| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:46:00 PM |
I will be waiting to hear how this all turns out.
Me, too.
A lot of pregnancies happen the way it did in the OP's story, and then the girl says it was an accident because she is afraid of what people (like her family) will think about the two of them (especially her) planning a baby before they are married. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:46:56 PM |
Time to ensure house is baby proof, as well as getting the spare room ready (Carpet and paint). Oh so much to do!
AWESOME!!! Thanks for keeping us posted! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:26:47 PM | OP...wow! you sure are working fast with getting a room ready for the baby.
what happens if you are not the father? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:14:27 PM | I have already been in the process of redoing the floor anyways, so no biggy there. And as for the painting, I plan on priming the walls in the meantime, once it is confirmed, I will go with a baby theme.
Just gives me something to keep occupied which helps to keep the mind off of everything else. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:49:09 PM | Im sorry for everything that is happening to you.
I relate a lot to what you are going throuhg. I have a 3 month olf baby girl, and I wish my ex would have being involve wiht her. He has made no attemp to see her or know about her. For my personal experience I would say try to get close to your ex first. Try to be good to her, she is pregnant wiht your child... and everything that she feels the baby feels. So try to be there for her and to be involve in the baby's stuff. Try to go to prenatal classes wiht her and be there for her. A child experiences the world through his mother. Dont fight with her tho, the only one that you will be hurting is your son. Even if it doesnt makes much sense, babys are the once that suffer when they are in the womb and their mother is going through rought times. My daughter is a very nervous baby thanks to the hell of a life he gave me. I dont know you but from the bottom of my heart be good to her at least until the baby is born.
If this doesnt work out then you are going to hava to go throught a case conference in court. It will definally messed things up wiht your ex, but I think your son is first. It is a very uncomfortable situation but you need to find a way to get access other wise she can just not let you see him and is nothing you can do to make her.
Best of luck! | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:51:18 PM | | PS: don't make the huge mistake of asking for a DNA test in court. That will be just very insulting, not to her but to your son. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:54:22 PM |
PS: don't make the huge mistake of asking for a DNA test in court. That will be just very insulting, not to her but to your son.
Why will it be insulting to a baby? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:11:53 PM | | Because that is denying a child. Plus he was living wiht the girl! and if he counts the months he will then know the baby was really his... | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:17:44 PM |
Because that is denying a child. Plus he was living wiht the girl! and if he counts the months he will then know the baby was really his..
Well, if women don't want a paternity test done, stop having children out of wedlock. Society has no way to determine who the fathers of children are without a marriage other than by testing.
Besides, the baby has no idea what's going on in court, anyway. That is ridiculous. The questioned paternity says more about the mother than the baby. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:26:21 PM | Yeah and once that baby grows up and finds out what happend?
I dont need your critics, I hate your logic is very disrespectful...
If you dont agree wiht me then shut up! keep it to yourself, | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:32:21 PM | Yeah and once that baby grows up and finds out what happend?
I dont need your critics, I hate your logic is very disrespectful...
If you dont agree wiht me then shut up! keep it to yourself,
So are you going to tell your child about all the court proceedings? Why are you so afraid of a DNA test?
Why do you think you have the right to tell any poster to "shut up?" | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:34:27 PM | I wont need to tell her, I know she will eventually find out... Kids always find out...
BECAUSE I AM SICK OF YOUR CRITICS. I respect the way you think, so I dont need you telling me what to think, specially when I am going throught it | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:44:26 PM |
I wont need to tell her, I know she will eventually find out... Kids always find out...
BECAUSE I AM SICK OF YOUR CRITICS.
I think you mean my critiques.
I respect the way you think,
Do you respect the way I think, really? Thank-you.
so I dont need you telling me what to think, specially when I am going throught it
I am not telling you what to think. I don't even know if that is possible, to tell another person what to think. One person can share their opinion with another person, though, and that is what a public forum is all about. If you don't like that, perhaps you should just privately email back and forth with the people that you want to converse with? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:12:41 AM | Actually most kids have ways of finding most things out eventually, even before they are born they react to external influence's such as music, and voices. Obviously if Grandpa had been riled up because the father went to the Hospital she isnt denying he is the father, and to be honest seems like there is plenty of time for a paternity test.
There seems to me to be a lot more going on here than girl falls pregnant runs screaming home to mummy and daddy even if the OP doesnt see it. To me it stands out fairly obviously, OP knows how he feels about the situation, but no idea what the childs mother is thinking or why she reacted the way she did.
My 20cents worth maybe nothing but whats best for the child seems a far cry from this. Sometimes what may seem like a backward step will get you further forward. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:06:10 AM |
and to be honest seems like there is plenty of time for a paternity test.
Why? Why should the op have to sit around and wait to find out if he is a father or not?
He has already gone 9 months wondering if she even was going to have a baby or not.
My 20cents worth maybe nothing but whats best for the child seems a far cry from this.
A far cry from what exactly? | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:38:43 AM |
There seems to me to be a lot more going on here than girl falls pregnant runs screaming home to mummy and daddy even if the OP doesnt see it. To me it stands out fairly obviously, OP knows how he feels about the situation, but no idea what the childs mother is thinking or why she reacted the way she did.
My 20cents worth maybe nothing but whats best for the child seems a far cry from this. Sometimes what may seem like a backward step will get you further forward.
I agree, there is something going on here and I dont believe that the OP is giving all the information. Way too many inconsistencies in his story and he is coming across a little too obsessed and fixated on this. He keeps referring back to his childhood and how his relationship with his father has impacted his life, I think that the OP wanted children alot more than this woman and was pressuring her to have a baby. If you listen to what he is saying, this child represents something to him that I dont think is all that healthy, sounds like he is the male equivalent to women having children so they have someone to love...
I would not be surprised if this woman had enough of the OP, found herself pregnant, but could not abort the baby when the time came, and knowing the OP, hid what was going on in order to have some peace in her life. The fathers reaction to him is very telling ,and I am sure there is a very different side to this story that we would get from the woman in question here. I would like to know how old this woman is by the way. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:28:10 AM | | The advice you are seeking should be from a lawyer. There are a whole host of issues starting with possible contested paternity, your parental rights, child support, custody/visitation schedules and so forth. Its nice to have forum opinions on your situation but do your self a favor and get your advice from the right place. If you had multiple compound fracures after an ATV accident you wouldn't be coming on here seeking medical opinions on how to get better? I hope not. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:10:39 PM | My only thoughts center around the fact that everyone here seems to be treating the child as a possession, even being a mere male I recognise that before a child is born and after pregnancy can be a difficult time for the mother, and I think that if you read through what the OP has already stated such as the fact that he rung the hospital so knew the child was born and was alright and then went to the hospital anyway I cant believe that he thought that everyone would be happy to see him after all that time considering the circumstances (confrontational comes to mind), sure I recognise he has legal rights if he is the father, but being a father myself and having been one for sometime now, I think there is a proper time for everything and I am suggesting that maybe this isnt it, not just for her sake, the child sake, but his also.
He has already got his legal advice but since when have lawyers had principles, they work for clients , they do what their client asks then to do inside the workings of the law, it doesnt mean its always the best course of action to take. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:18:31 PM |
to be honest seems like there is plenty of time for a paternity test.
To you maybe, but why should I be denied bonding time with a child that may be mine. If it turns out that he is indeed my child I don’t want to seem like a stranger. I don’t want to miss out on his firsts. No would/should anyone else for that matter.
There seems to me to be a lot more going on
Well not really, unless you get into each and every little detail. Which I have spoken to in depth with my closest friends. I have been assured that they have no relevance to the situation at hand. What I have said in previous posts (Which many don’t seem to read before giving advice), is the just of it.
Everyone keeps coming up with the same advice and opinion, hormones due to pregnancy kicked in and once she started digging a hole it kept getting deeper and deeper until it was too late, or she cheated and the child was not mine.
If there is more to it, then I must be denser that I thought I was. But I have asked her several times for an explanation other that what I was aware of and no response. I am always open to feed back, as I am more than willing to learn from my mistakes and grow. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:27:24 PM | Clambroth,
I am one who likes to be prepared for anything.
Being on this forum is only to get an honest opinion from an outside perspective. Sometimes friends and family only say what they think that you want to hear. Asking here, allows for an unbiased opinion as you can clearly see that I have gotten many of both positive and negative.
Keeping people posted is only fair and allows others to learn from my situation.
If you read previous posts you would know that I do indeed have a lawyer who is now handling the situation as I tried the amicable approach with no luck. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:04:37 PM | Grizzelda,
Please refer to previous two posts as they both contain some insight to what you had to say.
What is it that seems unhealthy exactly?
Just out of curiosity where is there inconsistencies in my situation (have you read all posts?)?
How do I seem obsessed and fixated? If you were in my shoes, what would you do differently?
As for referring back to my childhood, it is only to state and shoe where and what I have learned and gained from my experiences growing up.
I can assure that I wanted to start a family no more than my ex. I was not the first one to bring it up, but was definitely open to the idea, and as our relationship grew so did the desire. Having a couple (my younger brother and his girlfriend) along with their adorable daughter living in my basement probably watered that seed that was already planted and lead to further discussion. If I wanted children so bad, I could have had many by now. However, I was always waiting for the right person and the right time.
Now considering that my ex and I had known one another since we were thirteen years old, and the fact that we had a thing for one another since then but never acted on it, that we one day began getting closer and closer to one another (hence starting our dating relationship), that we moved in together, both of us had good careers, and had even discussed marriage (which we would have been engaged prior to conception had I proposed like I wanted, but was just waiting for the perfect moment (by the way, she even gave me her mother’s engagement ring to do so with)) came the thought and mutual discussion of children.
Prior to this, we both practiced safe sex. She was on birth control and I ALWAYS wore a condom. Now if she was unwilling to have a child, she and I didn’t have to go and see her family doctor to make an action plan. She could have continued taking her birth control. She did not have to discuss with many of her friends who have children methods to improve chances of conception, of the frequency of intercourse. She did not have to engage in multiple sessions daily, nor did she have to bring up baby names, or discuss nursery options.
My ex was very verbal and if she had a problem with something she would bluntly say it. Which is one thing I love about her? No need for sugar coating.
As previously stated in prior posts, my EX and I are the same age; we will both be 26 later this year. | |
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| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:17:01 PM | Wherever the parent of a child goes, he/she has to inform the biological father/mother of their whereabouts. If she leaves the country with the child you believe to be yours, then you have every right in the book to pursue her legally and get custody of your child if he is yours. You can also get a test in utero done. I would go the route of filing for a paternity test through the court system to prove you're the child's biological father. In the state of Arizona, the Supreme Court system does not discriminate between the mother or father. They rule on the basis of the child best interests.
Good luck! | |
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