| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:26:49 AM | Shorty congratulations, I hope it all goes well.
In answer to the other question the advice I gave Shorty was first hand, I accomplished more by not putting the mother in a postition where we were constantly arguing, to me its more important for the child for the parents actually resolve the problems the parents are having, courts very rarely leave 2 happy parties when they resolve the issue, where as counciling has a better success rate if both of them are open to it. | |
|
| |
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:31:50 PM | | OP..."fathers day" is coming up...wonder what that means for you. What was the result of the paternity test? | |
|
| |
| |
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:26:26 PM | Alrighty, here goes.
Last Wednesday I received a call from the BC Provincial Court Family Justice Counsellor whom I have been dealing with. She called to inform me that she has been in contact with my ex and has gone over my concerns and the orders that I was requesting of the court.
So my ex has informed the FJC that she would rather have these matters dealt with through mediation as opposed to having to go to court. Which in my opinion is a win win situation as these matters can be worked out much quicker with the both of us cooperating and being open minded.
Apparently my ex was confused as to why I was seeking a Paternity test in the order. I explained to the FJC that there was not a doubt in my mind but due to the way the situation had been handled, it was better to be safe than sorry (Don't worry the Paternity Test is still being done as a formality, however I feel as though that issue has already been resolved with her admission of me being his father.).
Of course there were other concerns about me wanting 50/50 Custody, Access, Guardianship due to the fact that she is currently breast feeding and not wanting to cause nipple confusion and whatnot. I came up with a few different options and am willing to be flexible to this. I am still seeking the 50/50 order so that there is no reason for us to have to go through this again further down the road.
There was also the concern of me taking a parenting course (which I have already booked), so this is not an issue.
Now because we have not talked since last September, there was the concern that we no longer know one another so we are communicating separately with the FJC.
The Ex also wanted to make sure that I was aware of the fact that anything that happens from here on is for our son. She wanted assurance that none of this was in hope of getting back with her, but for looking out for his best interests. I gave my assurance that I had no intentions and that I only wanted a relationship with my son, and to be civil with her and her parents.
The FJC informed me that she would be passing on me responses first thing tomorrow and would be getting back to me right after to let me know of the outcome from their conversation.
Oh yeah, and e JC has seen my boy and informed me that he is a very cute child and was looking very healthy.
I have not seen or held him as of yet. But I am hoping that might change very soon.
Anyways, that is all I know for know, and will of course update of any changes!
Thanks for staying tuned! | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:17:52 PM | OP...congrats on being the father and might as well change in your profile that you have children.
Hopefully you will hold your son very soon. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:59:44 PM |
There was also the concern of me taking a parenting course (which I have already booked), so this is not an issue.
So is she also taking or has she taken a parenting course?
and congrats, hope this goes smoothly from here on out. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:10:26 PM | That is great news. If you find out why she left you in the first place, please tell us!!!! ok that's a little nosy, but oh well.  | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:51:14 AM | Thunderscribe maybe next time you should read the post because that absolutly makes no sense he explained that it was planned
As for the OP I think there is a chance she knows that its not yours and didn't want to face that possibility and considered the abortion but changed her mind so you should be prepared for the fact that it isn't yours | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:55:27 PM | Well looks like I got my hopes up a little prematurely.
Spoke with the FJC yesterday afternoon, and was informed that between last Wednesday and yesterday my EX is no longer as willing to allow my involvement in my sons life. The only way that she would be willing to allow me to see his is under structured supervision.
What a hit this was. Looks like there is going to be no other choice but to proceed with going through the court and presenting my case in front or a judge.
Will give this (Mediation) just a little more time. However, I have no intention of selling myself short when it comes to being a part of my son’s life. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:26:15 PM | Why does she have the right to demand that? What if you decided to make her have the structured visits and you have full custody?
Is your name going to be on the birth certificate?
I hope you get the best lawyer around. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:33:51 PM | OP...best for the court to decide.
seems like your ex does not wish to co-operate and is not very fond of you.
get the paternity test done ASAP. | |
|
| |
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:11:19 PM | Wish I could be more optimistic but I realllly get the strong feeling that he is not the daddy. Not unless there is a rather large portion of the story missing.
How could it be that life was all Rosy for them as a couple, they skip down to the OBs office, he hand feeds her vitamin C tabs, yaddayadda & then suddenly...with no mention to him of a late/missed period...he just happens to come home one day & finds her researching abortion clinics...within 24 hrs of her finding out she was expecting?!?! I know all about hormones but 24hrs? She didn't even have time to process that info.
Then she tells him (rather coldly it seems) that there are no if &s or buts about it...she's terminating. If that were her intent, she'd really have no reason to move out so quickly.The fact that she didn't discuss anything at all with the OP in regards to her possibly being pregnant or with her decision to get the abortion seems pretty secretive on her part,,,,,yes? And why would one who was intentionally trying to get pregnant feel the need to keep all of this a secret. Seems to me she cheated, wasn't sure who the father is (still isn't) & now she's backed into a corner. What to do?
She refused to talk to him, broke it off with no explanation so it seems & I'm sure she knew that at some point he would find out that she in fact had a baby but I bet she was hoping that if she were cold & distant enough, he would just drift out of the picture never to be seen or heard of again & then she wouldn't have to deal with the web of lies she created. What solidified this conclusion for me, was the fact that one day she was willing to settle things in mediation UNTIL she realized that even in mediation, paternity testing was still going to be apart of the process. She specifically asked why there was a need for a paternity test, when anyone with half a brain would understand why there would be a need.
She really trying very hard it seems to avoid the situation & the paternity test all together. I can only see one reason why with the info provided. I know OP says he doesn't think she could ever do a thing like cheat but I bet he also never thought she'd do anything like she has in the last 9 months. One only has to watch the Maury Povich show one time to see that things like this happen on a daily basis & I will be shocked if the child is in fact the OPs. JMO | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:19:01 AM |
I am saddened anytime I hear a father wanting to be in his child(ren)'s life and being denied that opportunity by a selfish mother. This could also be reversed! I did everything I could to get my son's father to take an interest in him when we split up (our son was 5 at the time) but No... he was not interested and still is not particularly interested. Do not tar all mothers as being selfish and denying the father their rights!
OP - I hope things do work out for you - this is going to be a long and bumpy road as you are already finding out. You say that your ex has taken a U-Turn in matters, maybe this is down to baby-blues, maybe she is just wary - without the full story and background people are going to come to their own conclusion. No matter what, be there for your son. Good Luck  | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:42:52 PM | June 29th, 2009
So this morning I went to the Vancouver Provincial Court House as the thirty day response period had expired on Friday (June 26th, 2009).
I went to the Family Services Clerk to see if there was a response to my application. And sure enough just as I expected, I was informed that my EX had filed a response at the last moment on Friday afternoon.
So now I have to wait yet another month before I can see a judge and present my case. This means that my son will be three months old before I am allowed to see or hold him.
So in the EX's reply, she obviously agreed with *maintenance for a child, *Guardianship, and *DNA Paternity Testing (But the Father (myself) must pay.
The Ex disagreed with *Custody, *Access, *Non-Removal of Child from Jurisdiction, and *Father's name on Birth Certificate.
She is now seeking Sole Custody and Supervised access due to Anger Management Issues (Yet I have NEVER so much as raised a hand or made a threat (Verbal or Physical), and Lack of Child Care Experience (Which is funny as I probably have more than ten time the experience that she does as I have many nieces and nephews and friends with children that I interacted with).
Just because the Birth Certificate has been processed, she does not want to change the information as it is (Which is Fraudulent on her behalf as both Parents are required to sign the forms unless the father in unknown or poses a risk to the child).
She also disagrees with equal access only because he is breast feeding and thinks that it is not beneficial to our son to interrupt this. Yet a child is entitled to have an equal relationship with both parents. There are breast pumps and formula (I know people will bring up the idea of Nipple Confusion, but this reason alone should not prevent a parent from having equal time with their child.).
On top of all of this she is seeking Sole Custody as well as a Restraining Order (due to the fact that I had approached her and her mother when they were walking her dog in front of my house (and immediately left when she stated that she was not interested in talking), because I had a copy of the ultra sound photo (which was posted on a public web page), because I was at the hospital just after my son was born and left when I was asked to so as not to create any conflict, because I had her served at her new address (which was/is listed), and Lastly because her Father grabbed me by the throat, pushed me into a wall waving his fist in my face while threatening to "kill me".
I was trying to be civil and fair. I never brought up her drug addictions (cocaine and alcohol), the verbal threats in which she made the day that I packed up her belongings, or the stories that she has informed me of stuff that her father has done.
I see my Lawyer this Friday, and it looks like it is time for the gloves come off.
Have already been in contact with a few dozen friends with children and have asked for a letter from each stating their opinion of me, the way I am with children, and how they would think of me as a father. Each and every one was eager and more than willing to do so! | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:49:16 PM | | Wow, I know its tough, but just try to stay as cool as a cucumber. I hope you get custody of some sort soon! | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:20:49 PM | OP...has the paternity test already been done and if so when do you get the results?
Also when she had the miscarriage was that your baby?
Seems you have a long road ahead of you in legal matters regarding the baby...so sad for you and the baby. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:40:37 PM | OP...if you can get "character references" from your boss and other adults that know you (not related to you).
Make sure you make copies of it and write down everything that happens between your lawyer and in court .
Do not trust your ex or her friends or her family members and dont discuss this issue with them....as they could twist your words and jeopardize your chances in court.
Be very cautious/smart who you trust and share this issue with.
Good luck! | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:22:44 PM | OP...be thankful you did not get married to your ex.
Too bad she is acting so difficult regarding the baby.
Hope your next update here will be positive for you and the baby. | |
|
| PLANNED PREGNANCY GONE........????
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:02:58 AM |
I was trying to be civil and fair. I never brought up her drug addictions (cocaine and alcohol), the verbal threats in which she made the day that I packed up her belongings, or the stories that she has informed me of stuff that her father has done.
I have read all of your prior posting from the first (march 1) to the June 29th post. I find it very fishy that you JUST now mention that she used drugs, made verbal threats and informed you about things her father did.
Prior to this I understood that you wanted custody and wanted to see this child, but now I wonder to what extent you will go to make this true. I wonder if you'll try to ruin her reputation and chances of being a mother to her son just for your own needs.
I do applaud you for wanting to be involved and help support your son. Many people (men and women) do not care about there children and would rather do anything than assume responsibility for them. However, I wonder what made her leave. I do agree with others, it is possible she cheated; it is possible she really did not want children but went along because YOU did. The sudden changing of her mind does make me wonder if she truly wanted children or if she just wanted to make you happy.
I also agree a paternity test is a must, and until you get 100% confirmation you should NOT get your hopes up. There is ALWAYS a chance that child is not yours.
Jen | |
|
Home
login 
