| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:13:57 PM | | Don't settle for that! If you are the father, your child does not have to grow up without either parent, and I'm not just talking about visitation. You have as much right to raise your child as the mother does. If you two cannot reconcile (and really, with as much history as you two have, why not?), then you should seriously consider getting 50% custody. You should let her know this, too, so she has time to rethink this. It doesn't necessarily have to be a war, either. The more amicable your terms, the better it will be for your child. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/10/2009 3:49:40 PM | He has to take his lawyers advice and minimise conflict to start with. She isn't talking.
If she screwed around he will find out if it is his child and can take it from there. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/24/2009 2:56:08 PM | Well I just found out that she is in the hospital as I am writing this. From the sounds of it, she has given birth.
I don't know what to say, or think, or do? My heart is pounding a billions beats a minute and I am shaking. This is not what I was expecting my response would be? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/24/2009 6:41:43 PM | hope baby and mum are doing well.
now to find out if you are the father of the baby.
OP...do u want to be the father of the baby? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/24/2009 9:41:46 PM | Baby WAS born today, and from what was said at the hospital he definitely mine.
Unfortunately this is just the beginning of what will most likely be a long and tedious battle.
So this afternoon I went to the hospital to see that both my Ex and Son were doing well. As I approached her room I could see that there were a couple nurses in there checking on them both. As the room looked a little crowded I decided it better to wait in the hallway until things settled down in there.
As I was waiting, her father came walking down the hallway towards the room as well as myself. As soon as he seen me he charged at me with a clenched fist as I stood there hands at my sides not wanting to provoke him. When he reached me he grabbed me by the collar and neck and pushed my back to the wall and started saying that he should "KILL" me for what I did to his daughter, saying that he considers that the only way that she got pregnant was by either me raping her or poking hole in our condoms. He then started threatening to kick my ass if I didn’t leave.
Well the nurses seen this and heard it and Hospital Security was call and subsequently as were the police. Both of which reviewed the security footage as this occurred directly in front of a security camera. However due to the level of emotions involved nothing was done, with the exception of me being asked to leave.
As I had mentioned to the Security Specialist that my only intentions were to see that my son and ex were in good health, he was able to obtain their permission to inform me that they in fact were doing well and that it was in fact a boy.
So from all the transpired today, it is most likely that there will be no mutual arrangements made between my ex and I, and that the only thing left to do is have my Lawyer file the papers in which we have already drawn up. Not the route I wanted to take, but I am left with no other choice. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/24/2009 9:57:34 PM | Looks like yet another unmarried woman who chose to purposefully get pregnant lying about it to her family. I'm sure she told them all it was an "accident".
I wish you all the best with your son. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/24/2009 11:17:41 PM | OP..have you already had a paternity test to prove that you are definitely the father of this baby?
Babies are always a blessing and once the test proves you are the father, then the rest follows with visitation rights and child support.
congrats, if ur the father of this baby son. Hope you get support from your parents too.
you sound like a good man and hope things work out for you and the baby(if he is really yours). | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/25/2009 6:07:54 AM | I think you should go through the legal system, because they will require a blood test to see if the baby is yours? (Don't assume) You should do that now.
Also, going through the legal system can force you guys into family court counseling so you can decide on visitation and it might come out why she left.
If you still love you, tell her, don't harass her, but send her flowers and let her know you want to be there and her to tell the truth to her parents so your son doesn't suffer.
Never give her cash, always give her checks or money order. Keep your receipts for anything you buy, in case you go to court you can prove you have supported your child. Also Keep a journal with dates and pictures every time you visit your son, so she can never say you were a dead beat Dad to the court. The legal system can be sterile, but you have to protect yourself, if you are the father.
Women unusually get emotional when they are pregnant, she may have gotten scared that you couldn't provide her the stability she was used to when she grew up.
I would also let her parents know you want to take on your responsibilities. Send her mother a letter telling the truth with proof from the doctor's office visits you guys had together. Put stuff in the letter that the mom can check to that you are telling the truth. Parents can come between you and your baby, because they are supporting her. That probably why she lied so that they would.
Don't be a dummy and not get a Paternity Test. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/25/2009 6:11:05 AM | Get a copy of a written report of what happen, so they can't lie later and use that against you in court. I used to work for Family Court Services that why I know how guys get screwed.
All will work out, don't blame her she is an emotional mess. Things may work out. Follow your heart and understand. Supporting her and making sure she is SANE is making sure your kid is being raised by a sane mother.
Are you sure she didn't suspect your were cheating? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:39:15 AM | Always,
No a paternity test has yet to e done. However, I have an appointment first thing tomorrow with my Lawyer to get the ball rolling.
Yesterday her parents did admit to me, hospital security, and the VPD (Vancouver Police Department) that I was in fact the father, but were in denial that it was a planned pregnancy.
I now know in my heart without a doubt that he is in fact mine, but regardless of how I feel, to satisfy all involved a paternity test is still a must.
No support from parents on my side as stated earlier I never had or knew my father, and have not had a mother more than half my life. However I do have a network of GREAT friends as well as extended family. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:43:36 AM | Was very weird yesterday.
I had this strange gut feeling that told me that the baby had been born. I immediately called the hospital and sure enough both my ex and the baby were there and doing well. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:11:10 PM | | My only thought is this is probably not a good time to be confrontational, after all I think you should be thinking about whats in the best interests of your child, and also his mother(no matter how wrong you think she is) as well, these are all things that can be sorted out and not neccessarily done immediately. To be frank I can understand the fathers reaction depending on what he has been told as well, as it is quite possible that he hasnt been told exactly what is going on. I would probably start looking into sitting down with them through a conciliation meeting arranged by your lawyers to find out exactly what they have been told, and correct that first. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:23:38 PM | Application to obtain an Order was filed with the Provincial Court of British Columbia for the following:
- DNA Paternity Testing
- Joint Custody
- Joint Guardianship
- Equal Access
- Maintenance for a child (against myself)
- Non-removal of child from Jurisdiction
- Father’s name to be put on Birth Certificate
Booked appointment to see Family Justice Counsellor as instructed to do so.
Signed up for 'Parenting after Separation’, as instructed to do as well.
Application given to Process Server to be served upon the EX.
Now all that is left to do is wait it out. Sucks, but you have got to do what you have to do! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:25:08 PM | Good for you! I hope everything goes your way.
I can't wait to see what happens when your ex has to admit to her family that this pregnancy was PLANNED by both of you, and that you aren't just some guy that "knocked up" their innocent daughter. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:13:32 PM | The Father should know better. it is all very well loving your children but loving them and believing everything they say are not the same. Far too many self styled good parents that do this sort of thing.
The biggest issue you have right now is the time this is all going to take if she digs in but the law is on your side.
Confrontation wont help you I'm afraid and atm it is 1 nil to you on that front.
Go lawyer route and concentrate on your career and dating.... | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:27:22 PM | OP...only two things can happen now...
DNA test will say baby is NOT yours and your ex can pay for legal fees /test and you can get a closure and move on.
DNA test will say baby is yours and you can love and enjoy him for the rest of your life and also be responsible for him (which is what you want) and remain on good terms with your ex for the sake of the baby.
You are going to be a great dad...you sound very matured and responsible...kudos to you. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:09:19 PM |
The Father should know better. it is all very well loving your children but loving them and believing everything they say are not the same. Far too many self styled good parents that do this sort of thing.
That made me laugh, when your talking about your own children, knowing better and protecting them from perceived harm doesnt always necessarily come in the right order. "Self styled good parents" as a parent my family comes first even before myself at times, some things are just a natural instinct, I actually find that statement very condesending, and quite pompus and probably from someone who hasnt had a great deal of experience with life let alone parenthood. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:53:24 AM | WOW!!! I just finished reading this thread and three thoughts come to mind:
1) She cheated on you and the baby is not yours/or she wasnt sure it was yours
2) If she didnt cheat on you, then why wouldnt she want your help with your child? Parenting is not easy and it certainly isnt easy being a single parent. So, with not knowing any background on both of you (what you do for a living, what she does, can you care for a child, can she, what kind of support system both of you have), the only reasons I can come up with as to why she doesnt want you involved are only bad reasons.
3) What on earth did she tell her parents to make her dad react the way he did? How old is she anyway? I could understand him acting this way if she was a minor, but if she is in her 20's like you, then why did he act that way? You showed up to the hospital, you checked on her. You showed by your actions that you want to see your son; it's not like you chose to abandon her or the baby.
Also, if you guys decided to settle down and try for a baby, why didnt you try for a marriage first?
This story seems rather odd. Guess because I have never personally witnessed anything like this (hell, I am used to seeing or hearing how a woman wants the father to be involved and the father wants no part of it). | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:12:25 PM |
Also, if you guys decided to settle down and try for a baby, why didnt you try for a marriage first?
THAT is an excellent question. I wonder about that not only in the case of this OP, but in the case of the many, many people who plan to have children but aren't married where the woman ends up being a single mother.
In the cases where the woman decides by herself that she's going to get pregnant without consulting the man, I almost feel like some of them are thinking to themselves that they are sick of waiting around for a marriage proposal, so they are going to take matters in their own hands and force the issue via a baby. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:22:29 PM | | i tell ya Future, the one part that gets me is the OP said they BOTH decided they wanted to settle down and have a kid and then she gets pregnant... BAM she wants an abortion. Did she change her mind? Did the OP "exaggerate" what his GF said or wanted? Did he coax her into it? No way of knowing. I will be waiting to hear how this all turns out. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:35:35 PM | Received confirmation that she was served with papers today! YAY, one step closer!
Meet with Justice Counsellor tomorrow.
Time to ensure house is baby proof, as well as getting the spare room ready (Carpet and paint). Oh so much to do! | |
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