| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 3/7/2009 10:20:06 AM | The ball has already been put in to play. I have done almost everything that can be done for the time being. Now it is just a waiting game until the child is born, which is disappointing as it takes valuable bonding time away from my son and I. With how slow the legal system is here.
It is quite tragic when a child has to grow up without a father. I know that I beat the odds with that regards. I have seen how negatively it has impacted others, and am thankful that I was able to make best of my situation. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:49:02 PM | | It's too bad that it has to go that route. Perhaps once paternity is established, you can get a court order for visitation. | |
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Javex
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Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 53 | |
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 3/7/2009 10:02:46 PM | Thanks for the comments from your lawyer. I am glad you have one. It sounds like one of those rare birds who have common sense. (FInally! something's going right!)
As in any matrimonial situation, getting an agreement in principle with the baby's mother is always wisest and cheapest. How you go about doing this is really a matter between you and your lawyer, and quite possibly others who care about both of you. Don't rule out your respective moms and dads; they are about to become grandparents and, like all parents, periodically can be very wise.
I strongly recommend that this strategy be kept confidential. All you are trying to do is get the test done, and the rest you can work out over time.
Remember that YOU and the baby's mother are only human, and are allowed to make mistakes. Emotions are running high enough; when you're pregnant it's magnified (I cried watching Alien!) So appeal to her higher nature. Even if you want to wring her neck, reassure her that you are there to work things out with her.
2 months will become 2 weeks will become days. You will have the answer soon. Until then may I suggest erring on t he side of having a little faith in yourself and others recognizing the right thing to do.
Good Luck!
:lau | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 3/7/2009 10:28:52 PM | | k ill say this now but wtf i grew up without a dad and have 2 boys that are doin the same not by my choice i dont understand what she thinkin but it does remind me of my ex and what happened to him its the samething pretty much. tell her you know take her to court get the dna test and fight to be there for ur child start now she far enough along for the dna test best of luck its not easy but if u want to be part of childs life u can be | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 3/7/2009 10:49:24 PM |
Okay, so once it is confirmed that he is my son, would I be an ***hole to seek primary custody or would it be more benifitial to him, to allow her to have primary custody.
No, you would NOT be an a**hole to seek primary custody IF he is proven to be your son. At that point, he is yours and you have every right as a parent to do as you see fit. And since this woman has acted so irresponsibly about hiding the child from you, I highly recommend you do seek primary custody and bring all of this to the courts attention ASAP after the child is born. As in the day he is born, file the papers.
Good Luck :-0 | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/19/2009 8:57:05 PM | | Okay, so earlier today, I was headed home, to find that my ex is walking her dog directly across the street from my house. Now this may seem normal, however she lives 30 - 45 minutes away from here. With all that was mentioned above, what would be the reasoning for doing something like this? Like what am I supposed to do, say, feel or think? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:03:05 PM | Hi there Shorty.
Theres many different reasons as to why she may have been visiting your nieghborhood or why she decided to end the relationship. Dont put yourself through the agony of assuming the reasons. It is difficult to wait and wonder but in time when and if you are the father she will have to open up lines of communication eventually to coordinate visitation sheduals etc. That may be a better time to politely ask her what her reasons were for ending the relationship. It could be something as simple as her prefferences changing to fit the motherhood lifestyle. Being a parent turns your whole lifestyle upside down and it forces a person to grow roots and become more stationary in decisions regarding where to live, who to live with and where to work and unfortunately ones financial situation has alot to do with the decisions having to be made. Her desire to have familly close by and the career choice may have alot to do with her decisions as well. Right now she is being faced with having to make some pretty perminant decisions and it can be quite overwhelming. I will say that it may be best for her to know exactly where you stand in regards to her moving out of the
visitation juristiction. If she moves away and it is determined that you are the father
and you dont want geography to get in the way of your visitation with your child the courts will demand that she move back into the juristiction. So it might save her alot of hassle to know that she cant just pick up and move away without the courts consent.
It might be in her best interest if you ask your lawyer to write her a letter of parental intent for visitation and voice your concerns about your rights before she has the chance to make such concrete decisions. You can have your lawyer politely conclude the letter of intent with a personal message from you as well if you want to send her
best wishes for good health and happiness and your willingness to maintain a friendship with her. Hope this helps.
T | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:43:08 PM | Well if that were the case, you would think that she would have replied "YES" when I approached her and asked if we could talk. Instead she replied "NO", so I said that I would leave then turned around and went home.
It is just insult to injury if you know what I mean. There are like literally dozens and dozens of parks between South Vancouver where she lives, and North Vancouver where I live | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:59:12 AM | | it is a free country and your ex can walk wherever her heart desires., and she can do what she wishes. After all, she is your ex. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:54:35 AM | I don't really understand. She is 7 1/2 to 8 months pregnant. She walks by your house so it should be obvious she is pregnant. So she is not hiding her pregnancy (anymore?)
Have you talked to your ex at all about this? Have you asked her about this baby? Since she seems reluctant to talk have you tried other modes of communication? Have you tried talking to people close to her?
About going for full custody. Unless you can show she is an unfit mother (trying to exclude the father will NOT be sufficient) you won't succeed. The courts prefer joint custody between parents. Also, in the beginning it will be difficult to get 1/2 time access unless the baby is bottle fed. It is generally accepted that breast feeding is better for babies, so if the mother is breastfeeding the baby, the baby needs to be with the mother most of the time. The first visits will be a matter of a few hours, which will increase as the amount of time between nursings increase.
If you truly want what is best for the child, you allow the child to have both a mother and father in his/her life. And you will encourage the mother to breastfeed the baby even if that means you will get less time with the baby at first. Don't do what the mother is doing. Don't try to push the mother out of this childs life. For the best interest of the child, try to get joint custody, not sole custody. With joint custody she will be forced to communicate with you, which, I think is what you want. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:59:12 PM | "in the beginning it will be difficult to get 1/2 time access unless the baby is bottle fed. It is generally accepted that breast feeding is better for babies, so if the mother is breastfeeding the baby, the baby needs to be with the mother most of the time. "
This can not be argued in all most every state even when the baby is breast feeding, the mother can pump and freeze the milk. The tender year docterine: I.E. the mother is best place is dead in all most every state, but judges still tent to rule like it was in place, but judges are getting better at not doing this any more. If a judge makes a ruling on or because of breast feeding it would not stand up. Sad that some judges still rule for the mother in co-parenting set up some times, but the law is clear, breast feeding or the tender years doctern arguments are dead in all most every state. It is the law! The only way it will be come comen place is for fathers to fight for it to and push for at least 50% of the childs time! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:12:46 PM | | once the baby is born, which should be soon according to OP , then paternity test will be done and then OP can file for joint custody. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:44:52 AM | only reason she's avoiding you is perhaps a fact 7 1/2 months ago.. she went out and cheated on you and the baby maybe someone else's.. ive seen females do this before. alot of them plan to get pregnant by a guy..just to have one.. then when something happens in a relationship they actually jump ship and run to someone else when it doesnt work out with that rebounder.. they usually by 100% attempt to go back .. usually OP this means have your lawyer ready because eventually a child support order is on its way.. what can ya say its the "New baby-mama drama"
if i were you, i would focus on myself and work hard let her play those head games meanwhile making sure your lawyer is on top of it once the baby is born.. it cuts out 1000's of hours worth of fighting, arguing.. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:11:13 PM | | All I know is woman do weird things when they are pregnant, try and find a Kebab shop at 2am.........think it has something to do with their chemistry getting out of whack, | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:08:53 PM | | OP is just waiting on the birth of the baby. He is due very shortly, so I have been very busy ensuring that I have covered all avenues. Papers are drawn, sitting waiting to be filed. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/4/2009 12:14:52 AM |
If she did love you, her cheating would be a reason why she'd bail and not tell you at all about the baby.
I think Azureorb said it best. That's the only reason why I could think of her pulling a 180 on you. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/4/2009 11:21:05 PM | Gees there must be something in the water over there if thats the only reason you can think of.
Lifes answer to all relationship problems..... he / she must be cheating | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/5/2009 5:10:24 PM | I am definetly open to this possibility, however being who I am, I would still like to give her the benifit of the doubt. I may be just a little nieve in doing so, but I am willing to accept this!
I just need to know for certain if he is mine of not. Dont need to go on in life wondering "WHAT IF".
This was I can have this chapter finished on go on with life! If you know what I mean! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/5/2009 5:23:27 PM | Shorty, I'd say that there is a 99.9 % chance that you are being Naive! Use the Head on your shoulders this time and demand a Paternity test before you enter the child's life. This is a classic you can't see the forest through the trees. She probably screwed around and felt bad and couldn't go through the abortion process. I would be very shocked if the kid was yours, based solely on her behaviour as you describe it.
Or the worst case is she is waiting to see who the baby resembles and then she will go after the Father. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:35:47 AM |
Lifes answer to all relationship problems..... he / she must be cheating
I was being sarcastic when I said that.......as it seems to be everybody's answer to everything on these forums, there could be many more reasons than that. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:08:45 PM | You really should be prepared for the possibility that the child is not yours, but if I were you, I would contact both her and her family and find out what is going on. If you are the father, you have rights, and don't assume it doesn't start until after that child is born.
I'm sure she had her reasons for severing ties (rational or not), but you need to know what those reasons were, and to get to the bottom of what is going on. If the child is not yours, would you have anything to do with her or the child?
From the data that you have given, your ex seems really self-centered, immature, and certainly not acting in the best interests of her child. But there is always another perspective...you'd better find out what hers is, and sooner rather than later. | |
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