|
|
|
|
|
| | You have kids….do you let him stay over?Page 3 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) |
.I am sickened at what people put their kids through
Me too.
daisypetals01 - you nailed it:
I have a few women friends who didn't think anything was wrong about having their current "love" stay the night while their kids were young and at home. They pay for it to this day. Here is three of their stories. Sound familiar?
First woman: Her two sons do not speak to her to this day. They left home at 17 and 18 yrs of age and left calling her a 'Ho'. This was approx. 10 yrs ago and she is heartbroken. Why did they have this attitude towards her? She has sadly found out after a court-ordered counselling session because she was suicidal. She has nobody in her life now. Here's what she has learned.
Having different men over during their growing up years and watching their mother desperately try to get a relationship going with all of them by using her sexuality to the maximum destroyed any credibility in their eyes for her. They saw her go through the high swings of a new romance to the depressive lows of a doomed fling. They saw their mother put all of these men first while they tried to function with their own daily needs.
These boys missed out on a mother's nurturing. Her energies were all for the current man. Most of these men were not nice to the boys.
Second woman: Similar story. Except that he finally started talking to her when he got engaged. The daughter-in-law wanted mother and son to re-unite. His only demand to her? DO NOT BRING A MAN TO THE WEDDING. To this day he refuses to meet the man that she finally has had in her life for three years. He had met too many of the other kind. The ones that pass through and made his mother cry.
Third woman: Her daughter refuses to talk to her. Apparently not one but most of the "passing through the night" men that she brought home also had ideas of fun with the daughter. The last one forced a rape on her. She went to live with her father for the rest of her teen years. She is now twenty-eight and is sickened by the parade of men that her "party" mother brought home before, during and after she left. Her mother blamed her for leading the men on. She treated her daughter like a maid, making her serve these men food and alcohol.
Then about 3 years ago the mother wanted to re-unite with her daughter. She has nobody in her life and is lonely, too. Her daughter said NO. The mother was so devasted and cried that she had made mistakes, can't she be forgiven for them? She is now in counselling learning that she has to be responsibile for the mistakes she made. Just saying sorry doesn't cut it. Actions do.
The lawyers files, the jails, the psychiatrist's files are filled with stories of mentally and emotionally broken people who were the recipients of careless parenting. Especially from promiscuous parents who have no idea what effects their behaviour has on their own children...
Just reading some of the threads on here.....I am sickened at what people put their kids through.
I grew up with 'one' of those mothers. So did my younger sisters. That was a lot of years ago .. I had hoped that women these days knew better..
 | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 4:19:20 PM | If the relationship is of a serious nature (e.g. more than a year, and showing long-term potential), then yes, I think it would be fine for children to meet the person, and eventually the person can stay overnight. But if you're talking about a strictly sexual relationship, then no, children should not be exposed to their parents' sexual adventures.
I have met recently separated parents who seem to go a bit crazy with their new-found freedom, and are excited to introduce their children to the new boyfriend or girlfriend. This is just selfish. Adults may be thrilled and happy, but children may not (and most likely do not) share your excitement. They may still want Mom and Dad to be together. So the adults need to be "adults".(imagine that!).. and do what is best for their children. Give them time to adjust to the changes. Give them time to adjust to the idea that mom has a friend, etc. And be certain that the person you are involving in your children's lives is worthy of that involvement. Your children deserve no less. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:53:57 PM |
I am sickened at what people put their kids through
Frankly, I'm sickened by the people who think there are only 2 extremes - ho or virgin.
The examples cited where the children were 'damaged' are by revolving door,ahem, relationships.
While the age and maturity of the child should be taken into consideration, I know that I was not damaged (nor my brother or sister) by my mother having a steady bf (now husband of 30+ yrs) sleep over. We were p.o.'d and continue to hold against our father that his gf was 9 months pregnant when we met her and they married (now married 40 yrs). Her way of trying to convince us it was ok (still makes my jaw drop) "your father and I never spent the night together".
After the (bad) example my parents set for how a man and woman relate to each, I appreciated that I had at least one (short because I left for college 3 yrs later) example of a loving man and woman to watch when my mom's bf moved in.
So, put me in the camp of those who say it goes without saying you should take the age and maturity of your own children into account. But, my experience is that it's worse to try to hide it (i.e. guest leaves before the kids wake up), or presume that kids can't handle it and will be damaged forever. | |
|
| |
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 6:17:42 PM | Nope..I'll NEVER sleep with anyone with my children in the house UNLESS we were living together obviously, engaged or married. In other words they knew it was a serious long term relationship!
As a parent I've never allowed my children of any age to sleep with their boyfriends or girlfriends or even have them in their bedrooms to entertain them so as a parent I'm going to practice what I preach, set a good example, and live by the same rules.!!!
Yes what we do as adults is up to us and oftentimes different than how we guide our children BUT, it's difficult enough to teach without having them disrepect us for things we do, but say they can't do not to mention that all reasoning would go out the window once they see us doing it. Because this is MY house just doesn't cut it!
I’ll use my personal situation to explain the following…….
Dating someone with children is hard enough on its own right, but to now impose these unrealistic "rules" seems absurd and highly counterproductive in my opinion. I don't know...I've never had a problem with anyone I've dated because they know I'm a good mother and my "rules" are very realistic and there for a reason. Every parent has a right to raise their children how they see fit so hopefully the person they date cares about them enough to understand their choices.
I don't need kids to figure out that the very implications you've made just don't fit the presumed intent...which is to have a healthy "new" relationship. Aren't most relationships considered healthy "new" ones when they begin? And how many of those relationships do you think last? Nowadays...most don't so one could be in several "new" relationships over a course of a short time. For my child to see me sleeping with various men I may trust to last but don't work out, would be more harmful than good. I don't want them to sleep with "new" partners I want them to get to know them first and develop feelings for them and I can't explain in any logical manner that "this time I know it's different and he's the right one!". I know that may not seem realistic to some but that's my morals and values that I wish to pass down to them.
Not only that but the way they change boyfriends/girlfriends I'd have several young adults sleeping over all the time IF it were an acceptable policy! Try arguing "well we love each other" only to hear "well we love each other too and love can't be measured so why can't we express our love in my bedroom?". NOPE...I say.."Get a hotel hotshot!" lol
How is that possible when he's gonna hear "No, we can't do a sleep over for the next 8 years, or unless my kid runs away, or I can dump him/them off on the ex"? I’m very responsible and my child would never hear something like that nor would the person I’m dating. He would know my reasons ahead of time and IF he wanted to sleep together so bad and I felt the same, we'd go to his place, get a hotel, or do it when my child wasn't home. As I've said, I've never had a problem with anyone I've dated and my sex life was always very active with the person I was involved with. We always knew each other and respected as well as trusted each other with the things that were important to us as parents.
Wanna get a man to run...there's a sure fire way to do it. Impose even MORE "rules" on the relationship. It's not a rule imposed on the relationship and he shouldn't take it personally...it's a rule imposed on my children that he has to understand as a parent I have to guide them by setting an example. If he couldn't understand that...he's not making it in this relationship.
So just from what I read here and some of the replies...you'd rather bring your child up in an air of ignorance then? Hide the reality of life (see: moving on) from him/them? Seems kinda silly and selfish if you ask me. Definitely not the way I'd choose to raise my child(ren). I don't find it ignorant at all and in fact find it quite selfish if one can't sacrifice having sex in the next room to someone's child when other options are available. I teach parenting classes for more than 10 years and know that we have to set examples and even though that may not always be possible, in this situation it is.
I guess it's to each their own and one may feel someday that it's okay for their daughter of any given age to sleep with her "new" boyfriend she's trying to have a healthy relationship with..in the next room to you....and perhaps several "new" boyfriends. I'd never stand for it.
To me, it all comes down to our choice in parenting. It's kind of like the parent who tells their child not to do drugs but smokes pot in front of them because.....they can!!! and their child will be experiencing it on their own some day, and why should they hide what they're doing, and and and a million other excuses..with some even offering it so they do it at home. YIKES!!! Or perhaps telling them not to smoke cigs because it's so unhealthy for you but doing it anyway, or not to make a drunken fool of yourself as they slur their words. What kind of message do you think that sends the child? Off topic but you get the point! Unless we're in a relationship for quite some time to show the child there's a level of respect and love involved, I’d never suggest it.
I have to do what I believe is right for my children and teach them what I feel is the best path as far as right vs wrong in keeping them healthy and safe. IMO I don't think they should sleep with "new" people unless they're in a long term committed relationship with them to insure their best physical as well as mental health. I'm sure they'll make their own mistakes and come to their own conclusions in time but at least I'm going to instill my beliefs while I can and hope for the best.
Life sucks. People break up. People then move on. That's how life works. Why would I hide that from him/them? If anything, I'd want to ENCOURAGE dialogue with them...not kill the chance for it. There are some dialogues that are inappropriate until a certain maturity level sets in. I'm sure they'll be taught all about disease and other health related issues tied to having sex with someone and the importance of knowing whom you're having sex with vs someone new during some early age in school...but will they really fully comprehend how well or safe it is for you to be having sex with that "new" person in there or will it cause them concern and worry?
In reality none of us know for sure that the person we're "dating" will end up being the one we go through life with. And yes we may believe we are at the time but as I pointed out in most cases nowadays that's not how it is. I'm sure several people on here could vouch for being in more than one relatioship they thought was going to last.
I mean damn it's bad enough when we are committed and with someone a very long time and it doesn't work out and there are never guarantees so for their sake I'll keep my bedroom activity with those I'm not tied to yet to a place where I can scream loud if I feel like it without worrying what my child in the next room may be imagining. Not to mention here that kids HEAR everything so at 10 years old I really wouldn't suggest it.
One more thing to think about...most people having slept with other people thinking it's a long lasting relationship only to have it go south, go through a mild depression of mixed up feelings from loss, deception, and several other feelings. If every time we date someone "new" our children are exposed to our sexual activities with that person, only to experience the haunting scene similiar to the break up of their parents, that has to cause tremendous stress on them and there's no way for many people to hide it when they've been hurt or feel rejected by someone. That sadness spills out affecting the children in the house as well.
Hard as I try, this logic that is printed here just won't fit in my head.
I suspect because it doesn't belong there and contradicts common sense. Oh contrare to me. It's common sense not to show our children that having sex with “new” people is something that insures a healthy relationship. It sends out the wrong message and I certainly don't want them thinking that's the make it or break it deal. (Of course I'm not naive and know they have sex but I won't promote it or make it easy for them or you can bet I'd have a little hotel at my house with my children!) lol
*This response was not meant to offend anyone or to argue whether or not having sex with someone new is a good thing or not, only that in my opinion bringing that into the bedroom with your child in the house is not a healthy decision. Yes, there may be something to the whole maturity aspect of it BUT, even having older children could certainly lead to various problems as well. Perhaps having raised 5 children makes me see things a little differently and even though I have 5 responsible young adults I still won't let them sleep with their boyfriends and girlfriends in this house. Out of respect for each other, nor will I do the same if any of them are here. Of course they try to encourage me to...but I'm no fool and know what that next argument would be. 
 | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:08:20 PM | As a single man with no kids, I can see this issue from both sides. It's not black and white, it's real complex and it really depends on the sensibilities of all parties involved, partners and children. Sure a parent with teen children can form a meaningful relationship involving sex with no impending marriage anticipated. It's really up to the discretion of that parent and how he/she views his/her relationships with partner AND children.
There are lots of dynamics involved. I'm not sure what the message is if a teen discovers his/her parent is shacking up at a hotel because they feel it's inappropriate to share sex with their partner at home. What's that message--it's ok to hide mature sexual matters from the rest of your family? Of course there's a time and place for everything.
I wouldn't want a person to parade a sex partner around in front of his/her children, that's real self-serving and an extreme poor example. Still, if the relationship is meaningful and has a future, it seems natural not to stifle and suffocate the sexual aspects of it in a misguided attempt to shield children of something that is an integral part of functional adult relationships.
I'd say it's ok under the right circumstances, that's to be decided by the partners, but I can easily see why a parent might not want their children to be aware of their physical hookups. As a single guy, if I were involved with a single mom, I'd definitely respect her decision. There definitely shouldn't be a parade of say lots of different partners shuffled in and out of bed in a short time span, that's for sure. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:22:14 PM | "I'm really glad I allowed him into our life. The kids really needed to see that men don't always act like children and treat me like crap! It was important to me to model a healthy relationship between adults. "
THIS!!!!! IT goes for men as well, I certainly dont want my Son growing up thinking that all women treat men like crap inside a relationship. Seeing is believing.
"I have a few women friends who didn't think anything was wrong about having their current "love" stay the night while their kids were young and at home. They pay for it to this day. Here is three of their stories. Sound familiar?
Then about 3 years ago the mother wanted to re-unite with her daughter. She has nobody in her life and is lonely, too. Her daughter said NO. The mother was so devasted and cried that she had made mistakes, can't she be forgiven for them? She is now in counselling learning that she has to be responsibile for the mistakes she made. Just saying sorry doesn't cut it. Actions do."
All those examples suggests a bigger problem exists between her kids and herself!!! It shoudnt be taken as the normal, most parents certainly wouldnt put their kids in that position.
Most of the people here that are actually talking from personal experience, are not talking about a one night stand or short term relationships!!!
Life is never Black or White its just filled with shades of Grey | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:41:09 PM | I get what you're trying to say Lookingforafeeling, and I think it came out the wrong way
I for one don't think its right to have your partner sleeping over when your child(ren) is in the house, call it paranoid call it whatever.
I know when I have my Goddaughter crash over, I don't have a partner or even buddies sleeping over either, I also don't think single parents should be introducing their partners to their children either, for fears of revolving relationships, kids get attached quite easily.
Bigdaddy, I fail to see why you think its illogical? some single parents dont want to expose their child to their partners for the simple reason as I explained earlier, yes sometimes if the partner meets the new partners child it can work out, but in my experience from seeing clients, colleagues, associates that has gone through that experience there is a high number of failures.
While I dont know how long the OP friend has allowed her current love to sleep in her bed when the child is home, because every relationship is different, personally I think it sends the wrong message possibly to the child, what are you going to do when you child hits the teenage age and asks you " can my girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over?" are you going to say yes or no? | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:05:15 AM | I wouldnt call it "common sense" its really just your point of view, basically what your saying is that you trust your partners so little with your children, or yourselves for that matter that it causes you concern for your children's welfare, and from the sounds of it you are more willing to deceive your children as to your relationship with your partner....sounds to me somethings is wrong just in that assumption in itself.
So even if your in a long term relationship with someone are you saying that you wouldnt let them stayover..I mean im not talking about someone you met 5 minutes ago now..Im talking about someone you trust, you know, the one who you want a loving trusting relationship with....not just a "horny moment in time"
Personally I know I have made mistakes in the past, they are an essential part of who I am as a person, but I dont "pretend" to be something else than what I am either... | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:28:26 AM | I personally wouldn't have a man stay over whilst my kids are home...and NO, kids don't need to know everything...I have never introduced my kids to anyone that I’ve ever dated...my kids are out of bounds...
Mackey...I don't think it's about deceiving a child...if for any strange reason my kids grow up believing that I’ve deceived them because they think mummy doesn’t have sex, then so be it..They will be old enough one day to appreciate and understand that I was merely trying to protect them...I am sure taking this option would be the safest bet to protecting your child's innocents.
My children are the most important people in my life, and even if it’s less than 1% chance that having a guy stay over will affect them I refuse to take that risk. People forget that with children you really only get one go at it. The parent you are today will affect these little people way beyond adulthood. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:55:51 AM | I can understand that, but I am talking about a long term relationship which to me signify's that you have made a commitment to each other similar to what you would if you were to marry to start a family in the first place. To me there is an essential difference in that. Trust.
I dont think there is anything wrong with not having a partner sleep over, if I was in that situation it is certainly something I would respect, but as with many things, love tends to flow with a life on its own and it makes own changes, sometimes totally unexpected ones. What I think today, may be different to how I think in ten years, but I dont judge people for their decisions I respect them, and work with their decisions.
I am saying for myself, its okay if my children know that I have someone in my life, and eventually if the time is right that person would be included in theirs.
But I dont want my children in 10 years time feeling guilty that I didnt do something because of them either, for my kids they already know that it happens because their mother is living with another man, with 3 kids of their own. For you it is different, and I respect that also, but the situation is different and each instance has to be dealt with for the circumstances. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:55:56 AM |
Nope..I'll NEVER sleep with anyone with my children in the house UNLESS we were living together obviously, engaged or married. In other words they knew it was a serious long term relationship!
All I can say is that if you're doing something you think would harm your kids to know about, then you're basically saying that your own morals are below that which you expect your kids to uphold. I can't imagine anything more damaging than to give your kids inconsistent messages about right and wrong (and kids are not stupid.) If you can't tell your kids what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:13:40 AM |
Mackey...I don't think it's about deceiving a child...if for any strange reason my kids grow up believing that I’ve deceived them because they think mummy doesn’t have sex, then so be it..
And when your kids deceive you because they were just protecting you from knowing about something they wanted to do, you'll know where they learned that it was ok lie to mummy. I will never understand why parents wonder where their kids learned the behaviour their parents taught them by example. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:19:09 AM |
While I dont know how long the OP friend has allowed her current love to sleep in her bed when the child is home, because every relationship is different, personally I think it sends the wrong message possibly to the child, what are you going to do when you child hits the teenage age and asks you " can my girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over?" are you going to say yes or no?
Well, if you teach your kids that it's okay to lie about a relationship, then in all likelyhood, a teenager won't bother to ask that question. He or she will emulate his/her role model and lie about the relationship. I guess that solves the problem of having to answer that question, though. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:27:07 AM | "And when your kids deceive you because they were just protecting you from knowing about something they wanted to do, you'll know where they learned that it was ok lie to mummy. I will never understand why parents wonder where their kids learned the behaviour their parents taught them by example. "
The deceit is in waiting until your kids are in bed, and then letting your partner in, or not telling your kids your going out for diner, I certainly wouldnt be telling them more than that it is none of their business.
Im am quite sure ArabianAngel isnt talking about lying to her children either...There are things that kids need to know and things that they dont. Thats not deceit. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:32:59 AM |
And when your kids deceive you because they were just protecting you from knowing about something they wanted to do, you'll know where they learned that it was ok lie to mummy. I will never understand why parents wonder where their kids learned the behaviour their parents taught them by example.
Withholding information and not parading a man in the house is hardly seen as "deceiving" or "lying" don't you think?
If you can't tell your kids what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it.
Off course you can tell your kids whatever you like, just as long as you’re willing to deal with the consequences...like homeless kids that decide they don’t want to share their mummy with every tom,****and harry… | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:40:30 AM | I feel strongly that sex should be an open topic of conversation with children and their parents. I think that a ten year old can understand that adults like and need sex.
The important thing is that the parent is always there for the child and puts the child first. Also there should not be a "parade" of lovers. A parent should find a decent partner and stick to one person for the child's sake. But it's important to not demonize sex during child rearing. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:49:58 AM |
All I can say is that if you're doing something you think would harm your kids to know about, then you're basically saying that your own morals are below that which you expect your kids to uphold. I can't imagine anything more damaging than to give your kids inconsistent messages about right and wrong (and kids are not stupid.) If you can't tell your kids what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it.
Next you will be saying that you disagree with Movie ratings as well! just like ratings are there to provide parents with advance information on films, enabling parents to make judgments on movies they want or do not want their children to see ...after all it's just a movie right? Wrong, kids are affected with whatever they see visually their little minds can't differentiate between fact and fiction.... | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:54:45 AM | | Lol... for me, I certainly think it should be discussed or at least an open subject, nor do I think it should be paraded around in front of them, it certainly shouldnt be seen as dirty, but to the same extent it shouldnt be something that your kids think you do with just anyone. If at the end of the day you know that person is going to be around in 40-60years in your life, I think that qualifies as long term. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:46:52 AM |
like homeless kids that decide they don’t want to share their mummy with every tom,****and harry…
What the hell does this have to do with anything? We assume then that all women in shelters are hos who sleep with the guys in the shelters? The logic is way beyond absent.
I was talking to someone recently who met a gal who wound up on the street and started turning tricks while they were in school to get them out of the shelter, one night was enough for her. Ex was physically abusive so returning home was not an option and she had no family or anyone else she could turn to. Within a relatively short period of time she was able to secure a job, find an apartment. Now has a better job, better apartment.
There are a vast amount of families that are homeless. Our city has three shelters, the two better ones have a significant waiting list. The third takes everyone but it is a bit of a pit. This particular woman was unaware that there were people to help battered women until she got herself out of the situation she found herself in. I have marketable skills and found leaving my husband difficult and I am not going to judge someone for doing what they needed to do to get their kids a clean bed and three squares.
There are two schools of thought it seems on dating, no happy, normal medium and of course things depend on the age of the child(ren). People keep the lives separate, which I think is totally stupid, or they bring people in too quickly, which is also totally stupid.
My kids may meet a guy I am dating but they aren't doing much more than that until a couple of months down the road and then, the guy is still not going to be spending his off-time parking his butt at my house around my kids 24/7.
The OP never has come back to this thread to indicate whether her friend had this guy spend the night after the first date or if this situation was accomplished respectfully with the child six months to a year later. And want to bet the OP never bothered to ask her "friend" how this all unfolded either. For all she knows the other parent has a partner and as others have noted, the kid suggested that it was ridiculous for the boyfriend to NOT spend the night.
And it is funny, half the people that are sitting on their high horse about this whole thing when clearly most on the thread have said that there is a difference between transitioning to this in a loving relationship and the flavor of the month, week or day, the majority of you have CAVEATS, i.e. if I am engaged, cohabitating, or married. If you have been dating someone for say 2 years, is there really a huge difference if you actually MOVE the guy in and him spending the night, allowing your children no privacy away from the guy if they say don't hate him but don't necessarily like him that much either, rather than having him spend the night and much of the time spent at his own place?
By this logic, it is okay if I move the guy in after several months versus allowing the relationship to grow naturally and progress to the point that someone might spend the night. My daughter has specifically told me in the last week she has learned a lot from watching me date. She has learned how she does and does not want to be treated and how she will choose to respond in certain situations. There are umpteen threads on how and when to involve kids and I think those people that are not willing to allow their children to see any of their dating, the potential to see people in a loving relationship miss an opportunity to help their children learn the pitfalls and the perks.
I wonder, if any of the parents of the people on the forums had been more "normal" about dating, those who came from divorce, would so many of us be out here in our 30s and 40s still trying to figure out how to do this? | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:59:17 AM | To be quite blunt she is talking about kids who make the choice of leaving home at young ages, because they dont like their current situation...and think they would be better off in the street...sometimes its better to ask someone to clarify what they mean instead of jumping down their throat like a raging bull
I actually didnt see any mention of homeless woman in there | |
|
| |
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:36:59 AM | mackeyjones, Do you think some people know the difference between Horny moment in time vs a loving trusting relationship? you know that people do get used right?
Which is my point in the first place, some people are so desperate to find love that they end up going through multiple partners, not by choice but by pure bad luck.
I wouldnt call it "common sense" its really just your point of view, basically what your saying is that you trust your partners so little with your children, or yourselves for that matter that it causes you concern for your children's welfare, and from the sounds of it you are more willing to deceive your children as to your relationship with your partner....sounds to me somethings is wrong just in that assumption in itself.
Deceiving a child?? im sure where that came from but I dont think parading your partner around or discussing your " love life" with your child that isnt a adult was part of Parenting 101, you're a parent not a " friend"
Its not a parents job to discuss their private lives with their kids when the kids are just that children, its the parents job to raise their children and that doesn't include discussing or getting permission from their children regarding their personal lives.
This is why I believe single parents with young children shouldnt date or at least be careful when they date. I know of a woman who dated 3 guys in a 8 month period and all of them slept over and she has a 11 year old daughter? what message does that send to the kid? and keep in mind the mother is looking and wants a long term relationship and thought each man was it. | |
|
| I never cease to be amazed...
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:42:08 AM | Oh they will be good parents they will assure you, same as ex husbands and wives that have never had their children full time and have them for 2 days every 2 weeks...they fully understand what its like to have the children for that amount of time, and also fully understand what its like to go everyday like that.. | |
|
| You have kids….do you let him stay over?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:54:30 AM | I did explain later specifically what I meant by decieving your child, your as in not specifically you in person, and if you take notice I do mention a long term relationship as something that is going to last ...40+ years, I think at some stage most single parents have run into people that are willing to use them because they are in a vunerable position.
Some people dont know a Horny moment vs a loving trusting relationship, but Im not suggesting that they drag that person home into bed either if you read my posts.
Dont take offence at what I wrote as being specifically aimed at one particular person, and please read through more than one specifically.
I did mention comon sense specifically because I found the way it was used as condesending, as I said it depends on the situation and on your kids understanding. I also said that I dont tell my kids more than they need to know, but I will tell them I am going out with a friend for a date, they dont need to know anything more than that. Hiding that fact from them, or letting your partner in after the kids are in bed to me isnt right, because to me that is being deceitful. (are you going to stay up all night to make sure that, they arent running round the house doing something you dont want)
If I was going out for one date, I would say to my kids I am going out for diner. IF I am going out on a date with someone who I was in a relationship with ( to me that is someone that you are looking at a long term relationship with) I would tell my kids who I was going out with, and eventually after I trust her there is a possibility of her meeting my kids.......down the road somewhere....could be 2 years could be 10 we discuss moving in together if appropriate, in between there somewhere of course my kids would have met her possibly through going somewhere interesting, my kids would know as much as I feel appropriate for them to know at each step. Would I puposely disguise what I was doing, no, at each given point they are given enough information. | |
|
|
|
|
Page
3
of
8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
|
|
Home
login 
