DNA test thru yet? she is making a rod for her own back here, so keep playing the game and think of the future, i know it must be so difficult for you right now, but just think that once this is over you can have the relationship with your son that you want and he deserves!
stay strong!
Caro xx | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:33:57 PM | One of the terms of the service provider for the supervised visits is that both parents have to consent to have photographs taken. However, since day one she has come up with multiple excuses as to why she will not allow this to happen.
I don’t care for what the cost is of the photos in which she has taken. I have expressed that I will cover any incurred cost associated with this. He has grown up so fast and changes so much between visits.
I would however like to take my own photos. I would like to have my own memories and not just hers.
In our initial hearing to set a date, the judge to instruct her to take many pictures so that I do not miss out on his growing up. She informed him that she had been putting together a scrapbook of our son for me.
Reason she gave for cancelling visits was that it was too far for her to travel. She however was the one who found this place and urged that this be the place the visit take place. Right from the start I offered to pay for a taxicab on a weekly basis in order to see him on a regular basis.
The visits are not court ordered. It was something arranged through mediation with a Family Justice Counsellor. Court is not for another two months. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:56:41 PM | i just read back, and noticed that the judge would rather do this through mediation rather than the courts, im thinking that when you go back he may go for something more formal.
you have done everything possible from what you have said to make this easy on her, paying for cabs etc... so this is not going to look good for her when it goes back in front of the judge.
i think it may only be the judge that can decide now, and with all you have done, and the obvious love you have for your son, it will sway your way.
the next two months are gonna be tough, just hang in there!
Caro | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:59:59 PM | Look she knows you're going to go for full custody of the kid. So if she let you see him whenever you wanted you would be documenting your parenting time with your baby, taking photos and building up a case against her to prove that you are the better more involved parent. By her keeping the kid at a distance from you she is protecting her motherhood. You did not establish a stable loving long term relationship with the mother of your child before you had your son. You are separated and now both of you want full custody of the baby. That would devastate her. that baby means everything to her. You are her worst enemy right now and she is treating you as such.
Dont come on this forum and **** that your ex rarely lets you see your kid and that you have to pay CS because I bet you would be perfectly happy if the roles were reversed and she was the one who was non custodial and was forking out the CS. You would be like Yay! Look at me i'm super dad raising a baby all by myself! Ha i'm the better parent because I have custody!!
What a mess you got youself into. I bet your ex is all stressed out about the thought of losing her kid to you and you are miserable about being the non custodial. You have a long bitter expensive custody battle ahead of you. Woman complain when guys get them pregnant and ditch them but is it really the worst thing that could happen to them? No what is worse is they could get pregnant by a guy obsessed with the baby that would fight a long bitter custody battle to take the kid from her.
So all you single moms on this forum who got pregnant by a dude that ditched you just be like "oh well whatever who needs the loser anyway......" just be glad you didnt get knocked up by a dude like the OP who would put you through a long awful custody battle to make you look like an unfit mother and take your baby from you.
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:15:42 PM | No woman just ups and leaves a man for no reason at all and gives an excuse like that. There is more to this story and you are not telling it.
Either you are holding something back that would make sense of that situation or she is sure the child is not yours. Get a paternity test and remove doubt. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:29:10 PM |
No woman just ups and leaves a man for no reason at all and gives an excuse like that. There is more to this story and you are not telling it.
True, women have all kinds of crazy hormones that make them feel bonded with the father of thier child even if he is kind of a loser. Most single mothers who left the fathers of thier kids got treated so horribly by thier ex's that they had no choice but to leave or be destroyed by him and all the people around her thought that she was crazy for having a baby with a loser like her ex but she didnt see it herself what a loser he was because she was blinded by all those crazy female hormones that made her so attached to him.
What did you do to her to make her leave you, fess up. Most pregnant chicks dont dump the father of thier baby its usually the other way around. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:59:40 PM | HPotters is right there,
The majority of the time we don't want to leave them when we are pregnant with their child.
And the comment he made that she may be under stress worrying about you taking custody of the child from her. That is going to devastate her, we do not go through 9 months of carrying our child to just lose it to someone.
My ex pulled the same thing, only it didn't work because he thought that getting custody meant he could then place my son for adoption to get out of paying support.
Not that I am not for a father taking custody of the children, but geez if it is just to get back at an ex, it is the wrong thing to do the child is the one who suffers the most.
This may just be the main reason why she is staying distant from you, I know when my ex threatened and I had to go on welfare temporarily I didn't even want to give his name because they were going to go after him for support which I had no choice over, and his threat started from there, if anyone found out he was the father then he would proceed with the custody battle.
People need to learn to think about the children, and shorty how do you think that child is going to feel being ripped from his mothers arms if you get custody?
That is also something the judge will look at, unless she is an unfit and abusive parent, they tend not to remove them from where they are especially when they are so young. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:25:30 AM | from what i recall without reading back, shorty doesnt want full custody he just wants to SEE his son! which she is stopping!
Caro | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:45:04 AM | I'm glad to see there are some men who recognize that a man usually has to DO something to a women to make her be vindictive or mean towards him. Too many men act like they are the victim and didn't do a darn thing to be treated meanly by their ex. They act like the women is just pure evil and they couldn't have possibly done anything to make her that way.
Let's see, my ex cheated while I was pregnant, kicked me out, told me to go to a shelter, denied my son for 4 months, is CONSTANTLY accusing me of doing things I couldn't possibly have done, doesn't see our son, doesn't do anything for him (c/s has been ordered, still waiting on the check) yet is angry that I won't do 50/50 custody with him. Acts like I'm not doing it just because I'm vindictive, when in reality I'm not doing it because I don't feel it's best for my son to be aroud someone who has told many females in the past before he found out my son is his that he hoped my baby wasn't his, and still to this day continues to lie to many people about me. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:41:40 AM | Oh yes, because I wanted to trap a balding, broke divorcee with 2 children and an ex wife. If I was going to trap someone, I'd do it to someone with money, not someone who was going broke and already has a c/s payment to make to his other son. Can you sense the sarcasm here?
Tito, u are trying to hijack this thread with little snippy comments towards me. You reeled me in the first time on another thread, but you won't do it this time.
Back to the topic at hand, OP, I think you are probably going to have to wait 2 months to see your son, which sucks cause he might forget about you in that time. But soon enough, if you fight hard enough, you will have him all on your own. Look forward to the day you get to do that and know that a storm always comes before a rainbow. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:32:06 PM | Guys, either get a room or stop biting at one another!
This has been a long standing topic, which is a big deal to the OP. Have some respect!
Constructive comments im sure would be preferential!!!
Caro | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:20:43 PM | | Tito, how does getting pregnant trap a man? They can walk away and often do. I realize the woman could also walk away, but it is usually the other way around. My ex took off condoms without telling me, forced me to have sex while going through a divorce and begged for kids many times. Not once while we were together did he help take care of them - he usually changed his mind about wanting them as soon as I was pregnant. He only wanted kids to trap me. They were to keep me home while he was out drinking and screwing anything that moved. They were also great pawns when he wanted to manipulate, scare and control me. He knew how much I would love them and that he could use them against me. On the other hand, I have never met a man who actually felt trapped by having kids. I am not saying that I am trapped by having to care for my kids - I haven't felt trapped in the last 15 yrs. Having so many kids and no career certainly made it harder to leave him though and that is exactly what he intended. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:09:55 PM | Hpotters,
Looks as though you live in a FICTIONAL world that suits your needs, wants and beliefs.
Get your facts straight! I am NOT SEEKING FULL CUSTODY. That would be unfair of me to do. Neither to him nor his mother.
I am just seeking equal rights to be a part of his life (as stated in many other posts).
So there is no reason for her to stress at the possibility of me trying to take him away from her. Not my intentions in the slightest.
Snap out of your little fantasy world, and face reality. I feel sorry for anyone involved in your life, with all the negativity, and rudeness. You can try and bully your messed up opinions based on fictional information with others, but not me!
Anyone reading your posts can clearly see what a goof and @55 you are. And I find it hard to believe that anyone is buying your BS.
Take care, grow up, and try to enjoy life!
OP | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:23:57 AM | OP...dont waste your energy on negativity.
Remain positive and enjoy your son when you can and keep fighting for your 50% custody for him.
Kids are a blessing and having to give CS is nothing compared to the joy of loving your son. Time will come when you will be able to take pictures of him.
Be patient...it will all work out in the end.
Your ex is who she is and you are who you are...focus on her positive traits...you both have a son to look after and love for the rest of your lives. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:47:20 PM | | Something does not sound right about this, if this was planned in such detail, why would she say she was going to get an abortion and then just leave and is still having the baby? I would say either you have left out some vital information or she is not sure who the father is. | |
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